


My So-Called Life: The Angela Effect

by MayRaven1798



Category: My So-Called Life
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:35:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 102,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23313232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayRaven1798/pseuds/MayRaven1798
Summary: This is a story that has been brewing in my brain for a while. It mainly follows Rayanne and Brian, but everyone is in there somewhere. I suppose this is my own take and I know not everyone is a Brian Krakow fan; so be warned. And as always thanks for reading!
Relationships: Jordan Catalano/Angela Chase, Rayanne Graff/Brian Krakow
Comments: 13
Kudos: 3





	1. Not the Favourites

**Author's Note:**

> The original places, characters, etc of My So-Called do not belong to me. This story is meant as entertainment for my strange meandering mind. Hopefully someone else will enjoy it too.

Episode One: Not the Favourites 

House parties were always the best. Sometimes you wouldn’t even know whose party it was and no one cared. As long as the music was loud and the people were rowdy. For some reason this party was not the distraction Rayanne Graff had hoped. For one thing, she was doing her best to resist the alcohol that was undoubtedly available. Not drinking meant not being drunk, which meant this party was just a hot, crowded house full of stupid kids doing stupid things. She wondered if no buzz meant she was doomed to regret coming at all. 

Rayanne had been there at least an hour and had barely caught sight of any of her friends. After a third idiot boy rammed into her, knocking her bag to the floor, without any sign of an apology she decided she had had enough. With much effort she pushed her way to the back door and found relief in the cool spring air. It was cold enough that the party-goers hadn’t yet spilled into the backyard. 

Rayanne was really wanting a drink. Her fingers twirled the “30 day” chip unseen in her jacket pocket. It was a reminder of how far she’d come. It was import to her even, if her friends didn’t know and even if that meant leaving a party early.

A rustling sound brought Rayanne out of her reverie and she realized she wasn’t alone after all. Past the patio was an in-ground swimming pool, one of those old style cement ones. Perched on the stationary diving board was Brian Krakow. This was unexpected for two reasons. First because it was April and the pool was empty and second, Brian was not known for attending parties of any kind. Rayanne watched him for a moment not knowing whether to approach him or just leave without even bothering. 

It didn’t appear as though he’d seen her come outside. He sat with his feet dangling over the platform, his eyes fixed on the bottom of the pool. Brian was by no means her favourite person, but so far her night had been a bust. Slowly, as if possessed, she walked up to him and sat cross-legged beside the diving board depositing her large, patchwork boho bag on the grass.

“Hey,” she greeted him quietly as if not to startle him. Brian remained transfixed to the bottom of the pool. Now that she was closer, Rayanne noticed his face was flush and his eyes and nose were red. “Damn,” she thought, “he’s been crying.” They weren’t exactly friends and she suddenly felt like maybe this was none of her business. 

She moved to leave before things got any more awkward. As she stood to collect her things she heard him mutter something. “What was that, Krakow?” she asked, hoping it was nothing important.

“Do you ever think people would notice if you were just, like, gone?” he said with the slightest tremble in his voice. “Oh shit,” she cursed internally, “I should have gone out the front door.”

Rayanne crouched down again to be more at his level. From his words he could have been having a go at her, however it felt like this rhetorical question was more self directed. She sighed and took a moment to gauge the best answer. Normally, she would dismiss him with a sarcastic or hurtful remark, but something about his tone made her feel uneasy.

Her mind shot back to Halloween in the electrical room in the school basement. She had needed him to keep her calm in the dark when they found themselves locked in for the night. Maybe this was her chance to return the favour.

“Me?” she replied. “Even if anyone noticed I was gone I don’t know that anyone would, like, care.” It was hard to admit, but it was how she felt and honesty was what he deserved right now. Sadly, she wasn’t sure he registered her words. He was still staring into the abyss of the cement pool. The light was fading and although they could hear the music and the party raging on inside the house they seemed quite completely alone. “You on the other hand,” she added, “everyone would miss you.”

Brian furrowed his brow under his blond curls. “Sure, the bullies would miss my lunch money and the teachers would miss having someone in class who always has the right answer,” he retorted in almost a whisper. Rayanne, for once, didn’t know what to say. The guy could be right. He probably came to this party hoping to make a connection, or get out of his comfort zone. But here he was...sitting alone, out in the cold and soon to be dark.

Brian shifted and pulled his knees up so he could hug his legs. She wasn’t sure if he was starting to feel the cold or was trying to, in a way, pull away from her without leaving the diving board.

“I saw her,” he said, “with him. Like I should be surprised. Like it’s some sort of shock to see them together at a party.” His voice was quiet and pained. Rayanne knew exactly who he was talking about. Angela and Jordan. She had seen them too, briefly. She saw them making out in a corner and then later making their way up the stairs... “Oh shit,” she thought again.

It seemed like everyone now knew about Brian’s feelings for Angela. That it wasn’t just a silly crush. That he didn’t do her favours and bend over backwards for her out of some school boy infatuation. He had in fact been in love with her. A more real love than anyone would have believed him capable. Brian was always such a social disaster and said what was on his mind; without a filter at times. He was who he was and wasn’t apologetic about it. In a lot of ways he was like Rayanne and she respected him for it. But he still was not one of her favourite people.

To be honest, Angela Chase was not one of Rayanne’s favourite people these days either. How many times can a girl say that she’s sorry? At some point it starts to lose all meaning. Angela had forgiven the boy she yearned for without much hesitation, but the former best friend had been left out in cold. Tonight this fact felt quite literal for both herself and Brian.

A chill ran though Rayanne as she moved closer to Brian. Almost without thinking she inserted her arm between the boy’s legs and chest and held him in a make-shift hug, resting her head at his side. Rayanne was never shy with her affection when it came to embracing friends, family or a guy she was fooling around with, but this was different. No one ever hugged Brian. She wasn’t even sure his parents did. She half expected him to pull away, or push her aside. So she was pleasantly surprised when he relented. 

It was as though all tension eased from his body. After a moment Brian let his legs drop and he moved to return the hug. Rayanne stayed turned away, looking to the back fence as though making eye contact now would break the spell. Her head was now on his left shoulder, which shook as he let out a few soft sobs. Her hand moved, as if on its own, to stroke his hair to try to comfort him. She wasn’t great with trauma, but couldn’t bring herself to leave him there.

They sat there for a short while, Rayanne wasn’t sure how much time had passed. When Brian seemed to have quieted so she took a chance and looked at him. In the low light it was difficult to get a good read on his features. “Feel any better?” she asked sincerely. He shook his head. She could tell he didn’t really want to talk about it. Knowing him, he was probably embarrassed about what had just happened.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” She asked playfully arching a brow.

Brian wiped his eyes and the smallest hint of a smile touched his lips. “Sure,” he whispered. “Where should we go?” he asked furrowing his brow again. 

“Anywhere but here is fine by me,” she giggled and gave him a wink. Together they stood up and Brian carefully moved off the diving board. They made their way to the back gate and let themselves out without having to go back through the house and the party. Brian informed his newfound companion that he had his car, it was parked on the next block over. 

Rayanne thought to herself about where they should go. She twirled the chip in her pocket again and smiled. “I know a place with coffee and cookies and good people. You know, if you’re like interested?” she offered.

Brian nodded and unlocked the car. Rayanne threw her bag in the back and settled in the passenger seat. Without thinking she leaned over and kissed his cheek quickly. Brian stopped for a beat and stared at her. It didn’t seem to him that she even realized she’d done it. He shrugged and started the car. As they drove down the street and away from the party Brian thought to himself, “Maybe no one would notice if either of us were gone, but at least we could be gone together.”

******

Charlotte Cooper sat at the back of the small, mostly taupe coloured room. Several rows of folding chairs filled the space. She glanced at her watch again. It was almost 9:30pm; almost time to go home. Several people had already shared their stories and struggles from the past month, week, day, or year. AA meetings could be dull in their repetitive nature, but they were also a comfort. 

The petit blond shifted and pulled a foot up under her thigh. She had hoped that her new sponsee would join her tonight. It was a big ask for a sixteen year old on a Friday night. But then, as if on cue, Rayanne quietly entered the room and maneuvered into the seat next to her. Tagging along just behind her was a tall, lanky boy Charlotte had never seen before.

“Hey Charlie,” Rayanne greeted her friend with a coy smile. “This is Brian,” she said gesturing to the mop-haired boy with the flushed face now sitting next to her. Charlotte gave a small wave. Rayanne turned to the boy then and added, “Brian this is Charlotte. I call her Charlie, which she kinda hates. She’s my sponsor. I hope this is cool with you?”

Brian was caught between listening to the introductions and to the man at the front of the room who was admitting how he used to need a drink before he could muster the effort to take his kids to school in the morning. Hmmm, drinking and then driving your children to school? Brian was glad this man was at the meeting. He turned his attention back to Rayanne. “Sure, of course. Whatever,” was all he managed. 

Surely this was not what he had been expecting when Rayanne Graff had asked him to go somewhere. “Somewhere” for her was assumed to be exciting, elicit and maybe even dangerous. This warm, welcoming room of sober strangers was not on his list of her places to be and be seen. Brian suddenly felt like she had let him in on a secret. Like somehow bringing him here meant something. 

He looked over to her then and smiled. She must have felt him looking at her because she turned and smiled back. For the first time that night he looked her over. He noticed that her light brown hair was neatly pulled back, absent of the usual coloured streaks and frantic mixture of erratic braids, knots and twists. Even her jewelry and clothes were down-played. Not that Rayanne was someone he’d admit to noticing, but she made it her sole purpose in life to be noticed by everyone. Tonight she looked practically normal. It was hard to believe they’d just come from a party.

When the meeting was over, Brian sat alone while Rayanne and Charlotte moved to the refreshments table. They were chatting about something private and he felt it wasn’t his place to follow. When they returned to their seats Rayanne offered him a large cookie and a cup of what looked like watered-down coffee. He took the cookie, but declined the coffee. He couldn’t drink it no matter how watered down it might be due to his constant battle with indigestion. Rayanne shrugged and got him a cup of water instead. It was a small thing, but Brian noticed.

“So Brian, Rayanne tells me you two go to school together. It’s funny that she’s never mentioned you before. There have been stories about Angela, Rickie, Sharon, and Tino....so many stories about that Tino guy. Is there some reason she’s been hiding you?” asked Charlotte teasingly.

“Actually, we aren’t really friends.” Brian replied very deadpan. “We were just commiserating over an issue we have with another mutual friend. Rayanne’s not usual this nice to me.”

Rayanne rolled her eyes and laughed. “To be fair. You need to know that this guy,” she pointed at Brian with her thumb, “is not usually nice to me either.” 

Charlotte shook her head and smiled knowingly. “Maybe the two of you are better friends than you realize. Sometimes it’s good to let people know you give a shit, Rayanne,” Charlotte said bumping shoulders with the girl. 

Brian had no idea how these two were with each other yet. So he wasn’t sure if this comment was meant in fun, at least not until Rayanne shot back at Charlotte with a laugh, “Fuck you, Charlie. My friends know who they are and that they matter to me. Sometimes I’m not too clear if I matter to them. Hence my want to drink and here I am at this crap hole.” She gestured dramatically at the room.

“Hey! We take pride in our crap hole, thank you very much!” Charlotte retorted.  
Both women laughed. Brian laughed too with some unease. He finished the cookie and leaned over to Charlotte, “I should get going. My parents get weird when I drive at night. It was nice to meet you, Charlotte.”

“He’s my ride,” Rayanne said as she hugged her sponsor. Then she picked up her bag and followed Brian as he left the room. “Wait up Bri!” She called as he started down the hall back to main entrance of the community centre. He stopped and waited as she ran up to him. She took his arm and thanked him for coming with her. 

“You didn’t get to say anything,” he said. She craned her neck and started up at him blankly. After a moment he added, “if I hadn’t been here maybe you would have, you know, felt like sharing. Like that guy with the kids?” 

Rayanne squeezed his arm that she was still holding. “Don’t be so dense, Brian. I would have shared if I wanted to. Sometimes it’s enough just to show up. To see that I’m not alone. To bug Charlie for 5 minutes so she knows I working the program like I said I would.” She loosened her grip and let her hand fall into his. 

She thought about Charlotte’s words that maybe she and Brian were better friends than she had thought. Maybe they were. She had been so angry with him for his role in bringing her transgression with Jordan Catalano to light. But it hadn’t really been his fault. She was still the one who made the choice....even if it was a drunken, judgement impaired choice. It had been hers. Brian just happened to be there to witness it...and capture it on film.

“Angela would have found out anyways...she always did,” Rayanne had told herself on multiple occasions. Angela Chase seemed to be at the center of everything these days. Rayanne wanted to be her friend so badly that she was trying to be her... And now here she was, standing in the hallway, holding the hand of the one boy who may have loved Angela as much as she did. It was a strange and alarming thought. People passed by them to get to their cars, to go home to their loved ones and back to their lives, but they just stood there staring at one another and holding hands.

Brian pulled away first. His face was flushed again, only this time it wasn’t from crying. Rayanne felt her cheeks go hot too. She wasn’t sure why. Brian was not the intimidating type. He was good looking enough, despite his terrible fashion sense and all that hair. But Rayanne was sure he was a virgin and she had no interest. None at all. Or at least that’s what she told herself.

Just then Brian jingled his car keys and she snapped back to reality. He offered to drop her at home. She should have said yes. Home was where she should have gone. It was getting late and it was time to go home. Yet somehow she heard herself say, “Take me back to your place, would you?” He didn’t miss a beat. He didn’t hesitate at all. He simply nodded and said “Sure.” He held the door for her as they headed out into the parking lot. 

******

“Angela Chase, wanton sex goddess,” Angela thought, giggling out loud as Jordan very seductively kissed his way down her neck. She wasn’t sure how it had happened, but at some point the couple had made their way into one of the unoccupied bedrooms. Angela couldn’t even remember whose party this was. It was someone Jordan knew, maybe? Or was it one of Kyle’s jock friends? “Were Sharon and Kyle even together this week? Oh well,” she thought. “Whatever.”

She let out a soft moan as Jordan’s mouth came back up to that sweet spot just behind her ear. His hands deftly moving under her top to get better contact with her breasts. “Pay attention, Angela,” she chided herself internally as she felt his fingers fiddle with her bra. She sat up and gently pushed him off. “Not here, Jordan,” she whispered to him. Her protest was met with the usual grumble of frustration.

He gave her those familiar bedroom eyes. “If not here then where?” he asked with a seductive smile. She leaned back and sighed, letting her hands run through his long, silky hair. “What about here?” he asked with kiss to her hand. “Or here?” He kissed her wrist playfully.

“I know you’ve been patient with me,” she said giggling at his suggestions. “I just want everything to be perfect. And sadly, some random room in some random guy’s house where anyone could walk in is not a super great place for this. In my humble opinion.”

Jordan moved closer, if that were possible, and closed his mouth on hers. He knew her words were valid, but they were just another excuse. He decided not to push his luck. After a few more moments of making out, they went back downstairs. 

Jordan decided he should go outside for a smoke. Angela nodded and went into the kitchen to see if she could get a drink. While water was preferred she would really drink just about anything right now. Making out was thirsty work.

In the kitchen Angela grabbed a bottled water and found Rickie Vasquez standing at the counter. He was chatting quite loudly with Delia Fisher so they could be heard over the constant music. Delia was saying something about how the Valentine’s dance in February had been a disaster. Something about Sharon being distracted and how Brian bailed on them. He was meant to take photos of the couples, but changed his mind last minute, which seemed to be his m.o. these days. Rickie was trying to defend his friend, but had to admit that was pretty shitty of Brian.

Angela approached them, pretending she hadn’t heard their conversation. She waved hello and they waved in turn. “Having fun?” She asked.

“The night started out okay,” began Delia, “but, like, there is no way to dance. It’s so crowded. Like why bother with the super loud music if you can’t move to it. It just makes talking ridiculous.”

“Sure, I can see what you mean,” Angela sympathized politely. She really had no interest in talking to Delia. She found her to be petty. The fact that she was still griping about something that happened two months ago was further proof of this. “Hey Rickie have you seen Rayanne? She said she was going to come tonight.”

Rickie took a sip of whatever he was drinking and shook his head. “I thought I saw her earlier, but there are so many bodies I can’t be sure. I did see Sharon, though. She was arguing with Kyle. They were hard to miss.”

Angela nodded awkwardly and said, “The drama continues.” Rickie and Delia agreed. 

Just then Jordan came looking for Angela. He was ready to get out of there. Apparently, the party had pushed it’s way outside and there was no where at all to get a quiet moment. He could only tolerate coming to these kinds of parties if he could find a quiet space. Angela asked if they could take Delia and Rickie with them. How could he say no? Together the four friends made their way to the front door. It was getting late and the cops would probably be called by one of the neighbours soon anyways.

*****

Driving back to Brian’s was meditative for Rayanne. It was just like all those drives to Angela’s house. In the comfortable quiet she thought about why she didn’t want to go home tonight. Her mother had taken up with one of her old boyfriends...one of the handsier ones. It wasn’t just that she felt unsafe with this man in her apartment, it was also that she had been doing her best not to drink. If her mother was entertaining they would both be drunk. 

It had been hard to admit at first, but she had come to terms with the fact that her mother was an alcoholic. Most days Amber was a fairly well functioning one, but Rayanne still called a spade a spade. This meant that there was booze in some form or another not only in the apartment, but sitting out in glasses and open containers most of the time. Her mother treated their home like it was always happy hour and Rayanne wanted out. 

She had crashed several times at Charlotte’s place, but this wasn’t really the best solution. It was harder for her sponsor to stay objective if they were in each other’s space all the time. Rayanne loved her mother. She had been like a best friend really. However, lately she had become like one of those friends you outgrow, but don’t know how to end things amicably so you just go through the motions and pretend everything is ok. It was exhausting to say the least. Rayanne had tried to tell Amber about her foray into Alcohols anonymous only to be dismissed and told how her daughter was no alcoholic; she just knows how to have fun.

Yeah, life was a barrel of laughs. She’d slept with her best friends flame and left her other best friend to fend for himself when he’d suffered abuse and been kicked out by his own family. Such a fun time she was having. Distance from Amber really was her best option.

Rayanne had only been in Brian’s house once. It was right after she’d met him. He had been following Angela around like an annoying yappy dog rather than the traditional lost puppy. They had not been invited, but she and Rickie accompanied Angela while they worked on a science project. While Brian worked on it anyways. 

As she walked in the front door of the Krakow house it was exactly like she remembered. Quiet and clean; almost sterile. It was fairly devoid of any personal touches; as if no one even lived there at all. They stopped briefly in the kitchen and he asked politely if she wanted anything. She said she wasn’t hungry. All she really wanted was to understand why she’d asked to come here in the first place. 

Brian was kind to let her follow him home, but he was not Angela or Rickie; not even close. She suddenly felt small and out of place. Normally, she’d make herself at home without a second thought. But it was close to eleven o’clock and if his parents were home they must have been in bed already because there was no sign of them. It was eerie. She’d come this far and she resolved to stay. She would feel pretty dumb now asking him to take her home.

They went up stairs in silence. At the top of the stairs she could see a light on through the open door of what must have been his room. It was all warm tones and she could see a small tv to one side and a large desk near the window. He directed her to the room to their left. It looked like a guest room that may have once belonged to his sister. There were frills on the window treatments and soft floral bedding.

“You can stay here for the night. If you need to leave a light on just close the door so my parents don’t notice,” he told her. He had remembered her fear of the dark. She didn’t know if this was comforting or annoying. “I can get you a shirt to sleep in if you want?” His words were so natural like he had people stay over all the time. Like this wasn’t the weirdest thing that had happened to him in a long time. Like, Rayanne-freaking-Graff wasn’t about to spend the night in his house.

He turned to go to his room and she wasn’t sure why, but she followed him. He didn’t notice at first that she was behind him. He opened his dresser drawer to pull out an over-sized t-shirt and bumped into her as he turned around. Even she hadn’t realized how close she was standing to him. It was as though she suddenly felt like if she didn’t stay close she’d lose sight of him. 

“Hey, are you okay?” he whispered, confused. She stepped back and sat on his bed, now clutching the proffered shirt. Why was she so nervous? The image of Brian perched on the diving board, ready to fall into the empty cement pool struck her then. He moved next to her and it was all just too much for her to handle. 

“So you want me.... to sleep in the other room?” she asked in little more than a whisper, staring at the floor. “You didn’t think I followed you home so we could fool around? You don’t want to fuck me?” Her words had an edge, but her tone was steady. Brian’s eyes went wide and his eyebrows disappeared under his curly fringe. He was stunned, but instinctively he jumped off the bed from where he’d been seated beside her. 

“How can you say that?” he sputtered. “I thought we were trying to be friends. I thought you needed somewhere to crash?” She stayed quiet and regretted opening her stupid mouth. It was a defence mechanism she used all too often to keep people away. She couldn’t look at him, knowing how hurt he must be. “No, I don’t want to sleep with you. God what is wrong with you? Not every guy is trying to have sex with you,” he added after a moment.

Rayanne walked out of his room without another word. She went into the guest room and closed the door. Brian felt like an ass. He had thought for a moment that they could actually connect. That maybe she had finally seen him as an ally. As he saw it, this was the school basement all over again. She’d taken any opportunity to make him feel like the social reject he was. 

Brian closed his bedroom door and started to undress. On a normal night he would have taken a moment to look out his bedroom window to see if Angela had come home yet. But not tonight. He was so angry and felt so foolish that he didn’t even take the time to go and brush his teeth— which wasn’t really a concern since he had brushed them before leaving to go the party earlier that evening. 

Once he was in his pyjama bottoms he turned out his light, got into bed and pulled the covers over his head. He just hoped and prayed that Rayanne behaved herself with his parents in the morning. Better yet, maybe she would be gone before they got up.

Just as he was drifting off to sleep, Brian felt a presence in his room. Before he could react he felt someone standing next to the bed. “Push over Bri,” Rayanne insisted in hushed tones. “I don’t wanna sleep in that room alone.”

“God she is insufferable,” he thought. Where did she expect him to push over to? Since his last growth spurt the bed was barely big enough for him. “I’m sorry I acted like such a bitch, okay?” He heard her say in the blackness of the room. She must have been sorry to be standing there in the dark.

Brian reluctantly pulled back the covers and she inserted herself into the tiny space he’d managed to find. They now lay in a spooning position, with Rayanne as the little spoon of course. He took a moment to calm himself as she pressed her back to his front. This was crazy. He was crazy. Why didn’t he offer to sleep on the floor?

“I have two rules,” he suddenly whispered with some authority. Rayanne giggled despite herself when his breath tickled her ear. She then waited quietly to hear what he had to say. “Firstly, you need to go back to the other room before my parents wake up tomorrow.” He was clearly not ready to explain to them who she was as well as why she was in his bed. She agreed that if she woke up in time she would. This seemed to satisfy him.

Brian was still again for a moment and she thought maybe he had fallen asleep before he could decree his second rule. But then she felt him shift and he whispered very factually, “Secondly, I am a sixteen year old boy. We are sleeping in very close proximity. I already told you I don’t want to have sex with you. What my body does or doesn’t do while I am asleep is not my fault. You chose to sleep in my bed with me still in it. Do you understand?” 

It took everything in her not to reach behind and grope him in that moment. Even as a joke, she was sure he would have murdered her. She agreed with all the seriousness she could muster. After all her was doing her a huge favour. They both fell asleep shortly after that.

******

Sometime in the middle of the night, or was it early morning, Rayanne woke and forgot where she was. That was until her bedmate moved behind her and suddenly it all came back. There are some times in life where all you want is to be left a lone. And then there are others when your whole body screams for someone to hold onto. Rayanne mused that this was probably why she liked to have sex with men she hardly knew. All of the physical relief of holding onto someone with none of the emotional consequence. Tonight she had denied herself drink and sex and was now cuddled up to one of the strangest choices in men she could have made. If you could call him a man, which he wasn’t really.

No, Brian was in many ways just a boy. He was now lying on his back and Rayanne turned over to study his sleeping face by the light of the street lamp that was shining through the window. His skin was so smooth she was sure he didn’t need to shave yet. He looked almost angelic with his halo of blond curls catching the light. 

Carefully, as not to wake him, she let her hand lightly explore his chest which she only just realized was naked. He did seem to have a few chest hairs, but only a few. He stirred slightly and she didn’t dare explore any lower. She let her hand rest there on his chest and took comfort in the rise and fall of his breathing. As she drifted back to sleep, Rayanne felt an undeniable pang of sadness. She thought about how she would probably never feel this intimate with him again. How could she? She didn’t do emotional complications.

******

Sunlight streamed through the the bedroom window as Brian woke that morning. He felt a warm weight on his right side. As he blinked away the sleep from his eyes Rayanne’s head resting on his chest came into focus. Her arms had wrapped around him and sometime in the night their legs had entangled. He cursed his tiny bed. 

It struck him how beautiful she was as she slept peacefully. In most of his encounters with the girl she was quite animated and lively; pulling faces or telling him off. He knew she was attractive, but it was difficult to feel attracted to her. It was only in moments like this one; when she didn’t know he was looking that he allowed himself to appreciate her.

Before he could decide the best way to disengage himself without waking her she stirred on her own. Grey-blue eyes met brown and she smiled. “Was it good for?” she yawned. The double meaning not lost on him.

“You slept well then?” He asked; afraid to move. She nodded and put her head back to rest on his chest. She seemed so natural laying there, like it was something they did all the time. Brian took a chance and added, “Do you want to talk about the real reason you crawled into bed with me last night?”

“No, not really,” came her reply into his chest. Then in true Rayanne fashion she added, “do you want to talk about your enormous erection?”

“Fuck,” Brian cringed inwardly. This is what he was worried about the night before. He dared to look down at the tent that had formed in the bedding. “No, not really,” he groaned. Leave it to her to be so tactless.

“Nothing to be ashamed of, Bri. Like, seriously, nothing. I mean, I feel like ‘congrats’ are in order. Can I ask? Do you ever feel faint when that happens?” She rambled in delight at his discomfort. Brian tried to pull away, but there was no where to go. He was trapped between his tormentor and the wall. His face flushed bright red and Rayanne giggled. “Calm down Brian. I’ll give you your space. I know you don’t want to have sex with me,” she repeated his sentiment from the night before while she gathered herself and got out of the bed.

Brian hated that he was still so unsure which of her words were meant to be in fun and which were not. While he was lost in thought she caught him staring at her legs, which were bare. The same legs that had been tangled with his moments ago. He swallowed hard and looked away. The visual was not helping with his erection. 

Rayanne moved back to the edge of the bed. “I can help you with that if you want,” she purred seductively. “I mean, I wouldn’t want you to think I was ungrateful, or anything.”

“It’s fine,” he said with some resolve. He knew she was having a go at him now. “Maybe you should go into the other room before...”

But his words were cut off by a knock at the door. It was his mother, who didn’t wait for a reply and swung the door open wide. Any greeting she was about to give her son was lost to the shock of finding him with a strange girl half on top of him—wearing only a t-shirt and pink underwear that were just visible under it.

Brian cursed under his breath. Why did his parents not respect his privacy? And why the hell was his mother up so early? “M-m-m-om...this is, um...this is um...” he stuttered. “Why the hell can’t I remember her name?” he thought desperately to himself. At least his erection was gone.

“Rayanne,” offered Rayanne. “Good morning, I bet this looks bad, but really it’s nothing,” she reassured the woman as she hopped to the floor. “Brian just let me crash here last night. By here I mean I slept in the next room of course. It may look nice and tidy, but I did sleep there. I was just letting Brian know that I was leaving. I wanted to thank him. He’s really great. Very respectful. You should be proud.” Rayanne finished rambling and moved past Brian’s stunned mother to get her things in the other room.

Bernice Krakow closed her mouth which had been gaping open all this time. Brian smiled sheepishly at his mother and pulled the blankets over his head. “Ask your friend if she would like breakfast before she goes, please, Brian,” Bernice said with some composure before closing the door behind her. After all, this girl was their guest. 

*****

Angela decided on a whim to sit outside on the porch with her pop tart and read the Saturday paper. It was a rare occasion when her parents slept in and she could read it first. It was a crisp morning, but Angela didn’t mind as she was bundled in her big coat. Her sixteenth birthday was coming up fast and although exciting, it was also terrifying. It felt like once she was sixteen there would be far fewer excuses to give Jordan about having sex. Although, if last night was any indication, maybe she was ready. She sighed and decided to skip the hard news and go straight to the funnies.

Just as she settled in, Angela could have sworn she heard Rayanne Graff’s voice. She dismissed it as an anomaly until she heard that unmistakable laugh. Angela looked up and caught sight of the source across the street. It was in fact Rayanne who had just come out of Brian Krakow’s house. This was not to be believed except that Brian himself was right behind her. The pair made their way to his car. Angela was up like a shot and all but ran over to the Krakow’s driveway. 

Brian was about to turn the key in the ignition when a loud knocking on the driver’s side window startled them both. “What the hell, Chase?” He demanded rolling down the window with the old manual crank. Rayanne ducked down a little beside him. She had no reason to hide her presence, but suddenly felt like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar....actually she basically had been by Brian’s mom earlier that morning.

Angela stood there for a moment unsure of what she even wanted to say. What could she say? “So is this like a thing you do now?” Angela asked directing her question past Brian to his passenger. “You just sleep with every guy I turn away? Is this like a pathological problem you’re having? Because Brian’s parents are psychiatrists. They could probably get you the help you need.” Her words were full of venom and spite.

Rayanne tried to get even smaller. It was as she had predicted; Angela found out...she always found out. It was just so much more immediate than before. Even if what she thought she found out was all kinds of wrong, Rayanne felt the same amount of guilt in that moment.

Brian got out of the car, pushing Angela back as he did. “Back off!” he yelled. He’d had it with Angela and how everything had to be her way. She’d broken his heart and he was ready to let her know that she wasn’t going to call the shots any more. Rayanne sat in dumbfounded silence as the boy defended her.

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about,” he said his voice raw and maybe a little too loud. “She didn’t do anything wrong. Even if we had slept together—which is none of your business—she still wouldn’t deserve your accusations. I don’t belong to you, Chase. And clearly you don’t really respect Rayanne as your friend, or you wouldn’t be so hateful. Now go home. Go back to your boyfriend and stop trying to tell everyone else what to do.” 

Brian got back in the car without waiting for any sign from Angela that she would do as he asked. Rayanne noticed his hands were shaking as he took the wheel and turned the key. She reached over and placed a calming hand on his. 

Angela stood back at a safe distance and waited for them to pull out of the driveway. Her lower lip shaking, she tried not to cry. Brian’s words had stung and maybe he was right. She stood there hating how everything had changed between them. They used to fight all the time, but this felt different. He had taken Rayanne’s side. Once the car disappeared down their street Angela slowly went back to her house. Abandoning the paper on the front porch, she went inside and up to her room.

****

Brian was driving a little too fast. He felt a little out of control. He hadn’t eaten anything at breakfast because Rayanne chatting in a casual fashion with his parents had been too distracting. Now, after yelling at Angela, the girl he had been in love with for so long, he regretted the empty stomach. An all too familiar wave nausea hit him just then and he pulled the car over. They stopped next to a park. It was early enough that no one was around. 

Before Rayanne realized what was happening, Brian was out of the car and retching into a near-by garbage can. She was well aware of Brian’s nervous stomach. Angela never failed to tease him about it. Whether it was stress from school deadlines, pop-quizzes, bullies or plain old social anxiety, Brian was always making extra trips to the bathroom. Of course this was the first time she had front row seats. She felt awful for the guy. 

Not knowing what else to do, she got out of the car and moved next to him. She gently held his hair back as a second wave hit. Luckily his stomach was essentially empty. Together they sat on the grass while he waited to see if the nausea had passed. 

“Bet you’re super sorry you didn’t have sex with me,” he said sardonically. “I’m just such a sexy guy.” He laughed a little at himself despite his embarrassment. Rayanne softly rubbed circles on his back out of instinct. Her mother always did that for her when she was unwell. 

“Super sexy,” Rayanne said sarcastically, giving him a wink. She dug around in her big bag and pulled out a tiny bottle of mouth wash. He accepted it gladly and rinsed his mouth. After a few moments she sighed and said, “I’m sorry about Angela. I never thought about her seeing us. But I guess that’s my biggest problem; sometimes I just don’t think.”

He turned to look at her then. She couldn’t help but notice that the blood-shot effect from the retching really brought out the blue in his eyes. She shook off this silly thought and realized that he was staring at her. A little like he had at the community center. Like he really saw her. 

“You should only worry about taking care of yourself,” he said. “You have enough on your plate without worrying about Angela, or me for that matter. What you’re doing is admirable. I’m just a stupid, too-smart-for-his-own-good kid who over thinks things and makes a big deal over everything.”

Rayanne appreciated his oxymoron. He smiled then with a genuine smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. “You know I’m not like you,” he continued. “I’m a coward. I never would have done anything to hurt myself last night.”

She was taken aback. “Where had that come from?” she wondered. The image of Brian alone on the diving board instantly recalled in her mind. He was doing that emotional connection thing again. It made her nervous. She could brush him off and walk away, or offer something of herself in return. She sat quietly for a moment and then took a deep breath.

“I crawled into bed with you last night because for some unexplainable reason, you made me feel needed and safe.” She twirled a lock of hair as if to show him that sharing this information was no big deal. “I just don’t feel either of those things most of the time. That’s all.”

Brian dared to put an arm around her shoulders and she let him. “You know how I said I didn’t want to have sex with you?” he asked her in hushed tones. She met his eyes and nodded. “I didn’t say it because I think you’re a slut, or that you’re disgusting, or whatever.” She waited patiently intent on knowing where he was going with this admission. “I mean, of course I’ve thought about it. I mean, how could I not?” He looked away then and blushed. “But it’s not something I’m ready for, you know? I thought I should tell you.”

Rayanne watched his profile as he continued to look away from her. “Want to know another secret?” she asked wiping away a tear she hadn’t known she’d shed. “I haven’t had sex since Catalano. Haven’t had a drink either. My life is dull as shit and I have no friends.” She was on a role now. “All I really want to do is get wasted and forget what a loser I am. You think I’m admirable, but I’m not. Turns out I’m a disaster. Being a part of ‘Our Town’ was the first time I ever felt I could do anything worth while without being buzzed. When it was over I was lost again. Angela still hates me. Rickie has moved on and Sharon is too caught up in her own shit. That’s why I went to AA. Because no one was left to help me. I was so convincing to everyone that I loved my life and owed no apologies. But that’s such bullshit. I am so sick of my own bullshit.”

Brian turned back to her when she was finished her confession. He wasn’t sure if he had earned such an intimate look into her thoughts and fears, but he was glad she trusted him enough to to share. He ventured to hold her in both arms now and held her in a comforting embrace. Rayanne was only mildly surprised this time. Two hugs in two days...and then there was the sleeping together. “God,” she thought, “this emotional shit is exhausting.”

As he moved away and looked ready to rise from the grass, Rayanne caught his arm. “I don’t want to go home.” She said flatly. “My mom will be hung-over or still drunk. I don’t want to go home.” She repeated as press her point. 

Brian pulled her up with him to stand and gingerly brush a lock of hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. It was a small thing, but it was something he never would have dared to try before. “Come on then....I know a place.” He smiled again and so did she. They got back in the car and drove away. This time at a more reasonable speed.

They spent most the day at one of Brian’s favourite haunts. It was a 24 hour diner downtown, not far from their high school. He would go there after band practice, or on nights he knew his parents weren’t home. Rayanne like it’s old time fifties feel. They ate and chatted and felt mostly normal. Just two friends hanging out on a Saturday.

*****

“Angela, phone!” came Patty Chase’s shrill call up the stairs with unchecked annoyance.

The red-haired girl huffed and looked at the digital clock. It was just after noon. She’d been sulking in room since her encounter with Brian and Rayanne. She picked up the phone on her bedside table. “I got it!” she yelled back in hopes that her mother would hang up the line downstairs. When Angela heard the tell-tale click she new her privacy was assured.

“Hello?” she answered unsure of whose voice would greet her.

“Hey, Angela. It’s Rickie. Sorry to bug you, but, like, I was thinking about how you said you thought that Rayanne would be at that party last night...and now I am, like, worried about where she might be. I mean, I called her house and no one answered. Which is odd...because usually someone is there on a Saturday.” 

When her friend finally paused Angela interjected, “Look no need to worry about Rayanne, Rickie. She’s all taken care of.”

Rickie was not calmed by her vague remark. “How do you mean, exactly?” he prodded.

“Oh you know...she just somehow ended up at Brian Krakow’s house last night. Like where did they even run into each other? The library, or something?” she asked more to herself than to Rickie.

“What? Her and Brian are hanging out now?” he asked skeptically. “This is news to me.”

Angela didn’t really want to discuss it. She didn’t care... well maybe she did care. “What difference does it make? She’ll get bored of him too at some point and move on the next sucker.”

Rickie wasn’t entirely sure that her mean spirited comment was valid. Knowing that there were still bad feelings between the two girls he let it slide. “Look I’m just glad to hear that she is with a friend and not off on a weekend bender.”

“Just because she’s with straight-laced Krakow doesn’t mean she’s not on a bender. How could he even do that?” she wanted to know.

“Do what, exactly?” he asked needing more information. 

“Pretend that she’s his friend,” she huffed. “You know he defended her. Like she was innocent in everything.”

“Okay what happened, like, specifically?” Rickie asked needing clarification.

“He just....I mean she was so...ugh I can’t even,” she muttered. This was not helping Rickie understand in the least

“Hey Ange, you wanna take a breath and try that again?” he suggested calmly. He heard her groan into the phone.

“I know I rejected him, but I truly, honestly thought he was okay with it. That we had moved passed it and were still friends. But when I saw them together this morning it was like the biggest betrayal. Like he did it on purpose to hurt me.” She couldn’t stop the pang of hurt that bubbled up again in her chest and her lower lip wobbled. Rickie couldn’t see her face, but her could tell from the tremble in her voice that she was upset.

“So what were they up to when you saw them?” Rickie asked bracing himself for the worst.

“I don’t know,” she began, “they were in his car.” Rickie held his breath expecting her next words to describe some unspeakable sexual act. “I guess he was going to drive her home. He swore up and down that nothing happened, but Rayanne looked pretty guilty.”

Rickie exhaled with relief. “Oh, so you didn’t catch them doing anything at all really? What did Rayanne say?”

“Nothing. She wouldn’t even look at me. Besides Brian was too busy yelling at me. Who yells like that and has nothing to hide?” Angela inquired turning the phone chord with her fingers.

“Angela, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you make Rayanne feel bad about herself, like, all the time now. She is really sorry. Not that I, you know, condone her conduct. But she is sorry.”

There was a moment of silence between them. Angela sighed and asked, “Hey Rickie? You’re pretty good friends with Brian right? Could you like find out if he’s lost his mind?”

Rickie laughed. “Ange, just because he may or may not be friends with Rayanne doesn’t mean he’s lost his mind.”

“Sure, if you say so,” she relented. “But will you, like talk to him?”

“I can try,” he replied knowing that he wanted details just as badly.

“Thanks Rickie. You’re the best.” Angela and Rickie said their good-byes and hung up. Angela looked at the clock again. It was only ten minutes later. She supposed she should go downstairs and start the day...again. She hoped her parents wouldn’t ask her why the paper was spread out on the porch. At least she had the possibility of Jordan dropping by later to cheer her up.

*****

Monday mornings at Liberty High were a mixture of chaos and noise. Students greeted each other loudly as lockers doors banged open and closed again. Although school was not Angela Chase’s favourite place, it was made more appealing by Jordan Catalano’s presence. He was currently at her side while she got her books out of her locker for morning classes. He’d picked her up at her house that morning and had already delayed her several times with eager, knee-weakening kisses. Despite his welcomed advances she was still distracted by the nagging concern that at some point she would run into Brian....or worse, Rayanne.

She didn’t bring up what had happened with Jordan. She didn’t want to talk about Rayanne with him if she could help herself. And Brian was still an uncomfortable subject since the letter incident. So, basically they didn’t talk about her friends much ever.

They turned to walk down the hall and Angela caught sight of Brian at his locker. He looked the same as always wearing one of those terrible cardigans he always wore. As they walked past him Rayanne came into view. She was standing beside him chatting away and sucking on a lollipop. 

Angela rolled her eyes. She couldn’t believe that Rayanne was still bothering Brian.  
She and Jordan walked by quickly and the hall was too noisy for her to hear what Rayanne was talking about. Not that she should care.

After first period Angela made her way to the girl’s bathroom. It was relatively quiet for once and she moved to the mirror to re-apply her lipstick. Sharon Cherski and Delia Fisher came in a moment later. The three girls greeted each other.

“So I broke up with Kyle again,” Sharon stated checking her hair in the mirror next to Angela.

Angela couldn’t help but laugh. “Am I supposed to be surprised?” she asked with a smile.

“Whatever,” Sharon shot back as she continued to primp. “What’s the deal with Krakow and Graff? Delia says she saw them, like, hanging on each other this morning.”

“Yeah, I so totally didn’t need to see that so early on a Monday morning. It was, like, upsetting,” added Delia.

Angela’s mouth fell open. She was appalled. “What do you mean ‘hanging on each other’?” she wanted to know.

Delia stood back and crossed her arms across her chest defensively. “Oh you know, she kept touching his arm and laughing at whatever stupid thing he was saying. It was kind of embarrassing. Do you think he’s paying her to, like, look like she’s his girlfriend or something?” she said with a hint of jealousy. Then, as if realizing how much it looked like she cared about what the two had been doing she added, “I mean he’s terrible and she’s worse. They can have each other for all I care.”

There it was again, Angela noted. Delia’s petty streak. The girl barely knew either of them and she was passing judgement. Angela was taken aback by not just her attitude, but by the fact that she said Rayanne was acting like Brian’s girlfriend. This was a little more serious that them hanging out, or messing around. Everyone knew that Rayanne was no one’s girlfriend. It was just never something that she did.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Delia,” came Sharon’s teasing voice. “You know, you say Krakow means nothing to you, but then you get so upset seeing him another girl. Just make up your mind.”

“I told you I don’t care. Whose side are you on Sharon?” Delia was pouting now.

Sharon put a hand on Delia’s shoulder. “Ok fine. And I’m on you side.” Sharon the shifted her focus back to Angela. “So no insight then?”

Angela blinked and shook her head. She decided not to share her encounter with the two from Saturday. Sharon was likely to blow the whole thing out of proportion and tell the whole school. So she kept quiet.

“Did you talk to Rickie?” Angela asked Delia, hoping she hadn’t. 

“Not yet. Though I doubt he’d know either. It’s all so random,” said Delia.

****

Music class was wrapping up and Brian couldn’t wait to leave. Sharon had been giving him the stink eye from her seat next to him the whole time. He was reminded of earlier that year when that list came out naming her as having the ‘best breasts’ and how all the boys including himself would leer at her when she wasn’t looking. She must have felt terrible; like he did now. And she was only one person staring at him.

The classroom cleared out as the students left. All but Brian, who was putting the music stands back and Sharon who was taking her time cleaning her instrument. He was aware she was still in the room, but was confused by her silent glare.

“What, Cherski!?” he demanded, confronting her.

“Nothing,” she retorted. “Nothing at all.” Her eyes were still shooting dangers at him.

“Wow, if looks could kill,” he said mostly to himself. “You know, I’d hate to know how you’d look at me if there was actually something wrong.”

Sharon finished putting her clarinet neatly in its case. She tossed her chestnut hair and softened her features ever so slightly. “Look, Krakow, I know we don’t always get a long. But if you want tell me why you and Rayanne Graff are suddenly so chummy. I swear I won’t judge.”

“Looks like you already are...like, judging.” He reflected. 

“Come on,” she pried. “Tell me something to change my mind then.”

He sat next to her again and looked at his hands in his lap. “I’m only going to tell you this because you are one of my oldest friends. But you can’t tell anyone else, okay?”

Sharon mimed a cross over her heart. “I swear, whatever you say is our secret.”

Brian paused and regarded his friend. He hadn’t talked to anyone about her yet. He had planned to talk to Rickie at some point, but it seemed like Sharon would only back off if he gave her a reason to do so. “We just decided to be friends,” he said slowly. Knowing that this was not enough he added, “we actually really like each other. Is that such a crime?”

“You made me swear secrecy for that?” she asked hitting him in the shoulder. “Come on, Krakow. You expect me to believe the two of you are just friends?”

“Look I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s not like she’s my girlfriend. We haven’t kissed or anything. Which is fine. I know I’m not the kind of guy girls are attracted to that way. I mean my whole life most of my friends have been girls.” 

Sharon suddenly felt sorry for the guy. All those girls that had been his friends had led him on at some point or another and he was still alone. She herself had led him on unintentionally when her father was sick. He had been a really good friend to her. Maybe he was right and maybe this was the same with Rayanne. At least he could recognize the situation for what it was.

Brian continued to look at his hands and Sharon couldn’t help but ask, “Are you sure that’s all you want? To be friends?”

He considered her question thoughtfully before replying, “What choice do I have? If I want her around, which I do, all I can do is be her friend. If I try to push for more she could shut me out again. It would be like Angela all over again.”

“Shoot, Krakow,” Sharon was shocked by his comparison. “You were, like, in love with Angela. Are you in love with Rayanne?”

“What!?” He stood abruptly. “No, of course not. I barely know her.” Which was almost true. His mind raced back to the other morning, their bodies entangled in his bed and her head resting on his chest. He blushed at the memories.

“Ok fine,” she relented. “I’ll back off. And I won’t tell anyone about our little conversation.” It was obvious to her he was in love. She decided that was his business. For now anyway.

*****

Rickie caught up to Rayanne. He hadn’t had any luck getting alone with Brian, so he decided to go straight to her.

“Hey Rayanne, how’s it going?” he asked leaning against the wall. Rayanne was busy digging through her boho bag. She shrugged as she continued her search. “So Angela was telling me you spent the night at Brian’s house. That must have been weird.”

That got her attention. She abandoned her search for whatever it was she was looking for. “Did she say that?” she asked pretending not to care. “Yeah, I guess it was kinda weird. But you know, Brian is kinda weird.” She slung her bag on her shoulder and started to walk away. Rickie moved to keep up with her.

“So it was no big deal?” he dared to ask. Rayanne stopped and faced her friend. She pulled a face as of to imply ‘why would it be’. “It’s just not like you and Brian are close is all,” he clarified.

“Why do I have to be close to someone to crash on their couch? I don’t even need to be close to someone to have sex with them,” she casually replied.

“Did you? Have sex, I mean?” Rickie couldn’t believe he’d managed the words.

Rayanne rolled her eyes. “Are you asking, or is Angela asking?”

“Do you see Angela anywhere?” he said looking around. “I’m asking, Rayanne.”

“Fine. No we did not have sex. Satisfied?” she said as they began to walk again.

“Okay, fine,” he said. “I kinda figured you didn’t. I mean, I guess you can’t, like, have a fling with someone like Brian anyways. I mean he would, like, want to marry you or something. He gets so attached.” Rickie rambled without much thought to what he was saying, or where he was going until he bumped into his friend who had stopped walking again.

Rayanne knew that Rickie was just offering his off-hand opinion of Brian, but something about his sentiment struck a nerve. He was right. What the hell was she going to do if Brian got romantically attached to her. They had cleared the air about not having sex that night they spent together, but never said it was out of the question. Maybe it should be. 

“Thanks Rickie,” she offered patting his arm. “This little chat has helped me realize that I need to shut this thing down ASAP.” She turned and walked away from him. Rickie just stood there; a feeling of dread came over him. What had he said? What happened to everyone being friends? 

*****

At the end of the day Rayanne caught up with Brian at his locker. He smiled brightly at her until he noticed she wasn’t smiling back. “What’s wrong?” he asked unsure he wanted to hear her answer.

“We need to talk,” she said not meeting his gaze. “Like, in private.”

Brian gathered his things and closed his locker. Luckily he didn’t have any extracurricular activities today. They walked together out to the student parking. Once they were safely inside his car Rayanne tossed her bag in the back and turned to look at him. She could see that he already looked hurt. 

“Brian, I need to tell you...” she said struggling to find the right words.

“I know what you’re going to say,” he very quietly interjected. “It’s fine. I get it.”

“Get what, exactly?” she wanted to know.

“That hanging out on the weekend was a fluke. That having people see us together in school was too much. That I embarrass you, or whatever.” His words were so honest and sad. She couldn’t help but put her previous agenda on hold. He was right, it had been hard. But was she really ready to give up?

Almost without thinking she took his face in both hands and brought him closer to her. “You don’t embarrass me,” she told him with conviction. Then she added, “That cardigan has to go, but you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

As she caressed his cheek with her thumb he closed his eyes and a smile started to pull at the corners of his mouth. There it was again, the feeling that he needed her. She had a choice to make. Pull away, or push forward. She decided on the latter and leaned into him. 

Brian made a small noise of surprise as her lips met his. It was a brief kiss, little more than a peck. He immediately opened his eyes and stared at her. This was not where he’d imagined this conversation going. She removed her hands from his face and looked away.

It was his turn to show her how he felt. He mimicked her and took her face in both hands, but his kiss was not so quick or clean. It was messy and full of need. Rayanne felt him moan into her mouth and a hot bloom of desire went through her. She let him continue to explore his new found confidence. His hands never left her face, while hers tangled in his hair. Neither one taking notice that they were still sitting in student parking and anyone could walk by and see them.

When they finally pulled apart, panting and desperate for air, they were both a little shocked at what had just transpired. Rayanne had been planning to take sex off the table completely as to save them both from an awkward incident later. But now, after this very unexpected turn of events, she was ready to climb in the boy’s lap and be damned the consequences.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “That was so inappropriate.” His face was flushed from ear to ear. 

“Yes, Bri, that was very inappropriate,” she purred. He caught her meaning, but was still unsure. “There’s no need to be sorry,” she reassured him. “I admit that I was getting ready for the ‘let’s be friends’ speech, but I just don’t know now.”

“Maybe we should,” he offered, “you know, just be friends. We both know that I’m not ready to have sex. And you aren’t ready to be my girlfriend. So, yeah. I think it may be right call.”

Rayanne felt like crying. She knew he was right, but for some reason it hurt to hear it out loud. She would be a terrible girlfriend. He might be a terrible boyfriend. Besides which, he had big plans for his life. Her life on the other hand changed from whim to whim. Their backgrounds were too different. She feared if they weren’t careful she would ruin everything like she always did. He was right...wasn’t he? But that kiss was so intense, how could she just forget about it?

Not knowing what else to do, Rayanne yanked her bag out from behind her seat and took off without another word. She didn’t look behind her to see if he had followed. He hadn’t. Fumbling in her pocket she pulled out a quarter. She stumbled past Angela who was by the outdoor vending machine waiting for Jordan. Ignoring the red-haired girl, she placed the quarter into the pay phone and punched Charlie’s phone number quickly. 

Angela watched as Rayanne paced back and forth the short distance the phone chord would allow her. Her friend’s face was flushed and she seemed in a panic. “Pick up, pick up,” she chanted into the receiver. Angela could vaguely hear the beep of an answering machine. Rayanne slammed the receiver back onto the cradle. “Damn it!” she cursed.

“Hey, are you okay?” Angela risked asking. She wasn’t sure if she could offer any form of comfort, especially after the verbal assault she had given her so recently. 

She was met with an ungrateful glare. “Peachy,” Rayanne said sarcastically. “Like you even care.”

“Come on, Rayanne. Talk to me,” she insisted.

“I can’t. I can’t talk to you,” the brunette replied frantically. 

“Why not?” Angela needed to know. “Maybe I can help.”

“No. There is no way I am talking to you. Not about this,” she said shutting her down. 

Rayanne was spinning out she was sure. She recognized the signs. The only thing that was missing was her silver flask. Angela suddenly wondered where Brian was, maybe she would talk to him. So she asked, “Where’s Brian? Can you talk to him?”

Rayanne shook her head. “You just don’t get it,” she laughed. “You have it so easy.” She sat herself on the nearby bench and pulled her jacket collar up against the chill. “I messed up again. Are you happy now?”

Angela sat next to the other girl mindful to keep a space between them. “Rayanne, please,” she began, “just tell me what happened.”

Rayanne had tears running down her face now. She tried to wipe them away with her hands. “He doesn’t want me,” she sobbed. “I’m not going to make him happy. I shouldn’t...I shouldn’t want him like this. But I do. I can’t help it. He’s just a stupid boy.”

Angela still wasn’t sure what had happened, but she completely understood how she was feeling. Jordan had made her feel that way not too long ago. She never dreamed that Rayanne would have feelings for any boy, let alone Brian Krakow. “What happened?” she asked again.

“He kissed me,” Rayanne admitted in little more than a whisper. “But then he told me we should be friends...which we are. But maybe I can’t even be friends now. I don’t know.”

“Was it a really bad kiss?” Angela joked trying to lighten the mood; ignoring the tiny pang of jealousy that went off in chest.

“No, that’s the problem,” her friend answered honestly. “I, like, didn’t want to stop.”

“Oh,” said Angela as she contemplated the idea of Brian and Rayanne kissing. It made her feel strange. She was well aware that Brian was capable of affection, but suddenly she wasn’t sure how to feel when it wasn’t directed at her. She tried to shake it off.

“Wait, I don’t really understand,” she said. “Why did Brian kiss you and then say you should be friends? And why didn’t you just tell him you...you know, didn’t?”

Rayanne nervously chewed on her thumbnail. “I don’t know. I clearly have no idea what I’m doing.”

Just then Brian walked up to the two girls still seated on the bench. He held out a baggie of gummy worms. “This fell out of your pocket,” he said as he handed it to Rayanne. “I can take you home if you want?” His tone was flat and devoid of any concern.

Angela just stared at him in disbelief. Could he not see that Rayanne was upset. Why was he suddenly his old, oblivious self. She felt herself get angry. If Rayanne didn’t tell him off, she certainly would.

But then a strange thing happened. Rayanne stood and wrapped her arms around the boy’s middle, still holding the bag of gummies in one hand. He returned the hug and she sobbed into his front for a long moment. Then, as if Angela wasn’t there at all, Brian lifted Rayanne’s chin and leaned down and they kissed right in front of her. It was surreal.

When they parted Rayanne sniffled and said to him, “I don’t want to be just friends.” 

Brian shrugged. “Okay,” he replied with a small smile. 

Rayanne laughed and hugged him again. Then she turned and acknowledged Angela on the bench. “Thanks for your help,” she said. And then added, “and thanks for you know, being so understanding.”

“Huh, have I been?” She thought to herself, Angela wasn’t sure. Maybe Delia was right...they could have each other. They were both clearly insane. “Sure, whatever,” was all she could manage to say. She was sure this was going to blow up in both their faces.

*****


	2. Birthdays, Beds and Sofas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for sex...some consensual and some not.

Episode Two: Birthdays, Beds and Sofas

It was the last week of April and Angela Chase was having her birthday party that Saturday. The drama at Liberty High seemed to be in a lull, although it was still jarring every time Angela caught sight of her old friend Brian Krakow and her not-so-good friend Rayanne Graff together. They were keeping the PDA to a bare minimum, but she was still on him like Velcro most of the time.

“It would be normal if it wasn’t, you know, Krakow,” Sharon Cherski had commented.

Angela wasn’t sure about her guest list. Her parents had promised they would make themselves scarce and she could have a small gathering at their house. She felt this was code for ensuring that she and Jordan wouldn’t have the chance to be completely alone. Whatever, they’d find a way if they wanted to.

Angela sat outside on the school lawn with Rickie and Corey. It was a warm spring day, finally, and she was asking for their advice on the party. “It’s just weird to have to pick and choose who to invite,” she was saying, “I just can’t risk an out of control house party like that one a few weeks ago.”

“For sure,” said Rickie. “That was insane. Besides, your parents would murder you.” 

Corey nodded in agreement. “I’ve got a great sound system if you want,” he offered.

“Sounds great,” Angela said smiling. “So, like, if it’s us three,” she continued, “and Sharon makes four. I don’t know if Sharon will bring someone. I mean if it’s not Kyle maybe I should ask her to come alone?”

“Hmmm, that’s tricky,” said Rickie. “I can see not wanting a person you don’t really know at your party, but can you really, like, tell her not to bring a date?”

“Are you going to bring a date?” Angela asked teasingly.

“Funny Ange,” her friend shot back. “What about Jordan?”

“I’m shocked, Rickie, you want to date Jordan?” Angela laughed at her own joke.

“Wow, I can see this conversation is deteriorating quickly,” said Rickie as he rolled his eyes.

“Okay, fine,” Angela added regaining composure. “Jordan is Jordan. He will maybe show up. Probably not until later.”

Corey pulled a face and said, “I don’t know how you can be so okay with him being so unreliable.”

Rickie smiled to himself. “Hey if she wanted reliable she would have gone out with Brian,” he mused.

Corey looked a little confused. “Isn’t Rayanne sleeping with him?” he asked as he adjusted his glasses.

“Not exactly,” Angela explained, “well maybe.... I have no idea and honestly I don’t actually want to know.” Angela wondered briefly if Corey was bothered by Rayanne choosing someone like Brian over him. Then she added, “And no, Rickie, I do not want to date Krakow. I do not know how Rayanne hasn’t killed him yet. He gets on my last nerve, you know?”

“But are you, like, going to invite them?” Rickie asked. “I mean Rayanne and Brian?”

Angela closed her eyes and grumbled, “Do I have to?”

“No, of course not,” Corey reasoned. “It’s your party.” He gave her a smile and nudged her shoulder with his, which made her smile back.

“What about Delia? Can she come?” Rickie wanted to know.

“I guess.” Angela was beginning to realize that there really weren’t that many of her friends to invite. She thought of inviting Abyssinia and her boyfriend, but they really hadn’t hung out socially yet. Besides which, Abyssinia was friends with Rayanne and that might get awkward. Maybe she should invite Rayanne and Brian. She had concerns that Rayanne would probably get drunk and Brian would have a melt down and the whole thing was more than she wanted to deal with even in theory.

“So that’s like five with Delia and six if you count Jordan,” summarized Rickie. “Your parents should be happy about that.” Leave it to Rickie to find every silver lining.

Five or six people sounded pathetic to Angela. And what were they going to do? Eat junk food and watch movies? Entertaining teenagers was always a gamble. 

*****

“I’m home!” Angela called as she walked in her front door. No one answered, but she could hear voices coming from the kitchen. As she pushed the swinging door open she was greeted by her sister hanging on Rayanne’s every word. They were conspiring while leaning on the kitchen counter. Both girls looked up when Angela entered the room.

“Oh hey Angela,” greeted Danielle. “Mom had to run an errand and you weren’t home yet.”

“Where’s dad,” she asked avoiding eye contact with Rayanne.

“Where he always is these days,” her sister lamented. Angela knew she meant the restaurant. Their father was hoping to open by summer.

“Fine, but why is Rayanne here?” she asked Danielle ignoring her friend.

“I was at Brian’s and he has a very time-consuming report he needs to write. So I told Patty I would hang with Danielle,” Rayanne explained. Of course her mother tried to get Brian to watch her baby sister. Why not? Though she was a little at a loss as to why Patty would trust Rayanne.

“You’re at Brian’s house a lot, aren’t you?” she heard herself ask. “I mean, if you know he has homework, why bother?”

“He doesn’t have cable, but there is always food in the fridge,” Rayanne said in a sing-song way that made Danielle giggle.

“So you just hang at his house and eat his food whether you get to actually spend time with him or not?” Dissatisfied Angela re-iterated her question. Leave it to Rayanne to take advantage. 

“That’s not fair,” replied Rayanne, “You know Brian is obsessive about homework. I take what I can get. Maybe you’re just jealous because Jordan doesn’t hang around waiting to be with you.”

Danielle could tell a fight was coming and made herself scarce, claiming she was going up stairs to start her own homework. 

Angela fumed at Rayanne. “Don’t talk about Jordan, like, ever,” she said raising her voice. “I’m home now. So you can leave.” Rayanne knew she wasn’t wanted and she turned to go, stopping at the front door. Angela had followed suit and waited for whatever come back her former best friend was about to throw at her.

“I thought we were working things out,” she said calmly. “I was only having a little fun, but clearly I hit a nerve. I’m sorry.” She turned and opened the door. Pausing she added, “Brian lets me hang at his house because my mom and I aren’t getting along these days. Not that you’d care. He’s been really supportive.”

Now Angela felt bad. “Why aren’t you and Amber getting along?” she asked, suddenly wanting to know.

Rayanne looked down at her shoes. A part of her wanted to confide in her friend about how she was over six weeks sober and her mother just wasn’t on the same page as her, but it didn’t feel right—not yet. “It’s not important. Don’t worry about it,” she deflected.

Angela guessed that she hadn’t exactly earned a proper response. It’s not like they owed each other their deepest secrets anymore. Then—possibly out of guilt— Angela said, “Well maybe you and Brian can come to my party on Saturday? It’s for my birthday, but I’m not expecting gifts or anything. It could be fun.”

Rayanne’s face lit up and she hugged Angela. “Really? Thanks!” she exclaimed. “I’m not sure about Bri, but I’ll ask him.”

“Since when was Rayanne calling her boyfriend ‘Bri’? Ugh...boyfriend.” Angela thought to herself. “Sure, great,” she said out loud. That brings her party up to a possible ten people with no shortage of drama to be sure. Angela stood in her open doorway and watched Rayanne skip back across the street. 

Danielle appeared on the stairs behind her sister and commented, “I can’t believe Rayanne is dating Brian.” Neither could Angela. She couldn’t help but reassure herself again that this was just a phase. There was no way Rayanne and Brian would be together for much longer.

*****

Rayanne all but ran up the stairs to Brian’s bedroom. She wanted to tell him about the invite right away. She entered the room and quietly closed the door behind her; breaking Bernice Krakow’s rule of always leaving the bedroom door open at least three inches at all times when they were alone together.

Brian was concentrating, writing quickly on loose leaf in front of him at his desk. He suddenly felt fingers in his hair that caressed their way down to his neck. “Hey,” Rayanne cooed into his ear, “can you take a break?” 

He let his pen drop. He closed his eyes and leaned into her massage; wondering briefly where she’d learned to do that so well. He hummed pleasantly and Rayanne took this as a ‘yes’. She dared to move his chair away from the desk and straddled him while maintaining the neck rub.

Brian’s eyes opened lazily and he grinned at her mischievously. “Whatcha doing?” he mused. She grinned back and wiggled a little in his lap as if to demonstrate her intent. Then she leaned in and kissed him. His arms snaked up around her and wrapped around her back and shoulders. While he was distracted she reached down to play with his belt. It elicited a tiny jingle that got his attention.

“Don’t do that,” he whispered pushing her hands away. “I have a lot of homework still.” 

“Come on,” she purred seductively. “I‘ll be quick and I know you’ll like it.” She kissed his neck and sucked on his ear lobe. Whatever ability Brian had to push her away was now gone. She deftly undid his belt and threw it to the floor. They kissed each other frantically as his hands found her breasts. Rayanne smiled at his boldness. She pulled her top off over her head so her could gain better access, which he took full advantage of by dipping his head to kiss and suck at her chest. Rayanne was sure she had him exactly where she wanted him and thrust her right hand into his now open pants. He bucked into her hand and moaned. Those neatly pressed khakis were deceiving, she had no idea how he’d kept his exceptional endowment a secret. 

Rayanne was ready to reach for a condom when Brian stopped her. “Don’t,” was all he managed through his obvious arousal. 

“No glove no love,” Rayanne teased and kissed him passionately.

He stopped her again with great effort. “No, I mean...we can’t,” he panted.

“I think we can,” she replied pressing her forehead to his. Then their eyes met and she saw that anxious look he always got. “Okay, we’ll stop,” she relented and kissed him tenderly, then slowly lifted off his lap. This was the furthest they’d ever gotten and Rayanne was beginning to wonder if his problem went deeper than his claim that he wasn’t ready. 

“What was he so afraid of?” she wondered. She was beginning to feel sympathetic to Jordan Catalano and the frustration he must feel every time Angela asked him to stop. Maybe there was something in the water in this part of town.

“Can I at least give you some relief this time?” She offered sitting on his bed, while she stretched a foot out to touch his thigh. He looked so embarrassed. She decided not to wait for an answer. In one fluid motion she went down on her knees and took his erection in both hands. Brian gripped the arms of the desk chair and tossed his head back. Rayanne expertly manipulated him until he came hard accompanied by a series of curses words. She’d never heard such language from him before. She giggled as she wiped herself clean with some nearby tissue. 

Her boyfriend was now limply resting in his chair staring at the ceiling. She leaned over him and kissed him on the cheek. “Better now?” she asked sweetly. He nodded; clearly feeling blissful. She put her shirt back on and helped him close the front of his pants. 

“I’ll let you get back to work,” she added opening his bedroom door. “Oh and Angela asked us both to go to her birthday party,” she said over her shoulder as she left the room. Brian blinked at the empty space where she once was. He wasn’t sure how to feel about what she’d just told him; or anything for that matter.

*****

Chips, dip, music and a selection of movies. Angela even had board games on stand-by if things came to a complete standstill. She reflected on her fifteenth birthday party just last year as she double checked her supplies. It had been a simple sleep-over with Sharon Cherski. The two them stayed up late doing each other’s hair and nails while warding off Danielle’s pleas to join them. They had giggled about boys, but neither one had any expectation of having a boyfriend or actually kissing one anytime soon. How things had changed in the past year.

Angela touched her lips reflexively as she thought about Jordan and how he had been very quiet this week. She wasn’t sure if he was avoiding her because he had something planned for her that he was hiding, or if he was just hiding full stop to avoid talking about her party. She sighed with disappointment. She had hoped that this time he would take their relationship more seriously.

*****

It was still a few hours before the party when there was a knock at the Krakow’s door. Brian answered with some surprise when he discovered none other than Jordan Catalano on his doorstep. He was wearing a jean jacket and his coveralls. He must have come from the garage he worked at. After a moment of stunned silence he invited him to come in.

“So I wanted to, like, ask you something and it’s kinda important,” said Jordan as he leaned on the foyer wall. 

Brian had no idea what he could possibly want from him. He was no longer tutoring Jordan. Sharon had taken over after the letter. They all agreed that things would be too weird otherwise. 

“I wanted to ask you before,” Jordan continued, “but Graff was with you, like all the time.” There was a hint of annoyance in his voice. Brian didn’t feel he had to defend himself, so he nodded an acknowledgement and waited. 

“She’s not here now, is she?” Jordan asked. 

“No she isn’t,” Brian replied, slowly losing patience. He wished Jordan would spit it out already. Having his former rival in his home was making him uncomfortable.

“Cool,” Jordan said, relaxing a little. “So, I wanted ask you about this thing I got Angela for her Birthday.” 

Brian’s mouth involuntarily fell open. “Why ask me?” he demanded, “why not ask Sharon? You see her all the time and she’s better friends with Angela than I am.”

“‘Cause she makes me feel... I dunno. She makes me feel stupid sometimes,” Jordan confessed. “You were never like that. You actually made me feel capable. I even thought of us as friends, you know.”

There it was, that feeling that Brian had been the bag guy in the whole incident. He had felt they were becoming friends too. He really did like the guy, but at the time he just wanted Angela to know how he felt more. 

“Sure,” Brian said with a small smile, “I know and Sharon can be, like, condescending. So, what did you get her? Angela, I mean.”

Jordan pulled a small red box out of his pocket and opened it towards Brian so he could see inside. It was a simple heart charm on a thin gold chain. There were no gem stones or engravings. It looked like maybe it was a locket. 

“What do you think?” Jordan really wanted to know. 

“It’s perfect,” sighed Brian. It was exactly the sort of thing he would give her if she was his girlfriend. “She’ll love it.”

Jordan smiled a real, genuine smile then and patted Brian on the shoulder. “Thanks, man.” He then placed the red box back in his jacket pocket. Their interaction complete Jordan turned to leave.

“Are you going to be at her party tonight?” Brian asked still unsure if he himself should be going.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” he replied. “I’ve got to go home and change first. Obviously,” he added gesturing to his attire.

“Right, of course,” Brian agreed. 

“Are you and Graff coming?” Jordan asked not sure if he really wanted the answer.

Brian stopped and thought for a moment and then asked in return, “Do you think we should come?”

“Whatever,” he shrugged. “If Angela invited you I guess she wants you there.”

“But what if she was, you know, just being polite?” Brian offered. “I mean, I wasn’t there when she invited us. So maybe we shouldn’t go.”

“You want my honest opinion?” Jordan asked looking Brian in eye. Brian nodded and Jordan said, “I think you should come. But if Rayanne comes she better behave herself.” There it was; honest and concise. Brian nodded again and Jordan left. Maybe Angela would get the birthday party she deserved after all.

*****

By eight-thirty most of Angela’s friends had arrived. Her parents went to her dad’s still unnamed restaurant to have a date-night. Danielle had been shipped off to a friend’s house to spend the night so they wouldn’t be bothered.

Rickie and Delia were with Corey in the living room planning out what music to play next. Angela was setting food out on the dining room table with Sharon, who was apologizing for bringing Kyle without checking with her first.

Kyle Vinovich sat on the couch eyeing Delia’s skirt hem that went dangerously high every time she bent over a little too far. Jordan, who actually arrived at a decent time sat down next to Kyle and noticed the transgression. He hit the other boy upside the head and gave him a nasty look.

“Oh come on, like you never look at other girls,” Kyle grumbled. Jordan rolled his eyes and was not about to dignify his comment with a response.

Just then Brian arrived, knocking briefly, but letting himself in. He was struggling with several boxes of pizza. He had intercepted the delivery boy on the porch. The two older boys left their seat on the couch and grabbed a box each. Everyone soon made their way to the dining room to get a slice.

Angela smiled at all her friends as they chatted and ate. Everyone was getting along so well. It was then she realized Rayanne had not arrived with Brian. She caught his eye and asked why she wasn’t with him.

“I’m not sure why she’s late,” he said shrugging. “She had something to do this afternoon and then she was supposed to call me to pick her up. When I didn’t hear from her I called her place, but her mom said she’d already left.”

“Huh, that’s weird, but not so unusual I guess,” said Angela.

“Do you and Amber, like, get along?” Rickie asked, knowing that people either loved or hated the woman.

“I‘ve only spoken to her on the phone,” Brian said wincing, “she always gets my name wrong.”

“You’re kidding?” said Rickie with a laugh. “Like, what does she call you?”

“Well there’s the obvious, ‘Ryan’. And one time she called me ‘Byron’,” explained Brian. “The worst was when she told Rayanne that ‘Barry’ was calling for her.” He rolled his eyes and then added, “Rayanne says that she’s told her that we’re together, but it’s like she just can’t be bothered to get my name right.”

Angela laughed loudly. She knew Amber could be a character. “Maybe you should meet in person and she might remember your name better,” she suggested.

Rickie pulled a face. “Yeah, or maybe he should avoid her. She would eat him alive,” He laughed. Then everyone laughed. 

While everyone was distracted Jordan moved closer to his girlfriend and kissed her cheek. “Happy birthday,” he whispered in her ear. Angela felt a thrill go through her. She was so happy he came to her party at a normal time to hang out with her and her friends like a normal boyfriend.

*****

By almost eleven o’clock they were gathered in the living room eating junk food and watching ‘Heathers’. Almost everyone had seen it already, but it was a favourite movie choice for Angela. Rayanne had introduced her to it last summer when they first started hanging out together. 

Angela’s parents had arrived home again but made themselves scarce up in their bedroom. They offered to let whoever wanted to, to stay the night. As long as the girls were up in Angela’s room and the boys remained downstairs. It was a little embarrassing to have her parents spell things out like that.

There was still no sign of Rayanne and Angela could tell that Brian was getting worried. He left the group and went into the kitchen to try calling her again. When there was no answer he tried Charlotte’s number which she had given him the last time he saw her. 

Delia wandered into the kitchen to get a glass of water when she heard Brian on the phone. “Okay, well call me at this number if you hear anything,” he was saying. As he hung up the two made eye contact.

“Still no idea where she is?” asked Delia. Brian was a little surprised that the girl seemed genuine in her concern.

“None at all,” he sighed as he leaned on the counter. “Rickie says it’s not unusual for her to take off like this, but I just don’t know.” 

Delia came up beside him and dared to place a hand on his arm. “She’ll turn up,” she offered. “Rickie said the same to me. I’ll admit that I don’t really care for Rayanne, but I know he does and you do.” She paused then and he looked at her with sad eyes. She felt a little ashamed that he could still cause butterflies in her stomach even after months of being mad at him.

Just then the phone rang and startled them both. Brian instinctively answered it. Angela came in to see who could be calling this late. It was Brian’s father. Bob Krakow was calling to let his son know that Rayanne was at their house crashed out on the basement couch, apparently drunk.

When Brian relayed this information to Angela she was not surprised in the least; she had in fact predicted such a thing would happen. At least the girl had gone across the street and not landed at her party. Delia was no longer supportive and was now in full ‘told you so’ mode.

Brian excused himself and left. He would have to call Charlotte from home. Shortly after Sharon and Kyle took their leave. Corey offered to drive Delia and Rickie home, which left Angela alone with Jordan. On one hand she was sad that the party had broken up so abruptly, but on the other hand being alone with Jordan was not such a bad thing.

They quietly made their way up to Angela’s bedroom, leaving the mess from the party for the morning. He sat on her bed and she joined him after closing and locking the door behind her. She giggled nervously as her ran a hand through her hair. Then he brought out the red box from his pocket where he’d been holding onto it all night; waiting for the right time to give her his gift.

Angela was a little shocked at getting a present at all from him. When she opened the box her face lit up. It was perfect. He helped her with the clasp as she placed the chain around her neck; the gold heart catching the light from bedside lamp.

Then she kissed him. He moved closer and explored her mouth with tongue. They lay down on her bed and continued to enjoy one another. When Jordan gently caressed her breasts through her shirt, she let him. When he moved his hands under her shirt, she let him. When he went to unclasp her bra, she let him do that too. 

Jordan pulled both his flannel shirt and t-shirt off together and continued to kiss her, now bare from the waist up. Angela let her hands run down his back and her breath caught as she felt his soft, smooth skin. Feeling bold, she pushed him back so she too could lift off her top. Nervously, she looked away as Jordan’s eyes explored her naked front, the necklace lay between her breasts. This was the first time she’d dared let him see her topless. He smiled wide and took her in his arms again pressing their bodies together. They lay back down and continued to kiss for some time.

“What do you think, birthday girl?” he purred into her ear. “Do you want to keep going?”

“My parents are down the hall,” she warned. “What if someone hears us?”

“I can be quiet if you can,” he said with complete seriousness. “If you want to, that is,” he added and then took her left nipple in his mouth and sucked.

Angela cut off a moan by smothering it in his shoulder. Yeah, this was a bad idea. “I want to, but I don’t think I can be quiet.” Angela braced herself for his retaliation. However, he stayed calm and moved across the room to her stereo. She watched him quizzically as he turned it on low and turned up the base. 

Jordan then proceeded to produce several condoms from his pants’ pocket before removing them. He re-joined her after turning out her bedside lamp and sat on the bed in only his boxers. She laughed nervously at his display of unfiltered lust.

“If not now, when?” She thought to herself. She followed suit and took off her own pants, dropping them off the side of the bed. “Okay,” she told him, “but we must be super quiet.”

Together they got under her covers and removed their underwear. They returned to kissing and caressing each other. Once they had reclaimed their rhythm and Angela was more relaxed Jordan checked in with her one more time. She smiled and nodded and she could feel him shift to apply the condom. He gently positioned himself on top of her, between her legs. Angela braced herself, not knowing how it might feel to have him inside her for the first time. 

As he pushed inside her he kept looking in her eyes. It may not have been a necessary thing, but it made her feel safe. He was gentle and slow, not at all how she would have thought by how passionate and abrupt he could be at times when they were making out. He gaged her discomfort level before he began to move again. He kissed her mouth and then down her neck to distract her. 

She could feel tears threatening when he began to thrust in and out. Felling her tense up, he put an arm under her lower back and shifted her weight a little. This seemed to help and Angela was able to begin losing herself in his affections again. It was over a little faster than anticipated, Angela reflected. Though she found it was difficult to tell how long they had been engaged with one another. Jordan stifled a moan into the pillow beside her head and she could feel him go limp. He then rolled over, bring her with him to rest her head on his chest.

“You okay?” he whispered. “I know it’s not great the first time. You know, all the more reason to get it over with.” 

She always loved his simple honesty. She brushed a stray lock of hair from his face and let her hand stay there on his cheek. “I’m fine. And to be honest that was not great. But it was definitely good. Like, I’m so happy we did that,” she said trying not to cry. “I love you,” she heard herself say.

Before the fear and dread of dropping “I love you” for the first time could take hold, Jordan kissed her nose and said, “I love you, too, Ange.”

Angela smiled and played with her necklace. “Thanks,” she mused, “this was the best birthday ever.”

*****

Rayanne woke in the morning, head pounding, sprawled on the old dingy couch in Brian’s basement. She knew in that moment that she had been black-out drunk and had no memory of how she’d gotten there. Beside her was an old bucket into which she had vomited once or twice in the night. Classy, she felt super classy.

Footsteps were heard coming slowly down the basement stairs. It was Brian. He was holding a wash cloth and a glass of water. He knelt down beside her, placing the cool, damp cloth on her forehead. “Hey, how are you?” he asked void of judgement. Rayanne felt terrible. Not just from the hang-over but from how sweet he was being to her.

“I’m so sorry, Brian,” was all she could manage. “You must hate me.” She self-consciously covered her mouth as she spoke. No one wants to have morning/vomit breath on them.

“Why should I hate you?” he asked. “Getting sober is hard. So you slipped up. I’m sure you had a reason.” He smiled sadly at her and her heart broke a little. It was then that she remembered why she had slipped. Images of large hands and unwanted physical advances. She started to cry in earnest. Brian helped her to sit up and he held her. 

“You should have called me,” he told her, “or Charlie. We were worried.” Rayanne nodded a little but continued to sob. “I have to warn you that my parents are a little pissed. But they’re glad you got yourself somewhere safe.”

Rayanne stopped crying for a moment and regarded her boyfriend. “Oh, no,” she said, “last night was Angela’s party. Shit, I missed it.” 

“So, then you didn’t get drunk because you were worried about the party?” he asked.

“No, of course not,” she stated. “But I don’t want to talk about it, okay.”

Brian didn’t think it was okay, but what choice did he have. He handed Rayanne the glass of water and she drank a good amount. When they were both satisfied that it was staying down Brian went to remove the bucket.

“Brian, please don’t,” she begged him. “Let me clean that up. I couldn’t deal with you doing that for me.” She took the bucket into the laundry room and dumped it in the utility sink and proceeded to fill it with detergent and water. 

When she returned to the couch she lay back down. Brian wanted to stay there with her, but he needed to get to the library. He had a research project to work on and the library closed early on Sundays. He kissed Rayanne’s forehead and told her where he was going. He’d have his mother to check on her later.

*****

Delia Fisher was surprised by how crowded the Three Rivers library was for a Sunday. She supposed everyone was scrambling to get term papers done on time. May was coming fast and that meant finals were around the corner. Delia felt like she was still treading water trying to catch up this term since she started late at Liberty last term.

There were no open tables left, but there were a couple of vacant chairs in the far corner. It wasn’t until she got closer that she recognized the back of Brian’s head. Since they had managed to get along the night before she took a chance. “Mind if I sit here?” She asked coyly.

Brian looked up from his reading and was mildly surprised to see the curly-haired brunette. “Be my guest,” he gestured at the seat next to him. Delia sat and organized her books. The American revolution was extensive and dull to her, but she got to work anyways. 

The two worked quietly for a time until Delia’s pen went dry. “Gosh darn it,” she cursed under her breath. She dug around in her bag for moment unable to find a replacement. “Hey Brian, do you have a pen I can borrow?” she asked in hushed tones. “I could have sworn I brought another, but I can’t find it.” 

Brian complied and handed her a pen, he had several. He smiled briefly to himself with minor déjà vu. He was reminded of the time the girl in study session had asked him for an eraser and Jordan Catalano implied that the same girl would sleep with him and then proceeded to get her number. He doubted that Delia Fisher would ever even consider sleeping with him, not that such a thing mattered since he was with Rayanne.

“So is everything ok with your girlfriend?” Delia asked seemingly out of no where. 

“She’s fine, thanks,” he deflected. 

“Where was she last night?” she asked quietly. “Did she like, even tell you?”

Brian stopped working again and looked at Delia who was reminding him of Sharon more and more. “No she didn’t tell me, but I’m not her keeper.”

“But she showed up at your house,” said Delia, “which, to me, implies that she maybe owes you an explanation.”

“Well that’s between me and Rayanne, don’t you think?” Brian replied curtly. Delia stopped asking questions after that.

As it drew closer to five o’clock the pair gathered their things. Delia went over to the copy machine to get copies of the few pages she still needed for her report. Brian followed her politely and asked if she needed a ride home.

“That would be great,” said Delia accepting the offer. “You seem to drive everywhere now.”

“I was going to ride my bike, but I wanted to get here faster,” he said. “I have to be careful, though, gas is getting expensive.”

“Oh, well there’s no need to drive me home then,” Delia said feeling like she was putting him out. “I can call my dad to come get me. I mean, that was my plan.” 

“No, no, don’t worry about it,” he said realizing the implication of his earlier statement. He laughed and added, “I don’t mind, really. I said I could drive you home and I will.”

“Hmm,” Delia involuntarily hummed as they went out to Brian’s car. 

Once inside Brian turned to her and asked, “What was with that ‘hmm’?”

Delia stared at him a moment and shrugged. “Nothing, it’s nothing,” she said dismissively. “I just thought it was kind of funny how you implied that you made a commitment and you intended to keep it.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Are you kidding me right now?” he scoffed and pulled out of the parking lot.

“Hey, I’m just saying that in the short time I’ve known you, you haven’t been super reliable,” she observed. “There was our disaster; you flaked on Sharon for that helpline thing at Christmas; and then you backed out of the Valentine’s dance photo ops.”

“What can I say,” he said defensively, “life happens and sometimes a person can’t muster the enthusiasm to participate anymore.” 

“Oh please!” she exclaimed, “that’s just an excuse. What are you going to do in the real world when someone you answer to demands a task from you? Will you just flake again and tell them you just weren’t feeling it?”

“You know I am in the ‘excellerated program’,” he practically yelled back at her. “I have a lot on my plate. I don’t have to tell you, Delia, about the shit I was going through and why I changed my mind.”

“Come on, Brian,” she said louder than necessary, “I am in the same program and you don’t see me being a spaz and acting like a jerk!” It was on now. “God, what are you even doing with a slut like Rayanne Graff anyways? I mean, how do you find the time for all the horn dog sex you must be having if you’re so stressed out about your performance at school?”

Brian stopped the car. They had arrived on Delia’s street, but not quite at her house. He had both hands on the wheel and he was fuming. He knew that Delia had been sitting on her resentment for weeks, but somehow it now seemed uncalled for.

“What is your problem?” he demanded keeping his gaze on the road in front of him. “Look, I know I was unkind to you, personally, but I apologized for being a stupid, insensitive boy, like, a hundred times.”

“Maybe that wasn’t enough,” Delia said in a normal volume. “Maybe you make me mad because I feel like you should have realized you wanted to be with me, and then you’d suffer for it because I wouldn’t let you have me. But clearly you’re over the whole thing. You’re over me. You’re over Angela and you’re making a fool of yourself with Rayanne. Do you know what people are saying about you? They think you’re this delinquent sex fiend; like some kind of nympho. And how can I argue? Rayanne sleeps with a guy for a week at most. Why else would she still be hanging all over you? It’s embarrassing—“

“You are the worst,” he shouted, cutting her off. He was now staring her in the face. “You don’t know anything about me. You didn’t know anything about me when I asked you out either. Did you know that Cherski probably set you up with me out of guilt. She didn’t care if we got along. She peer pressured me into asking you out before I was ready all in the name of some stupid dance. And I let her.”

They sat in silence a moment longer and then Brian drove her the few yards to her house and parked. Delia could not believe the argument they just had. She was always the one to stay quiet and polite. Sure she could be passive-aggressive because of this, but at least there was no yelling. 

Delia felt hot and angry and a little turned on. She wanted to hit him and kiss him all at once. Instead, she got out of the car and thanked him for the ride like nothing had happened; like they hadn’t just been screaming at each other a few moments ago. She watched as he pulled away and then went inside to finish her homework.

*****

“Why am I always yelling with girls,” Brian wondered to himself as he came in his front door. His reverie was cut short by the sight of his mother seated at the kitchen table. She invited him to join her and looked fairly serious. Brian was instantly concerned over what Rayanne had been up to while he was out.

Bernice was an elegant woman whose wavy blond hair had been pulled up into a bun. She had her casual weekend attire on, which was a much softer look than her usual pant suits. None the less, she still looked quite intimidating to her son.

“Brian, we need to discuss something about Rayanne,” she began in a gentler tone than Brian had anticipated. “Before she left we had a little chat. Now, she is not technically my patient, but I feel it’s still important to keep most of what she said confidential.”

Brian was dumb struck. ‘Patient’ and ‘confidential’? These were two very off-putting words. “What is going on exactly?” he dared to ask.

“Firstly, Rayanne is staying at her friend Charlotte’s for awhile. We all agreed that would be best while things get sorted.” Great now his mom was talking to Charlotte. “Second,” his mother continued, “I’m not sure that the two of you should continue to be romantically involved right now.”

“Mom, just tell me,” he pleaded. He really needed some details.

“Alright,” Bernice said looking a little unsure, as though trying to find the right words. “I went to check on Rayanne a little while after you left, just as I said I would. She was crying, but she tried to tell she was fine. After a little coaxing I got her to open up a little. It would appear that she experienced an assault yesterday at her apartment. Her mother was at work, but her mother’s boyfriend was there. She did not go into detail, but it was not a good situation.”

“I don’t understand,” said Brian trying to grasp what his mother just told him. “There wasn’t a mark on her. Did he hit her?”

Bernice sighed. “No, sweetheart, not really. The assault was more sexual in nature.”

Brian’s eyes went wide and his brows disappeared under his fringe. “What—what are you talking about?” he stammered. “She didn’t say anything to me.”

“Nor, would she,” said his mother. “She was still trying to come to terms with what had happened, herself. She said that was why she drank. She was very clear that she had not been drinking before or during what happened.”

Brian’s mind was reeling. “Is she going to be okay?” he demanded.

“In time and with help,” Bernice said taking his hand in hers. “Charlotte has experience with this sort of thing and is good friends with a social worker. She’s going to put them in contact. I did try to get her to go to the hospital and report what had happened, but she wouldn’t go. She probably won’t go to the police either.”

“What about her mother. Has anyone spoken to her?” he asked calmly.

“Sadly, this is not the first time something like this has happened,” she said slowly. “Rayanne’s mother always blames her for being a terrible flirt and attention seeker; that is if she believes her at all.” She paused a moment and then added, “Brian I know this is upsetting, but I need you to understand the importance of keeping this private. You can’t tell your friends or anyone at school right now.”

He nodded numbly. He had no idea; none at all that this could happen and had happened before. He felt sick to his stomach. The beautiful girl he cared for deeply who was always so full of love and fun was really in so much pain. He started to cry, no longer able to hold in his grief for his girlfriend. His mother squeezed his hand that she was still holding and then uncharacteristically came over beside him and hugged him. 

*****

It was two days before Rayanne returned to school. On Monday everyone was asking where she was and Brian lied and said she was out sick—well maybe it was a half lie. When she returned on Wednesday she was mostly herself, but very subdued. She kept her distance from friends and Brian as well. This of course started a buzz that they had broken up, which was not untrue.

Angela had barely noticed anything was amiss. She was still floating in her own happy world occupied by her and Jordan alone. She was in the girls’ bathroom trying to see if she looked as different on the outside as she felt on the inside when she over-heard Sharon and Delia gossiping.

“You don’t think they broke up because of what I said to him, do you?” came Delia’s voice.

“No,” said Sharon, trying to reassure her friend. “There’s no way he would do that. I mean, not unless he does, like, have feelings for you.”

“Well maybe negative ones,” said Delia, “we were really yelling at each other.”

“Yeah, but he and Angela used to yell at each other, like, all the time,” observed Sharon. “And it turned out he was in love with her.”

“Oh please,” scoffed Angela. Both girls turned to look at her, not realizing until that moment that she’d been standing there listening to them all this time. “Brian is completely wrapped up in Rayanne right now.”

“Then why are they basically not speaking to each other?” Sharon pointed out. “Maybe she cheated on him.”

“Let them sort it out,” said Angela, “besides I thought you hated Brian, Delia?”

Now that was a loaded question. She did hate him. She hated how he didn’t even care about her; how he had moved on already; how sexy he was that time she saw him and Rayanne French kissing under the bleachers last week. “What’s your point?” she asked the red-head.

“Never mind, I can honestly say that I don’t care,” replied Angela as she played with heart charm on her necklace. 

Rickie entered the bathroom and joined the three girls, “Did you hear about what happened?” he asked them. All three just shook their heads. “Brian didn’t say anything?”

“No, Rickie,” said Angela, “Brian’s been unusually mute this week.”

“I guess you’re right,” observed Rickie, “he didn’t say anything about it to me either. I guess that makes sense now that I think about it.”

“About what?” asked Sharon. “Spill already.”

“Rayanne just told me that they aren’t together anymore,” he told them. 

Delia felt her breath catch. “So, they did break up,” she said more to herself than to her friends.

“Yeah, she, like, said she couldn’t deal with him treating her like a charity case,” continued Rickie. “Like, he was going organize a schedule and get her to AA meetings and basically babysit her. So she walked away from the whole relationship.”

“I can see that,” said Sharon. “Krakow can be such a martyr sometimes. And totally bossy.”

Angela stifled a laugh; Sharon calling Brian bossy was like calling the kettle black. “That sucks,” she said, but secretly was relieved. She may not have wanted to be with him, but wasn’t sure Rayanne was a good match. “But maybe it’s for the best,” she continued, “Things could have been so much worse. Brian must be crushed if she dumped him.”

“Poor Brian,” sighed Delia. The other three just turned and stared at her. “I mean, whatever, he should have know better,” she said back-peddling. “But maybe someone should, like, go see if he’s okay?”

Angela and Rickie looked at each other as if doing a mental rock-paper-scissors. Finally Angela decided for them both. “I’ll do it,” she sighed.

******

Angela found Brian at lunch hour under a tree at side of the school. He had learned early on to avoid the cafeteria if he actually wanted to eat something at lunch. He was eating an apple and reading a very thick book. Angela cringed a little internally. Maybe she should have left this to Rickie after all.

“Hey,” she greeted him.

“Hi, I mean hey,” Brian greeted in turn.

“So Rickie says Rayanne dumped you,” Angela began, “that sucks. I mean, maybe you’re better off. Are you doing okay?” There she said it and now the ball was in his court. If he wanted to open up he could. If he shut her down that was fine by her.

“Yeah, it was sort of mutual,” he corrected her putting his book into his pack. “I’m fine. It’s fine.”

“Okay, fine,” she said pushing a lock of red hair behind her ear.

Brian smiled falsely up at his friend and remained quiet for a moment. When Angela didn’t move to leave he asked, “Was there something else?”

Angela wasn’t sure why, but she sat down next to him. She wanted to tell someone about Saturday night and for some unknown reason Brian seemed like the best person. “You probably don’t want to hear this, but Jordan and I made love after everyone left on Saturday,” she said, her words were fast and hushed. Brian’s face went pale and then red.

“Why are you telling me?” he wanted to know. He would have thought he’d be the last person she would tell.

“I don’t know...I guess maybe because if I tell Sharon she’ll tell the whole school,” Angela rationalized. “And you might be my only other experienced friend. I realize that you literally just broke up with Rayanne, but there is no way the two of you didn’t, you know...” she trailed off not able to say the words.

“Have sex?” Brian said filling in Angela’s unfinished sentence. “Well, we didn’t. You don’t have to believe me. But we didn’t. We did other things, but not that.”

“Huh, really?” She said in disbelief. “That seems super unlikely.” She wasn’t too keen to ask him what ‘other things’ they’d done.

“Whatever, it’s the truth,” he said. Brian reflected on how Angela’s declaration would have destroyed him a few weeks ago. Now, after everything with Rayanne he truly felt like he was over her. He knew he would probably regret his next question, but he asked it anyhow. “Was it, like, nice? Being with Catalano?” 

“So nice,” Angela hummed with a smile. “Things are going really well. He gave me this necklace,” she said showing Brian the locket. 

“Yeah, I saw it already,” he said examining it. “Jordan was nervous about it and he showed me before your party.”

Angela’s smile widened. “He did? He was nervous?” She giggle then like the love-sick school girl she was and hit Brian in the chest playfully. “You’re not just saying that? Come on, Jordan is never nervous.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Come on Chase,” he began, “the guy is only human and you can be hard to please sometimes.” He could tell that Angela was about to argue with him, but for some reason she held her tongue. “Look as long as you’re happy then I’m happy for you.”

“Are you sure it’s really over between you and Rayanne?” Angela asked with a pang of guilt. “I could talk to her.”

“No,” he said. “I mean, yes it’s over and no, don’t talk to her,” the boy clarified. He looked down at the grass. “I really liked her. Things weren’t perfect, but she was easy to talk to. She made me feel attractive. I know that sounds shallow, but I’ve never felt like that before; wanted like that.”

Angela nodded as she listened to Brian’s words. It didn’t sound shallow to her. That was how Jordan made her feel. Brian looked so sad and small then. She knew that she should stay out of it, but something nagged at her to at least try to help salvage the relationship.

*****

Friday was a half-day of school. The afternoon was reserved for a school assembly and spirit building nonsense. This meant that the majority of students left at lunch and skipped out on the afternoon all together.

Rayanne was digging in her boho bag by Rickie’s locker. She triumphantly pulled out a candy necklace and offered it to Rickie. When he declined to partake she began nibbling away at it.

“I swear,” observed Rickie, “candy is like crack to you.”

“Funny, Brian said the exact same thing to me once,” she replied. Her mood sank a little as she said her ex-boyfriend’s name. 

“So, that’s still over, is it?” asked Rickie not wanting to cause a fuss but he was still mildly curious.

“Yup. I think it’s your turn,” proposed Rayanne. “You get to have the boy drama next time.” She smiled mischievously as she bit off more candy.

“Very funny,” said Rickie. “As if that’s even in the realm of possibility.”

“Still a no-go with Helfrick?” she asked only half teasing. 

“Rayanne, Corey liked you, remember,” he reminded her. “He may be artsy and stylish, but he is also completely straight.”

“Bummer,” she commiserated. They both laughed a little as Angela walked by with Jordan. The two love birds stopped and proceeded to kiss obscenely in front of her friends. Rayanne immediately looked away and Rickie grumbled. This scene was getting old.

Angela heard Rickie’s complaint and said goodbye to Jordan. He gave her one last kiss and moved off with his own friends.

“Ditching this aft?” she asked them as she took a spot by Rickie’s locker.

“But of course,” replied Rayanne. Rickie nodded his response.

“You wanna come over to mine?” Angela offered. “My parents will be at work and Danielle has a full day of school.” Rickie was in, but Rayanne wasn’t sure. “I’m sure Brian will stay for the assembly since he never cuts school,” Angela added trying to persuade her.

“Whatever, he can do what he wants,” said Rayanne.

As they made their way down the hall the group passed by Sharon’s boyfriend, Kyle, and one of his jock buddies, Phil Connor. The two boys were on either side of Delia and it looked like they were chatting her up. Rickie was concerned, but Rayanne laughed him off. She’d had a brief fling with Phil (she’d thought his name was Bill) earlier that year and said he was harmless.

“Yeah, but you go all the way,” pointed out Rickie. “Delia’s a wallflower.”

“Well no one said you couldn’t jump in and rescue her,” commented Rayanne.

Angela looked back to re-examine the situation. Delia was now walking away from both Kyle and Phil. She sped up to join Rickie and the two girls. “Hey,” she said her face flushed. “That was super weird.”

“What did they want?” asked Rickie. “Is everything ok?”

“Oh yeah, sure. Kyle’s friend Phil wanted to know if I could tutor him for finals,” she told them. “I told him I don’t really do that, but I could ask around for him. And then he was asking if maybe we could just get together and hangout sometime.”

“Go Delia,” Rayanne teased.

“I don’t know. He’s a little older and very, very-“ Delia said as she searched for the right words.

“Hot, sexy, muscular?” Rayanne listed some options for her.

“Rayanne,” groaned Angela, “leave her a lone.”

“I guess he’s those things,” Delia said blushing deeper. “I just don’t know if we’d be a good fit.”

Rickie put his arm around her. “Right, you like the nerdier, sensitive variety of guy,” he offered.

“Well, Brian’s free as a bird if you want him,” Rayanne said off-handed. “What? Too soon? Was that weird?” she asked as the other three gaped at her.

“That was super weird,” admitted Angela. “You really don’t want to work things out at all?” 

“What’s there to work out?” Rayanne asked with a shrug. “We’re just too different. We tried, we failed. Life goes on.”

Angela wasn’t buying what her friend was selling. “You would be ok if Delia started dating Brian within a week of you two breaking up?” she said not even trying to hide her disgust. 

“Like I said, he’s free to do whatever he wants.” Rayanne re-iterated. “I will warn you,” she said leaning into Delia’s personal space and lowering her voice, “he’s very gifted if you know what I mean.” Then she gave the girl an exaggerated wink.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Delia said moving back a little. 

“I’ll let you figure it out on your own. After all, what’s romance without a little mystery,” she shot back and did a little twirl. Rayanne was definitely back to her old self.

“Look, I never said I wanted to date Brian Krakow,” Delia said defensively. 

“Well you want something from him, that much is obvious,” Rayanne said with a wicked smile.

“Rayanne, quit it,” Rickie chided, “You’re just being ridiculous now.” 

Rayanne pouted dramatically at his scolding. As she turned abruptly away she smashed into none other than Brian. They caught themselves and straightened up. Brian apologized quickly and went on his way. Angela could see the hurt on both their faces. Delia looked to the floor, afraid to make eye contact.

“Is this how it’s gonna be now?” Rickie wanted to know. “Avoidance and silences? Yeah, I think I’m gonna wait to fall in love until college.”

“Love? No one’s in love,” scoffed Rayanne. 

“You keep telling yourself that, sweetie,” Rickie said mocking her. 

*****

Rayanne took off early from the Chase house. Everyone thought she’d gone home, or out to track down some fun for her Friday night. So Delia was quite surprised to catch her sitting on Brian’s front stoop when she left Angela’s house an hour later. Brian was with her, he stood with his bike; like she had caught him before he left for a ride.

Delia didn’t want to disturb their conversation. It looked pretty serious. After a moment a car pulled up to the curb in front of Brian’s house. Rayanne stood—looked almost like she might hug him but didn’t — and then she got into the car. Brian watched as the car pulled away and his eyes met Delia’s. She tried to look away again, but he called her over. Not wanting to be rude, the curly haired girl walked over to him.

“Hi Brian,” she began, “I wasn’t eves dropping, I swear. I was too far away anyways.”

He chuckled a little at her discomfort. “I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you think.”

It was, so she was relieved to hear he wasn’t. “You going for a ride?” she asked, gesturing to his bike. “It’s a nice day for it.”

Brian shook his head. “Is this how you want things to be between us, Fisher?” he asked. When she looked at him with confusion he continued, “Are we going back to how things were before you unloaded on me?”

“Oh that,” she thought. “Maybe,” she said to him, “It’s easier.”

“Fine,” he said with resignation, “whatever makes you happy.”

“What would make you happy?” she found herself saying.

“I’m not really sure anymore,” he said like he really meant it. He sighed and moved away from his bike, letting it lean on the outer wall of his house. He slumped down on the stoop where Rayanne had been a few minutes before. He looked tired and sad. Delia mused to herself that this is exactly what she had wanted. She had told him as much when they were yelling at each other. She had wanted him to be alone, and rejected. Only the thing was, now that he was all those things that she’d wanted, she didn’t really want them anymore.

Delia sat down beside him, but not too closely. “Did she want to get back together?” she dared to ask.

“No, it’s complicated,” he said, guarded. “It’s not really a question of how we feel about each other. There are other things going on with her right now.” He was playing with his hands as he spoke, like maybe they held the answers he needed.

“Then, you still care about her?” Delia whispered, like it was a secret she shouldn’t know.

“I guess, I don’t know,” he replied. 

“It’s funny, you know. I thought about what you said about how you were pressured into asking me out before you were ready,” she said trying to be conversational. “I started to wonder what things might have been like if we could have gotten to know each other better first.”

He looked at her then. He’d often wondered the same thing. “You probably still would have found me insufferable,” he joked.

Delia smiled. “Maybe, I mean, you are a lot to deal with,” she quipped back.

Brian laughed and she took his hand in hers. It was probably the most physical contact the two had ever shared. “I thought maybe, sometime when you’re ready, or whatever, you might consider trying again— with me, I mean.” 

Brian was shocked. He’d never expected her to say something like that to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t still find her attractive; because he did. But he was also just happy they were becoming friends. He honestly didn’t know what to say to her. As his silence stretched on, Delia began to feel his rejection was implied. 

“Oh God,” she said releasing his hand and standing. “You have absolutely no interest. I feel so stupid right now.” She turned and quickly started down the driveway. Brian jumped up and followed her.

“Delia, wait!” He called after her, catching her arm. “I was just caught off guard. I was surprised,” he said trying to calm her. “And Rayanne and I, well like I said, it’s a mess.”

“You don’t have to try to appease me, Brian,” she shot off defensively. “I can take it.”

“Can you?” he mocked her, “One moment you’re sweet and understanding and the next it’s like you would be happy to watch me die in the street.”

“Screw you! I don’t need your pity or your condescending tone! There are other guys I could date!” she yelled at him.

“Then maybe you should,” he offered. He was sure this girl was nuts. “Good-bye, Delia.” With that he turned to go inside, abandoning his bike where he’d left it. But Delia wasn’t done with him yet. He’d left her all hot and bothered again and without thinking, despite his attempt to get rid of her, she followed him into his house.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” he exclaimed when he discovered she’d entered his home uninvited. “Go home Fisher!”

“You are impossible! I just wanted to tell you that,” she said poking her index finger into his chest. “You have no idea!”

“Thanks for enlightening me,” he said dripping with sarcasm. “Are you done?”

“I’m so mad at you right now,” she said with a growl, bawling her hands into fists. “I could just....I could just....” Brian backed away thinking the girl was seriously going to hit him. The backs of his legs hit the arm of the living room sofa and he flipped over it, ending up flat on his back on the seat cushions. It all happened in an instant. Delia was on him then, but she wasn’t hitting him; she was kissing him. 

She had fists full of his hair and coaxed his mouth open with her tongue, which was easy due to the shock he was in. She was straddling him and he was lost in the moment. His hands moved down the girl’s back and firmly took hold of her hips as he pushed his groin up into her inner thigh. Rationally, he knew he should push her away, but the sensation was too thrilling.

She was a girl possessed and she reached down to cup his erection now painfully pressing against the fabric of his khakis. She let her palm press into him as she moved her hand along his considerable length. He moaned deeply and came hard. He hadn’t even realized how close he’d been. Delia felt the dampness spread under her hand and she snapped back to reality. What the hell had she just done?

Delia moved back on her heels as she panted for air. She looked down at Brian as he lay, mouth gaping, under her. He was clearly as stunned as she was. “I’ve never...I didn’t mean...how could I...” she stuttered in disbelief.

“Fisher, you fight dirty,” Brian managed to say between breaths. Yeah, he had definitely spent too much time with Rayanne. He couldn’t believe what she’d just done to him either. 

Delia jumped off and away from him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me,” she confessed, unsure what else to say. Her face was as flushed as his. “How can I be be so angry with you and then do that?”

Brian was as confused as she was and possibly more embarrassed. Somehow he got up off the sofa and moved to bring Delia to sit with him. He was suddenly reminded of Rayanne and what had happened to her. It was his turn to take Delia by the hand. She finally looked him in the eye. 

“Are you okay?” he asked calmly. She nodded. “Are you sure?” he asked a little more insistently. She nodded again and touched his cheek tenderly. He was half expecting her to slap him. 

“Are you okay?” she asked in kind. He nodded also and then uttered something about needing to change his pants. She laughed a little and kissed him softly this time. He pulled back. Now in his right mind, he felt guilty about the whole thing.

“I’m not trying to reject you,” he struggled to say the right words. “I just need a little time.” Delia nodded again and he squeezed her hand. After they both straightened up and Brian changed his pants, he drove Delia home. It was the least he could do.

******

“There’s someone at the door!” called Danielle to the rest of the Chase household. 

“Then answer it, please Danielle,” Patty Chase grumbled. “For Pete’s sake, sometimes that girl is so ridiculous.”

Rickie giggled at Patty’s remark and Angela just rolled her eyes. Rickie remained at the house when Rayanne and Delia left. Angela asked him to stay for dinner and he accepted. He might as well let Mr. Katimski and his partner have a night off. There were seated at the dining room table snacking when Danielle made her announcement. 

Danielle opened the door wide and barely even looked at their visitor. “It’s just Brian,” she drawled nonplused and headed into the kitchen to find her mother. Brian ignored her and practically ran over to Angela and Rickie. He had started to feel even more guilty on his drive back from Delia’s place and he had to confide in someone.

“So I need to talk you,” he blurted as he took a seat beside them.

“Um, hi Brian,” Angela said with some snark.

“Fine, ‘hi’. I need to talk to you,” he said to please her.

“Should I, like, leave?” asked Rickie feeling suddenly like a third wheel. 

“No, I meant both of you,” Brian clarified. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay, what is it?” Angela inquired slowly.

Brian leaned in and lowered his voice not wanting the other Chase family members to hear him. “Delia Fisher kissed me.”

“Where?” Rickie asked trying not to laugh.

“In my house,” Brian retorted. “On my couch.”

“I think he means where on your person,” offered Angela.

“Oh,” Brian furrowed his brow, “on the lips, like a lot.”

“Actually, I meant ‘where’ like a place,” added Rickie. Angela and Rickie exchanged looks and then looked back at Brian. “How much is a lot?” Rickie asked.

“Trust me it was intense,” sighed Brian. “Of course I kissed her back. But now I feel really guilty.”

“Should you?” asked Angela tucking her hair behind her ear. “I mean, I feel like Rayanne made it pretty clear that the two of you were over. She practically gave Delia her blessing.”

“Wait, what?” Brian was very confused. “When did she do that?”

“Hmmm, this afternoon,” replied Rickie. “It was kind of weird. Delia was getting hit on by this guy and Rayanne said something about how she could have you.”

“Excuse me?” he asked even more confused. “What guy? You know what, it doesn’t actually matter.” He paused and then added, “You don’t think she planned to come to my house and kiss me do you?”

Angela and Rickie exchanged looks again. “No, she seemed pretty uninterested in having anything to do with you at the time,” remembered Angela. “Rayanne was just being Rayanne. Making something out of nothing. Like you are right now.”

“Unless there’s more?” pried Rickie. “‘Cause your face is saying there’s more.”

Brian came in even closer, looked at the kitchen door and then all but whispered his response. “We ended up on my sofa and we...you know.”

Angela covered her mouth, “You had sex with her!” Brian and Rickie both shushed her.

“No, I did not, in fact, have sex with her....exactly,” admitted Brian.

“What does that even mean, Brian?” Angela wanted to know, or maybe she didn’t.

“We kept our clothes on,” he said ducking his head and turning bright red.

“Ew,” Angela exclaimed in hushed tones. “You ran over here to tell us about you and Delia dry-humping in your living room!? What is wrong with you?” She proceeded to hit him in he arm, hard. Brian mouthed an ‘ow’.

“It sounds kinda hot,” Rickie mused. “Sorry did I say that out loud?” It was Rickie’s turn to blush. “So what is the problem, exactly?” he said trying to move things along and deflect from his comment.

“My problem is that I still care about Rayanne,” Brian said at normal volume. “Should I tell her?”

“Oh my God, no!” Angela said louder than she meant. “What good would that do?” She continued, lowering her voice again. “You aren’t together. You aren’t cheating. You just have to choose. Rayanne or Delia.”

It sounded straight forward enough. But somehow knowing what he needed to do and doing it were two very different things. “I still think I should talk to Rayanne,” he said wincing. It was not going to be an easy conversation.

“Hey, Brian,” Rickie began, “do you know why she’s staying at that Charlie person’s place right now? I called her house on Tuesday to see if she was feeling better and her mom said she was staying at Charlie’s.”

“Who is Charlie?” Angela asked staring at Rickie.

“Charlie is her friend from AA,” Brian replied. “It’s Charlotte, actually. She just isn’t getting on well with Amber right now. That’s all.”

“Rayanne’s going to AA?” Angela asked, clearly she had no idea. Rickie made a face like this the first he was hearing about it. “Then what happened last Saturday?”

“It’s not really my place to say,” Brian said shutting her down. “You’ll have to ask her.”

“Bri, did she, you know, cheat on you?” Rickie asked him with concern.

“It wasn’t anything like that,” he sighed. “Maybe I shouldn’t talk to her about this.” Brian stood up and walked to the front door. “Thanks for listening.”

Angela followed him. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she said wanting to be sure he wasn’t just going to come right back again. He nodded, but still looked like he needed reassurance. “Delia’s nice enough, but she’s no Rayanne. In my humble opinion,” she concluded.

“Thanks Chase,” said Brian as he turned to leave. “I knew I could talk to you about this after you confided in me about Jordan and all.” He waved to Rickie and was gone.

“What did you tell him about Jordan?” Rickie was all ears.

Angela blushed and felt a flutter in her stomach. “Nothing, we just, you know, had sex after my party,” she said very casually like she’d just told him they’d gone for walk and not that she’d lost her virginity.

Rickie hugged her and exclaimed, “Why didn’t you tell me!?”

Before Angela could defend herself Patty called them to let them know dinner was ready. The details would have to wait.

*****

Saturday night it poured. Brian lay in bed listening to the sounds of the rain beat down on the roof. He found it soothing. He’d had trouble sleeping that week with all the unanswered concerns with Rayanne, and now Delia. Never in his short life would he have believed it possible to have to choose between two girls. Not that he was sure that Rayanne was still an option, but he wasn’t ready to write her off just yet.

He was drifting off to sleep he when he heard a tapping sound. He thought maybe some debris off the tree in the front yard had come loose with the rain. Then the tapping became more rhythmic. He turned over to see Rayanne at his window. 

Brian immediately jumped out of bed and opened the window. “Are you crazy? You could slip and brake your neck in this rain!” he scolded her as he helped in and down into his room. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her since he didn’t have a towel on hand. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you,” she mumbled into the blanket. “And I’m not drunk, if that’s what you’re thinking.” 

Brian couldn’t help but have that thought. It was almost midnight and his parents would have a fit if they found out that she just climbed up the side of their house in this downpour. “I missed you too, but you could have used the front door,” he said stating the obvious.

“But it was late and I knew everyone was in bed,” she said like it made complete logical sense. She threw off the blanket and started to undress. She didn’t wait for him to react, but helped herself to one of his t-shirts. Brian felt some relief that she was there and safe. He got back into bed and invited her in. He wasn’t sure she would accept, but she did. It was just like the first night she’d spent with him; only this time she cuddled right up to him.

Brian couldn’t help but smile. He’d missed this physical contact with her. He’d been so afraid to say the wrong thing that they’d barely said anything to each other all week. “Does Charlotte know you’re here?” he asked hoping the answer was yes. He didn’t want the police out looking for her.

“Yes, Bri, I told her I was coming over. It was a little spur of the moment, but I did tell her.” Was her terse response. Then she giggled. “Rickie told me about your little adventure with Delia. On your parents’ sofa no less.”

Brian was stunned for a moment. He didn’t know if he should be furious at Rickie for blabbing to her or relieved he now didn’t need to tell her himself. “And...?” he asked waiting for to voice her thoughts on the subject.

“I thought I would be okay with it,” she confessed, holding him tighter, “you with someone else, but I’m not. Like, at all.” Brian felt a new wave of guilt hit him and he returned her embrace.

“I wanted to tell you, but I really didn’t know how,” he said as he kissed the top of her head. “I feel bad. I feel like I cheated on you.”

“But we agreed that we would take time apart,” she reassured him. “I don’t know what’s going on with me right now. Everything is up in the air. Not just where I’m living, but how I’m feeling moment to moment.” She looked up at him in the dark. “I can honestly say that a few days ago I didn’t want anyone touching me again. Not even you. But today, I just really needed to be with you.”

“I can wait for you, you know,” he offered as he had several times before. “It’s not an unreasonable thing to ask.”

Rayanne nuzzled her face into his chest. “I know,” she whispered, “but it feels unreasonable.” Then after a beat she added, “Plus Delia might burn your house down if you reject her completely.”

Brian knew she was joking, but there was a degree of truth to her statement. Delia would be very hurt. But he didn’t care in that moment holding Rayanne, hearing her voice again. “I love you,” he said knowing she may not say it back.

“Me too,” she replied. It wasn’t exactly perfect, but things with Rayanne never were. The sentiment was enough for him. And they fell asleep, holding each other, like some old married couple in his cramped little bed.

****


	3. Mothers and Boyfriends

Episode Three: Mothers and Boyfriends

It was pink with not one, but two lines showing. The four girls just stared at the stick. Rayanne picked it up and shook it, like it was an etch-a-sketch. As though shaking it would cause the result to change. Delia sat on the floor suddenly as though her legs could no longer support her. Angela covered her mouth dramatically and stared at Sharon, who burst into tears.

“I can’t be pregnant!” Sharon cried, “I just can’t!” She threw herself on her bed. Angela sat next to her at a loss on how to comfort her friend. “I was so sure it was the flu,” she said hiding her go face in her pillow. They were all gathered in her room on Sunday afternoon. Sharon had called them in a panic.

“I guess it must be Kyle’s,” Delia said pointing out the obvious. 

“You think?” Rayanne retorted. “Geez, Sharon, condolences.”

Angela rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Rayanne. That’s not helpful,” she said while internally trying to calm her own panic from rising. If Sharon could make a mistake and get pregnant, so could she; and she wasn’t on the pill yet. That would be a fun conversation to have with her mother later.

“Oh come on,” Rayanne said defensively, “this sucks. We’re all thinking it.”

“Sure, fine, maybe we are,” Angela admitted. “But you have options.”

“I don’t know what I would do if it were me,” Delia said, mostly to herself. “My parents would kill me.” 

“Then it’s a good thing Brian is off limits to you again,” Rayanne said with a snort of derision. “Sounds like you were pretty close making babies yourselves.”

Sharon lifted her head from the pillow. “What are you talking about?” she wanted to know.

“You know?” Angela asked in disbelief. “Who told you?”

“Rickie did,” Rayanne replied. “But I confronted Brian. He didn’t deny it, so we’re all good.”

“Oh my God,” cried Delia, her facing blotching red, “I don’t believe this. Does everyone know?”

“If it helps, I didn’t know,” offered Sharon. “But can we please, like, focus back on me?”

“Of course,” Delia lifted herself from the floor and moved to the bed. “But wait, you and Brian are back together?” Delia asked Rayanne distractedly.

Rayanne smiled and then chuckled. “Oops, I guess that was kind of insensitive of me.”

“Oh please no one cares!” shouted Sharon. “I currently have another human being growing inside me like a parasite!”

Rayanne looked from Delia to Sharon and then said, “Ew, you make it sound so disgusting. Don’t be such a drama queen. There are options you know.” Angela held her tongue that Rayanne was just repeating her.

Sharon rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling. “Options, sure, but anyway you look at it my life is over.”

“So did Brian say-“ Delia began to ask Rayanne.

“Stop talking about Krakow!” demanded Sharon. “I’m already nauseous. If either of you mentions Krakow and anything remotely sexual again in the same sentence I will vomit.”

Rayanne mouthed ‘drama queen’ to Angela. The red-haired girl hit her arm to get her to lay off their friend. She was clearly upset and had a right to be. Plus she too was tired of hearing about it.

“What are you going to do?” Angela asked with concern.

“You can’t have it,” came Delia’s opinion. 

“Hey, Angela’s mom is adopted be more sensitive,” scoffed Rayanne.

“She’s barely sixteen,” Delia added defending her comment. “Do you know how much school she’d have to miss. Not to mention the social implications.”

“Didn’t you use protection?” Angela asked ignoring Delia.

Sharon closed her eyes for a moment. “It was probably after that stupid Valentine’s dance,” she lamented. “Kyle looked so cute in his suit and we were desperately trying to convince ourselves not to end things again. We got a little carried away, so I can’t actually remember if we used a condom.”

“But you must be on the pill?” said Rayanne. “I mean, who has sex as much as you do and isn’t on the pill?”

“Well clearly it failed,” Sharon began, “or maybe I forgot to take it? I don’t know.”

“See this is why I have an IUD,” Rayanne commented.

Sharon groaned, “I can’t do this. Someone else be the idiot who got knocked up. I feel like I’m in some terrible after school special, because this cannot be my actual life.”

......

The doorbell rang at the Krakows’ front door. Brian’s parents were out, as per usual, so he answered it after a few moments hoping that maybe whoever it was would leave before he got there. Unfortunately, the visitor heard the door open and stopped at the bottom of the steps.

“Oh, hello,” said the mystery blond woman on his front porch. She was attractive and about middle aged. “I was just over at your neighbour’s house, but no one is home. Do you know Angela?”

Brian thought this was a strange reason to knock on his door. “Yeah, I know her,” he said, “but I don’t where she is right now.” Which was basically the truth. Rayanne had taken off with her earlier that afternoon, but neither said where they were going.

“Oh, that’s alright I guess,” said the woman. “Actually I’m not really looking for Angela. I was looking for her friend, Rayanne. I think she might be staying at her house. I’m her mother, Amber Vallon.”

Brian’s first instinct was to close the door and pretend like he had never answered it. But his parents raised him better than that. “Oh well, I don’t know where Rayanne is either.”

“But you know her?” Amber asked titling her head to one side.

“Sure,” he affirmed. Then he thought it would be best to clarify things. “I’m Brian by the way.”

Amber took a step closer to him like she hadn’t heard him properly. Then an understanding seem to come over her face. “Oh, right, of course you are!” she exclaimed. “Sorry about what happened with you and Angela. Forgive me for saying this, but who really has a chance against someone like Jordan Catalano? Angela’s saga has been like our own tella novella.”

Was this woman kidding? Brian was a little stunned. Not just that Rayanne’s mother seemed to be so invested in Angela’s romantic life, but that she seemed to have no idea who he was in relation to her own daughter. “That was ages ago now,” he found himself saying. “What I meant was that we have talked on the phone a few times. I’m Rayanne’s Brian.”

This time Amber took a step back to regard him like he was speaking another language. “How do you mean? Rayanne’s Brian?”

Brian thought for a moment that maybe he shouldn’t bother. But then he said, blushing, “I’m her boyfriend.”

“Aw, that’s sweet that you think so,” she said with a mocking air. “I just don’t think that’s a real thing. Again, no offence, but you aren’t really my Raynie’s type.” 

By now Brian was feeling offended. “Well, I can tell her you stopped by, you know, if I see her,” he said as politely as possible.

Amber thanked him and started down the steps again. He was about to close the door when he heard her call to him. “Wait a sec,” she began. “Are you that ‘Ryan’ who keeps calling my place to talk to Raynie?”

“Oh shit she remembered,” thought Brian. “Yeah, that’s me,” he confessed out loud.

“From your voice I thought you’d be older and look a little....different,” she said waving a dismissive hand. “I had no idea that Angela’s love sick friend and my Rayanne’s boy toy would be the same person. You can see how I didn’t catch on.”

Brian blushed a little deeper, embarrassed by Amber’s words. He was about to repeat again that he would pass the message on that she had been by when she added, “My daughter hasn’t been staying at your house, has she?”

“N..no, not really,” he stammered. “Maybe once or twice.” Damn it why was he still taking to her.

“Well, you know how dramatic she can be. I just think it’s time that she came home,” Amber said a little sterner in her tone.

“Of course,” Brian replied, trying to pacify her. Really he wanted to give her a piece of his mind about how ludicrous it was not to believe her own daughter when she needed her help. But he didn’t. He may be in the habit of having yelling matches with his friends, but he was not about the argue with a parent.

Amber seemed to be satisfied and finally walked to her car and left. Brian was at a loss. He had no real idea what Rayanne’s mother knew or should know about what she was doing now. It was clear to him that she had no idea Rayanne was still staying with Charlotte. He wanted to be supportive, but this situation was a little much to get in the middle.

.....

Monday morning at school was like every other, except that Sharon, Angela, Delia and Rayanne were off talking in hushed voices. Jordan didn’t think anything of it as he approached to get make time with Angela before home room.

“Good morning,” he said smiling and kissing her cheek. His girlfriend should have been over the moon at the public display of affection, but she was too distracted. Sharon hadn’t told her parents yet about the pregnancy and the girls were currently discussing the pros and cons of telling Kyle.

“Jordan,” Angela said turning to him briefly, “you’re sweet but we are in the middle of something. It’s girl stuff.” Jordan didn’t need any further explanation and he left them to their conference.

Brian was next to spot the gathering of girls. He decided to keep his distance. The idea of Delia and Rayanne together made him very nervous. Rickie came to stand beside him.

“What’s up with them?” Rickie asked observing the group.

“Beats me,” replied Brian. “Whatever it is must be dire. Angela just waved Jordan off.”

“Wow,” said Rickie, “it must be serious.” Then he turned his attention back to Brian. “You and Rayanne worked things out? Or at least she didn’t kill you after what you did with Delia, so that must be a good sign,” he rambled.

“Thanks for telling her by the way, and I mean that sincerely,” replied Brian. “Yeah, I think things are going to work out. At least I hope they are.”

Just then another boy joined them. He was about as tall as Brian, but more athletic in build. He had sandy brown hair, big brown eyes and full lips. He was wearing a long-sleeved fitted shirt that showed off his physique. 

“Hey,” said the newcomer, his back to Brian. “You’re Rickie, right?”

Rickie blinked with confusion, “Yeah, that’s me.” He looked to Brian over the guys’d shoulder and tried to ask with a look why this guy was here talking to him. Brian looked just as confused.

“I’m Scott, I don’t think we’ve ever really talked before,” said Scott. He was clearly a jock and would have clearly had no reason to talk to Rickie before. “Great pants by the way,” he added, looking down at Rickie’s stylish slacks in a way that could be perceived as him checking Rickie out.

“Um, thanks?” Rickie replied in more of a question. “Most people take notice of my shirts.”

“Oh, your shirt is great too,” Scott said with a million dollar smile. “It’s a great colour on you.”

“What can I do for you Scott?” Rickie asked tentatively. He caught sight of Brian—who was covering his mouth—out of the corner of his eye. Rickie couldn’t tell if his friend was stifling a laugh or just in shock at the blatant flirtation.

“You’re in my English class,” Scott began, “and I missed a couple of days last week because I had an out of town wrestling match. I was hoping you could help me with class notes and assignments.” 

Rickie could see it now, the lean muscles of a wrestler. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. “Oh, you did? Why did you think I could help, like, with class stuff?”

“I just met with Mr. Katimski and he suggested you,” Scott informed him. “So can you?”

The bell went off to signal the start of home room. Brian excused himself, not that anyone was paying him any mind. Rickie stood, staring at the other boy for a moment.

“Sure, we could meet at lunch and go over things,” Rickie suggested.

“I can’t at lunch, but could you come over after school?” Scott offered. “I won’t keep you long.”

“Um, sure, I guess,” said Rickie. 

“Great, meet me in student parking after the last bell,” said Scott, who proceeded to clap Rickie on the shoulder and head off to class. Rickie stood a lone in the hall in disbelief. “What even was that?” he said quietly to himself.

......

At lunch time Rayanne found Brian. He told her about Rickie and the other boy.

“No way,” she said in disbelief. “He was probably just being nice. I mean I love Rickie, but that Scott guy is a jock.”

“What’s your point?” asked Brian, as though to him one thing did not equal the other.

Rayanne made a face and then looked like she was thinking of something. “You know, now that I think of it,” she began, “Scott Arden is one guy I have not made out with.”

“Oh gee, there’s one guy. That’s a relief,” said Brian sardonically.

She hit his arm playfully and said, “Ha, ha, your girlfriend’s a big, fat slut.”

“No she isn’t, “ Brian corrected. “She is a reformed, big, fat slut.” Rayanne stuck her tongue out at him like she was five.

“Your mom came by my place yesterday, by the way,” he said changing the subject. “She wants you to go home.”

“And I want world peace,” Rayanne said sarcastically. 

“I guess you haven’t really talked to her since a couple of weeks ago, huh?” he observed. Rayanne shrugged and seemed reluctant to talk about it.

It was her turn to change the subject, “Speaking of things no one wants to talk about,” she said lowering her voice. “Sharon is pregnant. Well at least it would appear she is. She still needs to go to her doctor and confirm it.”

“Rayanne,” Brian said unsure how to proceed. “Should you...should you, like, even be telling me this? Is that what the emergency was yesterday?”

“So you think Rickie might have a boyfriend?” she asked in an attempt to distract him, which failed.

“What is she going to do?” he asked with concern.

“I don’t know,” she sighed, “I’ll keep you posted.” He wished she hadn’t told him at all. “Oh and don’t worry about Delia. I told her we’re back together.”

“When?” he blurted.

“Yesterday,” she clarified while braiding a section of her hair.

“And how did she take it?” he asked bracing for the worst.

“I’m not really sure. There was so much drama with Sharon that we didn’t really get into it,” Rayanne said as she abandoned her hair styling and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Hopefully, she doesn’t care too much,” he said as he leaned his head on hers. And then as if on cue, Delia walked by and spotted them sitting together. She stuck her chin out and kept walking. 

“See no problem,” said Rayanne.

“Sure, right,” groaned Brian.

......

In music class Brian was distracted by Sharon. His eyes kept drifting down to the girl’s middle. After about the third or fourth time Sharon could tell something was up and could tell he was making an effort to keep his eyes on their teacher.

“What is up with you?” she asked Brian when class was over. The boy went a little pale and pretended to be absorbed in cleaning his flute. “Krakow, come on. You know I’ll just nag at you until you tell me.”

“Rayanne told me,” he said in a lowered voice so only she could hear him. “You know about ‘the big emergency’?” Sharon’s eyes widened as she caught on to what he was saying.

“I don’t believe her!” she said with obvious annoyance. “She had no right to tell you.”

“I know. I mean, do you think I wanted to know about it?” he said defensively. “But now that I do know, I can’t, like, think of anything else.”

“Well try because it is honestly none of your business, Krakow,” she warned him.

“I get it...your body, your choice,” the boy said putting his hands up defensively.

Sharon narrowed her eyes at her friend for his clearly dismissive attitude. Then she crossed her arms and stood in front of him, essentially blocking his escape route. “Just out of curiosity, what is your, like, actual opinion? Forget about what you think it should be for a moment and tell me what you really think,” she said in a very serious tone.

Brian sat quietly for a moment and then said, “Honestly, I feel you need to do what is best for you, Cherski. You’re the only person who knows what that is.”

Leave it to Brian to be sweet to her when she’s looking for a fight. Sharon sighed and sat next to him. “What would you be telling Rayanne if it were her? And keep in mind this hypothetical includes you as the potential father,” she asked really wanting to know.

“I would still tell her the same thing,” he said quietly, meeting her gaze. “We’re just kids. What do we know about being parents?”

“See, that sounds like your parents talking,” Sharon reasoned. “What about you? My biggest problem right now is that Kyle is being an unsupportive jerk. He doesn’t want our little mistake to ruin the rest of our lives.” 

Brian didn’t know what to say and after a moment Sharon added, “Maybe he’s right. I mean, even if he was on board with having it we could just end up resenting each other later. Besides my mom needs to take care of my dad right now, not some crying newborn.”

“Rayanne and I just starting going together. I have no idea how she even feels about kids,” Brian observed, mostly to himself. “I mean, I get that one day you’ll be an amazing mom, but maybe now isn’t the right time, you know?”

Sharon put a hand on the boy’s shoulder and smiled. “Thanks Krakow, I guess I just need to be sure. Maybe I just need a little more time to process,” she said. “Thanks for the chat. You are surprisingly good to talk to sometimes.”

Brian decided to take her last comment as a compliment. He was glad that it wasn’t him and Rayanne stuck with this decision. Or worse, Angela and Jordan. His stomach dropped at the very thought of it. He would definitely not be so casual about talking to Angela if it were her dilemma.

......

When Rickie confronted Mr. Katimski about his new study partner he was met with an innocent admission of the set up. Mr. Katimski obviously had no ulterior motive, except maybe to get Rickie more involved in his school work.

Scott and Rickie drove to Scott’s house in awkward silence. Rickie was usually a very friendly, chatty person, but he didn’t know Scott and the whole thing was making him uncomfortable.

Talking got a little easier as the study session went on and everything started to feel normal again to Rickie. He chided himself for thinking for even one moment that Scott could be interested in him for more than his school work. 

They were up in Scott’s room seated at his desk. He had three other siblings and they were all hanging out on the main level of the house, so studying in his room seemed the natural choice. As they were wrapping things up Scott thanked Rickie again and passed him back his notes. Their hands touched, lingering a little longer than was necessary. They sat in silence again.

Scott was first to speak. “You know, you are a hard guy to figure out,” he said a little off-hand.

“Me?” asked Rickie, “How do you mean?” 

“Well,” Scott began, “it’s like almost everyone knows who you are, but not many people, like, know you. You know?”

“Huh,” Rickie reflected, “I guess I am kind of private.”

“I hope you don’t find this too intrusive, but I would really like to know what attracts you to someone,” Scott said casually.

Rickie swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. They were back to the ambiguous suggestion of a possible attraction. This was very unfamiliar territory for Rickie. “You mean, like friends?” he asked innocently.

“Sure,” offered Scott, “or possibly more than friends.”

“That is a good question,” Rickie said. This time he knew he was blushing.

Scott laughed, “Gosh you are so cute,” he admitted. “I guess I really should just ask the obvious. Do you have a boyfriend?”

Rickie starred at the other boy in disbelief. Had he really just asked him that? “N...no, I don’t. I mean I haven’t, like, ever...” he said struggling to get the words out.

“Oh,” Scott said, the smile falling from his face. “But you do like guys, right?” 

Rickie looked down at the desk. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Me too,” Scott said quietly, the realization of Rickie’s inexperience dawning on him. “It’s fine, you know. Just because I think you’re cute and you happen to like guys doesn’t mean I expect you to like me back.”

“But what if I do?” asked Rickie as he dared to meet Scott’s eyes. “What if maybe I might like you?”

Scott smiled again, a little softer this time. He leaned in slowly and their lips met for a gentle, lingering kiss. Both boys keeping their eyes open. 

Rickie smiled then too, in spite of his nerves. “You’ve done this before?” he asked coyly when they parted.

“Maybe once or twice,” Scott said blushing a little himself.

“I still don’t get it,” Rickie said with doubt, “why me?”

“Why not? Like I said; I noticed you. I just wasn’t sure if you noticed me,” came Scott’s honest answer. 

“Who wouldn’t notice you?” Rickie admitted. “I just didn’t think any guy at our school would, like, reciprocate, you know? I’ve settled for living vicariously through my friends’ relationships.”

“Like that Angela girl with Jordan Catalano?” Scott said with a hum of approval. “Yeah, I could watch that guy lean all day.”

“Ha, ha! I know right!” Rickie laughed. Scott leaned in again and kissed Rickie for a second time. It was even better than the first. 

“I hope you don’t mind keeping this a secret, at least for now,” said Scott. “I’m comfortable with it and my family isn’t too bothered, but you know how kids at school can be.”

“Wow, you’re lucky that your family are so accepting,” Rickie said with a pang of sadness. “Mine wasn’t.” 

Scott was caught up in the sudden need to comfort him and kissed him a third time a little more urgently. Rickie pulled back and said, “Slowly, okay?”

“Slowly,” Scott repeated and smiled.

......

Angela arrived home that day and her mother was waiting for her. They sat together on the couch and Angela braced herself for whatever lecture was coming. 

“Camille just called,” Patty informed her. Angela cursed internally, now knowing what this conversation was going to be about. “Did you know Sharon thinks she’s pregnant?”

Angela cringed. “Yes, but to be fair, only since yesterday and it wasn’t really for me to say anything,” she said defensively.

“Are you and Jordan...?” her mother tried and failed to ask the question at the forefront of her mind. “Are you being safe?”

“Yes, totally,” Angela said quickly, perhaps too quickly. She then recalled that she had sworn to her mother that she would talk to her before she thought she was going to have sex. She could already see the disappointment in her mother’s eyes.

“So you are having sex then?” she asked to be sure. “And you are being safe?”

“We’ve only been together a couple of times,” she confessed. “We are being safe, but...”

“But?” Patty asked holding her breath.

“But I thought maybe we should talk about birth control,” Angela said finishing her thought.

Patty visibly relaxed. “Oh well, we can make an appointment with your doctor and discuss it,” she offered. After all if her daughter was having sex she might as well be prepared.

“Thanks, mom,” Angela said with genuine appreciation. “Did Camille say what Sharon was going to do?”

Patty pursed her lips and sighed. “No, she doesn’t know. Sharon will see their family doctor tomorrow and then they will need to decide. Please tell me we will never have to go through that.”

“Mom,” Angela was mortified, “how can I say anything about it? I mean, of course I hope we never do.” 

“Do you think I should talk to Bernice about this?” Patty asked a little distracted, clearly aware of Brian and Rayanne’s relationship. “Brian’s a bright boy, but even smart boys can do stupid things.”

Angela’s face was bright red. “No, mom!” she exclaimed. “Please don’t. It’s not like pregnancy is a disease or something. Like it’s catching. Besides Rayanne has things under control.”

“I’m sorry,” Patty said staring at her daughter for a moment, “but did you just say the words ‘Rayanne has things under control’?”

Angela chuckled. “Yeah, she actually seems to for once,” she admitted skeptically.

“Huh? Well fine I’ll stay out of it,” her mother stated.

Angela was glad that was over with. It actually didn’t go too badly. She was, however, beginning to realize that it wasn’t just Sharon’s life that had been affected, but everyone connected to her. Angela could not even imagine how her mother’s conversation with Bernice Krakow would go if she went through with such a thing. Now that would be terrible.

......

Charlotte sat out by the front desk at the downtown community center. She was looking through her agenda when she sensed someone take the seat next to her.

“Ah, the boyfriend,” she said in acknowledgement to Brian.

“Ah, the roommate,” he said mocking her.

“Waiting for your girl?” she asked him.

“I just dropped her off,” he said crossing his legs at the ankles. “I figured she would be going home with you.”

Charlotte looked at him a moment and then concurred. “So, how are things going with you two?” she asked with genuine curiosity.

“Okay, I guess,” was all he could answer. “I mean, she showed up at my place late Saturday and she seemed to want to keep things going.”

“Yeah, I am learning that Rayanne’s spontaneous streak was not an affect of her drinking,” observed Charlotte. “I am starting to wonder is she has undiagnosed ADHD.”

Brian considered that thought for a moment. It actually seemed in the realm of possibility to him, now that he knew Rayanne better. “Yeah, try telling her that and see what happens.”

Charlotte laughed. She had no intention of saying anything about it. She looked at the boy again and asked, “So did she tell you she got the all clear from her bloodwork?” He shook his head. “Well she did. I guess she hasn’t opened up to you much yet? About what happened?”

“Do you expect she will?” Brian said, unsure. He hated thinking about it at all. Not knowing meant his mind could fill in the blanks with some terrifying images. He really felt at a loss. “What can I possible offer her?”

“Sometimes just being there and listening is enough,” she said. “I know you’re just a kid, but she seems to think a lot of you.”

“How old do you think I am?” he asked a little hurt by her words.

“What are you fifteen?” she said guessed looking him over.

“Sixteen,” he corrected her.

“Oh well, forgive me, a whole extra year,” she chuckled. “Look, you all look like kids to me. I turned 33 last year and it’s like I lost the ability to gauge how old people younger than me are.”

Brian looked over at Charlotte. He was mildly surprised that she was that old. He had thought she was 25 at most. It was actually comforting to know that Rayanne was living with some one a little older and more experienced. 

“You didn’t go into the meeting?” Brian asked then.

“No, I went to the earlier one,” she said putting her agenda away in her purse. “I’ll just hang out and wait for Rayanne.”

“I guess you haven’t talk to her this afternoon, but her mom came by my place yesterday,” said Brian. “Maybe you can talk to her about talking to Amber.”

Charlotte frowned, “I’ll see what I can do.” And with that they bid their farewells. Brian had done all he could for today. He caught himself comparing doing good things for his girlfriend to babysitting her. Yeah, that was not a good thing. That had been one of the fake reasons they made up to tell people for why they broke up. He made a mental note to not let it become a real reason.

......

Late that night Angela was getting a glass of milk in the kitchen. Her parents had been arguing about money and financing for her dad’s restaurant again. It was as though no matter how many times he reassurance his wife, Graham couldn’t get her to understand that their investors had them covered.

Angela shook off the foreboding feeling she had every time that Hallie Lowenthal person’s name came up. She could tell her mom didn’t like her even though she pretended she did. She was beginning to doubt that anyone ever really grew up; that adults still had the same issues teenagers did.

A soft tapping came at the side door. It was either a polite home invader or her boyfriend making at late night visit. Angela had to admit she was glad to see it was Jordan when she peaked through the sheer curtain. She very carefully opened the door as put a finger to her lips.

“Do you know what time it is?” she asked him sternly.

“No,” he replied, “do you?” He dipped down and kissed her then. Angela was getting a feeling of déjà vu. 

“You’re lucky it was me and not one of my parents,” she said playfully.

“No worries. Both your parents like me,” he smiled wickedly and proceeded to kiss her again.

“It’s a school night,” she scolded.

“That I did know,” he said feeling clever. Angela laughed a little at him.

“Why are you here?” she prodded. “I mean there is no way we are going up to my room.”

Jordan pouted a little and put his hands on her hips. “I know, I know. We were lucky the last couple of times,” he said causing her to blush. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. I never really got to talk to you today and Sharon didn’t show for tutoring.”

“Oh, right,” she said, pausing to collect her thoughts. “I’m fine. Everything is good with me. Sharon thinks she’s knocked up. So, that kind of sucks. And my mom found out from Sharon’s mom and that really sucks.”

“Fuck, seriously?” was all he could say.

“Yeah, seriously,” she repeated. “It’s a mess. But keep it to yourself for now. Only a few people know.”

“I bet her idiot boyfriend isn’t one of them,” he commented.

“Since when do you not like Kyle?” she asked curiously.

“Sine he was trying to look up Delia Fisher’s skirt at your party,” he stated.

Angela’s mouth fell open in surprise. “No way,” she said in disbelief. “That pig.”

“Let’s not talk about them anymore,” he insisted nuzzling her neck. Angela let him for a few moments, but then pulled away reluctantly. He knew then it was time to go.

......

The rest of the week was tense at school for Angela and her group of friends. Everyone waited for Sharon to decide what she was going to do about her now confirmed pregnancy, but no one dared ask her about it.

Thursday afternoon Brian was working away in the computer lab on his coding assignment when Delia sat down beside him. He had to do a double take, instantly feeling trapped by her presence. 

“We need to talk,” said the brunette in an attempt to get his attention away from the computer screen.

“I’m a little busy,” he said dismissing her and trying not to panic. “Do we really need to talk about it?”

“Brian, don’t be an asshole,” she said narrowing her eyes at him. “What happened, happened. It was real and then you went right back to your girlfriend without so much as a second thought. She may not care, but I do.”

Brian turned away from his screen and could feel himself start to sweat. “What do you want me to do?” he asked a little afraid of what she might say next.

“I want you to tell me that I wasn’t a cheap thrill,” she demanded raising her voice a little which warranted wary looks from other students in the room.

“Keep your voice down,” he pleaded. “You jumped on me, might I remind you. And I did tell you that I was still working things out about Rayanne. My going back to her should not be this upsetting to you.”

“You just don’t get it,” Delia said exasperated. “I am a person, Brian.”

He took a deep breath and looked into the girls eyes. “I know you’re a person, Delia, and I am sorry,” he apologized. “I should have talked to you before now. Maybe I am an asshole.”

Delia sat back seemingly satisfied. “There was that so difficult?”

Brian made a mental note then that everything involving Delia Fisher was difficult. He gave her a half smile and then said, “Are we good now?”

“Fine whatever, I think I’m over it,” she said with a sigh, even though she really wasn’t. Then just before she let him get back to work she added, “Besides, I was thinking about it after the fact...” She paused again and leaned in closer. “What was I even going to do with that enormous dick of yours?” she whispered in his ear. Brian’s eyes went very wide and he blushed from ear to ear. There, now she felt better.

“Good luck to your girlfriend,” she said as she left him in stunned silence. He involuntarily looked down at his lap and then around the room. 

......

“So I said to Tino, she is twice your age, calm down!” Rayanne laughed as she exited the girl’s bathroom with Angela. She was finishing up a story about how Tino had hit on her sponsor, Charlotte.

Brian sped past the two girls grabbing Rayanne by the arm and taking her with him to the end of the hall. Angela twirled around and was a little stunned by her friend’s abduction. “What the actual fuck?” she asked no one in particular.

The red-haired girl walked quickly down the hall to catch up to them. “If you were eight feet tall maybe,” Rayanne was saying. “Don’t stress about it.”

“What’s going on?” Angela wanted to know. “Who’s eight feet tall?”

“Not Brian,” said Rayanne with a wink. Angela was even more confused and looked to Brian for clarity. He just shook his head and walked away.

“Is he okay?” Angela asked as she watched the boy leave as quickly as he came.

“Nah, he’s fine,” Rayanne giggled a little. “Trust me you don’t want to know.”

“Oh now I really have to know,” she rebutted. “Come on tell me.”

“Angel-cakes, if I tell you, you need to remember that you asked for it,” Rayanne teased.

Angela hesitated and then gave her friend a nod of consent. “Tell me.”

Rayanne came in close and cupped her friend’s ear. “Brian said Delia accused him of having an enormous dick,” she whispered, “and since I have seen it in all it’s glory he asked if I thought she was exaggerating. Like, he thought he was proportionate for his height.”

“Hence your comment ‘if he were eight feet tall’?” Angela said slowly and then she pulled a face. “Rayanne! That’s sick. You can’t be serious?” Why was she even talking about this? She did not need to know all these intimate things about the dorky boy who used to be in love with her. Angela longed for the days when they barely spoke and Rayanne disliked him.

“Just think of it this way,” her friend rationalized, “you dodged a bullet... or maybe you dodged a harpoon?” Rayanne laughed digging around in her bag. “Wait, it’ll come to me. I can do better.”

“Please stop,” Angela begged. “I get it. I got it and I would like to forget all about it now.”

Rickie joined up with them just then and asked, “You’d like to forget about what?”

Angela slapped a hand over Rayanne’s mouth before she could utter a single sound. “Nothing. It was nothing, Rickie.” She had had enough talk about dicks for one day.

“How’s your study buddy?” asked Rayanne once she had freed herself from Angela’s grasp.

“Study buddy?” asked Angela with interest.

“Drop it Rayanne,” Rickie insisted. Angela couldn’t help but notice the blush in his cheeks. “He’s just a friend.”

“Who’s this friend?” Angela asked again still waiting for an answer.

“Scott Arden,” Rayanne said pretending to fan herself dramatically.

“Rayanne, stop it. It isn’t like that,” Rickie said quickly regretting talking to them at all.

“I don’t know, Rickie,” said Angela, “he is pretty hot. And those lips...”

Rickie rolled his eyes. “You already have Jordan. Back off,” he warned without thinking about what he was saying.

Rayanne and Angela exchanged a look. And they both giggled. “Rickie has a boyfriend,” Rayanne teased in hushed tones.

“I hate you!” he called at them as he walked away. The two girls giggled again.

.....

As Brian hurried away from Rayanne and Angela in a fog of embarrassment and shame he bumped right into Phil Connor and two of his football friends. He literally bounced off of the larger boy and staggered, trying to regain his balance.

“Watch it nerd,” Phil said aggressively. “Hey, aren’t you that weirdo I saw putting handcuffs on Graff that one time?” Brian wanted to correct him and say that he was actually trying to take them off her, but instead he stayed mute and kept his eyes on the floor.

“I asked you a question,” Phil said knocking into Brian’s shoulder with one of his beefy hands.

“Yeah, sure...whatever,” Brian said. “Sorry,” he added in hopes that they would just move on.

One of the other two guys suggested they leave him alone, but Phil wasn’t done yet. “Is it true what everyone’s saying? I bet you think you’re the shit because that freak pretends to be your girlfriend?” He punctuated his disgust by hitting Brian again and shoving him into the wall. “You should learn to stay in your lane, dork.”

“Is there, like, a problem here?” asked Jordan, coming up behind Phil and his friends.

Phil seemed to think better of pushing things further and knocked shoulders with Brian as he walked by saying, “Not worth it.” Then the three teammates were gone.

“Thanks,” came Brian’s meek effort at gratitude. “Like seriously.”

“Guys like that piss me off,” said Jordan. “They think they can treat everyone like shit because they’re good at sports. You okay, man?”

Brian straightened up a little and did a mental once over. Then said, “I think I’m good.”

“You ever tried standing up to guys like that, you know, instead of just taking it?” Jordan asked with mild interest.

“I guess I’m just super uncomfortable with confrontation; and the school has, like, a zero tolerance on violence,” Brian babbled. “I thought about fighting back once or twice, but I just didn’t want to get suspended. Or worse—expelled.”

“Could you take a guy like Phil?” Jordan asked with a chuckle. He clearly had a hard time picturing a skinny guy like Brian coming out on top of a fight.

“Not sure,” Brian said reflectively. “I took judo for a couple of years, until I was like twelve and my parents said it interfered with my schoolwork, but that was throwing down kids. Phil is a really big guy. Besides, violence should be, like, the last resort.”

Jordan smiled mischievously, “I agree about being non-violent. But you knock down one guy, one time and everyone will leave you alone.” His simple logic made a kind of sense.

“I’ll consider it,” said Brian thoughtfully. Brian started down the stairwell to get to his next class and Jordan fell into step beside him.

“Since we’re talking,” Jordan began, “I have a favour I’ve been meaning to ask you about.”

Brian stopped on the landing and so did Jordan. “What’s up?” he asked Jordan.

“My band ‘Residue’, we’re gonna try to get more gigs this summer and I know you’re into taking pictures. I was hoping maybe you could take some of the band. Like some shots of the band performing and stuff.”

Brian was stunned for a moment, but then said “Sure, I could do that. I mean just let me know where and when and I can work something out.”

“Cool, I’ll let you know,” said Jordan. He was clearly very pleased. “Oh, I couldn’t really pay you though. I hope that’s ok?”

Brian smiled, “Yeah whatever. Just let me keep the negatives and when you’re famous one day I’ll be rich.” They both laughed and were happy with the agreement and then went their separate ways.

......

At the final bell Angela came out of Geometry class and heard her name being called. She turned and caught sight of someone she hadn’t excepted to see. Rayanne’s mother was waving her down.

“Angela! Hello sweet girl,” she greeted her. “Do you know where I can find my Raynie?”

Angela groaned internally, but kept a smile on her face. She liked Amber well enough, but wasn’t exactly clear on whether Rayanne would be happy to see her. “I think she had English for last period,” she offered.

“Where would that be?” Amber asked, looking around at the classroom doors.

“Down the hall; room 204.” Angela replied as she started to walk away in the opposite direction. Amber thanked her and went on her way, wading through the sea of teenagers to get to her destination.

Rayanne was handing in her assignment to Mrs. Krzyzanowski at her desk. Amber knocked at the door and smiled. Rayanne went pale and walked past her mother before she could cause a scene in front of her English teacher, slash guidance councillor.

“Hello, Rayanne Marie,” came her mother’s voice as she followed hot on her heels. “I want you to come home with me.”

Rayanne rolled her eyes and shot back, “I don’t think that’s your decision.”

“I’m the mom,” Amber retorted, “it is totally my decision.”

Rayanne stopped dead in her tracks and faced her mother. “It’s not happening,” she stated.

“Get your things, we’re going,” Amber said very sternly. “No more sleeping at your boyfriend’s house. You think I didn’t know?”

“I could fill a book with the things you thought you knew, which were wrong,” Rayanne said back to her.

“What does that even mean?” Amber said, confused.

“It means that you don’t really want to know why I don’t want to be at home because then you actually would have to be the mom,” she huffed.

“I broke up with Trevor,” Amber said crossing her arms. “There are you happy now?”

Rayanne felt faint at the sound of the man’s name. “That’s not enough,” she quietly said to the floor.

“Well it will have to be. Stop being so difficult and come home with me,” Amber took her arm then and started to guide her to the stairwell.

Rayanne pulled away, “Don’t touch me!” she yelled. “I am not going home with you!”

Mrs. Krzyzanowski came out of her classroom and looked to see if everything was alright with the two of them. Amber started to explain how disobedient her daughter was being and Rayanne took off down the hall, disappearing into the flow of students. Amber was losing her temper, but managed to tell the teacher that she had everything well in hand. She’d just have to keep trying.

......

Angela made her way out to the student parking. She looked around for Jordan, but couldn’t see him or his car. Her eye caught on Rickie chatting with Scott and she smiled to herself. They looked so natural like they’d been friends for ages. Just then Rayanne came up to the two and was making a fuss. Angela walked over to find out what had happened with Amber.

“What’s going on?” Angela asked.

“I was just asking if Rickie’s new friend could drop me somewhere, like, ASAP,” Rayanne said fidgeting with her jacket, trying to zip it.

“Where’s Brian?” asked Rickie. “Doesn’t he usually act as your chauffeur?” 

Rayanne made a mock grin and said, “I think he has a thing. I found you first.”

“Lucky us,” said Scott at a loss, looking to Rickie for guidance. 

“What happened with your mom?” asked Angela.

“Amber’s here? Like at school? Why?” Rickie wanted to know.

“She’s insufferable,” Rayanne said defensively, “that’s why I want to get out of here.”

“Uh oh,” Angela groaned, “too late.”

Rayanne turned to look behind her. Her mother had found her and was not too pleased. “Can you just explain to me, Raynie, why the hell you think you know what’s best for you? Need I remind you that you are sixteen years old and should be at home?” she scolded.

“Do you think this is fun for me?” Rayanne protested. “Do you think I want to continue to beg off my friends and avoid my mother?”

Scott looked at Rickie again and then the two of them backed up a little to give the women more room for their argument. Angela stayed put since she really wanted to hear the outcome.

Amber took her daughter by the shoulders and looked her in the eye. “It’ll be just you and me, kid. Like it was before. What else do you want from me?” Amber said calmly.

“I want you to believe me when I tell you someone hurt me,” Rayanne said close to tears. “I want you to choose me over your terrible boyfriend. And I want you to stop dismissing all the hard work I’m doing to try to do better. You know, act like a real mom?”

This was the first Angela had heard about any of these concerns. She had, in fact been completely in the dark. Rayanne moved out of her mother’s grasp and instinctively closer to her friend. 

“Look, why don’t we go home and talk about it some more,” Amber said in a tone that Rayanne did not appreciate.

“Say it first,” she demanded, now shifting a little behind Angela, like she was her human shield.

“Say what?” Amber asked with obvious confusion and frustration.

“Say you believe me about what happened and I’ll come home,” Rayanne said without much hope that Amber would admit to anything.

“Raynie,” she began with a sigh, “I believe that you didn’t feel good about what went on, which is a good thing. But your accusation is a little harsh.” Amber tried to moved closer to her daughter again and continued, “I am willing to forgive you and like I said we broke up; he’s gone. Stop being so ridiculous and come home.”

“You forgive me?” Rayanne cried. “You, forgive me? I can’t even look at you right now and I am not coming home.” She wiped her face with her hands and took off, walking past Rickie and Scott. Angela looked at Amber who was throwing up her arms and retreating the other way. Then she ran to catch up with Rayanne.

“Wait up,” she called after her. Rayanne showed no signs of slowing down, so Angela quickened her pace. “Where are you going?” she wanted to know. “Rayanne stop, please,” she pleaded.

“I can’t believe her,” Rayanne said, finally slowing down for Angela to catch up. “Her boyfriend rapes me and she forgives me for it!” The girl was crying in earnest now. Angela threw her arms around her and held her.

“I had no idea,” Angela all but whispered. She was shocked by her friend’s words. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? You could have come to me, or my mom.”

Rayanne slowly regained composure. “I did go to someone,” she said, digging in her pocket for some tissue. “I talked to Bernice and Charlie,” she continued—pausing to blow her nose. “Brian knows too.”

Angela stared at her in disbelief. Brian Krakow, the boy who barely knew how to lend a person a sweater knew about his girlfriend’s rape. She had to remind herself that Brian was slightly more mature these days. But only slightly. She really didn’t know what else to say in that moment. She guessed that Bernice was probably a very good person to confide in all things considered.

“Is that why you supposedly broke up with Brian?” she said after reflecting on recent events. “Why you went out and got drunk instead of coming to my party?”

Rayanne nodded and hugged herself. “I am really sorry I missed your party, Angela. I really did want to go,” she apologized.

“I know,” she said, thinking that her social indiscretion was so frivolous in comparison to the trauma she must have endured. Angela had no idea how she herself would deal with that situation. She had been there that night at ‘Let’s Bolt’ when Rayanne was drunk and almost assaulted right in front her. At least Rayanne hadn’t recalled any of that night. But if she was stone cold sober, how would she ever forget this time?

“The worst part,” Rayanne continued, “was that it happened in my own home. In my own bed. How am I supposed to just go back there and be okay? How am I supposed to feel safe?”

Angela didn’t have the answer, so she just hugged the girl again. She decided that she would walk with her—so she wouldn’t be alone—to wherever she was going and Rayanne welcomed the company.

......

Rickie found Brian in the yearbook room. Sharon was going on about how they had to cross reference who had returned all their textbooks with who had paid for a yearbook when the time came time hand them out. Delia was taking notes like a good little secretary. Brian was trying not to fall asleep, resting his head in his hand as he leaned on his desk. He couldn’t really understand how Sharon could be so concerned over yearbook policy when she still had to decide what to do about being pregnant.

Rickie slid into the seat next to his friend and whispered to him that there had been a confrontation between Amber and Rayanne. “Where is she now?” Brian asked, suddenly wide awake. 

“Um, excuse me, but can this wait?” came Sharon’s indignant voice. “I am trying to hold a meeting and it is kind of important.” Brian and Rickie excused themselves. They could hear Sharon calling after Brian, but he no longer cared. 

“She took off with Angela, I think,” said Rickie to answer the question of where the other boy’s girlfriend had gone. “I really couldn’t say where, though.”

......

Rayanne and Angela walked several blocks and came to a walk-up of about five stories. It wasn’t as run-down as some of the other buildings in the area, but it was by no means newly renovated.

Angela looked around the small apartment and noted the futon that Rayanne must be sleeping on most nights. A petit blond came out of the only bedroom and smiled. Angela deduced that this must be Charlie.

“Hello Rayanne and Rayanne’s friend,” she greeted them while pulling her hair back neatly into a ponytail.

“Charlie, this is Angela,” Rayanne said making the introductions, “Angela, this is Charlie.”

“Charlotte,” she said correcting Rayanne. “So, you’re the infamous Angela,” she continued with a touch of awe in her voice. “This is a good sign if you’re here. You girls are getting along, I hope?”

“I’m here for moral support,” offered Angela. “There was a bit of drama at school with Rayanne’s mom.” 

Charlotte sat down in an armchair and looked to her roommate. “What kind of drama?” she asked with concern.

“Nothing new,” began Rayanne, “she wanted me to come home. Said she broke up with the boyfriend and you know, forgave me for what I did.” She took a seat on the futon and looked into her lap. Angela sat beside her unsure of what to do.

“Excuse me?” said Charlotte unsure if she had heard the girl correctly. “Amber said that she forgave you?” She ran a hand over her face. “I am so sorry that this is going so left of center. I can still talk to her if you want.”

Rayanne shook her head. “What difference would it make? My mother lives her life with rose-coloured glasses,” she said with a touch of sadness.

“Well just let me know if you change your mind,” she said rising from her seat. “I have to go work. Max said she can meet with you Friday afternoon when you get back from school.”

“Sure, that’s great,” said Rayanne trying to smile. Charlotte grabbed her purse and keys, said it was nice to meet Angela and left for work.

“What does she do?” Angela found herself asking. 

“She’s a co-ordination at the community center downtown, not far from here,” explained Rayanne. “That’s where we met. Max is her girlfriend, she’s a social worker. I swear she looks exactly like Winona Ryder,” she added with a giggle.

Angela giggled with her friend, happy to finally feel like the mood was lightening. Then she asked, “When you say girlfriend, you mean...?”

“I mean, her girlfriend. Charlie likes girls,” she clarified. “You should have seen Brian’s face the first time I told him. He was so red.” The two girls laughed some more.

Angela had missed this; just the two of them hanging out without all the drama. It was short-lived; cut off when the phone rang. Rayanne let it go to message since this wasn’t her apartment, but it was Brian and he sounded a little panicked. “Rayanne are you there? If not, Charlotte can you call me, it’s Brian,” came his crackled voice through the speaker. Rayanne rolled her eyes and she went to the phone.

“Brian, I’m here,” she said, lifting the receiver to her ear. “Yes, Angela is with me. I’m fine. You don’t need to babysit me.” Angela could tell that Brian was now giving Rayanne an ear-full because her friend rolled her eyes for a second time and started to pantomime a blabbing mouth with her hand. Angela laughed even though she knew Brian had his reasons for concern.

“Look, Bri,” she said cutting him off. “I gotta go. I’m sorry Rickie freaked you out, but I swear everything is fine.” Rayanne listened to her boyfriend for a few moments longer and then hung up. “Yeah, he’s coming over,” she announced.

“Are you serious?” asked Angela. “Does Charlotte mind if her comes over when she isn’t here?”

“Who, Brian?” asked Rayanne, as though Angela could have been referring to anyone. “It’s fine. It’s not like he’d misbehave or anything.”

“Ah, he’s not a trained poodle,” Angela observed, “he’s a hormonal teenage boy who wants to ‘comfort’ his girlfriend.” She made sure to emphasize the word comfort.

“Oh please,” Rayanne said dismissively. “We still haven’t gone all the way.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” Angela reminded her friend. “And after hearing about his encounter with Delia, it sounds like Brian may not protest so much.” Rayanne knew the other girl was just teasing, but she didn’t like to think of her boyfriend messing around with Delia. She told everyone that she didn’t care, but she really did.

“You know,” she said very flatly, “let’s not talk about that bitch molesting my boyfriend, okay?”

Angela’s face fell. She had no idea it was such a sore subject. “God, I’m sorry Rayanne,” she said earnestly. “I had no idea it bothered you. You made it seem like it didn’t matter.”

“Well it does,” she continued, “bother me. And Brian knows that I’m the one that needs some time before I’m ready.” Rayanne didn’t sound angry, just hurt and Angela put her arm around her friend.

“Sorry,” she said again, “I think I just forgot in the moment about how hard a time you’re having.” Angela gave her friend’s shoulder a squeeze. “I know Brian cares about you. It’s still a little weird to say it, though,” she added while pulling a face.

Rayanne laughed a little then. “It must be so foreign to you to think of us as a couple,” she commented. Angela nodded and confessed it was.

......

A short time later Angela bumped into Brian in the hall on her way out of Charlotte’s apartment. “How is she?” he asked looking quite concerned.

“She’s doing okay,” Angela replied in hopes of calming him down. “She’s pretty tough, you know.”

“She just seems tough,” Brian rebutted. “I can’t imagine what possessed her mother to confront her at school. I’m just glad you were with her,” he added with relief.

“Rickie was there too,” she added, but they both knew that Rickie was no help in confrontations. It wasn’t his fault; he’d had a difficult time with people that were meant to help and care for him.

“Well thanks anyways,” he said with a small smile. Just before he could knock at the door Angela caught his arm and he turned back to face his friend.

“She told me,” Angela began in a low voice, “about how she was raped in her own bed. How can a person do that? It’s so sick.” She stopped talking the moment she saw the look of horror on Brian’s face. “Oh, God, I thought you knew.”

Brian steadied himself on the nearby wall. “I knew she had been raped, but not where, or any details. She won’t talk to me about it,” he said with obvious effort to regain composure.

“Brian I’m sorry I said anything,” she said with regret. 

He shook his head. “No, I’m glad she could talk to you. Maybe it will get easier if she can open up to someone who knows her,” he said thoughtfully. “Like, someone who knew her before it happened.”

His words touched her and made her feel that she had finally put their differences aside and been a good friend to Rayanne again. She wanted to hug him then, but knew it would be awkward. They were never really friends that hugged. So she said good-bye and left him to visit with his girlfriend. A thought that was now feeling less strange to Angela.

......

Rayanne answered the door after the third time Brian knocked. He was getting concerned and let her know about. He couldn’t understand how she could so inconsiderate when she knew to expect him. Rayanne ignored his complaint, claiming that she hadn’t asked for him to come over in the first place. Brian was at a loss to why she was acting so defensively. It had sounded like she had had a good visit with Angela a few minutes before his arrival.

“Why are you being like this?” he asked her coming up behind her in the tiny kitchen where she was slicing some cheddar. He thought he was used to her mood changes, but it seemed to him that she was acting irrationally.

“Like what?” she retorted reaching for a package of crackers to go with her plate of cheese.

“You really want me to just go, then?” he offered feeling unwanted as he following her back to the living room area.

Rayanne sat back on the futon and held out the plate to Brian. “Cheese?” she asked as though he hadn’t spoken.

“You know I’m lactose intolerant,” he said a little offended.

“Did I know that?” she asked, mainly to herself. “I swear I’ve seen you have a milkshake.”

“Maybe that was one of your other boyfriends,” he shot back at her, clearly losing patience.

Rayanne gave him a crooked grin, “Hmm,” she mused, “maybe it was.”

“Fine, message received. You don’t want me here,” Brian huffed and turned to leave the apartment. He realized that she probably just needed some space after her confession to Angela about what had happened, but it still hurt to be rejected. 

Then he stopped at the door and had to tell her, “You can come to my house in the middle of the night on a whim, but God forbid a I give a shit and just want to see you in broad daylight.”

Rayanne stopped eating her snack and threw a decorative pillow at him. He turned and stared at her. “What the hell?” he demanded. 

“Yeah, smart ass,” she said sardonically “I told you didn’t need a babysitter. And quite frankly, as hilarious as it is to have you squirm over what went down with you and Fisher—I am pretty pissed off at you right now.”

“What, you’re mad about that now?” he asked completely taken off guard. “Why? It didn’t mean anything. You know that.” Brian moved to sit next to her on the futon. 

“Are you sure?” she said narrowing her eyes at him. “‘Cause you sure were in a tizzy over her comment about your big dick today.”

“I don’t know why I even told you about that,” he told her with a touch of regret. “I don’t know why she told me that. Look, I’m sorry I let her come anywhere near me. From now on I’ll leave the room anytime she’s around.” Brian was exasperated and leaned back on the futon, closing his eyes.

Rayanne watched him sit there with his eyes closed for a long moment. She hated being mad at him. She hated that she was jealous of Delia Fisher even more. It had taken time for them to get comfortable with their intimacy and that girl just knocked him down and took what she wanted. Hadn’t he known that it would hurt her, even if they weren’t technically together at the time?

The longer she watched him the more her heart ached at the thought of never being with him at all. Was she really willing to break up with the boy over a stupid mistake?

“Would you actually have told me about it?” she asked him calmly, not knowing if the answer even mattered anymore.

Brian opened his eyes and looked at her sadly. “Of course I would have,” he said in earnest. “I know you were pushing me away for a reason, but I honestly didn’t do it to intentionally hurt you. I just hate how easily I lose control.”

“Is that the reason why you don’t want to have sex?” she asked leaning closer to him. “You’re afraid you might lose control?” Rayanne thought she liked the idea. Despite everything she still longed to lose control herself.

“It’s exactly what you don’t need,” he said running a hand down her arm, creating a physical connection between them. He hoped she would accept his attempt to soothe her.

“But you were worried before what happened to me, happened,” she stated unbothered by his touch. She just wasn’t sure his rationale made sense.

Brian shifted so he could touch her hair and then her cheek. He was at a loss how this beautiful girl could care so much about him. “I know...Before I was worried that I would be terrible. If I can’t keep a single thought in my head how will I be a good partner?” he confided. “Can you forgive me?” he asked after a beat.

Rayanne closed the distance between them and kissed him longingly. “Yes, of course,” she said and kissed him again. “Just think of sex like riding a bike...we just have to figure out some training wheels for you,” she said teasingly.

“Well there was one thing I wanted to try,” he began. “It was before, you know... So I don’t know if it’s still something you might want to do,” he continued. “Not now of course but sometime, maybe.” Brian’s face flushed as he got out the last of his words.

Rayanne was intrigued. “What did you have in mind, Bri?” 

“Well,” he said pausing with mild embarrassment, “I wanted to reciprocate after that thing you did while I was sitting at my desk that time. I even did some research. But honestly, I won’t know until I try it if it’s something I can, like, do.” Recalling the memory caused them both to breathe little faster.

“Are we talking hands or oral?” Rayanne dared to ask him as she caressed the back of his neck and entangled her fingers in his hair.

Brian’s shade of red deepened. “Oral actually,” he admitted while looking in her eyes.

“Oh,” Rayanne mused. “And you did research? Hmm, maybe nerds are sexy.” She smiled and kissed him as if to reward him for his efforts. Brian kissed her back a little more intensely; his embarrassment melting away as he lost himself in the sensation. It was the front seat of his car all over again and Rayanne knew she should pull back, but climbed into his lap instead.

Brian flipped them so that he was now on top of her. He was kissing her as though he were starving and she were the best thing he ever tasted. She couldn’t help but moan as desire filled her whole body. This time he was the one desperate to get her pants undone. Rayanne thought she would panic, but being with Brian wasn’t frightening at all. She trusted him and helped him pull off her jeans.

He kissed her mouth again and then eagerly moved down to her flat stomach where he kissed down from her bellybutton to the top band of her panties. Brian looked up at her with heavy lids and lust blown pupils as if asking permission. She nodded eagerly in anticipation, curious to see what he would dare to do next. 

He moved lower and sucked at the supple skin of her inner thigh as his curls tickled her opposite leg. Then he shifted his attention and applied the same technique to her clitoral area through her underwear. She threw her head back and gasped. 

Brian finally removed the cotton barrier between them and worked on her like he had her mouth; tongue darting inside her and applying pressure in all the right places. He groaned into her a few times and the vibration thrilled her; her body began to convulse and she moaned loudly. 

When Rayanne managed to come back to reality she found that Brian was holding her as he lay next to her. She wanted to tell him how amazing he made her feel; how no guy ever did that to her before. Not the oral, but the orgasm. Instead, she just lay there with him reflecting on how he wasn’t so harmless after all. She really loved him, the nerd.

She reached over with one hand and pulled gently at the ringlets by his temple watching them spring back each time. This made him smile lazily. “Was that okay? Do you feel alright?” he asked in a husky drawl.

“Can I keep you, Krakow?” she asked half-joking as she continued to play with his hair.

“I’m all yours,” he said and kissed her cheek. They cuddled into each other then and took a well-earned nap.

......

When Angela arrived home she was met at the door by her father. Graham shook his head and placed a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “Your mother is in dining room with Camille Cherski,” he warned her as he went out the front door.

Angela knew exactly why he’d thought to give her a heads up. Camille must be beside herself over her daughter’s situation. She was sure her own mother would be worked up over it too by now. She decided to sneak past them and up to her room. Once she was sure no one had noticed her, she picked up her phone on the bedside table and called Sharon.

“Hello, Cherski residence,” chirped Sharon politely on the other end of the line.

“Your mother is at my house, lamenting to my mother as we speak,” Angela whispered into the receiver. 

“Angela? Is that you?” Sharon asked, clearly confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Yes, it’s me...Have you made up your mind yet?” she asked cutting to the chase.

Sharon’s annoyance was auditable. “Angela, this is completely none of your business,” she huffed. “You have no stake in what I decide to do.”

“Sure, agreed,” she stipulated, “however in the meantime the very idea of you being pregnant is, like, infecting my life.”

“So tough for you,” Sharon said sardonically. “Look don’t worry about it. My mom is probably over there telling Patty that I’ve decided to get an abortion.”

“Seriously?” asked Angela a little stunned. “Are you sure?”

“Very sure,” confirmed Sharon. “I really I wanted to wait until after finals, but that feels like it would be too long a time from now and I just want it over with. I’m actually going tomorrow after school. Can you believe it?”

No, Angela couldn’t believe it. Just like that it would be over. She didn’t know exactly why but she found herself asking if Kyle knew anything about it yet. 

“It’s not like it was staying a secret,” Sharon sighed. “Yeah, he’ll be glad when it’s taken care of. I’d be mad, but like I said, I feel the same. Just never let me have sex with him, like, ever again, okay?”

“For sure,” Angela said. “If I can keep you away from him, I will.” She knew it was a silly thing to promise, but Sharon needed her on her side.

“Thanks, Chase-face,” Sharon said using her old nickname. “I’m sorry my mom is being a pain right now, but she really has been great through all of this.”

Angela realized that everyone was stressed, but no one more than Camille to be sure. Hopefully in a few weeks his would all be a distant memory and they could all enjoy summer. That is if her dad didn’t rope her into working at his restaurant.

......


	4. Misconceptions

Episode Four: Misconceptions

The rest of May went by in what seemed the blink of an eye. Rayanne and Angela visited Sharon at home after her procedure to cheer her up. She was glad for the distraction. Angela went on the pill and Jordan was grateful. 

Brian started to sit in on “Residue” rehearsals taking candid photos now and then, getting a feel for their sound and look. Jordan was slowly trying to influence Brian in his own look, explaining that it would be better to blend in if he followed them to a live gig.

Rayanne started training in the after-school program for elementary kids at the community center in hopes that she could have a job with the day programs they ran during the summer months. Max explained that if she could support herself she could try to get emancipated.

Angela was doing some training of her own as a waitress for her father. He and Hallie Lowenthal had decided on the name “Fiore” for the restaurant. She was so proud of her father, though wary of working for him.

Rickie and Scott continued to be thick as thieves and just as secretive to their friends. Not that any of them minded. They all knew the possible consequences of their relationship to anyone less understanding.

June arrived with all the stress of finals. They were still two weeks away, but everyone at Liberty was in full review mode. Sharon begged Brian to take Jordan back for tutoring so she could concentrate on her own studies. Brian relented after Jordan joined in on the request. Sharon was just not as comprehensive as he was. Rayanne was not exactly thrilled that her boyfriend was now spending more time with Jordan Catalano than her, but what could she say about it. She was busy with work herself.

On the Monday before exam week Rayanne, Rickie and Angela were chatting on the bleachers at lunch. Angela was commenting how nice it was to have Brian working with Jordan again. It meant she didn’t have to keep on him as much and he might actually pass this year, or at the very least have fewer summer school classes. Rickie was happy to have a boyfriend who was equal to him in his studies, while Rayanne was happy to be mediocre in hers.

“So, I like noticed that Brian’s been changing his look lately,” said Rickie since they were on the subject. “Is that something you’ve been trying to get him to do?” he asked Rayanne.

Rayanne shook her head. “Hey I knew he was a strange guy when I took up with him,” she replied. “I honestly don’t care what he looks like. I mean fashion wise. Like if he gained a couple hundred pounds we might have a problem,” she added laughing.

“And if he cut all his hair off?” asked Angela with a giggle. Something about her question felt like she was being more than hypothetical. Rayanne was about to give her opinion when she noticed that Angela was looking intently at someone behind her. She and Rickie turned at the same time and saw Brian approaching. At least they thought it was Brian. His signature mop was missing; his hair now maybe one to two inches in length.

“Hey,” he called as he came closer. Along with the change in haircut he was wearing jeans and a more fitted t-shirt than was normal for him. As he sat down Rayanne hit him hard in the arm.

“What the fuck!? Don’t you ‘hey’ me with that hair!” she yelled and swatted at him again.

“Ouch!” he cried and moved out of her reach. “Sorry. I didn’t think that I needed permission to cut my hair.”

“Well obviously you were wrong,” stated Angela while doing her best not to laugh at her friend’s outrage.

“Does it look that bad?” asked Brian, really wanting to know.

Rickie gave him a once over. “I like it,” he commented, “only you don’t look like you. You know?”

“He’s right,” added Angela. “You actually look normal. Attractive, almost.”

Rayanne was appalled and made a face at her friend. “Great; that’s great,” she huffed. “You’re attractive. Happy now?”

Brian laughed at his girlfriend’s bizarre statement. “I’m sorry, were you content with my misfit lack of style before?” he asked jokingly.

“As a matter of fact I was,” Rayanne retorted. “I liked your hair...it was you. Like what Rickie said.” Then she glared at Angela. “This is Catalano’s doing.”

“Don’t look at me,” she said putting her hands up defensively. “I have no say in what he does.”

“I guess you won’t want to go to ‘Louie’s’ on Thursday night,” Brian said ducking away from Rayanne again.

“I’m sorry ‘cooler version of Krakow’, but I am going to need more information,” she said with a touch of sarcasm. “Are you going to ‘Louie’s’?” she asked narrowing her eyes.

“Yeah, I mean, yes. I’m going to take photos of Jordan and his band,” he said nervously.

“Wow, on a school night?” asked Angela. “Just before exams? Who are you? And what have you done with Brian?” 

“I know right, it’s like invasion of the body snatchers,” added Rickie and began to laugh with Angela.

“Never mind,” Brian huffed and stood to walk away, “I just can’t win with you people.” He took a few steps down the bleachers when Rayanne came after him.

“Wait up,” she called; and he did. “I can’t go to ‘Louie’s’. I don’t want to be around alcohol, or the dip-shit drunks that hang out there. Plus, I don’t want to be there if Jordan is there.” Her last words were quieter, so only Brian could hear them. 

He knew exactly what she meant, it was the same reason why he didn’t think she would go when he asked. ‘Louie’s’ is where she and Jordan hooked up that night, or at least the parking lot outside. He wasn’t exactly thrilled either that that was the venue they had chosen.

He bent down and kissed her softly. “I get it and I’m sorry,” he said to her. She reached up a hand to touch his short curls and winced. “I’m sorry for that too,” he added.

“It’s fine,” she admitted. “I guess I’ll get used to it. Besides, it’ll grow back.” She looked at him for a beat and then added, “But if you start acting like Catalano — introverted, eye pained and leaning on shit—it’s over between us.”

Brian laughed loudly. He knew she was only joking, but he couldn’t begin imagine acting like Jordan. Who could possible master his brand of cool and broody, he wondered, other than Jordan himself?

Back in their seats on the bleachers Rickie turned to Angela and asked, “Is that still weird for you too?”

Angela looked from Rickie to Rayanne and Brian. “What them kissing like that? Totally,” she said as he nodded. “I keep expecting that eventually it won’t bother me, but it’s still, like, jarring.”

“Exactly,” Rickie agreed. “I rationally tell myself that it’s been a couple of months, but, like, my brain still can’t process it.” Angela nodded this time. She knew just what he meant. Although, she did find it less strange now that Brian looked less like Brian.

......

Angela was off in the corner with Jordan at ‘Louie’s’ while Jordan and his band went over their line up. They were only playing three songs, but they all wanted to be sure they picked the right three. The red-head was giving her boyfriend a neck massage while he chatted with the other guys. That is until she distracted him enough that he turned and started making out with her.

“This is why we say no girls before the show,” complained the drummer. “Come on Catalano, focus!”

Jordan had to side with his bandmates and politely asked Angela to go sit with her friends. She found them at a table near the front. Rickie, Scott and Delia were chatting away when she sat down, unnoticed. Angela was a little mystified to see Delia Fisher. Had the girl never heard of a third wheel before? She was sure Rickie and Scott did not need her hovering as they tried to secretly have alone time together.

Angela got Rickie’s attention and asked if he’d seen Brian arrive. Delia chimed in and answered for him, “He’s by the stage. If you can, like call it that.” The stage was a two foot high platform only large enough for smaller bands and single performers.

Angela gave Rickie an annoyed look for Delia cutting him off—to which he just shrugged— and then looked over her shoulder. Brian was crouched down with his camera. It looked like he was checking his settings. The patrons seemed to be ignoring him, which made Angela think it may have been a good idea after all for her friend to look the part. 

She was aware that Jordan had asked him to help take publicity photos so they would have something to pass around if they ever got to recording a demo. Angela just wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. Rayanne certainly didn’t think so. 

“So, how is it having your boyfriend in a band?” Scott asked Angela, trying to break the ice.

“It’s pretty cool, I guess,” she replied smiling. “No Corey tonight?” she asked Rickie, thinking maybe he would be a distraction for Delia.

“Not tonight, he’s madly at work on final painting for art class,” Rickie answered casually. Corey and Scott hadn’t really hung out yet, so he was actually quite relieved he couldn’t make it.

Angela nodded her understanding. “I didn’t know you were into live music in clubs?” Angela asked Delia; still unsure why the girl was there at all.

“Rickie was telling me about the show and I just thought it sounded like a good time,” she answered with a sweet smile.

“Yeah, I guess I don’t know my own power of persuasion,” Rickie lamented, to which Scott knocked shoulders with him. Rickie hoped that the gesture implied that his date didn’t blame him for the extra company.

“I hope no one minds but I sort of invited someone to join us,” said Delia after a moment. All eyes were on the girl as she blushed slightly.

“Someone, like a date?” asked Rickie. He was hoping she said yes so maybe her attention would be elsewhere for once.

“I don’t know if I’d call it that,” she replied. “It’s that Phil guy. He asked me a few more times if we could, like, hang out. And after everything with that happened with Brian, I thought I should give it a go. You know?” Delia kept her eyes on the coaster in front of her as she spoke. Angela felt like interjecting her thoughts on what happened to Sharon and getting pregnant, but held her tongue. If Delia wanted to move to the fast lane who was she to dissuade her?

Rickie grimaced and unlike Angela did not stay quiet. “Just be careful with a guy like that,” he said warning her, “he might see this as a date and expect certain things.”

“I have to say, the guy has a reputation,” Scott said backing up his boyfriend. Then he added, “Unless that’s what you’re looking for? No judgement.” He didn’t know Delia well yet and didn’t want her to dislike him since she was close with Rickie.

“As long as you wanted to go out with him to have a good time and not to make Brian jealous,” Angela commented mostly to herself.

“Oh please, like I care what that weirdo thinks of me anymore,” Delia retorted defensively.

“Sure, whatever,” Angela said rising from her seat. “I think I’ll go check on that weirdo now.” Scott chuckled at Angela’s blatant retreat from Delia.

Angel perched on the stage next to where Brian was setting up. “Looks involved,” she said nudging his leg with one of her feet to get his attention. The blond looked up at her and smiled, glad for the company.

“I’m just not sure about all the lighting effects. I’m not really sure how great these pictures will turn out,” Brian confessed with some concern.

His friend returned the smile and said, “You’ve been doing this for a while and Jordan trusts you. He’ll be thrilled with anything you can give him.” Angela was happy that talking to Brian was getting easier. Even if it meant he was dating Rayanne, they were starting to find their friendship again.

“Thanks that means a lot,” he said as he did his last lens check. “You guys got a good table. Should I even ask why Delia Fisher is here?”

“Please don’t,” Angela groaned, but then added, “It seems she’s meeting Phil.”

“Why? That jerk almost beat me up a few weeks ago. What could she possibly see in him?” Brian said at a loss.

“God, did he?” Angela said appalled. “I have no idea why she wants to go out with him. Besides, didn’t he have a fling with Rayanne a few months ago?”

“Oh I know he did...but then again, who didn’t?” the boy lamented as he came to sit next to her. Brian looked at the table of their friends just as Phil took a seat. They could tell that he was saying something to Delia that made her blush. “Super glad I get to stay over here while you get to go sit with that side-show,” he said sardonically.

Angela pulled a face. She instantly felt bad for Rickie and Scott. She really should go back to her seat. “I should go rescue the guys,” she said excusing herself.

......

The night was fantastic. All the bands, four in total, were great and Brian was sure he got some usable shots. It was getting late and the group of friends was about to head out. Angela waved Brian over to the table and he joined them reluctantly. “Hey,” he said greeting them. 

“We’re gonna go, with school tomorrow and all,” said Rickie, referring to himself and Scott. “Do you need a lift Ange?” he offered.

“I think Jordan’s gonna hang with the band, but I can get a ride with Brian I’m sure,” Angela replied looking to Brian. He nodded, after all they lived across the street from one another.

“Sounds good; what about you Delia?” It was Scott who asked this time.

“It’s cool,” said Phil throwing a possessive arm around his date’s shoulders. “I can get her home.” 

“Are you sure, Delia?” asked Rickie, since he felt he was responsible for her.

Delia looked from Rickie and Scott to Phil. They had been getting along quite well the past couple of hours and she didn’t see the harm. So Rickie backed off and let her do her own thing.

Just as they were all finding their way in the parking lot Phil turned to Brian and said, “I wanted to ask, are you that Brian that goes to Liberty?”

Brian and Angela froze. Was this guy really so dense that he hadn’t realized Brian was the same boy with a haircut and a new outfit? Or maybe he bullied so many students that he didn’t kept track. “Um, sure,” Brian said seeing no sense in lying about it.

“The same one that messed around with Delia?” Phil said puffing up his chest and moving closer to Brian. 

Angela heard alarm bells go off in her head. This wasn’t about being the nerd he almost beat up. This was most likely some misunderstanding about some stupid thing Delia told him about her and Brian. She quickly and without thinking moved between the two boys. 

“Look we’re all friends here. We had a good time, right?” Angela said trying to play peacekeeper. Delia came up behind Phil and linked her arm around his as she told him she wanted to go home. He looked to his date and the danger seemed to have passed. Only it hadn’t...

Phil walked Delia to the car and like a gentleman opened the door for her. Once she was safely inside he came back around as one would expect, only he didn’t go for his door. Instead he came back to Brian who had just finished putting all of his camera gear in the trunk of his car and it was a good thing he had. 

Phil tapped Brian on the shoulder and as he turned to see who wanted his attention Phil clocked him with a right hook. Angela turned just in time to see her friend hit the pavement and she screamed. Luckily, Scott came running over and he took Phil down in one fluid motion, but not before Phil managed to kick Brian in the gut once or twice as he lay prone on the ground. 

“What the fuck!?” shouted Phil like he was the true victim. “Get the fuck off me you fag!” he spat at Scott.

Scott was a little shocked by the other boy’s derogatory slur, but he continued to hold him down in a head lock. “I will let you go if promise to leave him alone and go home!” he all but shouted in Phil’s face. 

In the meantime, Rickie got Delia out of Phil’s car and into Scott’s. There was no way he was letting his friend go anywhere with that guy. Angela was bent down with Brian who was double over in pain. He had a split lip that bleeding down the front of his shirt, but she was more concerned about possible internal injuries.

Other people were around, strangers to them, but they just ignored the scene, or pretended they didn’t see the fight happen. Sadly, that was fairly typical. Angela was very grateful in that moment that they had a heavyweight like Scott with them and on their side. She’d hate to think what could have happened if he had left already.

Scott let Phil up and he took off without another word. Once his car was gone from the parking lot Scott came over to Brian. “Can you stand up?” he asked ready to offer support. Brian managed to nod and Scott helped him to walk the short distance to sit in the open driver’s seat. 

Delia was in hysterics in the backseat of the other car. Rickie was trying to calm her down. “It’s over Delia,” he soothed. “Scott handled it. This wasn’t your fault.” His words fell on deaf ears. She felt completely responsible. She was the one who shot her mouth off about how Brian had hurt her on multiple occasions. She should have known better than to tell some guy she barely knew.

Angela handed Brian some tissue from her purse to hold on his lip. “Do you think you’re okay to drive?” she asked him, trying to keep her panic at bay. 

“I think so,” he managed to say between pained breaths. 

Scott crouched down and had Brian lift his shirt. Bruising was already visible and Angela winced. She was sure she could make out part of a shoe tread. Scott applied some pressure with his thumbs to the boy’s bottom ribs on his left side. Brian gasped and Scott grimaced.

“I think we should take you to a hospital,” Scott said after making his assessment. He had a lot of experience with sports injuries and he didn’t feel comfortable sending him home. “Look, no offence but your car is a piece of crap. We’ll get your things and we’ll lock it up. Okay?”

Brian was in no position to argue. He handed his keys to Angela so she could move his gear to Scott’s trunk and lock up afterwards. Brian was maneuvered into the front passenger seat, while Rickie, Delia and Angela sat in the back. He very slowly looked back to Delia who was seated in the middle and said, “I’m gonna be fine Delia, don’t worry.”

Delia smiled a little, but she didn’t really feel like he was going to be okay. She felt so guilty for ruining everyone’s good time. She wondered if this is what it left like to be Rayanne. And then Delia felt very afraid of what Rayanne might do to her for putting her boyfriend in harm’s way.

......

Angela stayed with Brian while he waited to be seen in emergency. She called his parents and when no one answered she called her own. Her father had answered and was surprisingly calm as she explained what had happened and where they were. He took it upon himself to go over and try to wake Brian’s parents himself. It was about an hour later and Brian was in having x-rays when Graham arrived with Bernice Krakow.

They found Angela and sat with her. “How is he?” asked Brian’s mother. Angela noted that without make-up or her usual smart attire, Bernice looked old, tired and very worried for her son.

“So, he was doing okay,” Angela started to explain, “and we were waiting. I mean they said it would be a while and everything. Brian was great with the paperwork.” The two parents stared at the girl waiting for the other shoe to drop. “And then Brian felt kind of nauseous and he went to the bathroom, you know...anyways I waited outside in case he needed anything. It turns out he vomited some blood. Well, actually a lot of blood. Then he felt faint, so I went and told the nurse and the rushed him right in and he’s in x-ray now.”

Bernice was trying to keep herself together. She was not an emotional woman, but it was very late and this was very upsetting news. “Has the doctor been out to talk to you at all?” she asked after a moment. 

Angela shook her head. “No, not yet,” she said, “but also I’m not related to him, so I don’t know how much they we’re going to tell me.”

“Thank you for staying with him, Angela,” said Bernice with gratitude. “Graham it’s late,” she said turning her attention to Angela’s father. “You should take your daughter home. Bob will come in the morning.”

“Bernice, are you sure?” asked her father. “I don’t know that either of us will get much sleep until we know Brian’s okay.” Angela was a little taken aback by her father’s offer to stay. She was never sure if he really liked Brian, or just found him annoying. Angela supposed in a situation like this parental nature takes over.

“Thank you, but it isn’t necessary,” Bernice insisted. Just then a doctor in a lab coat came out and asked if they were there for Brian. Bernice introduced herself as the boy’s mother. The doctor explained that Brian had a cracked rib, but the bleeding was from a peptic ulcer that may have been opened when he had been kicked in the stomach. They wanted to admit him.

Graham sat suddenly like all the air had left his body. Angela found herself reassuring him that Brian was going to be okay. Bernice thanked them again and then took off with the doctor to be with her son. Angela was sure that the Krakows would be grounding their son until he was thirty after this.

......

The next day Graham had to be back at the restaurant, so Patty offered to take Angela back to the hospital to see Brian. Angela had to make a stop first at Charlotte’s to tell Rayanne what had happened. She thought about calling her when they had arrived at the hospital, but then decided that her friend might handle the news better in the morning when they had more information and after a good night’s sleep.

Angela knocked on the door as Rayanne was just about to leave for school and without asking a single question followed her friend down to Patty’s waiting car. Angela explained on the way and Rayanne remained very quiet.

Patty checked in at the main desk where she was directed to a waiting area where Bernice and Bob Krakow were seated. Patty spoke to them briefly and came back to let the girls know that Brian was still in intensive care. They were still monitoring him for bleeding and infection. Patty offered to take over waiting so Brian’s parents could take a break and get something to eat. They gladly accepted and would be back shortly.

The three women sat down in a triangle formation. Patty and Rayanne on the couch and Angela adjacent on a single chair.

“Rayanne, you’ve been awfully quiet,” said Patty. “How are you doing?”

“Kinda numb,” she mumbled. “Do you think that’s normal?”

“It’s completely normal,” Patty said in her reassuring mom voice and put an arm around her.

“I can’t believe I wasn’t there,” Rayanne said after a moment in silence. “It sounded like my kind of time. Like if it wasn’t Brian bleeding out it would be a great story.”

“Well he’s going to be fine,” Angela said again for what felt like the hundredth time. “Thank God for Scott.”

“Rickie should marry that boy,” Rayanne said as she started off into nothing. “He’s, like, an actual hero.”

“Is Scott Rickie’s boyfriend?” Patty whisper-asked into her daughter’s ear.

“Yes, mom,” Angela replied trying her best not to roll her eyes.

“I thought you said he was a wrestler?” came Patty’s confused rebuttal.

“Can’t he be both?” Angela rationalized with her mother and her absurd questions.

“Hmm,” Patty commented after a beat, “good for Rickie.”

“And good for Brian that he was there,” added Rayanne. “Hey where was Jordan?” 

Angela explained that he’d taken off with Tino, Shane and the rest of the band. Rayanne nodded in understanding. She wasn’t really sure Jordan would have been great in a fight anyways. Maybe Tino, though.

“You should have seen Delia,” Angela said, “she was so upset.”

“Good, I’m glad,” shot Rayanne. “I mean I never would have thought Phil would be a violent asshole either. But that girl needs to grow up. She needs to realize that you shouldn’t talk smack about people you care about to just anyone, just because you want a little attention.”

“Then you acknowledge that Delia Fisher cares about Brian and is stupidly jealous over you being his girlfriend and not her,” Angela rambled and looked Rayanne in the eye waiting for her confirmation. Rayanne met her gaze and nodded. 

Patty was stunned by everything she was hearing. It had been awhile since her daughter had given her any real insight into her social life these days. Although it was a little jarring to hear about Brian’s troubles with two girls. She tried to content herself with the fact that at least one of them wasn’t Angela. She had been proud of her daughter for staying with her injured friend, but wasn’t entirely sure until just then if maybe Angela did have feelings for the boy. Clearly their relationship was platonic.

......

They still weren’t allowing visitors by 1pm and everyone was exhausted. Patty decided to take the girls home and Bernice joined them. Her husband stayed in case there was any news, or in case he was allowed to check in on his son.

Angela and her mother went home to lie down. Rayanne felt torn about whether to stay with Angela where she felt more comfortable, or follow Bernice in case she needed someone. She decided on the latter and when Bernice went to lie down Rayanne went into Brian’s room. 

She found herself straightening up and putting some of his clothes that were strewn about the floor into his laundry hamper. For all she knew the clothes were clean. She thought maybe he could have been nervous about what to wear last night and tried on a few things. Rayanne wasn’t sure if only girls did that sort of thing. 

Rayanne went to sit on the bed when she noticed one Brian’s granny cardigans under his desk. It must have fallen off his chair at some point. She picked it up, but instead of throwing it in the hamper she sat on the bed hugging it in her arms. Even though it was warmer out, Brian’s house was always chilly somehow and he must have worn it recently because it smelled like him. 

Suddenly, overcome with emotion, Rayanne buried her face in the sweater and cried. She had just seen her boyfriend at school the day before, but now it felt like years. She felt she should have been there, even if the outcome had been the same. She lay down then and tried to reassure herself that this wasn’t forever. Maybe she could see him tomorrow. Maybe she could resist raiding the liquor cabinet to calm herself.

......

Later that day, after school hours, Angela was visited by Sharon and Rickie. Rickie had apparently filled Sharon in and she was very concerned. Angela filled them both in on what she knew from the hospital. They were seated in the living room, all three on the couch.

“Delia didn’t come to school today. And then I realized that you weren’t there either,” Sharon said to Angela. “I mean maybe I noticed Rayanne wasn’t around, but Brian being absent is, like, unheard of.”

“So I had to tell her,” admitted Rickie. “I thought she should know. Mr. Katimski is super upset,” he continued. “He firmly believes that Brian should press charges, or at least his parents should report Phil to the principle.”

“Have him expelled right before finals?” Angela said as she grimaced. “I don’t know.”

“Chase-face, who’s side are you?” Sharon asked when confused by her friend’s lack of conviction. “You were there. He, like, assaulted Krakow.”

“No, I know,” Angela started to explain, “it’s just that sort of thing will follow him the rest of his life right? It’s a big deal. Not that I’m not on Brian’s side—because I totally am—but if he didn’t have a pre-existing medical problem this wouldn’t be the huge drama it’s turned into.”

“The guy broke Brian’s rib and smashed his face,” Rickie said clearly upset. “No one deserves that. Even if that ulcer thing wasn’t an issue. He’s twice Brian’s size. How would you feel if someone else got hurt, or worse because that monster felt he could get away with it?”

Angela put a hand on Rickie’s shoulder. “You’re right,” she said. She sometimes forgot that Rickie had also been the victim of violence. “We’ll check in with his parents and make sure they do something, okay?”

“Well they have to inform the school anyways,” Sharon chimed in. “Exams start on Monday and there is no way Brian will be able to be there.” Angela nodded in agreement. She knew that Brian would be upset about that, but figured there must be a way that he could take his exams once he was able. After all he was one of the top scoring students at Liberty. The whole grade point average of the school would fall. 

“Rickie, have you talked to Delia?” Angela wanted to know. 

“I called her house at lunch,” he told them. “She sounded tired and still quite upset. I told her I would let her know when we can go see him. I was actually kind of shocked that Brian had the mindset to tell Delia that he didn’t blame her.”

“Yeah, I hate to admit it, but he’s grown up a lot since he took up with Rayanne,” Angela noted. “Which is strange, because it’s Rayanne.”

“Right, like she used to be a 24/7 party,” added Rickie. “And now she’s this person with feelings.” It was Sharon’s turn to nod in agreement.

“Rickie did you see Jordan at school today?” Angela asked after realizing her boyfriend was still in the dark.

Rickie shook his head. “I didn’t see him, but today was all exam review stuff so he probably skipped after being out last night,” he explained. Angela thought her friend was probably right.

“I was thinking about talking to Kyle,” said Sharon after a moment. “He’s friends with Phil. I feel like he should know what happened.”

“Well, you can tell him,” said Angela, “but only if you promise to do in a public place where you won’t be tempted to fall into his comforting arms.” Angela was only half kidding. Sharon did make her promise to help keep her away from her ex-boyfriend and she intended to keep that promise. Sharon grumbled that she would wait until she was sure they would be alone enough to talk, but not so alone that they be tempted.

“Hey Ange?” Rickie asked getting the girl’s attention again. “If you do happen to get see Brian...can you let him know that Scott still has his camera. He says he’ll hang onto it for now.”

“Thanks Rickie and thank Scott,” said Angela. “Hey Rickie this is probably the wrong time to ask, but are you and Scott okay after last night?”

Rickie gave his friend a look and then said, “Oh yeah, we’re more than good. Scott was nervous that his show of brute force would turn me off. I let him know that it was, like, the total opposite. I know he only did it to protect Brian and the rest of us.”

“Yeah, I bet it was pretty hot seeing him be so strong,” said Sharon practically drooling as she spoke. Rickie blushed at her overt sexualization of his boyfriend. And Angela swatted her friend in the arm for it.

“Don’t be such a perv,” Angela joked. “Guess this means you’re back to your old self.” Sharon just shrugged and Rickie giggled at her. Some things never changed.

......

That night Rayanne went back to the hospital with Bernice. She knew there was little to no chance that she could see Brian, but she wanted to go. More than that she didn’t want to be alone. Charlotte was working late and when she dared to try calling her mother, Trevor had picked up the phone. The guy Amber claimed to have broken up with seemed to be living with her in the old apartment. 

When they arrived Rayanne noticed a young woman chatting with Bob. She didn’t appear to be a hospital employee. She had wavy blond hair like Bernice and her eyes crinkle when she smiled like Brian and Bob; they were the same mix of grey and blue. “Oh shit, it’s the sister,” Rayanne thought to herself.

“You’re back already,” said Bob as he greeted them. “It must be later than I thought.”

“I’ve come to relieve you,” Bernice told her husband. “And what are you doing here, Rebecca?” she asked her daughter. Rayanne noted the mild ridiculousness of the woman’s name. That made them Bob, Bernice, Brian, and most likely Becky. Yep, they were odd.

“You called in the middle of the night to tell me brother was in the hospital,” Rebecca replied. “Was I not supposed to drop everything and come to be with the family?”

“Don’t be absurd,” Bernice scolded. “We know you have your own life. We don’t expect you to be here and I’m certain Brian doesn’t either.”

“Ouch,” thought Rayanne. She wondered if Bernice was always this passive-aggressive to her daughter. No wonder she didn’t live in the same state.

“Well forgive me for wanting to see my baby brother,” Rebecca shot back defensively. “He could have died, mom.”

“Well he didn’t and he’s going to be just fine,” Bernice said with firm defiance.

“We think he is, anyways,” interjected Bob. “I am so very glad you came. Forgive your mother, she didn’t sleep much and you know how she gets when she’s stressed,” he said to his daughter. At least one parent was happy to see her.

“I’m so sorry, I am being so rude,” Rebecca said turning her attention to Rayanne. “You arrived with my mother, you must be Rayanne. You can call me Becca. Only my parents call me Rebecca.” She extended a friendly hand and Rayanne took it.

She tried not to giggle at the young woman’s name. She had been pretty close in her guess. “You know who I am?” Rayanne asked mildly surprised. 

“Of course,” Rebecca said with a kind smile. “I talk with my dad often.” And then she leaned closer to Rayanne and added with a wink, “He really likes and I hear Brian does too.”

Rayanne was delighted by how normal she was. Brian never talked about his sister, which seemed understandable seeing that she must be several years older than him. He probably felt like an only child. She remembered from their helpline phone call —that she still never admitted to Brian was really her on the line—that his sister lived in Denver and was married. Just how much older was she?

“I’m gonna head out,” said Bob and he kissed his wife on the cheek. He hugged his daughter and then hugged Rayanne. It was more affection than the man would express under normal circumstances, but these were not normal circumstances.

After Bob had gone, Bernice went on a mission to find out all she could about her son’s progress. This left Rayanne alone to sit with Becca.

“So how long have you been dating my brother?” Rebecca asked with interest. “No offence, but you aren’t exactly who I pictured he would take interest in.” 

“None taken,” Rayanne said with a laugh. “You should hear what my mom thinks of Brian.” Which apparently wasn’t much. “We’ve been a couple, if you can call us that, for just about two and a half months. What did you picture, if I can ask? Someone like his mom?”

Rebecca paused and looked at the girl for a moment. “Why do you think that?” she asked wanting to know her reasoning.

“He’s just so serious most of the time and isn’t there that thing that people say. That boys end up marrying their mothers,” Rayanne explained as she twirled a lock of long hair.

“Oh right,” Rebecca said an odd tone. “I don’t think that always applies. Besides, he’s sixteen. He should be having fun.”

Rayanne was a little offended now. Did Bob tell his daughter that she was good enough for now because she was fun? “So not like Bernice, then?”

“God I hope not,” she sighed. “I love my mother, but she can be a lot to take. I mean just look at poor Brian. Did you know he was so stressed that he had an ulcer?” Rebecca asked her. “What sixteen year old should have an ulcer?” The second question was more rhetorical. “I suppose I was hopeful that he had finally gotten together with the little blond girl from across the street,” she added after a reflective pause. “He used to get so excited when they had their little play dates.”

“Ha, ha, you mean Angela?” Rayanne guessed and Becca nodded. Sometimes Rayanne forgot that her friend used to be a natural blond. “Yeah, swing and a miss,” she informed her, which made Rebecca laugh too.

Rayanne sat in silence for a moment. She thought it was odd that Brian’s sister who was so much older than him, who maybe saw him once or twice a year would jump on a plane to come be by his side. Coming to see him a week later would have been acceptable, she thought. “How old are you, exactly?” she found herself asking without meaning to.

“I’m just about to turn thirty, the big three-oh,” Rebecca said with nothing to hide. “Why?” she asked after a moment.

“Oh no reason,” Rayanne mused to herself. Sharon’s recent abortion was on her mind and if she did the math it actually gave her the suspicion that Rebecca was old enough to be Brian’s teenaged mother. It would help to explain the large age gap. Brian had made a couple of comments about how his parents would be ready to retire by the time he was in college.

Rayanne kept her thoughts to herself. There was no need to insert herself in their old world ways of covering up such a shameful thing in their family. Besides, she could be completely wrong and would just make an idiot out of herself. Maybe her brain was just coping with the stress of not being able to see her boyfriend by invented wild stories.

Just then Bernice came back with the news that Brian had been moved to a room and could now have visitors. It was getting late so they would only be allowed a short visit, but Rayanne didn’t care. She was just happy she could see him at all.

......

Rayanne quietly followed Rebecca into the the small single room. She wasn’t sure if they had lucked out or if their insurance was good enough to afford him the privacy. Brian was paler than usual, but smiling as his sister sat next to him. He was hooked up to an IV and some other machines.

“What are you doing here, Becca?” Brian asked weakly with a hint of surprise.

“The things you’ll do for attention baby brother,” his sister teased. “How are you feeling?” she asked as she took his hand.

“Pretty weird,” he admitted. “The antibiotics are making me feel gross, but whatever they’re giving me for pain is pretty awesome,” he added with a chuckle.

“Yeah, drugs are great aren’t they?” Rebecca commented as her brother nodded. “I just want you to know that I’m here as long as you need me.”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” Brian said whimsically. “Everything is under control.” He clearly didn’t want to her to feel responsible. She was allowed to be away from him and shouldn’t feel guilty.

Then Brian looked past his sister and saw Rayanne standing near the door. “Hey,” was all she managed to say. He motioned for her to come over and Rebecca moved so she could sit in her place. Rayanne gave him a very light kiss on the cheek before sitting.

“You okay?” he asked with concern. He could tell she was trying not to cry. “I should be able to come home in a day or two,” he said trying to console her.

“That’s good,” she said squeezing his hand. She really wanted to hug him, but wasn’t sure if it would just do more harm than good with the broken rib. “And don’t worry if I’m okay. Clearly I’m doing better than you,” she said jokingly and then added, “that’s the last time I let you go anywhere fun without me.” Her words made him smile again.

“You got it, boss,” Brian said playing along with her. 

Rebecca was reading through her brother’s chart while the two chatted. She kept shaking her head as she flipped through it and then left the room. “What’s her deal?” Rayanne asked when she noticed her go.

“Not sure,” Brian said knowing his guess was as good as hers. “I hope no one is mad at me.” Rayanne stared at him for a moment unsure why he would think such a thing.

“No one is mad, Bri,” she reassured him. “We all just want you to get better. If any one is mad at anybody it’s that jerk-off, Phil.” Brian winced at when she said his attacker’s name. She decided to steer away from the subject. “So any cute nurses?” she asked with a wink.

“Rayanne, don’t be silly,” he said in an attempt to discourage her. 

“Hey, I was asking for me,” Rayanne added with a giggle to which he rolled his eyes at her. “I really missed you,” she admitted moving closer and leaning her head on the pillow next to him. Brian turned his head so he could meet her gaze. He kissed her nose and she giggled again.

“Me too,” he told her, “But I might just close my eyes now.” She could tell he was tired. This was probably to most taking he’d done all day. Rayanne nodded, but didn’t move from the pillow. Brian was asleep in moments and she watched him afraid that moving would wake him.

Bernice appeared behind her and asked her to come with her. Visiting hours were over and they could come again tomorrow. She noted that it was almost harder leaving him there now that she’d seen him than it might have been if she hadn’t. The three women drove back to the house in silence.

......

Angela was talking with Jordan in her driveway. Both leaned on his car in the warm night air. Rayanne walked over to them not wanting to over-stay her welcome at the Krakow house. She noted Brian’s old car was once again in the driveway. 

“Hey, did you get the car?” Rayanne asked as she came over. 

“My dad went with Jordan and picked it up,” Angela explained. “Did you get to see Brian?”

“Yeah, how’s he doing?” asked Jordan putting an arm around his girlfriend.

“I saw him for, like, a few minutes. He’s out of intensive care, but still looks like crap,” Rayanne said as she distractedly played with the strap of her boho bag. 

Jordan furrowed his brow, clearly concerned. “I can’t believe that fucking happened. I would have lost it on that guy if I’d been there,” Jordan confessed with frustration.

“Maybe it was good that you weren’t there,” said Angela, “then there might have been two people in the hospital. Not that Phil wouldn’t have deserved it.” The red-head gave her boyfriend a kiss to try and calm him. It seemed to have the desired effect and after a beat Angela added, “Who got out of the car with you and Bernice?”

Rayanne pulled a face. “Brian’s sister, Becca,” she told them. 

Angela looked a little confused for a moment, but then shrugged and said, “Doesn’t that seem strange that she would show up like that?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” admitted Rayanne. “When was the last time you saw her?”

“I have no idea...like a year, or maybe two years ago?” Angela said obviously unsure. “It’s not like I really know her, I mean she lived with them when they first moved in, but I was so young I barely remember her.”

“Huh, I didn’t know he had a sister,” Jordan said adding his two cents. The girls just looked at him for a moment, like either of them would expect Jordan knew much about Brian at all. 

Angela offered to let Rayanne stay the night, but she decided it would be better to get back to Charlotte’s and check in. To everyone’s surprise including his own, Jordan offered to drive Rayanne home. She accepted, but only after receiving Angela’s blessing. Angela seemed satisfied that they could behave like grown ups and she should try to let go of the past.

......

The last day of exams meant the last day of school. The seniors and juniors at Liberty we’re all psyched for prom. Angela and her friends were sophomores, so they weren’t going. All except Sharon Cherski; she was going with Kyle Vinovich her on-again-off-again boyfriend who was a junior. They were currently back on, much to Angela’s disappointment. She decided to let Sharon’s parents worry about it.

Jordan Catalano was old enough to go to prom, but not quite in the right grade, since he had been held back twice. Angela prayed that he had done well enough on his exams with her help alone that it didn’t become three times. Brian was meant to help him study but didn’t get out of the hospital until the second to last day of exams. 

The group of friends gathered on the steps in front of the school. Rayanne was popping bubble gum as she chatted with Corey about his plans for the summer. Rickie and Scott were seated close to them trying to firm up plans of their own while Rickie waited for Mr. Katimsky to finish his exam monitoring duties. 

Sharon came out to join them after finishing her final yearbook duties, grumbling under her breath to Delia—who was hurrying along side her— about how Brian had managed once again to find a reason not to help her. Delia was a little appalled by the girl’s insinuation that Brian would rather be in the hospital than help with school yearbook.

Angela said her good-byes to Jordan and joined her friends. She new he would rather hang with his own friends and didn’t protest too much when he left. The red-haired girl sat on a step next to Rayanne and joined in the conversation. Corey was going to be taking a life-drawing workshop and was trying to convince Rayanne it wasn’t too late to sign-up. 

“I didn’t know you drew,” said Angela putting an arm around her friend.

“I don’t really,” admitted Rayanne, “but apparently beginners are welcome and sometimes the models are nude.” The girl waggled her eyebrows and popped a bubble at Angela for effect.

“Rayanne, be serious,” Angela chided. “You can’t just join an art class to ogle the models.”

“Hey maybe you should offer to be a model?” suggested Rickie jokingly from over his shoulder. 

“Do you think they pay?” Rayanne asked Corey. 

“I honestly don’t think you could sit still long enough,” Corey laughed, “you know, to qualify.”

“But they do those short pose things too right?” she offered with renewed hope. “I could be like a moving target. Art in motion,” she scoffed.

“Well let me know,” said Corey skeptically, “it would be nice to have the company.”

“Maybe I’ll join you,” said Rickie, “I want to maybe go into fashion design. So I guess I should know the basics of drawing the body first.”

“Oh, cool, sure that would be great,” said Corey casually. “Sorry I didn’t think of you before.” Rickie told his friend he wouldn’t have thought of him either. 

“Did anyone hear what happened with Phil Connor?” asked Sharon out of the blue. “I asked Kyle but he had no clue.”

“Yeah, Mr. Katimski says he was allowed to take exams, but is expelled from coming back for his senior year,” explained Rickie. “Mr. Foster was pretty put out. Phil was one of the school’s best football players.”

“He hasn’t bothered you, has he, Delia?” asked Angela with a touch of concern.

“No, I haven’t seen him,” Delia said looking at her feet. Everyone knew that Delia felt bad about what had happened no matter how many times they told her she wasn’t really at fault.

“Good riddance,” said Scott as he patted Delia on the shoulder. “Brian said he wanted me to show him that move I used to take the guy down. You know when he’s allowed to be more active again.”

“Maybe you can show me that one too,” added Angela. Maybe it was time they all learned a little self-dense. It’s not like they were going to learn it in school.

“How is Brian?” asked Delia as she dared to look at Rayanne. The girl gave her a warm smile. For some reason she couldn’t stay mad at her anymore.

“To be honest he’s fine,” said Rayanne. “He took the news about having to drop out of his summer courses pretty well. Doctor says he needs time off to relax, but I do think he’s a little stressed about his mom and sister sniping at each other. I mean seriously, maybe Becca should go home.”

“That’s right, Angela mentioned something about the prodigal daughter returning,” Sharon said chiming in. “Gosh, I just remember thinking she was like a life-sized Barbie doll. I was so jealous that Brian got to live with her...like, this was when I six.”

“Ha, ha, ha,” Angela laughed. “That’s right, you always asked if you could play with her hair.”

“Little girls are weird,” commented Corey. Rickie and Scott shrugged in unison and Delia laughed for the first time in a long time.

......

Brian was lounging out on a deck chair on his front lawn when he saw Angela and Rayanne get dropped off by Corey. His girlfriend gave him a peculiar once over. He had a sun-visor on his head, it was fluorescent green. It reminded Rayanne of something a gambler would wear to play poker in. Otherwise he was dressed in a t-shirt and khakis shorts; she hoped he wasn’t going to burn his pale legs and arms.

“Whatcha doing out here?” Rayanne asked as she walked over to him. “I hope you have sunscreen on or we’ll be taking you back to the hospital for 3rd degree burns later.” Angela giggled at her friend’s joke because it rang so true.

“Can’t a person just relax and soak up some vitamin D?” Brian said defensively. “And yes, my mother made sure I had sunscreen on like I’m a child.”

“Oh please, you’ll be in your thirties with your own children and your mom will be nagging you to put sunscreen on,” Angela observed. Rayanne nodded in agreement and sat herself on the well manicured lawn next to his chair, making sure to gather the skirt of her dress around her.

“Let me guess,” Rayanne began, “You’re pretending to be out here for fresh air and sunshine, but really you don’t want to be in there with your mom and sister.” Brian did not deny her statement. “In fact,” she continued like Colombo, “I’m pretty sure if I walked in there right now I would discover that Bob is hiding in his office.”

Brian laughed and then winced from laughing and held his side. “You’re too cute when you think you know everyone’s business,” he teased. “I think Becca might be leaving tomorrow, so that’s gonna help.”

“Why did she ever come in the first place? I mean I get it she was concerned about you, but did she actually help by being here?” Angela asked rambling. “Why are they always at each other like that, anyways? I sort of get it. My mom and I can get on each other’s nerves sometimes, but it just seems excessive.”

“Mother’s and daughters, why do they fight?” Rayanne scoffed thinking of the last fight she had with her own mother, which she supposed she never actually resolved.

“My sister is up in arms. She thinks my parents are neglecting me,” Brian explained. “She wanted to know why I would have an ulcer to begin with and why I wasn’t already on some form of anti-anxiety medication. Like I’m a total stress case and my parents don’t take my problems seriously.”

“Brian, you are a total stress case,” Angela said only half joking. “But no one is harder on you than you. I doubt your parents had any idea you were struggling.”

“But the thing is I’m not so much anymore,” Brian said, “I can’t help that I have a messed up stomach, but I don’t need to be on Valium or whatever. I mean I just don’t feel the same pressure. Maybe I’m just figuring out that there is more to life than academics.”

“Yeah, having a girlfriend will have that affect on a person,” Angela offered.

“Awe, are you calling me a good influence, Angel-cakes?” Rayanne asked teasingly. Angela stuck her tongue out at her friend. “But there has to more to their fighting than just what’s going on now,” she added re-addressing the tension between Becca and Bernice.

“Well, you both know my mom is really strict,” offered Brian.

“Yet somehow she let’s Rayanne stay over on occasion and let you go out on a school night for once,” Angela said demonstrating that maybe the woman wasn’t as strict as she used to be. 

“Okay, well,” he began, “see I follow my parent’s rules, usually, and I do well in school. So it’s like we have this contract. If I hold up my end I get to do things I want to without them getting on my case.”

“Like reading in tall trees, or driving to school more than necessary,” Rayanne offered to prove his point,

“Exactly,” Brian concurred, although he wasn’t sure about the tree example. “But Becca, from what I remember, was not such a rule follower. I mean she was so smart that she didn’t actually need to try very hard to do well in school, which left her with ample time to get into trouble.”

“Seems a touch ironic that she couldn’t stand her parents on her case when she was your age and is now is complaining that they aren’t giving you enough attention,” Rayanne observed and then her face light up. “What kind of trouble would you say she got into?” she asked mischievously. “I’ll bet it involved a boy.”

“Look, she’s my sister, so I shouldn’t talk about her behind her back,” Brian said as he back peddled.

“But you would only be telling us stuff that, like, no longer matters,” offered Angela. “She’s a grown woman now, right?” she reasoned.

“Then, yeah, there was a boy,” admitted Brian in a lowered voice, “but, like, a much older boy. Like I think he was in college and she was in high school. So you can imagine my mom being very not okay with it.”

“That’s not who she married is it?” asked Angela, looking for clarification.

“Who, David? No definitely not,” he confirmed. 

“Did he knock her up?” Rayanne asked hoping she didn’t look like she’d been dying to ask that question for days now.

“What? No,” said Brian, a little confused by her assumption. “Definitely not. My sister doesn’t have any kids yet.”

“That you know of,” mused Rayanne a little under her breath. Angela hit her friend’s arm for implying such a thing were possible. That Brian would be unaware of his own teenaged sister having a baby with her older lover. 

Then, suddenly, Angela had the same thought that Rayanne had had in the hospital. She turned to Rayanne and hit her arm again. “I know what you’re thinking and it’s not funny,” she scolded.

“What’s not funny?” asked Brian at a loss. He looked from one girl to the other in confusion. “What’s not funny?” he asked again.

“Never mind,” Rayanne stated as she decided to let it go. “So, Becca is leaving tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I think she’s afraid what state she’ll find her house in if she leaves her husband alone for another week,” Brian said only half kidding.

Suddenly Angela changed the subject when she remembered something she needed to tell Brian. “Oh, hey I meant to tell you that you don’t have to worry about your photos for Jordan,” she started to tell him. “Apparently one of Scott’s brothers is into photography and he went ahead and developed some of the shots. I hope that’s ok with you.”

“Gosh, I guess,” Brian said with some disappointment, “I just usually like to do I little of my own thing when I develop my pictures.”

“Technically you still can,” said Angela trying to make the best of the situation. “I mean you’ll get the negatives back with your camera at some point.” Brian seemed satisfied since he knew it would be awhile before he could get back in a darkroom.

“Oh shit,” Rayanne spouted, “Did his brother make proofs of all the photos?”

Both Angela and Brian looked at her oddly for asking such a strange question. “I guess so, why?” asked Angela.

“No reason, I just...you know,” Rayanne said trailing off.

“Oh no,” said Brian, “you didn’t.” He blushed and stared at his girlfriend waiting for a reply.

“What did she do?” asked Angela with laugh. “What did you do Rayanne?”

“Rayanne, these pictures were for Jordan and his band!” he scolded.

“But you said you were the one keeping the negatives,” she said defensively. 

Angela suddenly got an idea of what the problem was. “You took some kind of lewd pictures of yourself for Brian to find when he developed the role, didn’t you?”

“They were probably blurry or out of frame,” she said trying to make it sound like no big deal. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“Great, just great,” huffed Brian. Maybe his girlfriend was a nymphomaniac after all. This was not the first time she had done such a thing. The last time she took a couple of topless photos in the mirror. They had been sandwiched between the chess club and his coverage of the basketball finals for the school newspaper. Luckily he caught them on his contact sheet and cut the offending negatives out before he showed them to anyone.

“Come on it’s just Scott. It’s not like he’ll care,” Rayanne rationalized. 

“No, Angela said it was Scott’s brother, who is probably passing around your photos as we speak,” Brian corrected her.

“It was just some tasteful side-boob,” Rayanne pouted, causing Angela to laugh. She wasn’t sure if it was actually funny or the tension was starting to make her feel hysterical. It seemed to be catching because then Rayanne and Brian laughed too. Of course he tried not to laugh too hard.

......

That night Rayanne bumped into Rebecca coming out of Brian’s room. “Were you tucking him in or something?” she teased her boyfriend’s sister.

Rebecca looked Rayanne over for a moment and then shook her head. “Sure, something like that,” she retorted. “He’s changed a lot since I last saw him.”

“He’s probably a good half foot taller, right?” Rayanne scoffed. “Or is it the hair? He’s probably had the same mop since he was little?” she added tossing her long hair over her shoulder.

“I guess he’s growing up. The hair is a change, but that’s not it. He was always smart, a real know-it-all, but now he actually seems to be more socially aware,” Rebecca said with a sigh. “I was worried our parents would leave him to his own devices and he’d be this intellectual robot with no friends.”

“Ah,” Rayanne said, “well he kinda was. Angela and the rest of us kinda woke him up a little.” She thought back again to the first time they were all together in his kitchen and within five minutes he lost patience with their inane questions. They were trying to have a little fun, which almost gave him an aneurism. Fun was not fun for him back then. 

“Then I guess I’m glad he has you in his life,” she commented as she went into her room. Rayanne didn’t like her tone and she followed Rebecca, stopping in the doorway.

“Are you implying that you were not, in fact, happy I was in his life?” she demanded harshly.

Rebecca turned and looked at the girl. “Don’t make more of this than it is. I just meant it’s nice he has friends.” She turned away again and started packing.

“Whatever,” Rayanne snarked. “We probably won’t see you again for awhile anyways.”

Rebecca stopped what she was doing and came closer to Rayanne. “To be honest, we probably won’t be seeing each other again period. I don’t know what the two of get up to when no one’s around, but he’ll get board of you,” she said in a lowered voice with a sternness that rivalled Bernice. 

“Wow, that’s really super sad,” said Rayanne with mock sympathy. “Is that what happened to you? Did your high school boyfriend get bored?” Then she smiled wickedly at her and added, “‘Cause me and Brian, we’re solid. We don’t play stupid games, or care what other people think of us. And to be honest...I see how you like to play daddy’s little girl while being a real bitch to your mother. Don’t you think maybe you should grow up?”

Rebecca looked like she was going to slap her. Her eyes were blazing at the arrogance of the girl’s remarks. But instead, the woman calmed herself and shook her head again. “It’s cute the way you take my parents’ side. Just wait...you’ll see it from my side one day.” And with that she gently closed the door on Rayanne and went back to packing in peace.

Rayanne was about to head back downstairs. However, Rebecca’s words had rubbed her the wrong way and she decided to check on Brian before leaving for the night. Opening his door as quietly as she could she snuck in and when it looked like he was sleeping she bent over and kissed his forehead. 

“Hey, Ray,” he whispered smiling, “you joining me?” Rayanne giggled a little at his invitation. She thought it would be hilarious if his snooty sister caught them together. Then she noticed the pill bottle on his bedside table. It was oxycodone, the good stuff. 

“You take one of these?” she asked in mild amusement. She shook the bottle for emphasis.

He nodded as he opened his eyes a little. “My mom, like, counted them. I’m amazed she left them there,” he muttered into his blanket. 

“So you mean, I can’t have one?” she said jokingly. He looked up at her with quiet concern. “I was kidding,” she insisted and she thought maybe he believed her. Regardless, he managed to turn on his side and move over, like always did. “I can’t stay, Bri,” she explained, “Charlie will be here soon to get me.”

Brian made sad eyes at his girlfriend and patted the mattress. She knew she shouldn’t, but she climbed in anyways. They lay on their sides facing one another. He ran a hand through her wavy locks and kissed her. Rayanne could tell he was a little dopey, but reciprocated. 

She felt him move his hand under the blanket. When she felt him explore under her skirt she pulled back from him a little. “Someone’s feeling naughty,” she teased.

“I missed you,” he said into her mouth as he began to kiss her again with more urgency. “I keep thinking about all the time I wasted and what I want to do to you now that I’m home,” he told her between kisses and then she felt his fingers explore between her legs.

“We’ll have lots of time. You need to rest and heal first,” she reassured him, trying to pull away again. Those pills might have him convinced he felt fine, but she knew different. Maybe getting in bed was a bad idea after all—even if she was feeling the same way.

Brian finally realized she was pulling away. “You want me to stop?” he asked with mixture of concern and hurt feelings.

“No, but...” was all she managed to say before he covered her mouth with his and shifted her legs apart. Before her brain could catch up to what he was doing he was inside of her. All of him. She couldn’t breathe for a moment, let alone react. 

After the shock passed and Rayanne could breathe again, she lost herself in his lust. Any sane person would be freaking out; she should be after what she’d been through. Somehow none of that mattered to her now. She had wanted him for so long and he felt so good inside her that she let go and gave in to him. When Brian came, she did too. 

It really was an asset that she had so much practice having sex quietly, since she used to prefer more public venues. Brian, on the other hand, was pretty much smothering himself into the pillow and her shoulder, or the whole house would have heard him and thought he was in agony. 

Rayanne mused in her ecstasy that maybe size did matter; or maybe it was because she had never been in love before...Or maybe it was because she had never had sex without a condom. “Shit,” she whispered at the last revelation. Brian was already passed out when she moved out of the bed and straightened herself. She hoped he wouldn’t remember that the bit about the condom.

She picked up the bottle of pills and stared at it. “Bad drugs, bad,” she scolded. Then she bent down and kissed her boyfriend on the forehead again. This time he was out cold. She was hopeful that staying on their sides meant he hadn’t done any further harm to his injury. 

Rayanne decided to take the bottle with her and she handed it to Bernice who was at the bottom of the stairs. “Maybe you should hang onto these,” she said without any humour.

“Oh, of course,” said Bernice mildly confused. “I was just about to come find you. Charlotte is here.” She gave Rayanne a peculiar once over. She knew something seemed off, but couldn’t quite put her finger on it. “Are you alright? I thought I heard you talking with my daughter,” she added as Rayanne picked up her boho bag.

“I’m good, thanks,” the girl said with a smile. “And you can count those if you want. They’re all there,” she added without malice. She truly just wanted Bernice to trust her. Even if she didn’t like Rebecca’s attitude she wasn’t ready to find out if there was any truth to what she had told her before.

......


	5. Rocky Horror House Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can I say...there is a lot going on. Warning for drugs, sex and shenanigans.

Episode Five: Rocky Horror House Party

Rickie and Corey set up their easels as everyone took their places around the brightly lit room. The life-study workshops were being held at the community college. Mr. Katimski had been surprisingly supportive of Rickie’s desire to participate and paid the necessary fee on his behalf. 

Rayanne ran in the room swinging her boho bag and attempted to squeeze in with the boys. Her efforts were in vain and she decided to take a spot across the room from them. This way, even if she couldn’t converse she could still make faces at them. 

She really needed a good distraction today since she’d been avoiding letting Brian find out that they didn’t use a condom during their first time together. It didn’t bother her, she was clean and on fairly reliable birth control; but she was very concerned that he would freak out and never touch her again.

Their first model was a middle-aged woman of a solid build. She was wearing a leotard, for which Rickie was grateful. He was not convinced he was ready for full on nudity on the first day. As the model went through some five minute poses for warm ups an instructor went over the purpose of the workshops. He said that he was not there to instruct them directly, but was happy to help them with any concerns they had in improving their technique.

Rayanne was excitedly making bold swooping lines with her charcoal. The other students ignored her, which she found refreshing. They were all as engrossed in their own process. She ventured a glance past the model to check in on her friends. Rickie looked as though he was starting to loosen up, but Corey looked a little distracted. He was in fact looking over to Rickie quite frequently. Not at his drawing, but at the boy.

She started to wonder if she had missed something by being late. Maybe they had had an argument. Rayanne decided she would ask when they took a break. It was about forty-five minutes into their session when they got a few minutes to regroup and get ready for a longer pose.

Rayanne made her way over to the boys and looked at their sketches. She was impressed by what she saw, not that it took much to impress her. Rickie was saying something about going to the vending machine down the hall and asked if anyone wanted something. Rayanne asked him to bring her something chocolate and handed him a dollar. Corey didn’t seem to want anything. Rayanne and Corey went to sit on the bench at the side of the room by the large windows.

“You okay?” Rayanne asked Corey as she sat next to him wiping the charcoal from her hands with a paper towel.

“Sure, fine, I guess,” he said as took a drink from his water bottle and looked out the window.

“You and Rickie not getting along, or something?” Rayanne prodded for more information, “You just looked a little out of sorts.”

“I guess I just feel kind of foolish,” Corey said in a lowered voice as he cleaned his glasses. “I thought when Rickie said he wanted to join me that this would give us some time to hangout, but Scott was here until just before we started.”

“Aw, that’s understandable,” Rayanne sympathized, “I don’t get to see Rickie much either these days. Those two are always together.”

“Yeah, but I sort of thought that once school was over, maybe they would see less of each other,” Corey said with a small wince.

“You don’t like Scott?” she said with some confusion. It seemed to her that everyone liked Scott. When Corey stayed quiet, looking out the window, it dawned on her. “Oh fuck, you like Rickie,” she whispered.

Rayanne was about to tell Corey about how it was all a misunderstanding. That she wished he had said something sooner because Rickie had liked Corey, but then was sure Corey was straight. But she didn’t have a chance to tell him anything because just then Rickie came back in the room and tossed her a Three Musketeers bar.

“What’s up?” asked Rickie, clearly clueless to their conversation. Rayanne shook her head and thanked him for the snack. She went over to her easel again and Rickie sat next to Corey. “You enjoying it so far?” he asked him.

Corey turned to Rickie and smiled a little, “Sure, I’m a little rusty though.”

“I swear I couldn’t tell. Everything you do is amazing,” Rickie said supportively. This made Corey smile for real. He decided that he should stop wallowing and just enjoy the time they did have together.

After the workshop Rayanne was looking over her work. The instructor came up behind her and looked at it with her. “Be gentle, it’s my first time,” she told him and then she grimaced to herself that she had unintentionally made her request sound sexual. Why was she always doing that?

The instructor helped her to see her strong points and what she could work on next time. He told her about using a viewfinder to help her see how different parts of the body relate to each other and how to see negative spaces. Rickie joined them and also found this information useful. Corey said he could help them make their own viewfinders, it was easy.

The three friends sat outside in the warm summer sun waiting for Scott to pick Rickie up. Rayanne needed to go shortly for a shift at the community center, but nudged Corey to tell Rickie how he felt. 

“You know Corey, you should tell Rickie about that thing we were talking about,” she said hoping he would catch her drift.

It looked like he had. His eyes went wide beneath his glasses and he blushed a little. “It wasn’t really all that important,” Corey said dismissively. “I was just telling Rayanne that it was nice that you found someone so open about who they are.” He must have realized there was no benefit to saying anything now. “I’ve always admired you for that too,” he added after a beat.

Rickie was taken a little off guard. They weren’t usually sentimental. “Well thanks,” said Rickie as he raised his eyebrows at Rayanne. “I have to say, you’re the one who’s never been afraid to show people who he really is. I mean the things you do with paint, it’s great.” 

“That’s not exactly what I meant,” added Corey a little unsure of himself.

“What did you mean?” Rickie wanted to know.

“I mean,” Corey started to explain, “you and Scott aren’t afraid to be yourselves, like, with each other.” Rickie just stared at his friend. He had no idea where this was coming from. He’d always thought Corey was so cool and artistic and didn’t care who knew it. It was what first attracted him to the guy. “I guess I haven’t gotten there yet.”

“Gotten, where?” Rickie asked as softly as possible, not wanting to sound insulting that he still didn’t understand.

Rayanne couldn’t take it anymore. “Corey admires that you are a proud, gay man, Rickie,” she declared as quietly as she could while still loud enough for him to hear over passing traffic.

“Okay that’s nice, Rayanne, but like I told you, Corey’s not gay,” Rickie replied trying not to make a big deal of her mistake. But then Rickie looked to Corey who was blushing. “Or are you?” he heard himself ask.

“I honestly thought you knew,” Corey said as he stared at his back pack.

“I did...I mean I thought that you, like, were... Then I wasn’t sure ‘cause you seemed to like Rayanne...And then you seemed to like Angela. So you can see why I thought what I thought.” Rickie rambled on feeling like an idiot. “You didn’t seem to like me. I mean, of course you liked me as a friend. But not how I liked you, which I am just realizing I never told you, so just forget I said that last bit. ‘Cause being friends is great, right?”

“Wait what was that bit about how you liked me?” asked Corey just catching on.

“I would really love to see how this works out, but I gotta jet,” Rayanne said excusing herself, not that either of them knew or cared that she was still there.

Rickie’s happy facade fell. He felt awful. “I really liked you back a few months ago, but I could tell you weren’t interested so I stopped getting my hopes up,” he explained. “I mean, I wouldn’t have known what to do back then even if you did like me that way.”

“Huh, isn’t that something?” Corey said, dumbfounded. “I guess maybe I selfishly thought I had some time see where we were going. I never thought I wouldn’t have that time.”

“That’s completely fair,” offered Rickie. “I never would have thought that either. Not until I met Scott.”

“And I guess you just new right away, huh?” Corey asked, finally looking Rickie in the eye.

“Yeah, it was pretty fast, I guess.” Rickie couldn’t deny it. The only other relationship he ever had to compare it with was when he and Rayanne became friends. By the end of the first day they met they were inseparable. Corey was more complex, it was harder to be sure with him.

“Look, I don’t want things to change between us,” Corey added trying to make amends. “Because like you said, being friends is great. And I promise I’ll try to be more open about hanging out with Scott.”

Rickie felt bad again. He hadn’t even noticed that his friend had been avoiding invitations to hang with him and his boyfriend. He genuinely thought he had other plans. Now he felt insensitive. “Good, I’m glad,” was all he could manage to say. And he was honestly glad. He would hate to lose as a friend.

......

Angela’s feet were killing her. She’d been working as a hostess at her dad’s restaurant during lunch and dinner service since they opened July 1st, almost a week ago. She was ready to quit. Hallie was on her about always greeting everyone with a smile. She had been offered a waitressing spot, but she felt that was still a little beyond her. 

Hallie wanted all the servers to know the menu cold, which of course changed slightly from day to day depending on availability of fresh ingredients at the market. So she decided to play it safe, claiming it would be endearing to patrons to know that the chef’s daughter was seating them.

It was that magnificent two hour window between the end of lunch and the beginning of dinner service. Angela stole away to the kitchen to grab something to eat and catch up with her dad. Graham was currently seated next to someone going over the software for inventory. She groaned inwardly as she realized who that someone was.

“Aren’t you supposed to relaxing somewhere, Krakow?” She teased as she served herself some greens and chicken breast. 

“Sure, but your dad was telling me about this problem he was having and I always find it best to, like, actually see the program than to work through it in the abstract,” Brian rationalized. “Besides, I am so bored,” he whined after a beat.

Graham laughed a little a the boy’s boredom. “Hey sweetie, did you find something to eat?” he asked his daughter, eyes never leaving the screen. She told him she did between bites. “Brian if you’re hungry I’m sure Angela could get you a plate.”

“Oh can she?” she thought to herself. But Brian wasn’t hungry, besides which he was on a strict diet. There were certain foods he couldn’t eat at all. “So did you take your exams yet?” Angela asked trying to find something else that her friend could be doing.

“Yeah, a couple of days ago,” he replied as clicked the keyboard. “So now I have a full summer of cancelled plans to look forward to.”

“God, Brian it sounds like you having free time is more stressful than you actually taking the classes you were supposed to take,” she observed.

“I know, right,” he agreed. “My mom said I could come to work for her a few days a week, but I think I’d rather not. That’s like beyond stressful.”

“We could always use another dishwasher,” offered Graham, “it doesn’t pay much, but it gives you something to do without being in the front.”

Great, that was all Angela needed. She liked Brian and they had been getting along fine, but too much time together might change that. Although, she reasoned that if she was always at the front and he was always in the back maybe it would be okay.

“Or,” Brian started to say after a moment, “I could come in once or twice a week and help you reconcile your invoices, inventory and receipts with your accounting program. Help keep you in the black.”

“Or he could hire a professional accountant,” Angela chimed in after him.

“I am the professional accountant,” Hallie added as she walked through the kitchen. “However, it wouldn’t hurt to have someone else take a look every now and then to make sure I don’t make any mistakes. And I imagine your fee would be fairly low since you’re still in high school?”

Brian smiled sheepishly at Graham’s business partner. “Um, sure. We can work something out,” replied to her offer. 

“Fantastic,” she said with a big smile and then she added as she extended a hand, “Hallie Lowenthal, nice to meet you.”

“Brian Krakow,” Brian introduced himself in turn. “Likewise.”

“Good, great,” Graham said seemingly satisfied. “I guess we still need another dishwasher for weekends.”

“I already asked Jordan and sadly he’s swamped at the garage,” said Angela as she munched on some lettuce.

“Maybe Rayanne could pick up a shift. I could ask her,” offered Brian. Angela wasn’t sure she liked that idea anymore than she liked Brian working there. Luckily, her father didn’t look too sure either. Brian caught on and thought he’d save them all by saying, “But she works all week, she probably wouldn’t want to work on her weekends too.”

Graham looked relieved and so did Angela. It was going to a long enough summer without having to worry if Rayanne was going to keep on her reliable streak, or not. 

......

“God, can’t you just sit still?” Rayanne complained as her boyfriend scratched his arm. 

“Sorry, I had an itch,” he said as he tried to move back to his original pose. “Why did I agree to sit for you?” he asked after a moment when he realized that his arm itched again and his butt was going numb; not to mention the ache in his side from his rib.

“Because you’re my boyfriend and you support my artistic endeavours,” she said with a false sweetness that he read as a threat to stop fidgeting and shut up, or else.

They were in one of the empty rooms at the community center that Charlotte let Rayanne borrow at the end of the day. Brian was seated sideways on a very old and uncomfortable folding chair with one arm resting on the back while the other hung loosely at his side. His biggest mistake was positioning his head so he was looking slightly away from Rayanne; which of course meant he was slowly turning to face her so he could get a read on how things were going. Every time he moved she would have to correct his position.

“Ugh, this is not working,” Rayanne huffed. She looked ready to rip her paper from the pad and scrap it, so Brian jumped up to try and save her from herself. He came around behind her and put a calming hand on her shoulder.

“Wow, that actually looks like me,” he told her as examined the drawing.

“Does it?” his girlfriend asked, still unsure. “You’re not just saying that?”

“Yeah, I mean even if it doesn’t, it’s still a really successful drawing. I can feel how uncomfortable that metal chair is just by looking at your rendering. Believe me, that chair is awful,” Brian explained in an attempt to reassure her.

Rayanne seemed satisfied and thought they should call it a day. She put the large sketch pad down and stood to stretch. Brian picked it up and flipped through it.

“How long have you been in this workshop?” he asked her, impressed by her progress.

She gave him a smile and stole the book back. “We’ve only had two sessions, but I’m like obsessed with being at least as good as Rickie,” she told him.

“So you two are like secret artistic geniuses?” he asked with mild surprise.

“Maybe not geniuses,” Rayanne scoffed at his suggestion. “Maybe I’m like a savant, or something.”

“Oh, just naturally talented,” Brian said as he put his arms around her. “I wish I was naturally talented at something.”

“What about music?” she asked as she stretched up on the tips of her toes and kissed him lightly on the nose. This made him laugh and give her a proper kiss.

“Even music has been years hard work,” he said as he started to lead her from the room. 

Rayanne frowned then and thought about the multiple things she knew he could do, then gave him a pleased look. “What about photography? And don’t say that it’s this highly technical thing that takes time to understand,” she said enthusiastically. “I know how passionate you get...how you disappear behind the lens.”

Brian thought about it for a moment and had to agree. “I suppose that maybe photography is my artistic expression of the world around me.”

“Then do it more; even if it’s just for you. Now that you have your camera back. Take it everywhere and do your own thing,” she said trying to encourage him. 

“On one condition,” he said as he leaned down to her, “no more surprise photos of my girlfriend.”

Rayanne laughed and twirled away from him. “Only if you agree to let me model for you sometime,” she teased with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows. Then she ran off down the hall, making him chase her.

......

That Friday night was date night. Angela felt like an old person when she thought about it in her head. She now had to make an effort to ask for time off so she and her boyfriend could hangout. The group of friends met at Big Guy Burger around 7:30pm. Delia was joining them with a co-worker after her shift ended. 

Rayanne had heard from Rickie that a bunch of them were going to the movies. She got wind that there was a midnight showing of Rocky Horror at the old cinema downtown. Normally this sort of thing happened at Halloween, but for some reason they were showing it in July. When Brian said he’d never seen it she made it her mission to get him there.

“So who’s up for it?” she asked addressing the group. 

“I don’t know, that’s kind of late,” reasoned Rickie. Living with a teacher as his guardian meant he had to keep to his curfew. 

“Just tell Richard you’re crashing at my place,” Rayanne shot back.

“Right, on the floor?” he said back a little sceptical. “Isn’t your apartment so small that it’s an actual safety hazard to have more than two people in it at a time,” he teased her and she rolled her eyes at him.

“You can always stay at my place,” offered Scott with a winning smile. Rickie didn’t think that would go over with Mr. Katimski so great either.

“Well, I’m up for it,” said Corey. He was the only one there without a date. Other than Angela, since Jordan had yet to show.

“I guess I’m in too, since I don’t really have a choice,” came Brian’s reply.

“Oh yeah? Bob and Bernice are going to let you go out late again in this lifetime?” Angela laughed in disbelief to which her friend made a face. “Why don’t we go and rent the stupid thing and then no one has to be out late?”

“Because, Angeleeka...it’s like a cinematic rite of passage to see it on the big screen and playing along with all the fun gags!” Rayanne whined.

“But Brian hasn’t seen it, ever,” Angela added, “he would just be lost in all the madness.”

“She has a point. I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Brian agreed and put an arm around his girlfriend to try to appease her.

“Me either. I’m not really into musicals,” Kyle said adding his two cents. Sharon gave her boyfriend a look. She was surprised that someone who claims not to be into musicals knew that the movie was a musical.

“Look, I think my parents have a copy—don’t ask—so why don’t we all go to my place and watch it?” Sharon said not minding at all being the one to take over organization of their group. She felt at this point someone ought to or they would still be standing in the parking lot at midnight. “Then people can crash at my place if they want. The couch in the basement pulls out and we have a guest room.”

“Cool, okay, now I’m in. Let’s get going!” said Rayanne smacking her boyfriend on the butt. Brian’s face went red as Angela, Scott and Rickie laughed at the loud sound from her hand hitting his backside. Kyle started to laugh too, but looked like he didn’t know why they were all laughing. Sharon started to regret her idea to have them all over.

Delia joined her friends. She introduced Owen, her co-worker, to everyone. Owen had cocoa coloured skin, short dread locks and dimples when he smiled. Angela thought he was pretty cute, but also thought he kind of reminded her of Rickie. She guessed the girl had a type and hopefully this time she knew the guy a little better seeing as they worked together.

“Sorry you’re stag,” Rickie quietly said to Corey. His friend just shrugged and said he was happy just to hang out with everyone, even Scott. 

Jordan showed just in time for everyone to pile into the cars and head to Sharon’s house. He wasn’t too keen on the movie choice, but had promised he would spend the night with Angela. He was hopeful they could just move off somewhere and make out.

Sharon’s parents had gone up to their cottage for the weekend, so the house was empty. Kyle started to suggest that the next time they all got together they should go there. Sharon wasn’t sure her parents would trust them.

The basement was a big open space with a good sized t.v. and sound system. Kyle went ahead and opened out the couch into a bed so they could all climb on and get more comfortable. 

Jordan was not into the group dynamic and hung back. Brian wasn’t either. That many people, no matter how well he knew them, all crammed together made him super nervous. Rayanne jumped into the large armchair to the side and invited her boyfriend to join her. He was all too happy for the suggestion.

After getting some junk food and drinks Sharon, Kyle, Delia and Owen sat back into the pullout; while Scott and Rickie lay out at the bottom. This left Corey alone on the floor to the side. Jordan maneuvered Angela to the small love seat a little more off to the back wall. It was perfect for the privacy he wanted. Sharon rolled her eyes at them. She doubted they could see much of the screen from where they were.

As the movie started and the red lips started to sing, Brian fidgeted in his seat. Rayanne dug around in her bag and handed him a pill vial. He stared at her and then took it from her. It was his bottle of codeine for his rib fracture. “Did you take this from my house?” he asked her in an accusatory tone.

“Yes, Brian, I stole drugs from your house for my own recreational use, but thought I should share them with you,” Rayanne said sardonically. “Your mother gave them to me. She told me you never want to take them, but maybe you might enjoy yourself more if you weren’t in constant pain,” she explained with annoyance.

“You mean to tell me that my mother handed over pain pills to a recovering addict and had no second thoughts?” Brian asked her skeptically.

“Will you shut up and take one so we can watch the movie?” she nagged him. “Besides, it’s not like they’re the oxy. Now that would be crazy...sending a bottle of those out into the world with a bunch of teenagers.” 

He did what she asked and hoped that the rest of the movie was less strange than the floating lips. He supposed it didn’t really matter. The codeine made him drowsy and he would probably drift off before anything important happened.

In the back of the room Angela was telling Jordan how much she missed him over the past week and he decided to show her rather than tell her how much he missed her. She giggled as her boyfriend sucked and licked at her neck.

Delia was starting to get very nervous about agreeing to come along. She and Owen hadn’t spent any real time together outside of work yet. She was worried that he might get the wrong idea about her friends. Not only were Jordan and Angela very obviously necking behind them, but Sharon and Kyle started to kiss beside them. Owen seemed to be looking straight ahead, which gave Delia a sense of relief. That was until she realized that Scott was running hand up and down Rickie’s arm and side. Not that this was overtly sexual, but she had no idea what Owen would be ok with.

Rayanne and Brian were the only two, aside from Corey, not in full on date mode. On screen Riffraff had just invited Brad and Janet into the creepy mansion and Brian looked very focused. Rayanne was gearing up to watch his reaction to Time Warp. She found watching him more enthralling than watching the movie.

Corey had swiped a couple of pillows and was laying out on his stomach. He glanced occasionally at Rickie and Scott. Then Rayanne caught his eye and he laughed a little at the intense way she was watching Brian’s reactions. Corey’s laughter made Rickie look over to him and for a moment they locked eyes.

Around the halfway mark, after Frankfurter and Rocky went to their honeymoon suite, the group decided to take an intermission for further refreshments and bathroom breaks. Sharon turned on the light and Angela hurried to get her top back on. Delia ducked her head in embarrassment, but Owen seemed unfazed.

“I hope this has been okay,” Delia ventured to ask Owen. “It’s not too weird being here with my friends?”

“It’s great,” replied Owen in earnest. “It’s just fun to hang with you finally.” He gave her a smile and then excused himself.

“So, what do you think, Bri?” Rayanne asked putting her arms around Brian and giving him a kiss on the cheek. He was starting to look a little glassy-eyed.

“That I am never watching this movie anywhere near my parents, like, ever,” he mused as he thought of his behaviourist mother debating with his Freudian father over the events that had taken place so far. 

“Really, ‘cause I was thinking the opposite,” said Rayanne wickedly. “It would be super entertaining.”

“Well you’re welcome to watch it with them when I’m not home...or if I’m out of the country,” he added giving her a kiss on the lips.

“Frank getting you all hot and bothered?” she teased. Brian shook his head and slowly got up to go upstairs with the others.

Jordan was trying to convince Angela that they should sneak up to one of the bedrooms while no one was looking. She was tempted, but unsure how Sharon would feel if she found them later. “Come on, Ange,” he coaxed, “I thought you said you missed me?”

How could she say no to those beautiful blue eyes? The pair snuck up to the second floor. They could pretend to be looking for the other bathroom if they were caught. Angela new the Cherski house fairly well, so she steered them towards the guest room. She couldn’t bring herself to mess around in either Sharon’s or her parents’ rooms. That would just be wrong.

Jordan gave her an insistent kiss as they opened the door. It appeared they weren’t they first couple to have the same idea. Rickie and Scott moved apart on the bed as the door opened. “We got lost looking for the powder room,” Rickie said as he looked about the room, “I guess this isn’t it.”

“Chill, guys,” said Angela. “You were here first. We’ll leave you to it.” She pushed Jordan back and closed the door to leave the lovebirds alone again. Angela couldn’t help it and turned to her boyfriend in shock. She had never seen Rickie making out with a boy before and it was a little more intense than she imagined. Not that she had really imagined it before. Even Jordan looked a little mystified.

They decided on the parents’ room. Angela slowly opened the door to make sure they were alone. Satisfied they quietly went in and closed the door behind them. In moments Jordan had her shirt off again and she was flat on her back. Yeah, she really missed him.

Down in the kitchen Sharon was looking in the fridge to see what else they could snack on. Delia was beside her and wanted to know if she had seen where Owen went. Sharon shrugged and said she might have seen him go out back with Kyle.

“What’s Kyle doing in your backyard?” Delia asked a little confused.

“Oh he’s probably having a smoke,” Sharon said off-handedly.

“I didn’t know Kyle smoked,” Delia said even more confused, “you know, since he’s an athlete.”

Sharon looked at her friend and passed her some grapes. “Well it’s off season and he likes to get high sometimes, whatever,” she told her friend.

“Oh that kind of smoking,” Delia said with a suddenly understanding. “Yeah, I bet Owen is out there. I mean, I don’t know for sure, but he strikes me as the type.” Sharon giggled at Delia’s dismissive air about the boys smoking pot. She was clearly uncomfortable.

Rayanne interrupted the girls and stole some grapes. “Where’s Brian?” she asked them as she popped one in her mouth. “I just came from the bathroom, so I know he’s not in there.”

“Maybe he’s outside?” suggested Sharon while laughing. The very idea of Brian Krakow getting high like a normal person was just too ridiculous to her. 

“Why are you laughing like that?” asked Rayanne and she went to the glass sliding door to look out into the yard for her boyfriend. Then she understood. 

Kyle, Corey and Owen were passing a joint around. The three boys were looking very cosy and Rayanne couldn’t help but wonder what they had been chatting about. She mused to herself that they looked like the opening scene of a gay porn. What was it about boys being boys that caused them to horse around in such a provocative manner?

Brian was sitting alone on the back step. It didn’t look like he was partaking, but she got a little concerned that he might get a contact high. Although hilarious in theory, she didn’t want to be the one to explain to his parents how she let their son get baked on his first time out since being in the hospital.

Rayanne went outside and sat next to Brian. “Hey there, whatcha doing?” she asked running a hand into his curls. He turned and smiled at her. “You feeling okay?” she added after a beat.

“Sure, I’m fine,” he told her. “I was feeling a little out of it from that pill, so I came outside to get some air and try to wake up. And the guys were out here, so I just thought I’d hang.” His words were normal enough, but his delivery was a little slower than usual. Rayanne couldn’t help but laugh a little. “What’s so funny?” he asked her.

“I think you’re a little high,” she teased him. He looked at her very seriously for a moment and then told her again that he was fine. She decided to prove her point by kissing him. It was as though he thought they were completely alone. Instantly he was on top of her with his hands up her skirt. 

“Woo, go Brian!” Kyle cat-called, cheering him on. Corey couldn’t help but look when Kyle called out. He didn’t really want to—it was like a car accident—he just couldn’t look away. Delia came outside and hit Brian in the back of the head. If he felt it he didn’t let on.

“Do they always do that?” asked Owen as the curly-haired girl came to stand with him.

“God I hope not,” Delia winced, now unable to look away either. She bit her lip and hated herself a little for staring.

Rayanne eventually pushed the boy off her reluctantly. She felt their friends had had enough of a show. “Yeah, you’re kinda high,” she hummed and patted his chest. Brian just stared at her a little confused. “Maybe give it a sec before you stand,” she whispered into his ear. 

Then genuinely concerned when he wobbled a little, she helped him up and brought him back in the house. Between the contact high, the codeine and his half erection she didn’t want him losing his balance and cracking his head open.

“Geez,” Sharon complained, “I would have thought Krakow would be taking care of you in this relationship. So far he seems to be the one needing all the attention.” 

“I guess Brian is turning out to be higher maintenance than I thought he would,” Rayanne mused as she helped her boyfriend sit on the couch in the family room. 

“I told you I’m fine,” he repeated as he flopped over on the arm of the couch. “Don’t worry so much, Babe,” he added as he reached up to stroke her arm.

“Yeah, I don’t know how I feel about you calling me ‘babe’,” she warned him. 

“Well, I’m not going to call you ‘Raynie’,” he scoffed, like the name had a derogatory meaning.

“Wow, tell us how you really feel, Krakow,” Sharon chimed in, suddenly fascinated by her friend’s lowered inhibitions.

“Don’t encourage him,” Rayanne pleaded. “Maybe we should get everyone and go finish the movie.”

Sharon pulled a face and said, “I don’t know if I’m comfortable going to find our missing people. I have a sneaking suspicion that they are otherwise occupied.”

“She means they’re doing it,” Brian half whispered to his girlfriend in case she wasn’t catching on to Sharon’s meaning. “Do you want to, like, go missing too?” he asked her after a moment. 

“I think we already had a pretty good time on the back step, don’t you?” Rayanne told him with a wink. Brian smirked in agreement, but pulled her down into his lap to kiss her again. He winced slightly at the pain he caused by doing so, but then proceeded to make out with her. Sharon had had enough and went out back to find her own boyfriend.

Angela and Jordan came back down to the main level doing their best to look like nothing had gone on between them upstairs. Neither one was very happy to find Brian and Rayanne on the couch. They heard loud voices from the backyard and went to investigate.

Their friends were all seated around on lawn furniture or on the grass. They were still passing around what was left of the joint. Jordan helped himself and Sharon was happy to take a drag as well. Why not, everyone else was having a good time.

Eventually Scott and Rickie came out as well. Angela asked Rickie if their two friends were still going at it on the couch. Rickie said he hadn’t seen anyone when they came downstairs. He did however, have a very good time with Scott upstairs. Angela was happy for him.

After another forty minutes or so, Sharon strongly suggested they go inside. She didn’t want her nosey neighbours reporting back to her parents that they were being disruptive. The group moved back downstairs to decide if they wanted to finish the movie or call it a night. 

Rayanne and Brian were discovered passed out on the love seat at the back of the room, where Angela and Jordan were earlier. Angela wasn’t sure what they had been up to all this time, but was grateful they were covered in a blanket.

Corey was first to crash-out on the pullout sofa. He had wanted to go home, but was still pretty buzzed. Delia and Owen took the two twin beds in Sharon’s room. Sharon figured they weren’t familiar enough to sleep any closer and didn’t protest. Jordan and Angela were the only two to bow out; he was hoping his girlfriend could sneak him into her room at home. 

Scott and Rickie decided to stay too. They went back up to the guest room after they both made their calls home. Kyle was always up for staying the night with Sharon. They took the bed in her parents’ room.

Sharon made the courtesy call to Brian’s parents. The boy was out cold and so was Rayanne. They decided to leave them where they were for the night. She put a note on the floor next to them to let them know she’d made the call.

......

In the middle of the night Rayanne woke to hushed voices. It was dark in the Cherski’s basement with only the light filtering in from the stairwell. The girl realized it must be very late now and her friends were probably asleep; except whoever was talking on the pullout bed.

She also realized that she was no longer wearing her underwear. She felt around for a moment and discovered that Brian was wearing it, if she could call it that. That was going to be a strange conversation in the morning.

She managed to disentangle herself from Brian and quietly peered over the top of the sofa back to see who was there. It was Corey and Rickie; they were casually lying next to each other chatting in whispers. Corey was without his glasses and she thought he looked very handsome in the low light.

“I don’t know how I’m going to break it to him,” Rickie was saying. Rayanne couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It sounded like Rickie was going to dump Scott.

“The guy did warn you that he snores. Maybe you need to get ear plugs for your next sleep over,” Corey joked sympathetically.

Rayanne let out a sigh of relief. Not that she didn’t think Rickie and Corey would be good together, but she couldn’t think of a reason why Rickie would end things with Scott so soon. Now she was happy she was mistaken. Although snoring was a serious concern. She was happy Brian didn’t have that problem.

“It’s so bad I swear I can hear him all the way down here in the basement,” Rickie lamented as he threw himself down on his back to stare at the ceiling.

“Well I don’t hear anything,” said Corey supportively. “You’re just imagining it.”

Rickie smiled up at his friend. He was grateful he could talk to Corey. He secretly was hoping to talk to Rayanne, but she was still out cold as far as knew. “Have those two been behaving themselves back there,” Rickie asked indicating Brian and Rayanne. She ducked down and smiled to herself waiting to hear Corey’s answer.

“Mostly,” he admitted. “I mean, I’ve been asleep, but I did get woken up once by Rayanne having a nightmare or something. Not sure what that was about.” She frowned, she had a pretty good idea.

“Other than the snoring,” Corey continued, “you’re having a good time with Scott? He’s not going too fast for you?”

Rickie closed eyes and thought for a moment. “Not too fast, I guess,” he said. “What would be too fast?” he asked his friend with a yawn.

Corey leaned down and closed the distance between them. He kissed Rickie softly and placed a hand on the side of his face. When Rickie didn’t object, he proceeded to move his hand from the boy’s face slowly down his front. As their kiss intensified Corey brushed his hand over Rickie’s groin. 

“Yeah, that might be a little fast,” Rickie whispered breathlessly as they pulled apart and he opened his eyes. Corey stopped what he was doing and fully lay down next to his friend. “It was nice though,” Rickie added.

“I know that you’re with Scott, but if it doesn’t work out you know where to find me,” Corey told him with no regret or shame for what he had just done. Rickie wasn’t sure if Corey was feeling bold because they were alone in the dark, or if he was still feeling the pot from earlier.

Rayanne wasn’t sure if this was something she should have witnessed. She slowly moved back to her makeshift bed with Brian. It would be really bad if they caught her spying now. After another minute or two Rickie got up and went back up stairs. She guessed they didn’t want to be found together in the morning. People might get the wrong idea. Just like she was getting the wrong idea.

......

By the time Brian woke the next day everyone had left Sharon’s house except Rayanne. Rickie had made everyone pancakes and she was serving herself a second helping when he dragged himself up the stairs. Luckily, he had pulled on his pants, but was left wondering why he was not wearing his own underwear.

“Hey, midnight cowboy!” Rayanne called with a mouthful of pancake. Sharon turned to look at her friend and laughed. Although his hair was still quite short it was sticking up all over the place.

“Rough night, Krakow?” Sharon teased. He gave her the finger for being so cheery and slumped down next to his girlfriend at the kitchen table.

“That love-seat is tiny,” he groaned, “I think every muscle in my body hurts.”

“Oh honey, that’s not from the love-seat,” Rayanne smiled wickedly at him. “Pancakes?” she asked holding out a plate. Suddenly starving, like he hadn’t eaten in days, he took the plate from her and ate ravenously.

“Apparently the two of you disappeared for a while,” Sharon told Brian. “By the time we found you, you were both passed out cold. I can only imagine what you got up to. Actually, maybe I would rather not imagine,” she added correcting herself.

Brian stared at Sharon for a moment. He knew it was completely in the realm of possibility that the two of them had set this up. That they were having him on. If he and Rayanne had had wild, hot sex in his friend’s house he would remember. And then the fog lifted and he remembered. His eyes went really wide and his face turned tomato red.

“Oh looks like he’s got it now,” Rayanne observed. She patted his back as he choked on his pancake. “Don’t worry we used protection. Like a lot of it,” she soothed with a wink.

“I think me and Kyle were the only people in the house last night that didn’t get down and dirty,” sighed Sharon. “That boy passed right out as soon as his head hit the pillow.”

“What about good little Delia?” Rayanne snarked, not really concerned about the answer. 

“Either those two were fucking, or moving furniture,” Sharon said poking a strawberry with her fork. “I’m going to have to wash the sheets on both beds. I couldn’t bring myself to ask her which one the were in.”

Brian choked again, this time on his apple juice, at her off-handed remark. “Delia Fisher and that Owen guy?” he coughed. 

“Unless it was Corey,” Sharon replied.

“Oh, it was not Corey,” Rayanne said knowingly. She held her tongue after that. She didn’t think it was her place to spill Rickie’s secret affair.

“Rayanne are we okay?” Brian ventured to ask his girlfriend. 

“We are more than okay...that is as long as you didn’t re-fracture that rib,” she said furrowing her brow.

“It’s still fractured. I mean, it’s too soon to not be broken. But I don’t think it’s any worse,” he rambled as he stretched his side. “Maybe I’ll take another pill though, ‘cause it hurts like a bitch.”

Rayanne dug around in her bag and tossed him the bottle. Then she held up his underwear. “Here it is!” she declared triumphantly. “Now why didn’t I think to look in here before?” she asked herself. Brian banged his head on the table top in embarrassment. And Sharon laughed despite her disgust.

......

A few days later Brian was at the library looking for more of the books on his summer reading list. He figured the best way to keep his parents off his back was to keep up his education in other ways. He spotted Delia Fisher when he arrived in the English literature section. It looked like she had the same idea.

“Hey,” she greeted him shyly.

“Hi. Not working today?” he asked making casual conversation.

“It’s my day off, well actually it’s like random,” she told him. “But I might see Owen later. He was working this morning, so we can hangout this afternoon.”

“I might regret asking, but how are things going with him?” he asked as politely as possible.

Delia smiled coyly and blushed. “I think they’re going really well.”

“Sharon said something about the two of you moving furniture the other night,” Brian teased her with a smirk. This caused the smile to fall from her face.

“That is so none of your business. Not everyone wants everyone to know the details of their sex lives,” she scolded. “Some people wait until they’re in private before they let a boy put his hand up their skirt.”

She had him there. He would like to defend himself and say he was not feeling completely normal at the time, but he really couldn’t defend Rayanne for letting him do it. So he dropped the whole subject. “I’m sorry that you had to see that and you’re right. None of my business,” he conceded.

Delia smiled a little; making Brian feel bad about himself was always fun for her. Especially when he was the one at fault. She watched him as he reached for a book. She could still see a red mark on his lower lip where he’d been hit. She was glad he never brought that night up.

......

Rayanne, Angela and Rickie were hanging out in the alley behind ‘Fiore’ drinking cola. Angela was on break and Rayanne and Rickie had just come from a workshop. Corey had to head to his job working for his dad, so he couldn’t join them. 

“How did you find Corey, today?” Rickie asked Rayanne as he titled his head.

“He seemed his normal, artsy self. Why?” she shot back at her friend.

Angela looked from Rickie to Rayanne and then asked, “What’s going on with Corey?”

“Corey like-likes Rickie,” Rayanne said in a song-song way.

“What?” Angela was genuinely surprised. “When did that happen?” she wanted to know.

Rickie huffed in annoyance, “Rayanne, I thought you weren’t going to say anything.”

“To Scott,” she said told him and mined zipping her lips. “I would never tell him. That’s your business.” Then she added, “Are you guys even, like, exclusive?”

“What? I mean it’s implied, I would think,” Rickie said reflectively. “You don’t think so?”

“I think so,” offered Angela as she took a sip from her bottle. 

“Exactly,” Rickie said motioning to Angela. “Corey knows I’m with Scott.”

“If you think Corey is so cool with everything why are you asking me how I think he was today?” Rayanne prodded her friend.

“Never mind, forget I said anything,” Rickie pouted and looked at his shoes. Rayanne could help but notice they were the shoes Corey had painted for him.

“So I think Brian’s a little put out that our first couple of times having sex happened when he was kinda drugged,” Rayanne sighed in attempt to change the subject.

“Look, I don’t know that I am in a place where I can comfortably discuss your love life with Krakow,” said Angela and then took a deep breath. “But I’ve known the guy for most of my life and it does not surprise me in the least that he would have to be under the influence to have the guts to have sex with anyone.”

“He’s so his own worst enemy,” observed Rickie as he shook his head knowingly.

“Well, it just better not turn into a dependency,” Rayanne reflected. “I don’t think I could handle it.”

“There’s no way,” Rickie said with conviction. “Brian is way too controlled to get hooked on drugs. I mean, he’s just following doctor’s orders. And it’s not like he was actually smoking the pot at the party. He just didn’t know any better.” Rayanne knew he was right and relaxed a little.

“Did you think to revisit that Becca thing while he was stoned?” asked Angela out of curiosity.

“What Becca thing?” Rickie asked the both of them.

Rayanne took a drink and tossed her long hair back. “See Rickie, me and Angel-cakes think Brian is his sister’s love child with some forbidden lover,” she explained. “But now that I say it out loud it sounds really dumb.”

“Then you didn’t ask him,” Angela said with touch of disappointment.

“Wait what are you talking about?” Rickie asked. He thought it sounded like they had too much time on their hands.

“Don’t worry about it, Enrique,” Rayanne mused. “It was a ridiculous notion. I mean at this point what difference does it make? Bob and Bernice very obviously raised him. Maybe my life would have turned out better if my grandparents had raised me. My mom was like twenty when she had me and clearly she’s regretted every day since.”

“Don’t say that,” Rickie said. He hated that his friend was still not speaking to her mother. “You know Amber loves you. She’s just going through a selfish phase, or something.”

“Or something, alright,” jeered Angela. “Hey, you know what I was thinking about?” she asked, eager to change the topic again. “There was this little beach we used to go to as kids. I mean, me, Sharon, Brian and this other boy we went to primary with. I think Becca took us there with her friends. Maybe we could ask Brian if he, like, remembers where it was.”

“I don’t think I know of any close by,” said Rickie trying to think if he had ever been to a beach in Three Rivers. He could only think of the one at least a couple hours away.

“Well, I’m up for working on my tan and unwinding,” Rayanne said with a small smile. “I’ll ask him. Maybe we can make a day of it.”

......

It turned out that Brian did remember the beach Angela was talking about. It was on a lake that one of the rivers—as in Three Rivers—emptied into. He looked it up on a map and figured he could find it. He also warned them that it was a really small beach; they had just been really small the last time they were there.

That Saturday, Angela, Rickie and Corey joined Rayanne and Brian on their quest to find the mystery beach. Jordan was out of town on a gig and Scott was stuck with his younger siblings. Sharon wanted to go, but then ended up working. No one thought to ask Delia for once.

It only took about forty minutes to find. It should have been more like twenty-five, but they had to double back when they realized they’d travelled too far. There was a bit of rocky terrain, but once they got on the other side they could see a small inlet and a tiny beach. It didn’t look like anyone had been there in ages. The water close to the shoreline wasn’t too cold for a swim. 

It was a beautiful mid July day and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. Angela was a little sad that Jordan hadn’t come, but she decided it was easy enough to get to now that she knew where it was. She would bring him some other time. Maybe they could come alone.

Brian brought his camera and was fiddling with it while the others went for a swim. They splashed around for awhile, unaware he was taking photos. Rayanne tried to persuade her boyfriend to come in with them. He relented after she threatened to throw his camera in the water.

Brian tossed his shoes and shirt on the sand as he waded out to join them. Angela caught herself staring briefly. It had been a good while since she’d seen him shirtless and she couldn’t help but notice his broader shoulders and more defined chest. The red haired girl looked away and sunk into the water, suddenly self conscious that she was floating within a few feet of him in only her bathing suit. No one seemed to notice her change in demeanour.

When she thought the others weren’t looking, Rayanne tried to mess around with Brian under the water. He discouraged her advances, but countered with his own tactics to which she was more than happy to receive. She hugged her legs around him while he sucked on her neck and covertly fingered past her bathing suit. Angela caught on to what they were doing, but again looked away. She told herself she just missed her own boyfriend.

Later, after eating their picnic lunch, Rickie and Corey set off on the rocks to explore the area a little more. Neither one was good at sitting still. Corey had a paint set with him and thought he’d get some practice in. 

After climbing over to the next small inlet Corey settled in the sand and started to paint the water and the small islands in the distance. Rickie wasn’t as fond of the idea of painting nature and set up facing Corey. It was a little strange to paint someone while they were painting. 

After a time Corey realized Rickie was studying him and came over to investigate. His friend was using water colours and had done several quick paintings of him wearing outlandish outfits from his imagination. It was slightly comical considering he was in a seated position. 

When Corey let out a laugh Rickie was offended. “You think my work is funny, do you?” Rickie huffed without humour. Before Corey could defend himself Rickie flicked his brush at the boy and a spray of blue paint hit his face and glasses. It was Rickie’s turn to laugh.

“You think that’s funny do you?” Corey shot back very seriously and walked back to his pallet. Corey was using acrylics and he loaded a brush and came back to his friend. Rickie was on his feet and put his hands up defensively.

“Put the paintbrush down Corey,” he said with mock concern. Corey relaxed his posture and adjusted his glasses. When Rickie thought he was safe, Corey lashed out with the brush and painted a line of green down the side of his face.

Rickie was not amused. He rushed past his friend and thrust his fingers into the pallet of acrylic paint. Corey tried to stop him, but was too late. Rickie attacked him by streaking both hands down his bare chest. Corey looked down at the rainbow and smiled wickedly. Then he pounced on Rickie and started to tickle with with an onslaught of green brush strokes.

The two boys were rolling around in the sand, Rickie finally getting the brush away from Corey. This was the most fun Rickie had ever had with his artist friend. Corey was always so controlled and calm. He was reminded of the party and their stollen kiss. Corey seemed to have the same thought because he stopped struggling and claimed Rickie’s mouth in a passionate kiss.

In that moment Rickie wanted to give in more than anything, but he was still with Scott. They pulled away from each other, both well aware that they should stop. They awkwardly straightened up and gathered their things without another word.

Meanwhile, Angela figured she’d catch a nap while sunbathing. Rayanne applied the sunscreen to Angela’s back and caught Brian watching. 

“Don’t get any naughty ideas,” Rayanne playfully scolded her boyfriend. 

Brian blushed and turned away. “I wasn’t, it’s all in that twisted head of yours,” he shot back defensively, but now couldn’t think of anything else.

While the girls lay out in the sun—Angela with a well placed towel across her front—Brian decided to hide under the golf umbrella they’d brought along. He didn’t really want to stress about getting burnt. He propped a rolled up towel under his head and closed his eyes; saying a silent prayer for Rayanne not to mess with him while he dozed.

“This was so fun,” Rayanne mused as she lazily lay on her stomach catching the sun on her back and shoulders. “Good call, Angela.”

“Hmm? Totally,” came her friend’s sleepy reply. “I think we should do this, like, every weekend. Even when we’re back in school.”

“For sure,” Rayanne agreed. “What do you think Brian?” When he made no reply she knew he was asleep. “Such a nerd,” she said as she took in sight of him snoozing in the shade. 

Rayanne felt too restless to sit still and wished she’d gone off with Rickie and Corey. As a compromise she took out her sketch pad and starting sketching her boyfriend. It was easy when he wasn’t moving. Then she did some sketches of Angela who was lying out on her back wearing sunglasses. 

The boys returned from their excursion and couldn’t believe their friends would waste the day sleeping. They jumped back in the water to wash off the paint that gotten all over them somehow. When Angela asked them about it later they acted like it was no big deal.

......

The following week Rayanne stopped by Brian’s house after work at the community center. Brian and Angela were on his front lawn tuning up a bike. It looked like maybe it was Angela’s, but she wasn’t sure. The two looked quite comfortable with each other and for the first time Rayanne felt jealous of Angela. 

Jordan had been gone just over a week and could be gone for a few more. She suddenly felt nervous about the prospect of her boyfriend spending extra time with his former obsession. She thought about him taking photos at the beach and wondered how many were of Angela.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Rayanne asked hesitantly as she walked up to them.

“Oh hey, Rayanne,” greeted Angela. “I better get going,” she told Brian, touching his arm. He looked up and nodded to her.

“Was it something I said?” Rayanne asked half-joking. Angela stopped next to her and gave her a hug.

“Not at all,” Angela explained, “I’ve got a double tomorrow at the restaurant so I’m going to go enjoy some quiet time. I can’t believe summer is already, like, half over.” She seemed to linger and then smiled at Brian, who smiled back. It was as though they had a shared unspoken thought.

Rayanne couldn’t help feeling more uneasy. “Have you heard from Jordan? I mean, is everything cool with the band and stuff?” she asked as she fidgeted with her purse strap, hoping that she didn’t sound like a jealous weirdo.

“I talked to him last night,” Angela said giving her friend a confused look. “They’re in New York having way more fun than should be allowed. Everything’s great.”

“Great,” Rayanne repeated. “It’s too bad you couldn’t go with him,” she added with mixed sentiment.

“Oh sure, my parents would have loved that,” Angela scoffed with a laugh. “Yeah, he just better stay faithful, or he better not come back at all. ‘Cause I’ll kill him.”

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. You know, in case you do. Deniability, or whatever,” Rayanne joked back. Angela nodded and gave a wave to Brian before going into her house. 

Brian shook his head. “I still find it hard to believe that she’s been with Jordan Catalano for, like, six whole months,” he mused, mostly to himself.

“Do you?” Rayanne shot back. “You still wish she was with you instead?” She asked her boyfriend as she leaned on the handle bars of the bike he was working on.

“Where did that come from?” he said with mild alarm, raising his eyebrows. “No, not at all. To be honest I haven’t thought about it much at all since we’ve been together.”

“That’s right, Delia became your new distraction,” she said without expression.

Now Brian was getting worried. “Is everything okay with you?” he asked rising from his crouched position and wiping the grease from his hands. “Did I do something to make you angry?”

“No... I don’t know,” she said with uncertainty. “I guess I had a bad day. It rained this afternoon so all of our outside activities were cancelled. They kids got kind of rowdy by the end of the day. Maybe I have a bit of a head ache.”

“Funny, it didn’t rain much at this end of town,” Brian told her. “Sorry about the headache.” He came around behind her and kissed the back of her neck. She turned and reciprocated, throwing her arms around his shoulders.

“I’ll live,” she said with a small smile. Maybe she just missed him. They had spent most of the weekend together, but not alone. Rayanne rationalized that maybe they needed some alone time, just the two of them. Then she asked, “What’s with the bike?”

“It’s my mom’s, but she doesn’t use it,” he told her. “I was thinking we could go riding.”

“You mean ‘we’ as in ‘us’?” she asked skeptically. “You want me to ride a bike?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never ridden a bike before?” he asked suddenly unsure of his plans.

“Sure my dad taught me,” she said, then caught the look of pity in his eyes. “It was one of the only good things he did for me before he took off.”

“Sorry, maybe this was a bad idea.” Brian was starting to overthink things and wanted to give her an out. There was still so little he knew about her past, he didn’t want to make things uncomfortable.

“No, you know what? I think it could be fun,” Rayanne said smiling again. She kissed him as he helped her on the bike. Brian held on to the seat while she got her balance. 

Once she was comfortable she handed him her bag and said, “Okay I’ll wait while you get your bike.”

“You want to go right now?” Brian asked amused by her enthusiasm. 

“Why not? No time like the present,” she hummed. 

So he did what she asked and off they went. It took a little time for Rayanne to lose her nerves, but once she felt more confident she started to enjoy herself. The two travelled down to a bike path that followed a creek. After about twenty minutes they stopped and found a spot to sit near the trickling water.

Brian studied his girlfriend’s profile while she looked around them. He was impressed that she kept up with him on the bike since she wasn’t very athletic. She must have felt him watching her because she turned to face him.

“Do you bring all the girls here?” Rayanne asked with a giggle.

“Oh sure,” he replied with a smile, playing along, “so many girls.” She knocked shoulders with him and he laughed. 

After a moment he turned serious again. “You look really beautiful in this light,” he told her in earnest. He wished he had his camera.

Her hair was up in a messy ponytail and she was sure she was sweating. She laughed at his suggestion. “Oh yeah, right. Come on, I’m a mess,” she said waving off his complement.

Brian didn’t think she was a mess and gave her a kiss to prove it. Rayanne wasn’t sure if it was the fresh air or the endorphins from biking, but when she kissed him back she wanted more. They were on a small incline, so it was easy for her to press him down on his back. When she straddled him a moment later, Brian was a little surprised by her bold display.

“Rayanne, we’re in a public place,” he said trying to discourage her advances. 

“I don’t see anyone around, do you?” she asked as she started to unbuckle his belt. She really wanted to know in that moment why he always wore a belt.

“Ray, you gotta stop,” he continued to reason with her, “I don’t have a condom.” His words caught her attention. She didn’t have her bag for once and so she didn’t either.

“So, what,” she shrugged after a moment of consideration. “Do you think married people use condoms every time they have sex? I mean isn’t that the point of monogamy?”

He knew she had a point, but still wasn’t comfortable with the idea. “We shouldn’t though.”

“Come on Bri, just let me do this with you...” she pouted, but then felt his whole body tense up and not in a good way. “You don’t want to because we don’t have a condom, or because you are incapable of having sex without a crutch?” she wanted to know.

“What are you talking about?” he asked needed clarification.

“Only that we can only manage to have actual sex when you’re medicated in some capacity,” she told him in a mater-of-fact way.

“That can’t be true,” he scoffed. “I know I have my hang ups, but you can’t seriously blame me for not wanting to have sex in an open area where anyone could walk by.”

“So which is it? The condom or the place?” she asked poking a finger in his chest for emphasis. 

“Seriously, get off me,” he demanded. He stood up as soon as she complied. “What is your problem?”

“My problem is that I want to have sex with my boyfriend!” she shouted at him.

“God, keep your voice down,” he pleaded, looking around again to see if they were still alone.

“Hey you started it,” she said defensively as her anger mounted. “You started making out with me first.”

“So now we can’t just kiss each other?” he stated like she was a lunatic or something. “Why are you being like this?”

“Wow, Brian. Just wow! What happened to making up for lost time?” Rayanne clearly had had enough. Everything she’d been keeping to herself rushed to the surface. “God, you know our first time? You just about forced yourself on me—but I let it go. And then there was the time we were in a house full of people, but now you need your precious privacy. Fine. You can take your false modesty and go fuck yourself for all I care!”

Brian was shocked by her outburst. He watched in silence as she mounted her bike and left him standing there alone.

......

After arriving home Brian noted that Rayanne and her bike were missing. He hadn’t caught sight of her on the trail. He was hoping that she had beat him back and wasn’t lost somewhere. She would need to come back at some point. After all her bag and all its many contents were still at his house.

The sun started to drop in the sky, which meant it was past dinner time. Brian left his spot on the front steps and tried calling Charlotte’s apartment. No one answered and he didn’t want to leave a worrying message. He called Rickie’s number next. Having known Rayanne the longest, Brian liked to defer to Rickie for advice. 

Mr. Katimski answered, which was strange for Brian. Talking to a teacher when school was not in session was not a normal thing. When Rickie finally came to the phone he told him what had happened.

“So long story-short, you refused to have sex in public and then she just left you there?” Rickie repeated to be sure he had heard his friend correctly.

“Exactly,” he said, “I know in some cases you need to let a person storm off, but now I don’t know where she is and I’m getting concerned.”

“Well, Brian, maybe she did go home,” Rickie suggested. “Maybe she just doesn’t want to talk to you. You know how she gets.”

“I guess,” he admitted, “but sometimes it still feels like I have no idea what to expect from her.”

“That’s her nature,” Rickie sighed. “I get it. I’ve been where you are. Sick with worry. At least she isn’t drinking now...she isn’t, right?”

Great that was all Brian needed; to feel guilty about driving his lover to drink. Even in hypothetical it sucked. “I don’t think so,” was all he could say.

“Could she have gone to a meeting? Or maybe she’s at Angela’s?” Rickie added, trying to ease Brian’s concern.

Brian hadn’t considered her going over to Angela’s house. Sometimes he forgot they were getting along again. “Maybe I’ll go see if she’s with Angela.”

“Good idea,” Rickie said, hopeful that Rayanne you turn up so they could relax.

Brian hung up and went out his front door. He was halfway down the driveway when Charlotte drove up and started to get his mother’s bike out of her backseat.

“I don’t want to know what you did, or said. I am just here to bring the bike back and pick up Rayanne’s ‘Mary Poppins’ bag,” said Charlotte.

“I’ll get it,” Brian said taking off back into his house. He very quickly scribbled a note and tossed it into the bag before handing it off to Charlotte. “Is she super mad?” he asked her, trying to get a feel for how bad things were turning.

“She is super something, kid,” she told him with a worried look. “Did you cheat on her?” she asked and then put a hand up to stop him from answering. “No don’t tell me. I really don’t want to know.”

Once Charlotte was gone, Brian went back inside and up to his room. His parents would be out until late with friends. He started to look through some of the photos from the beach on his desk. Everyone looked so happy. His heart sank as he studied one of Rayanne and Angela together. It made him feel so rejected.

He curled up on his bed cried; convinced that it was over. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid to think he could handle a relationship with Rayanne Graff. If she decided she was done with him, then there was nothing he could do. The note he slipped into her bag was his only hope. All he could do was wait...and cry.


	6. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for scary themes. I won’t say what since that might spoil the story.

Episode Six: Broken

It was about a week later, when Brian didn’t show for work at Fiore, Angela was asked by her father to find out why. It was very out of character for Brian to not show up without explanation. Angela knocked on the Krakow’s front door and was surprised when Bob answered.

“Well hello Angela,” he greeted her it’s a kind smile. “What can I do for you?”

The red haired girl smiled back for a moment. She found it odd that the man wouldn’t assume she was there to see his son. Why else did she ever come to their house. She wondered for a moment if he was lonely and secretly wished more people would stop by to visit with him.

“Umm, is Brian home?” she asked him politely. “You see he was supposed to meet with my dad, or rather my dad’s business partner today. It’s like this job he’s doing for the restaurant.” She hoped she didn’t come off as ridiculous as she thought she sounded. “But he didn’t show and so we were wondering if he’s okay.”

Brian’s father nodded and then told her, “I didn’t realize he had obligations today. He didn’t say anything, or I would have made sure to cancel on his behalf. Do apologize to Graham for Brian. He isn’t feeling very well.”

“Nothing serious, I hope?” Angela asked with mild concern.

“Just a little flare up...his stomach, you know,” Bob explained. “Although, we suspect—his mother and I—that Rayanne broke up with him. He won’t talk about, though he really should. I’m sure he’ll be back to himself soon.”

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know about them breaking up. That’s gotta be hard. I hope he feels better,” she rambled. “Maybe he can just let my dad know when he might be able to come by, or like if he just won’t be anymore?” Angela was starting to feel uncomfortable. It felt strange to get such important news from Brian’s father of all people.

Angela said goodbye to Bob after he said he would relay her message. As she walked back down the driveway, Angela looked up to Brian’s bedroom window. She thought maybe he would be watching as he so often did, but there was no sign of him.

......

Angela wasn’t sure what else to do. With Jordan away she had little else to do with her free time; so without much consideration to whether it was her business she took off to find Rayanne. She went to the community center downtown to see if her friend was at work.

Rayanne was walking a little girl, no more than six years old, to the bathroom. Her face lit up when she saw her friend and she waved. The little girl waved too. The pair had their hair in matching pigtail braids. Angela laughed at the sight of Rayanne and her mini Doppler-ganger as she waved back.

Rayanne asked a co-worker to take over from her and she joined Angela on a bench. Angela certainly didn’t think Rayanne looked like someone who had just broken up with her boyfriend. 

“What are you doing here, Angel-cakes?” she asked with glee. “I never get visitors at work.”

“Except...you know...?” Angela said trying to get her to admit the obvious. When she didn’t take the bait she finished her thought. “Brian...your boyfriend?”

“Oh,” Rayanne said with a disappointed air. “Sure, I guess. But let’s not talk about him. Tell me what’s up with you,” she added with a smile taking her friend’s hands in hers like they were silly school girls about to share a secret.

“Well, I hate to disappoint you, but I’m actually here because of Brian,” Angela told her with a wince.

“Did that nerd send you here to apologize? ‘Cause I don’t want to hear it,” Rayanne huffed.

“Look, I haven’t talked to him. He doesn’t know I’m here,” she explained.

Rayanne stared at her friend for a moment and then asked with mild confusion, “I don’t get it. If he didn’t send you...how do you know I’m in a fight with Brian?”

“Oh, you’re fighting? Because his parents think you broke up,” Angela clarified. “See he’s really sick about it and they think you dumped him.”

“I guess I’m glad he’s upset...But I guess he’s pretty sensitive,” Rayanne observed casually.

“Yeah, like he is physically ill over it,” Angela added, trying to make her point even clearer. Rayanne raised her brows as the full picture came into focus.

“Oh you mean literally...he’s literally ill?” she said thoughtfully. “Huh, that just figures.”

“What do you mean?” Angela was confused by the other girl’s reaction.

“I mean, he fights tooth and nail with you for years and has yelling matches with Fisher. But I get mad one time and his world is ended. I mean what the fu— heck?” Rayanne caught her profanity in case small ears heard her. 

“He’s in love with you. You make him unsure of himself. Brian doesn’t do well with social situations on a good day.” Angela told her. “You must have had a really bad fight if he didn’t fight back.”

Rayanne was finally looking concerned. She pulled a crumpled up piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to Angela. Angela flattened it out and read it. 

“I need you. You make me feel safe. Forgive me,” she read out loud. “Did Brian write this?” she asked with some doubt. It was a far cry from the poetic prose he’d written on Jordan’s behalf. It was raw and real. Rayanne nodded and took it back. This time she folded it properly before putting it back in her pocket. “How long ago was the fight?”

“It was the day you were helping him with the bike,” she said staring off into nothing.

“That was, like, a week ago. You haven’t seen or spoken to him in almost a week?” she asked slightly stunned. “Didn’t he call you?”

“Angela, of course he called me. He even came by the other day. I was angry still. I didn’t want to talk to him,” she told her like she was in the right.

“God, no wonder he thinks you broke up with him,” Angela said at a loss. 

“No, I never said I was breaking up with him,” Rayanne said defensively.

“Rayanne, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you can’t just shut people out every time something goes wrong,” she told her friend. “Brian saw what happened with your mom. How is he supposed to believe you’ll ever speak to him again if you refuse to talk to him? You know how sensitive he is.”

Rayanne wanted to cry, but she had to get back to work. She didn’t really know what she wanted to do with Brian. Maybe she did want to break up with him. 

“I have to get back to work now,” she said quietly. “Maybe it’s for the best that this happened now. You know, before school starts again. So we don’t have to dance around each other like it’s all okay. Maybe I wasn’t made to be with only one guy. He’s probably better off.”

“No one said that—any of that,” Angela said desperately trying to regain control of her purpose for coming in the first place. “I’m sure that Brian doesn’t think that. Don’t you love him?”

“Don’t be so naive,” Rayanne chided, “love is never enough to keep two people together.”

“Yes, it is,” Angela corrected her. She thought about her parents and how hard they’d been trying to stay together. “Maybe not romantic love. But real love...love you chose to work at everyday.”

“Maybe I don’t know what that is,” Rayanne confessed with a shrug. Then she turned on her heal and disappeared down the hall. Angela felt terrible. She felt like she had just ended their relationship for real. 

.....

The next time Angela went by to check on Brian she was told he’d been sent to spend the rest of the summer with his sister in Denver. Angela found this news disconcerting. She wasn’t convinced that Rebecca was any better equipped to help Brian than his therapist parents. 

When she saw Rayanne again she explained how Brian was gone and her friend’s heart broke. They were in Angela’s bedroom and Rayanne burst into tears. She could no longer defend how she had treated her boyfriend.

Patty made the girls some iced tea and brought it up to her daughter’s room. When she saw the girl was crying she dared to ask what was wrong. Angela explained to her mother that Brian had been sent off without a chance to say goodbye. Patty pulled a face.

“What is it? Mom, why are you making that face?” Angela asked her.

“I probably shouldn’t be telling you this,” Patty began, “but I was talking to Bernice yesterday and Brian isn’t actually at his sister’s place. That’s just what they’re telling everyone.”

“What do you mean?” Rayanne asked, a little afraid to hear the answer.

“He’s at a place where he can recover, you know, properly...before school starts,” she explained vaguely.

“Recover from what exactly?” Angela asked a little harshly. “Like medically? Is he in a hospital?”

“The important thing is to treat him as you would normally when he comes home,” Patty said dismissively.

“Is he, like, depressed?” Angela prodded. “Mom, come on just tell us.”

“Did he try to kill himself?” Rayanne asked without humour. Angela started at her friend and then looked at her mother for any reaction.

Patty sat on the bed suddenly, looking a little lost for words. “I honestly, don’t know, girls,” she told them. “All I know is that Bernice was very tight lipped and Graham hasn’t seen him for almost two weeks.”

“It’s all my fault. I was so mean to him!” Rayanne cried. “I dismissed his attempts to talk to me...how could I be so petty?” 

“You were just being a teenage girl, Rayanne,” Patty soothed. “You could never have known how hard he would take it. No one did. Brian’s always been so stoic.”

“No...no, I did know,” Rayanne said with tears running down her face as she pictured him back on that first night...legs dangling over the diving board, asking if she thought any would care if he was gone. “He pretended he didn’t mean it, I believed him. Why didn’t I tell someone?”

“Rayanne what are you talking about?” Angela was starting to lose patience with whole situation. “You knew he was suicidal? Brian?”

“You can’t be serious,” Patty said as her stomach dropped. “Rayanne, how could you not think to tell anyone?”

“We were just fighting...I thought we would work it out. I just needed some time,” she sobbed.

“It’s okay,” Angela said as she hugged her. “The important thing is he’s getting help, now.”

“But what if he wanted my help and I wouldn’t talk to him?” she said as she continued to sob.

“We don’t know that he tried to harm himself. Maybe he’s just having trouble with stress management. Let’s not get carried away,” Patty said as she tried to rationalize the situation back down to something less frightening. “I’ll try to talk to his parents. Everything is going to be fine.”

......

Jordan returned from his time in New York the week before school started. Angela filled him in on everything he’d missed while he was gone. Everything except Brian possibly being institutionalized. She told him the lie about being at his sister’s, just like she told her other friends.

They went to the drive-in that Friday night. There was a double feature of James Dean movies. Angela knew they were really going as an excuse to be alone in his car together. Even so, she wanted popcorn and went to the concessions booth. Sharon was standing in line and was happy to see.

“Hey, Angela,” Sharon greeted her, “where have you been hiding all summer?”

“I guess things go really busy at the restaurant,” she confessed, feeling guilty over the neglect of their friendship. “Jordan just got back too, so that’s been a distraction.”

“Oh great!” Sharon said with obvious relief. “Some of us were getting worried about him not coming back. Like, New York was too seductive or something.”

Angela knew exactly what she meant. She had had the same concern. “Yeah well they ran out of money and they started to fight a lot,” she told her. “Jordan said they were all glad to come home for a while.”

“Good, I’m glad. Not about the fighting, but that he wanted to come home...to you,” she teased and Angela blushed. Just then Jordan joined them, nodding to Sharon.

“Hey, Ange can you see if they have any milk duds?” he asked handing her some money. “I’m suddenly wanting something sweet,” he added as he brushed a lock of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear for her.

“Sure,” Angela hummed. Satisfied, Jordan went back to his car. “He doesn’t like leaving his car empty. He’s afraid someone will steal it, or something,” she told Sharon.

“You two are so cute. So is it true? Does absence make the heart grow fonder?” Sharon mused.

Angela rolled her eyes at her friend’s sentiment. “Maybe...I mean I totally missed him and he is being very sweet. Not suspiciously sweet though.”

“Good. I know what you mean. When Kyle gets overtly affectionate I know something’s up,” she said in agreement. “So I was wanting to get everyone back together for one last party before school, but I guess that isn’t going to happen.”

“What do you mean?” Angela asked as though she didn’t understand, when really she knew exactly what Sharon was saying.

“Well I’m sure you and Jordan are going to run off and hide yourselves away all weekend. I mean, rightly so,” she explained, “and Rickie and Scott seem to be going through a rough patch. Something about Rickie spending too much time with Corey, maybe? And I’m not sure I like the idea of Kyle hanging out with Owen. Delia really likes the guy, but he’s kind of a stoner. Which makes Kyle act like one too.” She paused her ramble and sighed. “Then there’s Rayanne and Brian. I can’t get a straight answer from Rayanne and Brian has disappeared. What was that even about?”

“What was what about?” Angela asked playing coy.

“Are they, like over? Do you know?” Sharon asked with concern. “Did Rayanne get Brian pregnant? Is that why they shipped him off to his sister?” she added sarcastically with a laugh. Angela couldn’t help but laugh too. What a ridiculous thought.

“Maybe you’re the stoner,” Angela joshed. “All I know is Brian wasn’t healing as well as everyone thought. But, in my humble opinion, it feels like his parents nagged him to be normal and have a social life for ages and now that he has one they’ve taken it away. They need to stop running his life.”

“Yeah, it sucks,” Sharon sympathized. “Rayanne has been so stand-offish too.”

“Maybe we can all get back to normal when school starts,” Angela offered. “I never thought I would be so happy to go back to classes. Right now anything is better than working for my dad.”

Sharon agreed with her friend’s lament. While she was glad for the spending money from her own summer job, it would be nice to get back to having fewer responsibilities.

......

The next day Angela’s parents told her that Brian had come home, but no one had seen him. So, when the first day of school rolled around everyone was a little surprised by the change they saw in him. It was like someone hit the reset button and he was the old robotic Brian Krakow again. Complete with frumpy cardigans and frizzy hair. 

Angela and Rickie were on their way to express their concern to their friend that they hadn’t seen in weeks when he was knocked into by a bully. Not only did Brian not react, but he basically dropped to the floor. Angela and Rickie ran over to help him up.

“Hey Bri, are you okay?” Rickie asked with concern.

“I’m on the floor,” he replied without inflection.

“Yeah, but are you okay?” Angela repeated as she and Rickie exchanged a look of concern.

“I think so,” Brian said as all three stood at once. “Why?”

“Wow, why are you so ‘Stepford Wives’ right now?” Rickie asked him dumbfounded.

“Rickie that’s rude,” Angela scolded him.

“I’m just being honest. You don’t seem like you’re feeling like yourself,” Rickie added.

“I’m fine,” Brian said in the same cold tone. “Don’t worry about it. I get knocked down all the time.”

Rayanne walked up to them. She had missed the whole incident, so had no idea what to expect. She intended to do as Patty had told them; treat him the same as always. 

“How’s it going?” Rayanne asked her friends. “Hey Bri, next time you go out of town wanna give me a heads up?” she joked as casually as possible.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize you cared,” he shot back without looking at her. He started to open his locker like she wasn’t even there.

“Um...you’re my boyfriend. Of course I care,” Rayanne said as warmly as she could. Inside she was screaming, outraged by the change she saw in him.

“No, I don’t think I am,” he replied flatly. “I think I’ll just concentrate on academics this year. You know how it is.”

“Oh sure,” Rayanne said trying not to burst into tears. She really wasn’t sure what she had expected after he’d been away all this time. It was like was brain washed.

Rickie pulled Angela over to the side away from Rayanne and Brian. “What the hell is going on?” he asked her wanting an explanation. “Why is Brian being so weird...I mean weird for him even? Like, did he suffer brain damage no one told me about?” 

“I honestly don’t know,” Angela said at a loss.

The group of friends was pleasantly surprised to find that they had all landed in the same third period English class taught by Mr. Katimski. Sharon and Angela sat near the window, while Jordan, Rickie and Rayanne sat near the back. Brian came in and sat next to Sharon. However, it was clear that he just took an available empty seat. There was no indication that he chose that seat to be close to his friends.

Mr. Katimski was drawling on and on about the outline for the semester. He told them how they would be reading 1984 and asked the class if anyone had read it over the summer. When no one volunteered he called on Brian, knowing there was a good chance he had.

“Brian, did you happen to read the book?” Mr. Katimski asked optimistically. Brian didn’t respond. He didn’t even look like he’d been paying attention. “Oh gee whiz, even you didn’t read it?” their teacher said with disappointment. 

Sharon reached over and knocked Brian’s arm. “Hey, Krakow. Mr Katimski’s talking to you,” she whispered. 

The boy blinked and looked up at the teacher. “Sorry I wasn’t listening,” Brian said without humour. The class giggled a little. After all Brian was never ‘not listening’.

“I hate to tell you class,” Mr, Katimski announced, “but summer vacation is over. Time to pay attention. This means you as well, Brian.” He words were harsh, but he said them in his softest manner. Angela could see Brian go pale since he wasn’t used to being called out unprepared in class.

After class Rayanne was done with playing nice. Her boyfriend may have his problems, but she wasn’t going to stand by and let him be a zombie. “I want to talk you, like, right now,” she said pulling him to the side of the hall.

“What did I do now?” Brian asked her tersely. Before she could explain herself, Jordan walked up to them and inserted himself into the conversation.

“So, like, sorry to interrupt your lover’s quarrel,” he said turning to Brian, “but I was hoping we could talk about setting up a tutoring schedule again this year.”

“I don’t think I’ll have time this year,” Brian told him flatly.

“Oh, really?” Jordan said with a touch of hurt. “Look if this is about me being away all summer...I know I’ve been a bad friend...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Brian said as he crossed his arms. “I don’t really care. I just don’t have the time.”

“That was mean Brian,” Rayanne interjected. “Jordan values your help.”

“No it’s okay, Graff. I’m clearly not a priority,” Jordan said looking Brian over. “I hope you work out whatever’s making you so off today. Just take care of yourself, man.” His words were kind and genuine, but they didn’t seem to touch Brian.

“Whatever, man,” Brian mocked back at him. Jordan narrowed his eyes, shook his head and retreated. 

“So whatever you’re on makes you numb and an asshole. That’s just lovely,” Rayanne grumbled. Brian ignored her and started to walk away. “Hey I’m not done with you!” she called after him, but he was already too far away in the sea of students.

......

At lunch Rayanne found Brian in his usual spot outside on the grass. He was still wearing his frumpy cardigan in the hot summer sun. She sat next to him and stayed silent, waiting to see if he would react. He looked like he was reading, but after observing him for a time she decided he was just staring at the page. 

“You can’t live like this,” Rayanne said quietly, taking the book from him. He looked at her as though he hadn’t known she was there.

“I have to get my shit together, or my parents will send me to private school,” Brian admitted quietly. “I know Liberty isn’t the best school, but at least I know people. If I go to private school I’ll be all alone.”

“Brian, if you don’t get your shit together you won’t know anyone at Liberty either,” she told him very bluntly. “You were mean to Jordan. Which, normally I could care less, but it wasn’t you. Talk to me please,” she pleaded.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said looking into space again.

“What did you want to say before? You know, when I acted like a psycho bitch and stopped talking to you? What were you going to tell me?” she asked as she took his hand. He looked at their hands for a moment and then pulled his away.

“I don’t remember,” he whispered sadly. “It doesn’t really matter anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” she told him trying not to cry. “I’m sorry for the fight. I’m sorry for making you think it was over between us. And most of all, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most.”

Brian looked at her then, but it didn’t feel the same as before. It was like he was looking through her, not into her. 

“Apology accepted,” he said blankly. “But don’t worry. I don’t need you anymore.” She knew his words were meant to relieve her of any guilt, but they only hurt her more.

“You don’t need me?” she repeated in disbelief. “I guess you don’t love me anymore either? Because, Brian—and I need you to hear me—I love you. I never stopped loving you.” Rayanne took his hands in hers again and wouldn’t let him pull away this time. “Did you hear me?”

Brian was looking at her again and he nodded. Then he looked like he wasn’t feeling well all of a sudden. Rayanne went into mother hen mode as she so often did with the children under her care at the center. 

“Did you eat lunch?” she asked him as she dug around in her bag. When he shook his head she offered him a juice box, which he took and drank.

While Brian was distracted she helped him take off his sweater. He was drenched in sweat. Rayanne couldn’t believe the boy hadn’t realized he was over-heating in the sun. She was so annoyed that his parents let him wear the stupid thing on such a hot day. It was only when she got the sleeves off his arms that she saw the bandage on his right wrist.

“What happened?” She asked him nervously. 

Brian looked to where she was staring at the bandage. “Nothing, it’s nothing,” he said dismissively. 

“That’s a whole lot of nothing, Brian,” she said reaching for his right hand so she could get a better look. He pulled away and stood up too quickly, which made him wobble a little. “Okay, it’s okay,” she told him, like he was a spooked animal. 

Rayanne knew that Brian was left handed, which meant he would have been able to slash his right wrist easily. It didn’t look like he’d had the same success on the left. She felt sick; she’d always thought that if he had wanted to harm himself he would have used pills. There were enough of them around after his injury. She found the idea of physically cutting his wrist beyond troubling.

Brian picked up his book and sweater and walked away. Rayanne didn’t know what do next. She wanted to get him back to normal. Even if his personality change was due to whatever anti-depressants he was on, she was beginning to believe he actually needed to be on them. And for the first time it really hit her that she may never get him back, at least not how he was before.

......

In the hall after school Angela was chatting with Rickie and Corey by their lockers. Rickie was telling them how Mr. Katimski was already posting a sign-up sheet for the fall production. Angela wasn’t sure if she wanted to paint scenery again. Sharon was already nagging at her to re-join yearbook.

“Hey, Brian, are you doing yearbook this year?” Angela called to him as he walked by in a daze.

“Wow, does he absorb anything anymore?” Rickie asked sardonically when Brian failed to reply.

“I can hear you, you know,” Brian retorted. “Maybe I just take a little longer, okay?” 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. We’re just concerned,” Rickie explained to him.

Brian stared at Rickie for a moment and then looked to Angela. “No, I don’t think I’ll do yearbook this year,” he told her. 

“Okay, me either. Poor Sharon. It’ll just be her and Delia,” Angela said with a tinge of guilt.

“Please, she’ll have new eager freshmen to do her bidding,” observed Corey. “She’ll love it.”

Rickie and Angela laughed a little at his assumption. Brian raised his brows but didn’t laugh. Angela wasn’t sure he was capable. It made her uneasy. 

Rayanne came down the hall to meet them. She caught sight of the sign up sheet for drama club and rolled her eyes. She asked Rickie if he’d seen it yet. 

“I know, he wants to do Twelfth Night. Why do English teachers always want to torture us with Shakespeare?” Rickie whined.

“Maybe Brian will sign up,” Angela said sarcastically. “You like Shakespeare, right Brian?”

He turned and looked at her for a moment. It was like he had to wait while his brain thought up a response. “That play is nonsense. The audience is supposed to believe that a twin boy and girl are the same person,” he scoffed. 

“Maybe it’s just meant to be fun,” Rayanne countered. “You know...a comedy.”

“Well have at it then,” he told her as he walked away. She watched him go and noticed he was wearing the cardigan again. 

Once he was gone she came in close to her friends. “I saw it, at lunch, and I’m freaking out.” She told them with a touch of hysteria.

“Saw what?” Angela said pulling a face. “This had better not be something dirty.”

“What? No!” Rayanne waved off her friend’s insinuation. “His wrist. Brian has this huge   
bandage on his wrist.”

“What do you mean?” asked Corey. “Is he, like, in shop class and hurt himself?”

“Oh God,” Angela said putting a hand to her mouth. “You can’t be serious. How can he just be walking around acting like he’s fine, when he isn’t.”

“I don’t know how you could call his behaviour ‘fine’, Angela?” Rickie said at a loss to her reaction. 

“You don’t mean he cut himself,” Corey said with sudden realization. “I had a cousin who did that. Only they, like, didn’t get the chance to pretend they were okay after.”

“Jesus, sorry Corey,” Rayanne said patting her friend on the shoulder.

“Wait catch me up...are you saying Brian slit his wrists?” Rickie asked as he gaped at Rayanne.

“Just the one,” replied Rayanne as she turned pale. “Maybe someone interrupted him.”

“Or maybe he fainted after seeing so much blood,” Angela said off-hand. 

“I don’t think we should all just stand around talking about him like this,” Rickie said with mild disgust. “This is our friend. Next you’re gonna tell me he wasn’t visiting his sister.”

“He wasn’t,” Angela told him. “But you’re right. If we keep talking about it the whole school could find out.”

......

Rayanne followed Angela home after school and they tried knocking at Brian’s house. No one answered. Angela gave up and went home. Rayanne waited until Angela was out of sight to climb up and onto porch roof. She tried Brian’s window, but it was locked. 

She could see him lying on his bed. It looked like he must have come home and passed out. She began to panic; concerned that maybe he wasn’t just sleeping. She banged as loudly as she could on the window to try to wake him.

Brian jumped with a start from the racket she was making. It took him a second to see her at the window. He reluctantly opened it and let her in.

“What are you doing?” he demanded. “Are you crazy?”

“No one answered the door,” she explained as she climbed down off his desk. “I had to make sure you were okay. Are your parents even home?”

“No they’re at work,” he told her as he sat back on his bed.

“Then I guess I’m just gonna have to babysit you,” she said with a wink.

“In case you’ve forgotten, I don’t need you anymore. Besides I’m not a child,” he pouted—like a child.

“No you’re a young man who tried to kill himself,” she corrected him. “God damn it! When will your parents stop treating you like a house cat!” Rayanne couldn’t help yelling, she was so angry at them.

“What are you even talking about?” he asked looking lost again.

“They only take care of you when they think you really need them. Otherwise, they make sure you’re fed and watered and assume you’ll just take care of yourself...like a house cat,” she rambled. “It pisses me off.”

“You didn’t seem to mind so much before,” Brian reminded her. “Like, when we could do whatever we wanted.”

“Yeah well, speaking as someone who grew up as the ultimate latch-key kid. Sometimes trust turns into neglect,” she told him as she sat next to him. “They sent you to some fancy hospital and just think you’re all better.”

“That’s not what they think,” he said quietly. “I think they’re exhausted and tired of worrying. I think they feel they’ve done everything they can. If I try again, I better succeed.”

“Who are you?” Rayanne gaped at him for a long moment. “Stop it!” she yelled hitting him in the chest. “Wake the fuck up Brian! These people don’t want you to die! I don’t want you to die!”

“But it was too much,” he whispered as he started to cry. “I couldn’t reach you. You cut me off. You don’t understand how out of the blue it all was for me. I thought everything was fine. One minute we’re in love on a secluded beach and the next you accuse me of raping you and being hateful.”

“That’s not...that’s not what happened,” she stumbled, taken off guard by his statement. “I didn’t mean it that way.” 

“I would never...never hurt you like that,” he said, voice trembling. He hugged himself and started to rock a little. Rayanne was crying too. She hadn’t seen it from his side. She didn’t hear her words the way he had. 

“I know, Bri,” she sobbed, “I know you would never hurt me like that.” She pulled him to her and held him against her chest. 

Rayanne wished she hadn’t been so jealous and prideful. She should have stayed and argued things out. She was always the one to throw her emotions out into the world, not caring who it affected.

Brian always tried hard to hold things in and act rationally. At least until he was holding in so much that his body couldn’t take it any more. That’s why he had yelling matches with Angela and why he had a stomach ulcer....and why he tried to make it all go away.

“I love you, and I’m so, so sorry,” she said as she kissed the top of his head. “Please tell me how I can make you feel better.”

He lifted his head and looked in her eyes. “All I wanted, all this time, was to be with you,” he said and then he shook his head. “I don’t think I can do that anymore. I don’t think I know how to be in a relationship.”

“Don’t be silly,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “You are a really good boyfriend. I’m the wacko who has no business trying to be in a normal relationship.” Rayanne paused and started to wipe Brian’s eyes with her hand. “I mean, for fuck’s sake, I broke you.”

Brian laughed at her words. Rayanne was filled with relief that he could still laugh. 

“You didn’t brake me. It was everything; the pills and the stress of the lost summer...I think I was just really messed up. More than anyone knew; even me,” he explained and then leaned down and kissed her.

In that moment, in that kiss, it was like nothing had changed. It was as though no time had passed between this and their last kiss. She didn’t want to let go, but he pulled away again.

“Maybe we should just be friends...just for now,” he suggested sombrely.

Rayanne held his right hand and ran her fingers over the bandage on his wrist. “Whatever you want. I want to help,” she said with a sad smile. He hugged her and they held each other for a while. 

Rayanne stayed until his parents came home. Not wanting to cause more harm than good, she left the way she came, through the window. His parents never knew she was there.

......

In the coming weeks things went back to the normal, everyday monotony that was life at Liberty High. Rickie and Scott seemed to be back to their usual routine of hanging out in corners where no one would notice them. Angela often wondered if that was the real problem between them. Corey never felt the need to hide his friendship with Rickie, while Scott made it of vital importance. Jordan noted it too.

“What’s with all the secrecy these days?” Jordan asked as he ran a hand through Angela’s hair. She had let it grow over the summer. It was now well past her shoulders and took two bottles of dye to maintain her red glow. 

“Says the boy who used to make me meet him in the boiler room,” she mused as she enjoyed the irony. 

“Yeah but that was ‘cause you and I were figuring this out,” he told her. “Rickie and Scott already did that, right?”

“Yes, but not everyone at school is as liberal minded as we are,” she pointed out. His blue eyes searched her green ones for a moment and then he seemed to understand.

“It’s kinda too bad,” he said with a smile, “they gotta be one of the best looking couples in the whole school. Other than us that is.” Angela laughed at his statement. Though quite true, it took her by surprise. She kissed him for being so wise and open minded. 

“Who else is keeping secrets?” she asked him with interest. Jordan looked around for a moment and then leaned in closer. “I heard that Brian got addicted to those pain pills he was on. Maybe that’s why he was being such a jerk.”

Angela shook her head. If only it were that simple. “That’s not true,” she said with minor concern. “Who even told you that?” 

“I don’t know. Like someone who knows someone,” he said as he paused thoughtfully. “I guess it sounded more, like, possible that the other thing I heard.”

“What other thing?” she wanted to know. “Something about Brian?”

“Yeah, like Tino said he heard he tried to kill himself,” Jordan said furrowing his brow. “It’s not like Tino to be wrong about stuff, but I just can’t believe it.” 

He looked at his girlfriend again for any indication that she knew what he was talking about. When Angela didn’t deny it Jordan leaned back and closed his eyes. “No, fucking way, Ange. That is serious,” he told her like she hadn’t any idea how bad the situation was.

“I know it’s serious, Jordan,” she said not wanting to talk about it. “But it’s his secret, okay?”

Her boyfriend opened his eyes again and stared at her sternly. “No, not okay,” he explained, “that kind of thing will eat a person up until they do it again. You should have told me. I could have been more sensitive around him.” 

Angela was a little stunned at Jordan’s outburst. Sometimes she forgot how much time he and Brian had spent together before he went off to New York. It was still an alien concept that dorky Brian was hanging out with her cool boyfriend. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. I really should have told you,” she conceded. “Any other secrets or rumours you want to tell me so we can clear the air?”

“Just the one about Shane and your friend Sharon getting it on in his pickup last weekend,” he said with a smirk.

“What?” she said in disbelief. “You’re making that up.” He smiled at her playfully and started to walk away. “Jordan, you did not hear that.” She couldn’t tell if he was just trying to lighten the mood, or if he was telling the truth.

......

Rickie, Rayanne and Brian sat in the auditorium after school. Mr. Katimski was having call back auditions for Twelfth Night and the two boys were hanging out with Rayanne while she waited her turn. 

Rickie was helping Brian with the leather cuff Rayanne had bought him to wear over his right wrist. It wasn’t really his style, but he appreciated that it might stop everyone from noticing his new scar.

“I hate Shakespeare,” Rayanne grumbled. “Why can’t someone just translate his plays into modern English?”

“What would be the point of that?” Rickie asked, tilting his head. “Wouldn’t they lose their poetry?”

“So what? At least people could understand them,” she pointed out. “I mean people other than Brian,” she added giving him a smile.

“I am here for moral support,” he warned her. “I already explained your prose to you. I am not getting up there with you.” She feigned sad doe eyes at him and pouted her lower lip. “Stop that,” he chided, “Just remember the rhythm of the words. It’s like lyrics to a song.”

“Right, the rhythm,” she repeated trying to calm herself. “Like a heart beat,” she said mostly to herself.

“So, like, do your parents know you’re back with Rayanne?” Rickie asked Brian as Rayanne went over her lines to herself. 

“God no,” he confessed as he turned the leather cuff a little so it sat more comfortably. “I mean, they really liked her right up until she became the person to blame for my...incident.” Rickie winced at his friend’s words. “Which is ridiculous,” Brian continued, “I mean, two professional therapists blaming the girlfriend for a person’s actions. Clearly I was a ticking time bomb.”

“Is that what you think?” Rickie asked him with morbid curiosity. “You think that you would have acted on that impulse at some point even if you hadn’t broken up?”

“I don’t know,” Brian sighed, “but it wasn’t her fault. Not really. It was like the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“Huh?” Rayanne interjected from beside them. “I always thought I was like the chewing gum that plugged the leak. Once I was gone your boat sank when the water came rushing in.” 

“Yeah that makes more sense,” Rickie said nodding. 

“That was frighteningly insightful,” Brian said as he stared at his girlfriend. “But, no my parents have no idea. I just wouldn’t know how to tell them.”

“And I like the sneaking around bit,” Rayanne said as she put a finger to her lips. “I’m getting really good at climbing up Brian’s drain pipe.”

“Oh yeah? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Rickie said suggestively. 

“Ha, ha! Good one Vesquez,” Rayanne said giving her friend a high five. “But, seriously...we aren’t doing that. I mean, we’re keeping things in the friend zone.”

“Why? I mean, isn’t sex like nature’s anti-depressant? Gets the blood flowing and adrenaline pumping. All those natural endorphins...seems like a waste,” Rickie said quite factually. His two friends just stared at him. 

“Okay sex guru Rickie,” Rayanne mocked, “calm down. I guess we know who’s got it going on.”

“Shut up,” Rickie said, suddenly embarrassed that the attention was on him. “So what if I do?”

“She’s just jealous,” Brian whispered, which Rayanne over-heard and rolled her eyes at him. 

“Hey I can take care of things myself. I don’t need to wait for a boy to satisfy me,” she told them with a wink.

“Oh wow, TMI, Rayanne,” groaned Rickie. Brian just looked confused. “Too much information,” he explained. Then Brian nodded in agreement. Before she could tell them off for being prudes she was called to the stage for her audition. She did very well and there was no doubt she would get a role.

......

Rayanne tried her best to keep her word about being friends, but often struggled. If she timed things just right in the morning she could catch Brian off guard and steal a kiss. If he did well on an assignment he was always good for a hug. However, her favourite manipulation was catching him at home in the evening after a bike ride. She would find him in the garage putting his bike away and they would fool around under the threat of his parents finding them. All in all things were getting back on track.

A couple of weeks later Rayanne was complaining to Rickie in the girl’s bathroom. She couldn’t understand why Mr. Katimski had cast her as Olivia instead of the lead, Viola. 

“Maybe you’re too short to be believed as a woman trying to be a man,” Rickie said in an attempt to soothe her.

“That’s a total cop-out,” Rayanne said, “I can act circles around anyone one else at this school.”

“Olivia isn’t a bad part. Maybe she’s a little silly, but who isn’t in this play?” he said trying to make light of this situation.

“Do you think it’s ‘cause I’m getting fat?” Rayanne asked him as she looked at herself harshly in the mirror. “I mean, I used to get barely one meal a day when I lived with my mom last year. Now I almost always get the recommended three. I feel like a blimp.”

“The tiniest blimp ever made,” Rickie said mocking her distress as he came up behind her and pulled her long hair out of the way to get a better look. “I honestly think you look fine and Mr. Kay wouldn’t cast you like that.” He looked her over again as she pulled a face. “Don’t you go getting an eating disorder. I think you’ve reached your limit for drama this year.”

“Maybe she’s pregnant,” Delia scoffed from beside them. “I mean, it’s possible right?”

“No one asked you, Fisher,” Rayanne shot back, giving the girl the stink eye. 

“Whatever, it’s just that you say you’ve stopped drinking and if you don’t have a beer gut, why are you carrying all your weight in your middle?” Delia added in a snide tone.

“That’s just where I carry it,” she said as she attempted to suck in her stomach. Delia came closer to her and poked the other girl near her bellybutton.

“Feels kinda firm to me,” Delia said with a shrug.

“Rude!” Rayanne cried as she hit the girl’s hand away. “Is this funny to you? Stupid Rayanne doesn’t know she’s pregnant,” she snarked.

“Oh my God, Rayanne,” Rickie said taking her by the shoulders. “Tell me there is no way.”

“Right...no possible way,” Rayanne reassured him. “I just need to cut back on the candy. You know when Brian was gone this summer I kinda ate my feelings,” she said in attempt to calm herself. “No way, I’ve just grown me a muffin top and I have to deal with it.”

“You’re sure?” Rickie asked still uncertain. “‘Cause I still stand behind my statement about the drama limit thing.”

“Come on, what’s the big deal?” Delia wanted to know. “Just do what Sharon did. I’m sure Brian would give you the money.”

Rickie held Rayanne back before she could slap the girl. “Shut your stupid face, Delia Fisher!” She yelled.

“God, calm down,” Delia said with false concern. “It’s not like anyone would judge you. Not Rayanne Graff, Liberty’s biggest slut potential.”

“Delia, you should just walk away now, or I’m gonna let her pummel you,” Rickie told the curly haired girl. He hadn’t realized how cruel Delia could get. He was starting to wonder if Owen was a bad influence. Delia backed off and left the bathroom. 

Rickie finally let Rayanne go. She was livid. How Brian ever saw anything good about Delia was beyond her comprehension. 

“Maybe you should like take a test, just to be sure,” Rickie suggested quietly once they were alone. 

“I don’t think so,” she told him. “There is no way...I’m fine. Just let it go okay?”

“Okay, but just consider the consequences if you, like, are and you ignore it,” he reasoned. “You either need to take care of it ASAP, or get yourself properly, like, informed.”

“Oh sure, right...like this is what Brian needs right now,” Rayanne retorted. 

“Maybe not, but like I said; you can’t just hope it goes away...like if there is anything to worry about at all,” he said giving her a hug. She knew he was right and agreed to take a test at home later.

......

“Why did you get two tests?” Angela wanted to know as she cringed internally at the situation.

Rickie had grabbed her after school for their covert mission of finding out if Rayanne was knocked up. Brian had band practice so they didn’t have to worry about him getting suspicious. At least as long as Delia kept her big mouth shut. 

The three friends were standing in Charlotte’s tiny kitchen while Rayanne downed a large glass of orange juice. She figured she should fuel up and it was an easy stall tactic.

“I am not doing this alone,” Rayanne said when she finally came up for air. “Juice?” She said offering Angela a glass. The red haired girl shook her head.

“I’m good. I don’t need juice and I really don’t need to pee on a stick right now. Thanks anyway,” she told her with a hint of sarcasm.

Rayanne made an exaggerated sad face at her friend. “Come on, it’ll make me feel better.”

Angela laughed uncomfortably. “Nah, maybe Rickie could join you?”

Rickie pulled a face and put his hands up defensively. “No thanks, not even as a joke,” he said as he retreated.

Angela rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll do it,” she conceded as Rayanne did a little cheer. “We are thinking this is Krakow’s doing, right? There is no possible way that it could be..?”

“No, that’s not possible,” Rayanne said quickly, her mood sullen again. “I made sure at the time. No way I wanted that garbage person’s garbage spawn.”

“Good,” Angela felt a little more at ease, but only a little. “It’s funny, you know? I don’t think the idea of you being pregnant is as upsetting as the idea that this kid would be Brian’s—like how is that even a thing?”

Rayanne was conflicted about the idea herself. If it turned out she was pregnant, how was she supposed to tell him. Brian was finally finding his way back to normal. They could even talk about what happened a little without him shutting her out. This could change that. She even contemplated not telling him and just taking care of things herself. However, if she did and he found out later he might not forgive her for lying, regardless of how he felt about a pregnancy.

“I wish you would just do it already. I’m starting to lose it,” interjected Rickie. 

“Wow, Rickie,” Rayanne said, picking up one of the tests and heading to the bathroom. “Calm down. I’ll go do it and it will be negative and we can all get back to normal, sheesh!”

“Thank you,” he sighed and Angela put a comforting arm around him. After a minute or two Rayanne came back out and set an egg-timer for five minutes. 

“Okay Angeleeka, your turn,” she announced. Angela shook her head. 

“I changed my mind. Besides what if your results are confusing and you want to try again?” she offered trying to rationalize not using it.

“She has a point,” Rickie added in agreement. “Angela is obviously not concerned.”

“Neither was I; concerned I mean,” Rayanne said as she flipped her long hair back. “But whatever...I’m not going to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.”

“Gee, that seems so unlike you,” Angela said sardonically. “So...what do you think you’ll do...I mean if you are?” She asked with mild concern.

“Let’s see,” Rayanne began, “I essentially live on someone else’s couch and I have two years left of high school. I only have a casual part-time job and have no clue what I want to with the rest of my life.” As she rambled she counted off on her fingers. “Oh, yeah...and I’m still not talking to my mother. You can forget Brian’s parents for support. They totally hate me now because—and this is a big one—their son, my boyfriend, recently tried to kill himself.”

“So, that’s a big vote for not keeping it,” Rickie said quietly, mostly to himself.

“It wouldn’t work out anyways,” Rayanne sighed. “I’ve always known that one day Brian would go off to college and we would drift apart. It just isn’t realistic to think we would still be together years from now.”

“Is that what you really want, though?” Angela asked. “I mean, I hate to admit it, but when I see the two of you together I see how much you care for each other. You know, that real love I was telling you about a while back. I think you have it.”

“Stop Ange, you’re gonna make Rickie cry,” Rayanne said only half joking. 

“I love you guys!” Rickie said and hugged the two girls together. “It makes me so happy that you’re such good friends again.”

Just then the timer went off and startled them. “I can’t look!” Rayanne cried. “I just don’t think I can handle it.”

Angela went into the bathroom to look at the test result. Rayanne chewed her thumb nail as she waited nervously. When Angela returned she shrugged. “I guess the good news is that you aren’t fat for no reason,” she said trying to look on the bright side.

“Rickie hand me that other test. Maybe that one was defective,” Rayanne said snapping her fingers. Her friend complied and tried not to get mad at her being so rude. 

“Rayanne, I don’t think you get false positives from the test being defective,” Angela said trying to stop her from panicking. “Look, just go see a doctor.”

......

Rayanne went alone to the free clinic the next day. She had to wait a couple of hours, but when she was finally seen it was confirmed. It was just her luck; her IUD had failed and she was in fact pregnant. The doctor was a kind woman in her forties. She took the time to remove the IUD and was very frank about the possibility that Rayanne could end up miss-carrying. 

The doctor was able to do a quick ultra sound and estimated that she was about fourteen to fifteen weeks along. The timing fit with the first time Rayanne had sex with Brian and didn’t use a condom. She wondered if that was why she had been so moody and had picked that horrible fight with Brian. She hadn’t had any other normal symptoms so far.

With the high risk of miscarriage and over-all bad timing, Rayanne was completely set in her decision to terminate the pregnancy. That was until she heard the heart beat on the ultrasound machine. Her fears were forgotten and for the first time she looked at the screen and saw the tiny bean shape that was her baby—Her baby with Brian. 

She was sent home to think things over with some reading material on nutrition and a prescription for pre-natal vitamins in case she needed them. It was much later in the evening than she realized when she left the clinic. She was so distracted by her inner dialog back and forth about what to do that she didn’t hear someone calling her name on the busy downtown street.

“Hey Rayanne! I know that’s you!” She heard them call to her. She couldn’t quite place the voice and turned to see who it was. When their eyes met the man smiled wickedly at her. It was like a waking night-mare. Trevor, her mother’s boyfriend and her rapist, was coming towards her. When she turned to run he grabbed her by the arm.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked her smoothly, breath reeking of alcohol. “You’ve had your mother sick with worry. She’s convinced you’re living in a crack house somewhere.”

“Let go of me!” she yelled at him as she struggled. He managed to pull her into an alleyway and push her again a wall; using his body weight to hold her there. 

“Leave me alone!” She screamed as she tried to dig in her bag for her pepper spray. He pulled the bag away from her before she could find it and put a hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming again.

“Hey, now...I just wanna take you home so Amber and you can work things out,” Trevor told her. “Stop acting like a crazy person.” His words sounded well meaning, but his eyes drifted down to her breasts. As his free hand went to cup one she bit down hard on the hand covering her mouth. He pulled away and hit her hard with a backhanded slap to the face. She staggered, but caught herself and tried to run. He caught her boho bag and reached to get her by the arm again. She let go of the bag and he fell back, losing his balance. It gave her just enough time to get away from him.

......

Brian arrived home late after staying at school to work on the paper. He could hear his father in his office talking with someone. He figured it was either a colleague, or his assistant. Neither of his parents ever saw patients at home. He walked by the answering machine and noticed the red light. Once the tape rewound he pressed play. 

“Brian...it’s me. I don’t know what else to do right now. Can you please come get me. He took my bag, I had some change..... Oh shit, I’m at Joe’s dinner. I’ll just wait here.”

Brian froze—it was Rayanne. He rewound the tape to listen to her message again. He had no idea what time she had made the call. She didn’t sound like herself and he was afraid of what she meant by her words: he took my bag. Did she get mugged? he wondered. He scribbled a note and stuck it on the fridge before running out the door. He figured taking the time to interrupt his father and explain himself would take too long.

He got to the diner in under fifteen minutes and found his girlfriend huddled in a corner booth. She had clearly been there for a while and was balling up pieces of paper napkin. There was a good sized pile in front of her. He approached slowly not knowing what to expect, but she threw her arms open when she saw him. He slid in next to her and held her for a long moment. 

“I didn’t know what else to do,” she whispered into his shoulder. “My whole life was in that bag. No keys, no wallet...”

“Rayanne if you were mugged we need to go to the police,” Brian said as calmly as possible. She continued to hold onto him tightly and he felt her shake her head.

“I just let go of the bag to get away...I don’t think he wanted it,” she said shakily as she started to cry. 

“Who, Ray? Did you know them?” Brian asked as he tried to look into her face hoping she would focus better.

“Can we just go now?” she begged looking in his eyes. “I just want to go.”

He gathered her up, ignoring the wait staff that gave them mixed looks of concern and annoyance. He would be sure to tip well the next time they came in. When he got her in his car he asked softly if she wanted to go to Charlotte’s or to his house. After what felt like an eternity she said she wanted to go to Angela’s house. Rayanne was silent the whole way back.

......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you reader (if you have made it this far). There will be more, but it might take time to get it where I want it:)


	7. Everyone Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...things don’t go exactly as planned, but what’s new.

Episode Seven: Everyone Knows

It felt like they’d been sitting in the police station for hours. Patty Chase was sitting with Rayanne at a desk with an officer as she gave her statement about the assault. Brian, Angela and Danielle sat off to the side on a bench. Danielle had come along because their father was still at the restaurant. She was half asleep, her head resting in her sister’s lap. 

Angela’s eye caught on Brian’s leather cuff. He kept fidgeting with it as he watched his girlfriend from afar. Angela was horrified by the whole thing, but relieved they could help. Brian had left a message on Charlotte’s machine to inform where they were and why. She hadn’t shown up yet. He supposed it was possible that she was out with her girlfriend, or even staying over at Max’s place that night.

As Brian flipped the cuff for the hundredth time, Angela put her hand on it. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered to him. He nodded vaguely and looked at her. “My mom will make sure of it,” she reassured him.

“Thanks Angela,” he said just as quietly. “I really mean it. She wanted to come to you and your mom this time and I think it was for the best.”

“Me too,” she added with a smile. After a moment she turned to him again. “Look, this probably isn’t the best time for this, but I have been wanting to know...did you leave a note?”

“Yeah, on my fridge,” he told her. “That’s where I always leave messages to my parents, so they should get.” Angela gave the boy a funny look. “I know I need to call them and tell them where I am at some point,” he added, thinking that’s what she meant.

“No, God...not tonight,” she said looking up at the ceiling for a moment. “I meant did you leave a note when you...you know?” She put her hand on his wrist again over the cuff. Brian furrowed his brow at her and shook his head.

“No, I didn’t,” he confessed. “I didn’t leave a note.” He looked down at his lap as though ashamed. “It’s not like I planned it. I just...did it.” 

“I was right across the street. I wish you’d have come to me and told me how bad you were hurting over Rayanne,” she said as she rested her head on his shoulder. Her heart ached at how distant she felt from him now.

“I don’t think I could have. I mean, I know you know what it is to feel hurt by someone you care about...someone you trusted completely, but I don’t know that I could have talked to you,” he explained slowly. “I hate it, but sometimes you are still the girl I once loved who broke my heart.”

Angela was caught off-guard. She had to admit that she hated that he felt that way too. She took his hand in hers then and squeezed it. “I’m sorry you can still feel like that.”

“I know,” Brian sighed. He hadn’t said it to make her feel bad. He was just tired of holding everything in all the time. “Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to my parents because I’m just this burden they got stuck with. The unplanned child they suddenly had in their lives when their first was almost ready to leave home.”

“I’m sure they don’t feel like that,” she said, trying to reassure him. “They love you and I’m sure they’ll come back around to having Rayanne in your life.”

“Sure, maybe,” he reflected and looked at the red haired girl again. “I think that’s why my sister doesn’t want to have kids. I think she thinks they feel burdened too. She just hasn’t had the guts to tell them yet.”

“Well maybe she can tell them soon,” Angela said with a smile. “It might make it easier to tell them about Rayanne being...in your life,” she caught herself just as she was about to tell him about the pregnancy. She was caught up in their conversation and forgot for a moment that he was probably still in the dark.

Brian was confused by Angela’s statement. He wasn’t really sure that one thing would affect the other, but was grateful for her sentiment. Rayanne and Patty were finished with the officer and came over to them. Danielle was first to break the awkward silence.

“Thank God,” Danielle yawned. “Can we go home now so I don’t have to listen to these two anymore? It’s like a soap opera, or something.” Angela and Brian exchanged a look while Danielle stretched. 

“We thought you were asleep, Danielle,” Angela said with a blush blooming on her cheeks. Brian let out a nervous laugh and stood to put his arms around Rayanne.

“I’ll fill you in later,” he told his girlfriend as he held her close and kissed the top of her head.

“Yeah we’re gonna need to have a conversation, I think,” Rayanne replied nervously. “But right now I want to get back to Angela’s and get some sleep...if that’s cool?” She was asking Patty rather than Angela or Brian. Patty nodded and they all headed back home.

......

When everyone got out of the car at the Chase house, Bob and Bernice Krakow were there waiting for them. Angela steered Rayanne and her little sister inside the house so the others could talk.

“Where the hell have you been, Brian?” Bernice asked tersely. “How can you possibly think you can leave a note on the fridge and take off? We trust you to go to school and come home. That was the deal!” By the end of her rant Bernice was almost yelling. “I won’t even get into the fact that you took the car.”

“I was home, son,” Bob chimed in. “You should have come to me and explained. You didn’t use to be so impulsive. We were worried sick.”

“I know and I’m sorry,” Brian said sternly. “What I did was inexcusable, but it was an emergency.”

“Then explain to us why you had time to bring that girl back here and leave again without so much as a word to either of your parents,” Bob said raising his voice.

“Okay, okay.” This time Patty inserted herself between Brian and his parents. “Look we are all on edge emotionally and Brian knows this was not exactly the right way to do things. I think maybe under the circumstances you can take it down a notch.”

“Patricia Chase are you suggesting, as a parent, that you condone his behaviour?” Bernice asked, turning her anger on Patty. “Because as a mother you should have known we would be worried. Do you have any idea what we’ve been through these last few months? And don’t you ever tell me how to react when my son was essentially missing for hours!”

“Bernice, Bob...look I do understand,” Patty said in an effort to calm them. “But the important thing is that he’s here now. He’s safe and his girlfriend is safe.” Brian winced at her use of the word girlfriend.

“Rayanne is not his girlfriend anymore. Brian knows that he is not to socialize with her anymore either,” Bernice said as she spelled-out their new normal in a voice loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear.

“Mom, enough!” Brian fought back. “Leave Mrs. Chase alone. She only did what she felt was best. Let’s go home. You can finish yelling at me there.” He hung his head and started to walk back to their house. His parents took the cue to leave and followed their son without another word to Patty.

When Patty came in her front door she was met by her husband. He gave her an expectant look and she rolled her eyes at him. “What the hell happened to make Bob and Bernice so mad at you?” Graham asked her.

Patty flopped down on the couch in the living room. “Graham, while I would love to sit here and explain it to you, I am just too damn tired,” she told him. “And honestly it would take too long. Just know that we have a wonderful, caring daughter who looks out for her friends.”

Graham couldn’t help but smile at her words. “Well, that’s always good to hear,” he said as he helped his wife off the couch again so they could go up to bed. “Is Brian going to be okay?”

“Now that’s a loaded question,” she replied. Not only had she found out more details about Rayanne, her living situation and the assault; but now she knew more about the rape that happened several months ago than she cared to; and had gotten the news that the girl was pregnant. Something even Brian didn’t know yet. 

Patty checked on Danielle before heading to Angela’s bedroom. She stuck her head in and asked if they needed anything. Angela said they didn’t. Rayanne told Patty that she had finally spoken with Charlotte and although upset, she was happy to hear the situation was under control. Luckily, it was a Friday night and they could all sleep in tomorrow.

......

The next morning Patty got a call from the police station. They told her that Trevor had been arrested late the night before for a domestic dispute. It seemed that he had drunkenly brought Rayanne’s patchwork boho bag home to the apartment he shared with Amber, Rayanne’s mother. 

When Amber returned from a late shift at work she freaked out about the bag suddenly appearing in their apartment. She saw blood on it, which of course was from Trevor’s hand where her daughter had bit him. Amber was in hysterics and threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave. Trevor had never raised a hand to the woman before, but that night he was not going to let her throw him out on the street. 

So when Trevor roughed her up in his drunken state the neighbours called the cops. Amber was more than happy to have him arrested. Apparently the police made the connection quite quickly and charged him with the assault on Rayanne too. There was no guarantee he wouldn’t get out on bail, but at least it was progress.

Patty explained the situation to Rayanne and Angela and later went back down to the station with Rayanne sometime after breakfast so she could claim her things. When they arrived Amber was waiting for them and for the first time she broke down and apologized to her daughter. 

“Raynie, baby, I thought he left you for dead somewhere,” she sobbed into her daughter’s hair as she held her tightly. “I was so wrong. Can you ever forgive me?” 

As much as Rayanne wanted to stay mad at her mother forever, she just couldn’t. Maybe it was the exhaustion of the last 24 hours, or maybe it was the pregnancy hormones. She relented and and hugged Amber back. 

“Of course I can forgive you, you’re my mom,” Rayanne told her. “But I still need some time, okay? I am not ready to drop everything and move back in.”

“Okay, sweetie,” Amber agreed, “take all the time you need.” They ended their hug and Amber looked her over. She held Rayanne’s face in her hands and asked, “Be honest...are you up the duff or are you getting fat?” Her daughter rolled her eyes at the suggestion. “I’m just saying, I’ve never seen your boobs look so full.” Amber told her.

“For Pete’s sake, mom!” Rayanne huffed with embarrassment. “Can we talk about this when we’re not in a police station surrounded by strangers?” Amber agreed not to say another word.

......

Brian called Angela’s house that afternoon. He wanted to check in on Rayanne, but she wasn’t there. Angela explained to him everything she knew about Rayanne reconciling with her mother and getting her stuff back. Brian was glad for it, but very concerned that things would be changing again.

“You don’t think she’ll move back with her mom do you?” Brian asked nervously. He was fairly certain he would be grounded until at least winter break and would not be able to see her except at school. “She’s just been doing so well with staying sober. A change like this could set her back again.”

“I think she may have a very good reason not to drink right now,” Angela said, trying not to spell things out just yet.

“Right, the play,” Brian offered as an example. 

Angela told him that was what she meant, when really it wasn’t. “Sure, yes, the play...that sort of thing should keep her focused.”

As Brian hung up with Angela the phone rang in his hand. “Hello?” He asked as he picked up the receiver again. 

“Hey Brian, it’s Sharon,” said Sharon Cherski on the other end. “I just wanted to call to see how you were doing. I mean, I was going to come over, but then I didn’t know if your parents were letting you have friends over; but I can come over if that would be better. I know this sort of thing is hard to talk about over the phone.”

Brian listened to his friend ramble on and wondered how on earth Sharon had heard about what happed to Rayanne so quickly. Before he could respond she continued to talk nervously.

“You were just so sweet to talk with me, you know, when I was going through this and I figured maybe it would be good to see if I could help you,” she told him and paused for his reply.

By now he was confused. He didn’t have the first idea about what she meant by their talk when she went through the same thing. He wasn’t aware that Sharon had been assaulted. Quickly he countered for clarification. “Which talk was that Cherski? Maybe it’s my meds, but I don’t remember.”

“Geez, really?” she said sympathetically. “You know, in the music room. After you found out I was pregnant and you wanted to be supportive. Well now I want to be supportive. I know, I know it’s probably still a secret, but I want you to know I’m here for you. Well you and Rayanne, of course.”

Brian sat on a kitchen chair, suddenly unable to stand. “Rayanne is pregnant?” Was all he could manage to say. Here was a long silence on the other end of the line.

“Oh God, you didn’t know?” Sharon was mortified. “Delia told me. She said Rickie was with Rayanne when she found out and then Rayanne was going to go to the free clinic. I just assumed you were the one taking her. I cannot believe you didn’t know!” 

“Sharon, I have to go now,” he told her as his mind raced. “I should go talk to Rayanne.”

“Brian, wait. I want you to know that I am still here for you,” she said again...she had been trying to help her friend, not freak him out. “Please don’t be upset by this. It’s all going to be fine.”

“Sure, right...good-bye Cherski,” he said as he hung up, not waiting for her reply.

Brian wasn’t allowed to leave the house, his parents forbade him. Angela had just told him that Rayanne wasn’t at her house anymore. He covered his face with his hands and tried to push down the anxiety attack he felt coming on. He sat still and took a few deep breaths before he called Angela again.

“Hello, Chase residence,” answered Danielle. Great, he really didn’t need her interfering right now. 

“Hi Danielle, can I please speak to your sister?” he asked as calmly and politely as possible.

“Oh she just left with her boyfriend,” she taunted in a sing-song voice. “I don’t know when she’ll back. ‘Cause they could be gone for hours and hours. You know, doing whatever it is they do.” 

Just as Brian was about to hang-up he heard voices in the background. He thought maybe it was Patty and Rayanne. He quickly looked out the kitchen window and saw Patty’s station wagon in the driveway.

“Hey Danielle, did Rayanne just come in? Can you put her on please?” He pleaded with the girl.

“Ugh, fine,” she relented. After a moment Rayanne picked up.

“Rayanne you need to come over here right now!” Brian commanded her.

She was in a good mood for a change and decided to be obnoxious. “I’m sorry who is this?” Rayanne asked sarcastically.

“Brian! It’s Brian!” He shouted out of patience. 

“Okay, okay I’ll be right over,” she told him with a giggle. “But Bri, won’t your parents murder me if I step foot in their house?”

“Just get over here!” he shouted again and hung up. He rushed back to the window and watched for her. As soon as she was at his door her let her in and all but dragged her up to his room.

Once his door was closed he sat her on the bed and interrogated her. “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant? How long have you known? Who else knows? How did this happen?”

Rayanne could tell he was starting to hyperventilate. “Breathe Brian. Like seriously, take a breath before you pass out,” she told him with concern. Brian sat next to her and did as he was told. 

“I literal only knew for sure yesterday. I didn’t tell you because everything went to hell pretty fast,” she explained as she rubbed circles on his back. “I guess this happened that first time we made love...and I think by now most people know.”

Brian stayed quiet as she spoke. He stared off at nothing and was physically trembling. Rayanne wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but was quickly getting concerned. “I know this is a lot,” she said as calmly as possible. “I can take care of it. You don’t need to worry, okay?”

He continued to look away from her. She was starting to think she should go find one of his parents. Just before she gave up he turned to her and said very quietly, “What time is it?”

Rayanne looked at the clock on his bedside table. “It’s 11:35am, why?” She asked with obvious confusion. 

“I have a session at three. I can’t miss it,” Brian told her as though they hadn’t just been talking about her pregnancy. 

“Okay, good...that’s good,” she said trying to make eye contact, which he would not give her. “Don’t worry it’s hours from now. Did you hear what I said about how everything is going to be taken care of?”

“Don’t do anything yet,” Brian said as he finally looked at her. “Can I just process this?”

Rayanne smiled and took his hand. “Of course, sure,” she agreed, “I have a few weeks before I have to decide. You take some time.”

Brian furrowed his brow and let out a long shaky breath. “You want to have it, don’t you?” His tone was more of surprise than accusatory.

“I love you and this tiny heartbeat is a part of you. You should have heard it. It was like an honest to God miracle,” she gushed, putting his hand on her stomach. 

Brian felt horrible, he couldn’t understand how she could think bringing another person into the world with all of his neuroses was a miracle. He couldn’t tell her that, not now. She looked so happy. He remembered how Sharon had wanted her boyfriend to be supportive. So he was going to find a way to do that for Rayanne. Somehow.

......

Brian was sitting up in the large tree in his front yard. It had been a long time since he had been up there, but today he really wanted an escape where no one would bother him. No one did until Angela came storming across the street. Somehow she knew he was there. She didn’t look up, but leaned on the trunk.

“My fuck-wad boyfriend gave me chlamydia!” She grumbled loudly. “Or should I say ex-boyfriend!” 

“You have got to be joking?” Brian called down to her. “Jordan? The guy who was so wrapped up in you that he had to have you no matter what?”

“Yeah, well I guess he found some other whore in New York that he also just had to have!” Angela shot back as she crossed her arms across her chest.

“He’s been home for like six weeks,” he said dumbfounded. “How could he not have told you that he cheated on you?”

“How indeed!? Boys suck!” she shouted and hit the tree with her fist. 

“God, I’m so sorry,” he told her as he swung down to the ground. “Are you okay?” he asked with concern. Now that he was at her level he instinctively took her hand to check for injury.

“Why can’t men just be faithful?” she wanted to know as she pulled her hand away. “You’ve been faithful...I mean that Delia thing doesn’t count. You and Rayanne were broken up and it’s not like you were having sex. Hell you hadn’t even had sex with Rayanne.”

“I don’t really know what to say to you,” he said at a loss for not just how to comfort his friend, but by the fact that she had essentially called him a man. “At least you can take antibiotics and forget it ever happened.”

“Yeah, but will they make me forget Jordan Catalano ever happened?” she sulked and leaned her head on his shoulder. Brian was distracted for a moment by the citrus scent of her shampoo. He couldn’t help but note that this was the second time she had felt comfortable enough to be almost affectionate with him.

As he shook off his resurfacing attraction, Brian felt the need to make sure she was not making a mistake. “Please don’t hate me for saying this, but maybe you might move past this...are you sure you want...” But he didn’t get to finish his sentence.

“Yes Brian!” Angela said cutting him off and moving back a step. “We’re done. It was the one thing I asked him not to do. Then, not only did he do it, but he lied to my face for weeks!” 

She took a few more steps away from him and then turned to face him again. “God you sound just like my mother. She said the same thing. Has the whole world going crazy? Do trust and honour mean nothing anymore?”

“Shit, I’m sorry. Of course they do,” he reassured her, his face going pale. Angela looked at him for moment like he had grown a second head.

“Did you just swear?” she asked in disbelief. “Man, Rayanne has really changed you... Speaking of Rayanne,” she added after a beat, “are you two having a baby or what?”

“Way to candy coat it, Chase,” Brian huffed as he sat heavily on the grass. “I don’t know. She seems to think it’s a great idea.”

“You’re kidding?” Angela was surprised since she thought Rayanne being excited about being a mother was absurd. She joined him on the grass. “See, I can see you with kids one day, but Rayanne? Sure, she’s pretty good with the kids at her job, but they go home to their families.” 

“So you agree that it’s insane, right?” he asked, really curious to know what she thought. Angela looked at him and saw how troubled he was. 

“It really doesn’t matter how I feel. Have you told Rayanne how you feel? That’s what’s important. You’ve been through a lot. She has put you through a lot,” she explained. “If everything works out and she has this baby you’ll be stuck with her in some capacity for the rest of its life.”

“So, your real feelings are that you don’t think I belong with Rayanne,” he said as more of a statement than a question.

“I think maybe Rayanne was for you what Jordan was for me...A first love. Someone to help you grow up and change. No one can take that from you, but is she really the person you can see spending the rest of your life with? I don’t really think so, in my humble opinion.” Angela’s words were frank and real; he wasn’t entirely sure he liked them.

“When I’m with her it’s like she really understands me. She may have been the cause of some of the bad times, but she helped me get through them,” Brian confessed. “What better partner could I ask for?”

Angela’s stomach dropped. Of course she knew the boy loved Rayanne, but she was always an outside observer. She wasn’t there when they had their intimate moments. Just as Brian wasn’t there when she had hers with Jordan. 

“I don’t know...maybe what I think is irrelevant,” she said slowly as she ran a hand over the cool grass. “I just want you to do what’s best for you, not what you think is expected. Your parents probably won’t be on your side.”

“I know...I think telling them will be the hardest part,” Brian confided to her. 

Angela dared to put an arm around his shoulders and leaned their heads together. She even let her hand touch his hair, which was softer than she remembered. It was one the most physically intimate moments she’d shared with him in a long time.

“I can be there when you tell them, if you want,” Angela told him softly, “I want to be a better friend.” She emphasized her last statement by affectionately kissing his cheek. 

Brian pulled back a little and searched her face. The last time he recalled her kissing his cheek was when they were five or six years old. It was the kiss started his infatuation with the girl.

“Just my friend though?” he asked, suddenly unsure. He watched as her gaze drifted from his eyes to his lips and she smiled with embarrassment.

“God, of course,” Angela retorted nervously as she stood up and brushed the grass from her legs. “I mean...I just broke up with Jordan and you...you’re having a baby with Rayanne.” 

“Angela?” Brian started to ask, suddenly full of questions he didn’t want to ask. The red haired girl seemed to want to put some physical distance between them. She shook her head and started to walk back to her house.

“I mean what I said,” she reassured him, “let me know if you need me. Right now, I have to go to the walk-in clinic and deal with the unwanted souvenir from Jordan.”

......

It was Monday, the day before Halloween, and Sharon was being super attentive to Rayanne. The girl had made plans ages ago to get their friends together for the midnight showing of Rocky Horror on Halloween night. Sharon was concerned that this was not the best idea considering her current condition. Rayanne tried to wave her off, after all she was just over four months along and felt no particular ill-effects to her health.

“Cherski, take a chill pill,” Rayanne whined at her friend. “It’s gonna be a good time.”

“See, I don’t see it that way,” Sharon told her. “I mean I thought the original plan was so you could go with Brian?”

“This is still the plan,” Rayanne shot back defensively.

Sharon tried not to roll her eyes. “How can it be? Brian is on lock-down by his parents. There is no way he can sneak out with you,” she reasoned. “And you need to take it easy. Just because you’re sixteen, doesn’t mean you’re indestructible.”

“Thanks for the lecture, mom,” Rayanne said dripping with sarcasm. “Halloween is like a mandatory holiday for me...I have to do something worth while!”

“Then let’s think of something else...maybe a little more toned down,” Sharon offered in hopes of appeasing her friend.

“You mean something more boring,” groaned Rayanne. “No thanks.”

“Have you two told his parents yet?” Sharon asked a little afraid of the answer.

“No, but my mom knows and she is not super happy about it,” she told her with a grimace.

Sharon paused a moment and thought how to delicately ask her next question. “But Charlie knows and she doesn’t approve. So, like, if your mom is not happy and you can’t stay living with Charlie when the baby comes...you have to tell Brian’s parents, don’t you?”

“Ugh, and live with them, no thank you!” Rayanne scoffed with annoyance. “I’m gonna keep working on Amber. I’m sure she’ll come around.”

Sharon wasn’t so sure that raising a baby with her mother’s help was all that great an option. The two had only started to mend their relationship and Amber was still in denial about her own drinking problem. However, she decided to keep these thoughts to herself.

Jordan walked by the two girls and they both pulled a face. He had continued to circle his ex-girlfriend, who had nothing but distain for him. He even tried to broach the subject with Brian to no avail. 

That afternoon Jordan caught the boy by surprise coming out of the newspaper room and lead him over to an alcove for privacy. Brian felt more than a little intimidated.

“I think we really need to talk,” Jordan said asserting himself. “I need you to help me. It’s, like, super important that you hear me out.”

Brian almost instantly felt his anxiety rise. He wondered briefly if this was what he had to look forward to for the rest of his life with his messed up brain chemistry. Not seeing any other option he decided to listen to what his former rival had to say.

“Then talk already if it’s so important,” Brian said nervously. “But to be clear, I want nothing to do with any of this.”

“Angela won’t talk to me, but she’ll listen to you,” Jordan began to tell him as Brian shook his head in defiance. “I just need her know that I love her. It was a mistake...a stupid, drunken mistake. You know what I mean, I know you get it.”

“Why because my girlfriend is an alcoholic?” Brian shot back, offended. “Look, Catalano you already made this mistake once before. I really don’t see a way past this for you and Angela.”

“We weren’t together then...” Jordan said trying to grasp how Brian thought the two incidents were the same.

“And you saw how hurt she was by your betrayal when you weren’t even a couple, right?” Brian explained as Jordan nodded. “This is, like, a hundred times worse.”

“I just missed her so much,” Jordan added, furrowing his brow. “It really didn’t mean anything.”

“Maybe if you missed her, you should have come home,” Brian informed him with sigh. “I can’t help you. I just can’t.”

“You mean you won’t,” corrected Jordan with a touch of anger. “Because you still want her for yourself.”

“Oh my God, no!” Brian said a little too loudly. “I’m with Rayanne...I love Rayanne.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that,” Jordan snarked. “That girl is nothing but trouble. I mean look at yourself, you’re so fucked up. She did that to you...you know that I’m right.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Brian said defensively, “none.”

“I think I know a little more than you about how girls are,” Jordan said looking Brian in the eye. “You have no clue how she’s been messing with you. And now she’s pregnant with your kid and you’re just going to let her do that too. Can you even be sure it’s yours?” 

Brian knew Jordan was been cruel out of spite, but he was starting to loose his battle against his own dark thoughts. What if she had been messing around behind his back? He was the one who held her off from having sex. It was possible she could have had other boys on the side that he didn’t know about. Suddenly he couldn’t breathe and slipped down the wall and sat with his head between his legs, trying not to hyperventilate.

“Hey, I was just having a go at you,” Jordan blurted as he became very aware of his friend’s distress. “Brian, are you okay? I didn’t mean it.”

Angela heard the commotion and came running around the corner. She shot Jordan an accusatory look before kneeling to the floor with Brian.

“I didn’t mean it,” Jordan said, repeating himself. 

“Get the nurse,” Angela told him angrily. Jordan took off down the hall and Angela turned her attention back to Brian. “Breathe Brian. Try to take slow, deep breaths.” 

“He said...he said,” Brian tried to tell her but couldn’t get the words out. 

“It doesn’t matter what he said...just forget it, okay?” Angela was trying to stay calm, but her lower lip wobbled as she tried not to cry. She smoothed his hair slowly in an attempt to calm him. “Brian I need you to keep breathing.”

Jordan came back with nurse. She had the boy breathe into a paper bag like some kind of cliche. It seemed to work and when he was calmer Angela walked with them back to the nurse’s office. She hated that his parents would be called and he would probably be sent home. It was her fault after all. If she hadn’t been fighting with Jordan, he wouldn’t have picked a fight with Brian.

When Angela came out of the nurse’s office Jordan was standing there, waiting for her. “Don’t even start with me,” she huffed at him.

“I just wanted to apologize,” he said as he hung his head and looked away. 

“Grow up, Jordan,” she spat, “you know what he’s been through. You were so adamant that you would be sensitive and then you turn around and what? Attack him? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking he was my friend and he would help me,” Jordan said casually, “but I guess I was wrong.”

“Yeah, I guess you were. He has enough to deal with without your bullshit,” she scolded. Jordan chuckled at her blatant display of affection in Brian’s defence.

“Maybe I had it wrong,” he said reflectively, “maybe it isn’t Brian who still wants you. Maybe you want him.”

“Don’t be absurd, he’s my friend,” she informed him putting her hands on her hips. “He just needs extra consideration right now.”

“I’ll bet you can’t wait to give it to him,” Jordan snarked as he walked away. Angela stood in silent outrage at her ex’s lurid suggestion. 

......

Angela was at her locker at the end of the day when Rayanne came up beside her. The girl offered her a Snickers, which she declined.

“So I heard through the grapevine that my boyfriend had an anxiety attack,” Rayanne said conversationally as she took a bite of her chocolate bar. “Do you know anything about that?”

“Yeah, I was meaning to tell you,” Angela said with reluctance. Rayanne raised her eyebrows at her in anticipation of an explanation. “Jordan was, like, verbally assaulting him and I guess he just reacted.”

“Oh is that all,” Rayanne said sardonically. “Great that makes it okay then.”

“Rayanne I had nothing to do with it...except that I’m sure it was about me. I’m so sorry,” Angela winced.

“Why were they fighting about you?” Rayanne wanted to know as she finished her snack and tossed the wrapper. “What are you insinuating?”

“Nothing,” she said defensively. “Jordan wanted Brian’s help getting me back, or something, and Brian didn’t want to give it to him.”

“Oh, then why was he so upset?” Rayanne asked as she considered the implications of what she knew so far. “Unless, Brian didn’t want to help Jordan because he is secretly elated that you’re available again,” she scoffed only half joking.

“Even if that’s what Jordan thought it isn’t, you know, true,” Angela reasoned. Rayanne fixed her friend with an odd expression. It was a mixture of confusion and betrayal.

“That’s what Jordan said...he thought Brian, what? Longed for you?” Rayanne said in disbelief.

“Rayanne, Jordan is irrelevant. What he thinks, doesn’t matter,” Angela all but yelled back at her. “Jordan was being a creep and he knows it.”

“Okay, fine,” Rayanne said quietly even though she didn’t think it was, in fact, fine. 

......

Rayanne stopped by Brain’s house after school. She was dreading any interaction with his parents, but had little choice at the moment. She did a once over of her appearance to make sure her little baby bump wasn’t obvious and proceeded to knock on the door.

Bernice Krakow answered and she did not look pleased. “Brian is sick, I’ll tell him you came by,” she barked and closed the door without waiting for a reply. 

Rayanne contemplated climbing up to his bedroom window, but decided the very idea would send her boyfriend into relapse. She took a cleansing breath and knocked again. Bernice didn’t even open the door this time and spoke through it instead.

“Rayanne, my son cannot see you anymore,” she all but shouted, “Go home!”

The girl stood there in shock and rejection. She didn’t know what else to do so she knocked a third time and yelled at the door, “I’m pregnant! I just thought you should know!”

This time the door opened wide and Bernice moved to the side to let her in. Once inside the woman turned on her, face red in anger. “Is this a game to you? Do you think if you embarrass me in front of my neighbours I’ll let you see my son?”

“I think there has been a misunderstanding,” Rayanne whispered to her feet. “I just want to know if Brian’s okay. The last time you wouldn’t let me see him you shipped him off to a mental hospital.”

“He’s fine...he’s asleep,” his mother informed her. “Please tell me you aren’t actually pregnant.” When Rayanne failed to give her an answer Bernice dragged the girl to sit on the living room sofa. “Tell me. What is going on here?”

“I’m about four months,” Rayanne confessed into her lap. “I found out about three or four weeks ago, but Brian wasn’t ready to tell you. Actually I think he was hoping I would change my mind.”

“You are sixteen years old,” Bernice said stating the obvious, “you can’t possibly be ready for this.” 

“I’ll be seventeen in about a week,” she told her lap. “Me and Brian were supposed to go out for Halloween and celebrate.”

Bernice ignored the fact that the girl was under the delusion that they would let her son go out on a weeknight for any reason, let alone to a party. “Rayanne, where are you going to live? How will you support a baby?”

“I don’t know yet, but I still have time to work it out. My mom is starting to come around to the idea,” she fibbed. “I know this is a lot to put on Brian, but I think he wants this too.”

“Let me talk to Brian, and together we will discuss things with his father,” Bernice said softening her tone. “Brian was a bit of a surprise at the time he came around, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world,” she said after a moment, mostly to herself. 

Rayanne was amazed by the woman’s sudden compassion and wondered if Rebecca had come to her in the same way. Not that anyone would confirm or deny such a thing to her.

......

Angela was waiting for Brian at the bus stop the next morning. He gave her a weak smile as he approached and she waved. His parents weren’t letting him drive and Angela still didn’t have her full licence yet; not that her parents would let her drive to school if she had.

“No costume?” he mused playfully. Angela gave him an odd look and then realized what day it was. She was dressed in a sweater dress with leggings. Last year she had worn an old fashioned sixties outfit. It had belonged to Rayanne’s mother, or maybe it was her mother’s cousin. She couldn’t recall. 

“Not this year...you?” she replied, playing along, though she saw that he was wearing a plain button up and corduroys. The boy shrugged and shook his head. 

Halloween had never really been Brian’s thing. His parents never let him go out trick-or-treating much as a kid. To this day Angela wasn’t sure if it was because they were strict, or if it was because they were Jewish.

They boarded the yellow school bus. Angela felt a small wave of embarrassment that she was a junior and still taking the bus. Brian caught her attention, he was standing as he offered her the window seat. She took it gladly and thought of what Jordan said the day before. She couldn’t help but look over at her friend.

Angela studied Brian’s face as he bowed his head; he was reading 1984. It made her happy to see that he seemed to be taking better care of himself. Even though he had gone home yesterday with an anxiety attack, he looked perfectly normal now. Brian must have felt her eyes on him because suddenly he was staring back.

“What? Is there something on my face? Did I miss a spot shaving or something?” Brian asked her innocently. Angela squirmed a little, uncomfortable from being caught.

“Oh wow, you shave?” she teased, trying to diffuse her nerves. He continued to look at her and narrowed his eyes at her words. “It’s nothing,” she continued, “I was just thinking...you know about that book... I am so behind.” Angela hoped her excuse was enough to justify her odd behaviour.

“We have a test on Friday,” he informed her. “You should really catch up.”

“I know and I will,” she assured him. “Don’t worry I won’t ask for your notes, or anything.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Brian said with sigh and returned to his reading. 

Angela tried to look out the window and think of something else. It bothered her that she was so distracted by him. Did she only start finding Brian attractive because he was damaged in some way? What sort of person would that make her? Hadn’t she learned anything from her relationship with Jordan? 

Except she knew that everything considered she had been good for Jordan. With her help he had made it through to the eleventh grade. While they were together, Jordan found the confidence to become the lead singer of his band and had actually come to be a more responsible person all around. What if she was right and Rayanne was bad for Brian. How long should she stand by and do nothing?

Angela was jolted out of her reverie when the bus arrived at school. Following Brian inside, he stopped for a moment just before they reached their lockers and turned towards her. As he leaned in, her face flushed. He reached a hand to her hair...pulling a stray leaf from it. They both smiled awkwardly and parted ways. 

Angela knew she going to need to deal with her feelings before they got away from her. She found Sharon and dragged her into the girl’s bathroom. Together they sat on the ledge by the window. 

“I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to judge me. Just listen, okay?” Angela said quietly to her oldest friend.

“What’s going on?” Sharon asked just as quietly. When Angela stayed silent she realized she forgot to respond to the other girl’s request. “I won’t judge, scout’s honour,” she said as she saluted her.

“Here’s the thing,” Angela said explaining her conundrum, “Jordan said something about my having feelings for Brian yesterday and I thought he was nuts. Only the more I think about it...the more I really think about how I feel when I’ve been with Brian these past couple of weeks. Maybe he’s right.”

Sharon looked at the red haired girl blankly. She had heard her words, but seemed lost on their meaning. “You have feelings for Brian? Like, our Brian? Rayanne’s Brian?” Sharon rambled trying to gasp what was happening.

“I know, it’s terrible!” Angela winced. “I’m a terrible person.”

“No. Not necessarily,” Sharon reassured her, “you’re only a terrible person if you act on these feelings. Which you won’t.” The brunette studied her friend’s face for any indication that she understood. “Which you won’t,” she repeated after a moment.

“Of course I won’t,” Angela blurted and covered her eyes with her hand. “He probably has no interest anyways. Brian’s so committed to Rayanne. And I will not be desperate like Delia Fisher.”

“Good...fine,” Sharon said satisfied. “That’s actually a really good thing to keep in mind...that you don’t want to look desperate. I mean the guy basically told you he’d been in love with you for years and you turned him down. Besides he’s happy now.”

“Is he? Happy?” Angela asked; she wasn’t so sure. However, she knew adding her new complicated feelings to the mix was not going to be helpful for anyone.

“Maybe he’s struggling a little, but things will get better. They have to,” Sharon said with optimism. The two girls hugged as the home-room bell rang. They would have to continue their conversation later.

......

In Mr. Katimski’s English class Rickie was chatting with Sharon and Angela about the upcoming dance. Last year’s theme had been ‘World Happiness’, whatever that meant. This year it was voted to be ‘Retro Remix’. Just saying it made Sharon angry. She felt that if the student body was so set on a retro theme they could have at least picked a decade. With no clear cut definition, retro could mean anything and it would be a mess.

Rayanne sat at the back of the class in her regular seat and had been unusually quiet. Brian got up and joined her during their allotted reading time at the end of their lesson. 

“How are you today?” he asked with some concern. “I didn’t see you at my locker.”

“You seemed kind of distracted with Angela, so I didn’t want to bother you,” Rayanne said having caught their interaction earlier. “Did your mom tell you I came by yesterday?” she asked without looking up.

“Yes, she did,” Brian said calmly. “I’m sorry I made you worry about me, again.” He watched as his girlfriend shook her head, flipped her page and continued to read, or at least pretend to be reading. “Are you mad at me?” he added with further concern.

“Did she talk to you?” Rayanne asked, ignoring her boyfriend’s last question. “Did she tell you we talked about the baby?”

“No,” he said at a loss, “my mom didn’t say anything.” Brian was feeling a little overwhelmed at the news that his mother now knew about the pregnancy. “I was already so stressed, she probably didn’t feel I could handle that conversation.”

Rayanne finally made eye contact with him. “What are we going to do when this baby is born if you can’t handle anything now?” she said a little crueler than she should have.

“That’s not fair,” her boyfriend shot back, “you’re the one who decided that this was happening.” Brian instantly regretted his phrasing as soon as the words left his mouth. “What I mean is...”

“Oh I think you said exactly what you meant to say,” Rayanne retorted. She had had enough and got out of her seat. Brian watched in a detached sort of way while she got a hall pass from Mr. Katimski and left the room. 

Angela saw her go and came back to sit in the now empty seat next to Brian. She could see how pale he’d gone and knew something was up.

“What happened?” Angela asked in hushed tones. When he didn’t answer she placed a reassuring hand on his arm. “It’s okay. And if it isn’t, it will be,” she told him with a warm smile. Brian looked at her and tried to smile back. It was in that moment that Rayanne came up beside them.

“I forgot my bag,” Rayanne said tersely as she grabbed her patchwork bag from under the desk. She couldn’t believe Angela’s audacity to make a move on her boyfriend the second she left the room. “Don’t mind me. I wouldn’t want to interrupt.”

“Rayanne, talk to me,” Brian demanded as he followed her out of the room. They could hear Mr. Katimski’s protest behind them. The girl ignored him and continued to walk away. 

“Fine, walk away! You always do!” he shouted down the hall at her. 

Rayanne spun on her heel and came back to her boyfriend. Clearly he wasn’t expecting her to. “Do you or don’t you want this baby?” she asked him plainly.

“I...I just...” Brian stuttered. 

“I swear to God, you had better not say that you need more time,” she said poking a finger into his chest. 

It was like ptsd to Brian. It felt like that day by the creek all over again. She was about to take off and disappear. He hated that she was controlling everything all the time and wondered where her compassion had gone.

“No...I don’t want to have the baby,” Brian finally said as he knocked her hand away. “If that means we’re done; then we’re done. But you said it yourself. I can’t handle this. I really can’t handle very much at all. And I think you’re done pretending to be my best friend. I think you want to be there for me, but you really don’t know how.”

“If that’s how you really feel?” Rayanne said searching his face. “Fine. I release you. We’re done,” she told him in an eerily calm tone. “And don’t worry, I’ll take care of things. I don’t need you, or your parents’ money.” Then Rayanne stormed off again.

Angela was suddenly at the boy’s side and caught him by the elbow as he wobbled on his feet. He wasn’t sure when she had come into the hall, but was grateful she was there. He took a steadying breath and found his balance again. 

“Are you okay?” Angela asked him softly. He nodded numbly and they went back into the classroom. Brian sat in silence and stared blankly at his book until the bell rang at the end of the period.

.....

Sharon caught up to Rayanne at lunch. “What is actually going on with you right now?” She wanted to know as sat next to the girl on the grass. 

“I think it’s time I grow up,” Rayanne told her friend. “I think I just opened my eyes for the first time in forever and can now see what an idiot I’ve been.”

Sharon put an arm around Rayanne’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. “What do you mean? You’re not an idiot,” she said defiantly.

“Yes I am. I continue to destroy every relationship I have,” she explained as she refused to cry. “I should have let Brian go after he went away this summer, and I never should have told him I was pregnant.”

“You’re just trying to do what’s best for you,” Sharon said sympathetically. “What are you going to do now?”

“Well Halloween and my birthday are ruined, that’s for damn sure,” Rayanne pouted. “My mom was considering this job in New York, but had been putting off her decision until she knew what I was going to do.”

Sharon pulled away a little to look her friend in the eye. “No, Rayanne...you can’t go off to New York now!” She pleaded. “Brian may say he doesn’t need you, but he does.”

“No, he doesn’t...It looks like Angela is who he needs. Charlie is done with me...my mom is all I have,” she lamented and looked down at her stomach. “I’ll get rid of this mistake and then start over,” Rayanne stated plainly. 

Sharon was suddenly overcome with sadness. “Rayanne, please don’t run from this. I know it feels like the whole world is garbage right now, but everything could turn around tomorrow,” she tried to reason.

“Or it could get worse,” she retorted. “It’s fine. No one will actually miss me.”

“I will,” Sharon sobbed and hugged her again. Rayanne held her friend and smoothed her hair soothingly. Rayanne felt she had been neglecting her friendship with Sharon and was a little surprised by the girl’s reaction.

“Nothing’s decided yet, okay?” Rayanne told her in attempt to make amends.

.....

By the time Brian’s parents sat down to talk to him about Rayanne’s situation he informed them that the whole thing had been called off. They finally had what they wanted and Rayanne was out of his life, but they didn’t seem as thrilled as he thought they would be.

It was Friday when Sharon, Angela and Rickie noticed Rayanne was not in class. Sharon had kept her conversation with Rayanne private until she started to worry that maybe the girl had left town.

“Maybe she just finally went through with the...you know,” Angela said quietly unable to say the word.

“Oh, the abortion?” Sharon offered, completing her friend’s thought. 

“Maybe,” added Rickie, “It would be a great excuse to miss that test we just had. Either way I think we should go by her place after school. I mean that could not have been easy for her.”

“Where should we go?” Angela asked unsure of where the girl was living at the moment. “Did she say to you if she was back living at her mom’s place?”

Both Sharon and Rickie shrugged, also unsure. Sharon was about to tell Angela about New York, when Brian came and stood next to them.

“What’s going on?” Brian asked them coyly. “You guys look kind of distraught.”

“We look distraught?” repeated Rickie. “No one is distraught.” Angela rolled her eyes at her friend’s failed attempt to be convincing.

“What Rickie means is everything’s fine,” said Angela with a half hearted smile. “We were thinking of taking Rayanne her homework after school, since she wasn’t here today. That’s all.”

“Why would you think Rayanne would want her homework?” Brian asked skeptically.

“You haven’t talked to her lately have you?” Sharon asked him distractedly as she flipped her hair back. “It’s, like, her birthday tomorrow, right?”

“Sharon,” Angela grumbled at her friend, “Brian doesn’t care about that.”

“I haven’t talked to her since we had our big fight. I was really hoping to talk to her though...I mean I feel bad that it’s her birthday this weekend,” he rambled as he played with the strap on his messenger bag. “I mean, didn’t she, like O.D. on her last birthday?”

“Oh God, that’s right,” Rickie said with obvious concern. 

“Now I feel really bad about everything,” Sharon mumbled to herself.

“Calm down,” Angela said trying to be the voice of reason. “I’m sure she’s fine. She only O.D.’d because she lost track of how many pills she took. I mean, it was in fun and an accident.”

“And a blatant example of her predisposition to escapism,” Brian countered.

“Thank you, Dr. Krakow,” Angela grumbled, “but she isn’t like that anymore.”

“Her boyfriend dumped her and her sponsor isn’t speaking to her and she had decided to get rid of the baby she was so excited to have,” Sharon said listing the reasons for Rayanne’s possible distress. “Oh yeah, Chase-face I’m sure she’s just fine.”

Brian had heard enough and turned to go. “Where are you going?” Angela called after him.

“I’m not waiting for the end of the day,” he informed her, “I’m going to find her right now.” Angela and Sharon exchanged a look and then followed him. 

“I’ll stay here in case she turns up,” Rickie called after them. It was unlikely, but it would have been difficult for him to leave school without Mr. Katimski noticing.

....

The two girls had convinced Brian to wait long enough for Sharon to get her boyfriend, Kyle, out of class. He had his car and could get them to her apartment faster. They decided to try her mother’s place first. 

When Sharon went to hit the buzzer she didn’t see Amber Vallon’s name next to her number. Angela ran inside when someone came out and went up to the apartment to knock. No one answered. 

When Angela came back down Sharon and Brian informed her that they had spoken to the super and he said Amber had moved out the previous weekend. He was not given a forwarding address. Angela looked to Brian to gage his level of distress. He seemed eerily calm.

“We can try Charlie,” he said trying not no panic. “Just because Amber moved doesn’t mean Rayanne was with her,” he added and Sharon kept quiet about how she thought it did.

Together they drove to the community center and Brian went in to find Charlotte. 

“I need to speak to Charlotte Cooper, please,” he told the woman at the desk. 

“Is she expecting you?” the stout woman asked him flatly. 

“No I just need to ask her something,” Brian elaborated, “it will be quick. She knows me...just tell her Brian is here, please?”

The woman didn’t look very happy about it, but went into one of the offices. When she reappeared, Charlotte followed her out.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Charlotte said with a touch of concern, “what’s wrong?”

“Have you seen Rayanne?” he asked her quickly. The petit blond shook her head and his breath caught for a moment.

“Things got really tense after what happened with that ex boyfriend of her mother’s,” Charlotte explained. “I really didn’t think she was ready to make amends so quickly with her mom.” She paused a moment and tried to get a read on Brian. “I was hoping that she would come to some sort of resolution with you and your parents, but I’m sensing that didn’t happen.”

“Just tell me when you last saw her,” Brian asked, almost cutting her off.

“Yesterday before she went to school,” she said slowly. “I got home late, but she had left a note that said she was staying over at your house.”

“Well, she didn’t,” he said as he leaned on the front desk for support.

“Are you with anyone?” Charlotte asked suddenly concerned. Brian hated how useless he felt all the time these days. He must have looked like he was about lose it again.

“I’m fine, I’m with friends,” he informed her. “We already went by her mom’s apartment and they weren’t there. Her mom...moved out.”

“Oh shit, you’re kidding? I never would have been so relaxed about it if I thought for one minute she would run off like that,” Charlotte said quietly.

“We broke up,” he said looking away. “I guess for good this time.”

“Maybe we should go to the police,” suggested Charlotte. “I mean, technically she’s a minor and doesn’t have to be missing for twenty-hours before we can report her.”

“But if she’s with her mother?” Brian asked at a loss.

“Let me get my things and we’ll go back to my apartment and see if all her things are gone,” Charlotte said and disappeared back into her office for a moment. When she came back she looked him over again and said, “You know, maybe you should go home and I’ll call you. You’re not looking so hot.”

“Maybe...maybe I will. Just call me okay?” Brian said folding reluctantly. 

Brian rejoined his friends in Kyle’s car and told them what he knew from Charlotte. They agreed to go back to Brian’s house and wait to hear from Charlie.

......

Angela and Sharon sat in Brian’s kitchen making tea, while Brian lay on the sofa in the living room and Kyle looked through the sparse collection of vhs tapes on the shelf. Sharon suggested her boyfriend go home, but he wanted to stay in case they needed a ride anywhere.

“What’s with all the Julia Roberts movies?” asked Kyle from his side of the room. 

“Don’t ask,” muttered Brian, “they’re my mom’s.”

Kyle smiled at the notion of Brian’s up tight mom having a thing for frivolous romantic movies. “Sharon is super into Brad Pitt,” he commented in an attempt at casual conversation. 

Back in the kitchen Angela stared at the phone on the wall. “It won’t ring if you stare at it like that,” observed Sharon. 

“I can’t help it,” Angela groaned. “Do you know what the worst part about all of this is, in my mind anyways?” she asked her friend. Sharon shook her head. “What if Rayanne did run off to New York with her mom and has no intention of having an abortion?”

Sharon’s jaw dropped. “And what, leave poor Brian to live the rest of his life wondering what happened?” she said in disgust. “That’s not possible. She wouldn’t do that. Maybe they just went out of town for Rayanne’s birthday? Maybe it’s not as horrible as it feels right now.”

“I hadn’t thought of that...we were all so worried because of last year,” Angela said suddenly feeling a little less afraid. 

Then the phone rang and Angela jumped up to answer it. It was Charlotte. Angela got Brian and the boy stood and listened to her for a long while before thanking her and hanging up.

“What’s going on?” Kyle asked since no one else had. 

“She left a message...Rayanne left Charlotte a voice message,” Brian said very quietly. “Charlie says that Rayanne is with her mom visiting her aunt somewhere in upstate New York.”

“That’s good right? Maybe some time away will be good for her,” Sharon chimed in with a smile.

“But Charlie said all her stuff was gone,” Brian said as he held his head in his hand. “Which means she has no reason to come back.”

“She can’t do this,” Angela said sternly. “She can’t just disappear, not while she’s pregnant with your baby...”

“Stop,” Brian cut her off, “I told her I didn’t want it.”

“You were upset,” Angela reasoned as she tried not to cry, “do you honestly not want to try to find her?”

“How can I? I’m barely keeping it together doing normal everyday things. Now you want me to stress out trying to find my delinquent ex girlfriend?” he rambled as he sat down, no loner able to stand under the emotional strain.

“Look I can talk to Jordan,” Angela countered. “I’ll get him to talk to Tino. Tino knows all kinds of things...maybe he knows where Rayanne’s aunt lives.”

“I don’t care...” Brian told her flatly. “Do whatever you want.”

“Look Krakow,” Sharon spoke up, “This is not over.” 

“Sharon leave him alone,” Kyle said defensively. “The guy said he’s done. I mean look at him. He looks done to me.” Sharon hugged her boyfriend and then hugged Brian. They stayed until Brian’s parents came home, none of them wanting to leave him alone.

.....


	8. The Show Must Go On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the part of the story where Angela becomes more “involved”. Again, this is just how things came out of my brain. Enjoy!

Episode Eight: The Show Must Go On

Angela had never seen Rickie in such an agitated state. In the entire time she’d known him, even when he was upset he was never really angry. Today Rickie was furious.

“I just can’t believe her!” Rickie all but shouted. “How could she do this to me?” His question was more rhetorical and he didn’t expect Angela to answer him. He was slamming props as he took inventory backstage for the school production of Twelfth Night. Corey saw him coming and turned to escape the other way.

“Um, Rickie,” Angela started to say, “You have every reason to be mad at her, but you’re starting to scare people.”

“Am I? Well forgive me if I’m not just a little upset that she decided to run off two weeks before opening night!” Rickie told her through gritted teeth. “That means her understudy has to take over. That girl has maybe half of her lines memorized. It’s going to be a disaster.”

“Maybe you should let Mr. Katimski worry about the actors,” she suggested weakly. 

“Oh sure, but Rayanne is my friend,” he scoffed. “You think he won’t blame me?”

“Of course he won’t,” Angela told him trying to diffuse the situation. 

Angela reflected that Rayanne running off without warning was like setting off a bomb. Rickie was a mess of stress and Corey was hiding from him. Brian had barely said two words to anyone in days and she feared Sharon was taking comfort with Kyle; which she worried would lead to serious consequences.

The red haired girl wanted to continue reassuring her friend, but caught sight of Jordan in the hall. She quickly followed him, desperate to know if he had heard any news from Tino.

“Jordan, hey,” she called after him. He stopped and turned to meet her. “Have you heard anything, like, at all?”

“Sorry Ange, for once Tino knows nothing about it,” Jordan said with a frown. He hated seeing her all in knots over such an unworthy cause. “Brian will get over it. He deserves better anyways.”

“What, no witty quip about how I must be trilled they broke up?” Angela scoffed at her ex as he rolled his eyes at her.

“I was just being a jealous idiot,” he told her. “Honestly, I can’t see you with Brian. He’s not enough for you.”

“Enough of what?” She asked narrowing her eyes at him. 

“I don’t know,” Jordan said searching her face, “just enough.”

“That is so Jordan Catalano of you to say,” she retorted. He gave he a snort of derision and started to walk away, but she caught his arm. “Wait...you will tell me if you hear anything, right?”

“What’s in it for me?” he asked her moving closer to her. “Why should I be so invested?”

Angela’s heart beat a little faster as he moved into her personal space. She had to remind herself that he had cheated on her and he shouldn’t effect her like this anymore. Only he did. 

“What do you want, Jordan?” she asked him even though she had a pretty good idea. 

“Give me another chance,” he stated more than asked. “You know no one else can make you feel the way I do.”

“Is that what you told that slut in New York?” she shot back at him.

“Let it go already!” Jordan shouted. “I told you it didn’t mean anything. I love you.”

“It’s too late Jordan...if you had told me right away I might have found a way to forgive you,” she said as her lower lip wobbled. “It was the lying I can’t let go.”

Rickie came out into the hall to see if Angela had any news and Jordan took off again. Angela had to tell her friend that Tino was a dead end. Rickie walked back into the auditorium in a huff. 

.....

The day before the opening night of the school play Rayanne magically reappeared at school. Rickie was first to approach her. Even though he was still very angry at the girl he couldn’t help but hug her.

“Where the hell were you?” Rickie asked her with annoyance. “I thought we were going to have to put Rachel in the play.”

“Oh no, she’s terrible,” Rayanne said off-handed. “I would never do that to you.”

“Then where were you?” he asked her again and crossed his arms over his chest. Rayanne fiddled with the lock on her locker. She seemed distracted because it took her several tries to get it open.

“I just needed to get away,” she said with a shrug. “Me and my mom really re-connected, you know.” 

Rickie didn’t feel that she was being completely honest. “Brian nearly lost his mind...like, again,” he informed her. “What were you thinking?”

“Oh please, Angela was here to pick up the pieces, I’m sure,” she scoffed at her friend’s concern.

“I don’t know what you think is going on between them, but it’s not,” Rickie said trying to put her straight.

“Whatever,” she said dismissively, “it doesn’t really matter. The important lesson is that he didn’t, in fact, lose his mind. He’s fine, right?”

“Sure, if you consider that he’s practically catatonic. I mean, he comes to school everyday, but he never talks to anyone,” Rickie informed her. “It’s, like, really unsettling being in a classroom with him and he never once raises his hand or gives an answer.”

“Fuck,” Rayanne cursed to herself. “That’s messed up.”

“My point exactly,” he said in agreement. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“Me? No I’m not going anywhere near him if I can help it....except,” she said trailing off. “Except I have something I need to give him.”

“What are you talking about?” Rickie wanted to know.

“I found this awesome couple,” she beamed. “My mom and I talked about it and we agreed it was the best thing to do.”

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said trying to grasp what she was telling him.

“Adoptive parents,” Rayanne told her friend, “for the baby.”

“Oh, then you’re still pregnant,” Rickie said as he started to get the full picture. “Do you think Brian will be on board with it?”

“He already told me quite clearly that he does not want a kid right now,” Rayanne said with a wag of her index finger, “and I finally see that he’s right. But I’m, like, five months and I really don’t want to go through the physical repercussions of an abortion this late in the game.”

“Huh,” Rickie said feeling more at ease, “that sounds pretty reasonable to me.”

“Good then you can help me tell Brian,” she said with a grin. 

“Oh no! You’re on your own,” he said adamantly, “that is so not my business.” 

.....

Rayanne searched for Brian at lunch and was losing patience quickly. She bumped into Corey, who after much harassment, confessed he’d seen her ex in the newspaper room. He watched the girl stumble a little as she walked away and was mildly concerned that she’d been drinking. He would have to check in with Rickie later.

As Rayanne approached the doorway she could hear voices. She peaked inside to see if she could get to Brian unnoticed. Unfortunately Delia and Sharon were arguing with a senior editor who was not budging on whatever they were asking for. She was about to give up when they turned their backs. Ducking down as far as she could manage, she snuck to the back of the room where Brian was looking at a layout.

“Can we talk?” Rayanne whispered as she crouched beside him. She noted that his bangs had grown in and it was difficult to tell if he had looked at her or not. “I know this is not a great time, but I need to tell you something,” she continued to whisper. 

He turned his head in her direction and looked down at her. She gave him a false smile, which in retrospect, she realized was the wrong thing to do. Brian dropped what he was doing and left the room.

Rayanne ran out after him before anyone could stop her. “Brian, wait up,” she called after him. “Are you really going to make me run after you in my condition?”

Brian stopped dead in his tracks, but didn’t face her. “This is still just a game to you, isn’t it?” he asked sharply. 

“No, I really don’t think I’m having fun, are you?” she asked him as she shuffled some things around in her bag and pulled out some papers. She came to stand by his side and held them out to him. “Just take these...show them to your parents. I need you to sign them. Then I’ll leave you alone,” she explained flatly.

Rayanne felt as though Brian was in slow motion, it took an eternity for him to reach over and take the papers from her. “What is this?” he asked sombrely.

“It’s me taking care of things,” Rayanne informed him and then watched while he flipped through the pages. He leaned on a nearby locker and flipped through them a second time. 

“This Catalano leaning bullshit is getting old, Bri,” she scoffed to herself at how he always seemed too affected to stand on his own.

“No,” Brian said abruptly and shoved the papers back at her. 

“No?” She retorted angrily. “You’re kidding? This is what you wanted. I met them, these are really good people, Brian.”

“Stop pushing me into doing things,” he said and started to walk away.

“I am not pushing! No one is pushing! I just said to take it home and show your parents, which implies taking time and being reasonable,” Rayanne rambled as she followed behind him.

“I can’t talk to you right now,” he called back at her as he headed into the stairwell. Rayanne continued to pursue him and cut him off at the landing between floors.

“Look at me!” she demanded. “Brian, look at me.” He finally relented after trying several times to get past her. He couldn’t understand how a girl of such small stature had trapped him so completely. 

As their eyes met he could see how sincere she was trying to be. Brian looked away again and held out his hand. Rayanne took it as a sign and handed the papers back to him again.

“Fine, I’ll show my parents,” he mumbled towards the wall. “I just want you to know that I hate this.”

“Hate what?” she asked unsure of what he meant. 

“How you’ve treated me,” Brian said quietly. “I would have done anything for you if you had let me—in my own time. But that isn’t how things are for you. If your life isn’t in chaos you feel like it isn’t worth living.”

“I was always there for you...” Rayanne started to say, but he cut her off.

“No, I was always there for you,” he sniped, correcting her. “You were always a step behind, or had to wait to see how things would affect you first. Either that, or you were ahead of me taking whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted.”

“That’s not fair...how can you say that?” she asked him defiantly.

“Don’t worry about it,” he told her. “It clearly doesn’t matter anymore.” 

Brian went to push past her again, but she stopped him by throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him into an unwelcome kiss. Brian yanked her arms away and stormed off. Rayanne was left unsure why as to she had kissed him, but was disappointed by his rejection none the less.

......

Angela was out on the bleachers waiting for Corey to give her a ride home, she had stayed to do final touch ups on scenery with her artistic friend and missed the school bus. Corey was currently under the bleachers having a make-out session with Rickie before he had to go for dress rehearsal. She wasn’t sure if Rickie had even broken up with Scott and was surprised to see the change in partners.

The red haired girl let her eyes wander to the football field where the players were practicing. As her gaze drifted down she caught sight of a curly puff of blond hair. She sighed and moved down the stocks to sit with her friend. Brian was lying on the lower half where patrons would place their feet and she wondered if he was hiding from someone.

“It’s kinda dirty down there Brian,” she said as she sat down and nudged him with her foot.

“It’s all I deserve,” he grumbled to the sky. Angela had to stop herself from laughing at the poor boy. 

“You know you’re being melodramatic right now, right?” Angela quipped as Brian sat up so his head was level with her knees. “What’s going on with you?”

“Rayanne is back and wants me to sign away my parental rights,” he grumbled as he dusted the dirt out of his hair with his hands.

“Oh,” Angela said softly. “What are you going to do?” 

“I really want to give her what she wants...” Brian said as his voice trailed off.

“There’s a ‘but’ isn’t there?” she asked knowingly.

“But after everything I’ve gone through this year, I just don’t know how I feel,” he told her as he hugged his legs. Angela instinctively bent over and hugged him around the shoulders. 

“Don’t rush your decision, then,” she whispered in his ear. “Don’t let her bully you into making a choice you don’t want to make. Wait until you really know how you feel.”

Brian considered her suggestion for a moment; then he turned his head and realized how close she was to him. They were practically nose to nose. He let his eyes rest on the girl’s mouth for a moment. It was like he was in a dream. 

Before he could change his mind, Brian closed the space between them and kissed her. Then he knew it must be a dream because Angela didn’t pull away. Just the opposite, she deepened the kiss and moved her hands from his shoulders to the sides of his face. He lost himself in the taste of her mouth and the scent of her hair and skin. His hands moved to the back of her neck and pulled her to him. They stayed in their embrace until they both startled when they heard someone call the girl’s name.

“Angela!?” Rickie squeaked loudly. 

“Hey Rickie,” Brian called to their friend as Angela covered her mouth in shock and closed her eyes tight.

“Brian? Oh thank God,” Rickie said with relief. “I thought Angela was making out with Jordan again.” Then he caught what he had just said and re-examined the facts. “Wait...were you two making out?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” came Corey’s voice behind Rickie as he joined them. “That would be crazy.”

“Super crazy,” chuckled Brian nervously as Angela opened her eyes wide at him. Then he stood up, grabbed his bag and moved away from her like nothing had happened.

“Ange are you ready to go?” asked Corey still oblivious to what had just happened. The girl nodded and smiled. She figured the sooner she could get out of there the better.

“Hey Corey, maybe you can drop Brian too?” Rickie offered on his friend’s behalf. Brian’s face went pale, but he had no reason to decline. 

“Sure, same difference, right?” Corey said in agreement. Angela hugged Rickie as she passed him and followed the other two boys to student parking.

Rickie decided not to tell Rayanne what he thought he just saw. Just in case he was mistaken, or worse, in case he wasn’t.

.....

Corey dropped Angela and Brian at home. Brian was about to head across to his own house when Angela grabbed him by the sleeve and dragged him onto her front porch. He gave her a questioning look.

“We’re not going to talk about what just happened?” Angela asked him as her face flushed.

“You mean how Corey was under the bleachers with Rickie and not Scott?” Brian asked, playing coy.

She hit his arm and furrowed her bow. “No, although that was weird,” she said distractedly. “I mean what happened with us.”

“I think your reaction when Rickie caught us was all the information I need to make my assessment of how you felt about it,” Brian said with a clever grin.

“Why are you smiling?” she asked at a loss for his high spirits.

“Because Chase,” he explained, “it’s laughable. You didn’t really want to kiss me. Clearly the very idea is shocking to you. Besides you miss Jordan and I miss Rayanne. It’s fine...we’ve been friends for too long to let this come between us.”

“So you aren’t upset?” she asked, still unsure. 

“Nope,” he said and chuckled again. “Just knowing I could thrill you with a kiss like that is enough.”

“But I didn’t think I was kissing you...like you said,” she said defensively. “I was lost in the moment...it was like kissing Jordan,” she added in an attempt to use his own argument against him.

“Right,” he agreed coming into her personal space. “Then you admit that you in fact liked kissing me.”

Angela stared at him for a beat as she came to realize he had tricked her. “You’re a jerk,” she pouted. 

Instantly the grin fell from Brian’s face. He had pushed his luck too far. 

The boy hung his head and was about to apologize when Angela pulled him down into another kiss. Her lips parted, allowing him to explore her mouth with his tongue. They were lost in a rush of hormones and lust until she pulled away again.

“My sister is probably inside,” she panted as she tried to catch her breath. He nodded at her words and knew they should stop.

“I’m sure my parents are waiting for me,” he told her in an attempt to ease the blame. “Besides...this isn’t a good idea,” he added after a moment.

“Right,” Angela said as she straightened herself. “We both just broke up with someone and it would be like a rebound, or something.”

“Exactly. And that would be bad,” Brian found himself saying.

“I mean, we can’t just mess around for fun, right?” she questioned with a shrug.

“Right,” Brian said as he pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. Angela caught his hand and brought his palm to her lips and kissed it softly. Then as if possessed, she pulled his index finger into her mouth and sucked on it. 

Brian was transfixed by her audacity. In that moment he was grateful for his experience with Rayanne, otherwise he would have lost it right then and there. She saw the lust bloom in his eyes and refused to let go of the boy’s hand; instead she pulled him into her house and together they ran up to her room.

The girl practically threw him through the doorway and locked the door behind them. They both stripped down to their underwear with record speed. A few short months ago they would have been caught up in their own nerves and embarrassment over their nudity, but now neither one so much as hesitated. 

Angela reached into her beside table drawer and tossed some condoms on the bed. Brian seized her in his arms roughly as he possessed her mouth with his again. He pushed her down to the bed and he slowly and seductively caressed his way down her front.

Before Angela’s brain could catch up with the thrills he was sending through her body he had removed her underwear and was going down on her. Instinctively she grabbed a pillow to hold over her face to muffle the rapture escaping her lips. Jordan had never even offered to experiment with her, let alone take the lead without being asked.

When he resurfaced with the same clever grin he’d had before, it was her turn to push him on the bed. Angela made quick work of the prophylactic and kissed him deeply. In retrospect she would come to appreciate the foreplay since he was—as Delia had put it—enormous. 

Angela remained on top and fell into a rhythm as Brian held her hip with one hand, while the other explored her breasts. When she thought he was close she grabbed the pillow to cover his face. She was sure he thought she was trying to smother him, but didn’t care. If someone was home and heard them they would both be dead.

“You trying to kill me, Chase?” he asked through his euphoria once she collapsed next to him and let go of the pillow.

Angela laughed off his accusation. “Good to see your anti-depressants aren’t affecting your libido, Krakow,” she teased back.

“You are amazing,” he said ignoring her go at him and pulling her to lie on his chest. She kissed him and smiled playfully.

“You’ve been holding out on me,” Angela scolded and lay her head down. 

“Don’t fall asleep,” Brian said very seriously. “Come on, we better get our clothes on before someone comes looking for you.”

Angela wanted to protest, but knew he was right. Her parents would not be impressed and if Brian’s parents found out they would lock him away forever. 

“Look things are super complicated right now,” Brian told her as her pulled on his pants. “I would totally understand if this was a one time thing.”

Angela was a little surprised by Brian’s easy detachment, but he seemed to be full of surprises today. “Sure, whatever you need,” she said as she thought about the love letter he’d written her so long ago and wasn’t sure if she felt relief, or concern by his indifference. “As long as you’re okay with it?” she asked to be sure.

Brian answered with a smile and another knee-weakening kiss. Then he was gone and she was left alone to straighten up her bed. The red haired girl couldn’t help but wonder if maybe the rumours were right. Maybe Brian was some sort of sexual deviant.

.....

The following day Brian sat next to Rayanne in English class. She could tell he was in a much better mood, but had her doubts about his motivation for seeking her out.

“Hey, Bri. You look like you had a good night’s sleep, or something,” Rayanne dared to tease.

“So here’s the deal,” Brian said as he leaned closer to her, “my parents are going to meet with their lawyer after the long weekend and we’ll see if we can get everything squared away before winter break.”

Rayanne gave him a look of disbelief. “How do you mean we’ll see?” she asked him skeptically. 

“Well, you know...my mom really wants to go with you for a doctor’s appointment...with an ultrasound is preferred,” he explained slowly as she continued to stare at him.

“So what? She can see for herself that I’m pregnant?” she scoffed as his suggestion.

“It’s just what she wants,” he reiterated to the girl. “I wouldn’t mind being there too,” he added after a beat.

“Let me get this straight. You’ve gone from no desire what-so-ever to have or be involved with this baby to making out right demands on how I proceed from now on?” Rayanne said with mild annoyance.

“No, not exactly,” Brian said defensively. “It’s just that my parents only found out about this a couple of weeks ago and then you took off. So, they just want to get a grasp of how things are going. Especially now that you want me to sign a legal document stating that I will, in fact, have no say in anything ever again.”

“It will be the same for me,” she informed him. “I mean once the adoption is complete I won’t be involved either.”

“Then you can understand,” he said raising his brows at her. 

Rayanne let out a sigh and nodded. “Okay, fine. If this is what Bernice needs to get this all done she can have at it,” she relented.

Brian gave her a small smile. “Great. I’ll let her know.”

“You can go ahead and tell her that I have a doctor’s appointment next Wednesday at four o’clock,” she told him flatly. “I’ll get you the address.”

Brian smiled again and moved to his regular seat. Rayanne was in a bad mood the rest of the day.

.....

Angela had agreed to sell tickets at the door for the school play that evening. After meeting briefly with Mr. Katimski to get her supply of tickets she went to sit out front at a table. As she settled in with a metal cash box she felt someone sit next to her. Angela had been expecting Scott to join her, but Rickie was in his place...staring at her.

“What’s going on Rickie?” she asked him suspiciously. “Is Scott not coming?”

“Oh Scott will be here in a minute,” her friend told her. “I just needed to ask you something. It’s been bothering me all day. Actually since yesterday.” Rickie struggled to get his words out and Angela was getting concerned.

“Rickie, what is it?” She asked him, putting a hand on his to try to steady him. “Look, your love life with Scott, or Corey, or whoever is your business,” she added after a beat.

“What? No! I mean, thanks, but that’s not what I meant,” Rickie sputtered trying to regroup his thoughts. “It’s just that it really looked like something was going on with you and Brian yesterday. And today Brian seemed kinda happier than he’s been in a while....and then Rayanne was pretty grumbly during last checks just now. I mean if something’s going on then it’s totally your thing. I honestly have nothing to say about it... Except that Rayanne is about to go on stage and I just need to know if she is in the middle of a melt down.”

When Rickie finally stooped to take a breath Angela did her best to diffuse his anxiety. “There is nothing going on,” she reassured him. “Even if there was, there is no way Rayanne knows anything. I think she’s just having a hard time, all things considered. I mean, did you know she’s trying to arrange an adoption?”

“You’re kidding?” He said letting out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “That’s gotta be it. Corey even thought she might have been drinking yesterday,” he said with some anxiety. Then Rickie looked the red haired girl over again and added, “What do you mean ‘even if there was’?” 

“Look let’s not discuss this now. You know, where people might hear us,” she said sheepishly. “God, she had better not be drinking.”

Rickie was about to protest to her request when his boyfriend came up to take his spot selling tickets. Scott gave them a big, questioning smile. They both laughed off the tension and Rickie retreated.

Rickie decided to go check on Rayanne backstage where she was applying her makeup. She sat in front of one of the small mirrors as she painted on her blush in sweeping motions. She made an attempt to smile at his reflection as he stood behind her.

“How are you feeling? Opening night jitters?” Rickie asked her in hopes that things were not as critical as he had believed earlier.

Rayanne pulled a face. “I could totally use a drink if you’ve got one?” she asked turning to face her friend. She could tell that Rickie couldn’t tell from her tone if she was being serious or not. “I’m kidding,” she chuckled, “lighten up Mr. Stage Manager.”

“That’s not funny,” Rickie said after a beat. “I’m not sure if that will ever be funny.”

“Suit yourself,” she grumbled as she checked herself in the mirror again. “Do you think this get-up hides my bump?”

“Yes, it’s fine. Empire waists are perfect for this sort of thing. “Besides I think the whole school knows about your situation by now,” he said to ease her concern.

“Sure, but Olivia was a virgin I’m sure,” she smirked. “Gotta be true to the role.” She fluffed her hair, which was done up with cascading ringlets and couldn’t help but let her curiosity get the better of her. “Did you happen to hear if Brian was coming tonight?”

Rickie’s eyes went wide. He had been so close to walking away without any real issues. “I’m not sure. He bought a ticket, but I don’t know if he’ll show,” he told her.

“It’s weird, but I never asked him if he came last year either,” she said thoughtfully.

“Of course he did,” Rickie replied, “Mr. Kay offered extra credit to any of his students who came to see Our Town.”

“Of course he did,” Rayanne said with an eye roll. “Stupid of me to think Brian might have been interested before I was,” she muttered quietly to herself.

“Do you ever think if things had gone a little differently the two of you would still be together?” Rickie dared to ask.

“Hell if I know,” she retorted. “It would seem that Brian has problems a little out of my depth; which is saying a lot.”

Rickie wanted to continue their conversation, but it was ten minutes to curtain call and he had a list to check off before the curtain went up.

......

After the play and the rush of applause died down, the theatre emptied. Rayanne went to wait for mother to meet her out front on the school’s main steps. She had changed back into her regular clothes, but didn’t have a jacket. Although it was late November it had been warm early in the day. She started to regret not taking Scott, or Corey up on their offers to take her home. 

Rayanne was getting flash backs of last March when her mother had sworn she would come to see her perform and didn’t. Her happiness was dwindling and a chill was setting in. She wiped fresh tears from her eyes and shivered as a large coat was dropped on her shoulders. She pulled it tightly around her, instantly knowing who it’s owner was from the feel and scent. When she looked up, Brian was looking down at her.

“You look like you could use a ride home,” he said causally.

“Your parents let you out at night with the car?” She asked him just as evenly.

“Maybe,” Brian said with a smile, “Maybe not.”

“Why are you here?” Rayanne asked unsure of his motivations. He held out both hands and helped her to stand. Together they walked in silence to his car in the main lot. She realized that she had missed that crappy old car. It felt like forever since they’d gone anywhere in it.

“I kept a look out for Amber this evening,” Brian finally explained. “I didn’t see her.”

“So what? You stalked me to see if I would get home okay?” She rebutted unsure of his motives.

“Just because we aren’t together, doesn’t mean I don’t care what happens to you,” he told her softly. “But you will have to tell me where I’m going. I have no idea where you live now.”

“Ah, the true reason for your apparent kindness shows itself,” she mocked with a laugh. 

Rayanne gave him the address and they left the school. After a few minutes she found herself looking at his profile. She couldn’t help but notice the continued ease in his demeanour. 

“Did they change your medication, or something?” she asked him only half joking.

“No, why?” he replied, unsure of what she meant.

“You just seemed so much more like you...the old you, today,” she informed him.

Brian shifted a little in his seat at her words. “Maybe I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders,” he said reflectively. “Not anything to do with us specifically, but it was something good.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Rayanne added a little unsure. “So are you going to drive me home tomorrow night too?” she asked after a moment.

“Isn’t there always a party or something?” he asked, although he thought it was reasonable to assume she wouldn’t want to go.

“Sure, but who wants boring old me at their fun after party?” she joked playfully.

“Wow, you and boring aren’t two words I would have ever strung together,” the boy said with a frown.

“I guess you’ve been a bad influence on me,” Rayanne chuckled and lightly hit his shoulder.

As they pulled up to Rayanne’s new apartment building they both sat unmoving for a few minutes. In the past she would have invited him in, or at least expected a goodnight kiss. Now things felt awkward and unfinished.

“I’m sorry I left town without telling you first,” Rayanne all but whispered as she hugged his coat around her again. She knew she would have to give it back, but wasn’t quite ready. 

“It’s fine,” he said shrugging off her apology. “I mean, the important thing is that you came back.”

“Brian?” All she could do was say his name and stare at him. She decided maybe he had been right. He had always been there for her, just like tonight. Even when she hadn’t asked, or expected him—there he was.

“I’m sorry I never wished you a happy birthday...I guess I’m more than a little late now,” he added with a sad sort of smile. “Happy Birthday.”

Rayanne wanted to hold him and kiss him, but thought better of it. Instead she started to remove his coat. 

“Keep it for now,” he told her. 

“Thanks,” she said getting out of the car and putting her arms into the sleeves. “I’ll get it back to you tomorrow,” she added and then closed the passenger door. He waited and watched her go inside before driving away.

...

Angela was at odds about how to deal with what had happened with Brian. Rationally she was on board with compartmentalizing their romp into a one time thing, but she still had a nagging concern that maybe they should talk about it.

Feeling bold, Angela dropped a note into the boy’s locker right after home-room. In it she asked him to meet her in the boiler room during his fifth period computer studies class. She figured everyone knew the implications of meeting in the boiler room. If he showed up then she’d know he was looking for more from her. 

Of course unbeknownst to Angela, Jordan watched as she slotted the note through the small opening in Brian’s locker. He was a little confused by what he saw and he decided to keep an eye on his ex-girlfriend for the rest of the day.

Brian didn’t stop at his locker again until lunch time. As he opened it to put his books away and grab his lunch the folded paper caught his attention as it fell to the floor. He picked it up and looked around. He opened it carefully and read it. There was no indication who had left it since it was written in block letters and not signed. He supposed that way if it went missing no one would know who it was from and who if was for.

Brian was reluctant to go down to the boiler room since it was technically off limits to the students, but he really wanted to know who would want to see him in such a covert way. It was too cold to go outside to eat so he went and sat in the newspaper room. Sharon had the same idea and sat down next to him.

“Hey Cherski can I ask you something without judgement?” Brian asked Sharon as she took a bite of her sandwich. She fixed him with a look of annoyance as she chewed quickly.

“Why does everyone keep phrasing things that way when they talk to me?” she asked indignantly after swallowing. “Am I really that judgemental?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way,” Brian said trying to backpedal. “I got this note in my locker. I don’t know who wrote it and it kinda makes me nervous,” he explained handing her the note. Sharon smiled mischievously as she took the note and read it.

“Wow, Krakow, someone wants to meet you in the boiler room?” Sharon asked him in disbelief. “Do you think it’s Rayanne? Has she changed her mind about things?”

“I honestly have no idea. Usually Rayanne is pretty in my face when she wants my attention,” he told her as he folded the paper again.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go,” Sharon warned him, “what if it’s some creep trying to pull a prank on you?”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” he said thoughtfully. “Or you could come with me?”

“I can’t. I have trig next period. I can’t miss any...it’s hard enough when I’m there for every lesson,” she lamented. “Darn, now I really want to know who it is too.”

“Maybe I can just wait right outside the door and see who shows up,” he said scratching his head. 

“Sure, just be careful, okay?” Sharon said calmly and then back to eating her lunch.

....

After checking into his computer class, Brian made an excuse and got the hall pass. Rayanne was running behind after lunch and caught sight of him. She grew suspicious when he walked past the boy’s bathroom. Curiosity got the better of her and she followed him. 

Meanwhile, Angela was having second thoughts, but decided to go through with her plan since she had already set things in motion. She left trig when Sharon wasn’t looking, but walked straight into Jordan.

“Are you following me?” Angela asked him with a touch of annoyance.

Jordan placed a hand on the wall next to the girl’s head and leaned in, essentially blocking her path. “How could I be following you? You just came out of a classroom,” he said with a smirk.

“Whatever, get out of my way, Catalano,” she demanded as she tried to push him out of the way.

“Are you sure? ‘Cause I think I’m saving you from some terrible mistake,” Jordan said as he slowly moved out of her way. She stood there staring at him for a moment even after she was free to go.

“Look, what I do is my business,” Angela retorted, “if I make a mistake, then so be it.” Then she stalked off before he could stop her again.

Down in the basement, Brian cautiously opened the door to the boiler room. He was mildly surprised to find it unlocked. Once inside he found it difficult to see until his eyes adjusted to the low light. There was a noise behind him in the direction of the door. He looked over and saw that Rayanne had come in behind him.

“It was you,” he said more than asked. Rayanne walked over and squinted at him in the semi-darkness. 

“It was me, what?” She asked, clueless. “So now you meet girls down here...no wonder you’ve been in a better mood these last couple of days,” she added clicking her tongue.

“This is my first time down here,” he said nervously. “You honestly didn’t leave me a note in my locker?”

“Nope,” she confessed as she moved closer to him to feel safer in the dark. “But maybe I should have,” she added as she ran a hand up his arm. 

Brian moved away from her. “Can’t you be serious for a minute?” he asked her playfully. 

“Okay, in all seriousness,” she began to ask him and without thinking got even closer, “why did I find a ring in your jacket pocket?”

“Fuck,” Brian cursed and held a hand over his eyes. “Where is it?”

“I put it back in your coat, so in my locker,” she informed him as she tapped a foot impatiently. “Whose the girl, Brian?”

“You are!” he all but shouted. “Or rather you were. Then we broke up. It was for your birthday,” he explained. It was just his luck that she would find it after he had forgotten the gift in his inside coat pocket.

“Fuck.” It was her turn to swear. “No kidding?” It was difficult to tell, but she thought she saw him shake his head. “I’m such a stupid, selfish bitch,” she groaned into the darkness.

“Look, maybe you should just have it,” he told her honestly. “It was for you and I don’t want to keep it. You can wear it, or sell it. Whatever you want.”

“That’s a super good question,” she huffed mostly to herself, “what do I want?”

“What I want right now is to get out of this creepy place,” Brian said frankly and went for the door. Rayanne did not want to be left in the dark and followed him out. They started up the stairs in silence, but were met half way by Angela.

“Tell me this is coincidence!” cried Rayanne. “Tell me—no convince me that there is nothing between you two.”

“What? Me and Brian?” Angela asked as she tried to sound offended. “Oh please. I heard Jordan was down here with some girl and wanted to catch him in the act so he would finally leave me alone,” she said quite convincingly. “Why would I ever meet with Krakow in the boiler room?” she added after a beat.

“Someone, like, left me a note—anonymously—to meet them down here,” Brian explained to Angela.

“Well obviously someone was playing a trick on you,” Angela blurted with a chuckle.

“Obviously,” Rayanne repeated. “Tough luck, Brian,” she said and then walked up the remaining steps, past them both and through the first floor door.

“That was a mess,” Brian groaned once Rayanne was out of ear shot.

“I know she almost caught us,” Angela said nervously.

“Then you did write the note?” he asked still a little unsure.

“I thought we should talk,” she told him softly as she flipped her red hair back. “Or whatever...it is the boiler room,” she added batting her eyelashes at him.

“Why miss Chase are you trying to seduce me?” Brian asked in an attempt to make light of a very awkward situation.

“I was under the impression that I already had,” she purred and then bent down from her higher step and kissed him longingly. He pulled away and looked at her with surprise.

“I thought we weren’t going to do this?” Brian asked as he searched her face. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to, but things are a mess.”

“Brian, things are always going to be a mess. Life is messy and if you try to wait until it isn’t you’ll be waiting your whole life,” Angela said in her knowing sort of way she had.

He had to smile; he knew she was right. He also knew that his feelings for his childhood friend had shifted and he wasn’t as sure as he once was. “Can we just keep things light right now?” the boy bargained. 

“Sure, of course,” she conceded and held out her hand for him to shake. Brian took her hand and pulled her to him again and kissed her so she felt it in her toes. If this was the boy’s idea of light she was all for it.

....

Late that afternoon, Rayanne was having a fight with her hair curler as she prepared for her performance. Corey stepped in to help her since he didn’t have anything to to touch up on set. The boy had very little experience with such things, but wanted to take some of the stress off of Rickie.

“Hold still,” Corey instructed tersely as Rayanne continued to fidget. “If you keep struggling you’re likely to get more stuck and it’ll burn you hair off.”

“I’m not stupid, Helfrick,” she scoffed, “I turned the heat off when it snagged.”

Corey left out a sigh of frustration and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Good. Well, I got it out now,” he said releasing her tangled lock of hair from the device.

“Thanks, Corey. You’re a good friend,” she said and looked like she was about to cry. Corey handed her some tissue and sat next to her.

“What’s wrong? We can fix your hair,” he said in an attempt to calm her. “Just don’t drink,” he begged her after a beat.

“It’s not my hair. Although I swear I’m ready to shave my whole head,” she told him in frustration as she tried to comb it out again. “And I am not drinking, thank you very much,” she continued, “I think Brian was going to propose, or something and now I fucked everything up,” she lamented as she pulled out the ring box and placed it on the vanity counter.

Corey stared at her for a moment and then picked up the box. Inside was a slim gold band adorned with a single gold-hued gem. “Did you actually want to marry him? I mean you’re just kids. It seems unlikely that he got you this ring for that reason,” he said bluntly. “It’s your birthstone, right? Topaz.”

Rayanne looked at Corey and then looked at the ring. She remember that Brian said it was a gift for her birthday and suddenly it made sense. She was once again over-reacting to a simple gesture.

“Oh, yeah, I guess,” she said quietly as she blotted her eyes so she could re-apply her make up. “I don’t really know much about that sort of thing,” she confessed.

“Do you feel better now?” Corey asked with concern. Rayanne nodded and put the ring box back in her bag. She could always count on Corey for his realist view on things.

“Hey Corey? What’s going on with you and Rickie?” She dared to ask him since they were having a moment.

“Nothing, we’re just friends,” Corey said dismissively. 

“Friends with benefits,” Rayanne added with a knowing smile. “Is Scott cool with your special friendship with Rickie?”

“Look I don’t know what Scott knows,” the boy admitted in hushed tones. “All I do know is that me and Rickie have a good time. Like I said before, we’re just kids. Why get bogged down with labels and drama.”

“Because this is high school, Core,” Rayanne informed him, “which is nothing but labels and drama.”

They both laughed and Rayanne honestly did feel better. Maybe Corey had it right; maybe she should let up on Brian. The whole business of having a baby would pass soon enough. Maybe they could salvage what was left of their relationship. After all, Sharon and Kyle had broken up and gotten back together at least half a dozen times since they started together last year.

.....

After the performance Rayanne looked around to see if Brian was waiting to take her home. She caught sight of him chatting with Angela by the exterior doors. As she was about to walk up to them something about their manner stopped her. Angela said something and Brian laughed, which was innocent enough, but then she noticed they were holding hands. The final evidence for warranted concern came when Brian lifted the girl’s hand to his lips and kissed it affectionately.

Brian was very rarely physically affectionate with anyone but her. Rayanne felt her heart in her throat and her eyes welled with tears. They had lied right to her face; both of them. It was more than she could take and she stormed out in the opposite direction.

As Rayanne walked past the bleachers someone caught her arm. Before she could fight off the unwanted physical contact, she realized it was Jordan. He let her go as soon as he saw the fear in the girl’s eyes.

“Jesus, Graff. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jordan said putting his hands up defensively. “Are you okay? You look really upset,” he added as he followed her.

“Since when do you care, Catalano?” she shot back angrily and continued to walk towards the street.

“Honestly, I don’t,” he told her, “but I think I owe Brian and he would hate to find out that I let something happen to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me,” she retorted like he was crazy to think so. “I’m just going home.”

“Alone? ‘Cause you look upset, like I said. Where’s your mom?” Jordan asked as they came to the parking lot.

“My mom is probably passed out at home, just like last night,” she said matter-of-factly to him. “She gets all excited about my being in a play and then does some pre-celebratory shots. One thing leads to another and she misses the whole thing. ‘Cause she’s super great that way,” she rambled sardonically.

“Parents, I get it. Let me take you home,” he stated more than offered. She could tell he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Fine, but just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean it’s a free pass for us to do stuff,” she snarked with a frown.

“No offence, but I am never ‘doing stuff’ with or to you again,” Jordan scoffed with disgust. “Like, ever,” he added after a beat to further press his point.

Rayanne laughed out loud at the guy’s obvious visceral reaction to her suggestion. It was actually comforting to know that she physically repelled him.

When they arrived at her building she hesitated before leaving. Even though she didn’t feel it was her place to say anything, the image of Brian and Angela together was nagging at her.

“So I think Angela and Brian are a thing,” she said wincing. “I just thought you should know.”

“Why do you think that?” he asked not entirely sure he wanted the answer. 

“Because I know Brian,” she explained slowly, “and I saw how he was with her tonight.”

“Fuck,” Jordan cursed as he pounded the steering wheel with both hands in frustration. “Graff, do you ever feel that, like, the more you try to stop something from happening the more you, like, actually make it happen?”

“That seems to be happening more and more, yeah,” she said with empathy. It was an odd sensation for her to be on the same page as Jordan. The last time they had been so in sync they had sex in the back seat of his car.

“What can we do? How do we fix this?” he asked her in earnest as he ran a hand through his hair.

Rayanne paused for a moment. She was a little shocked by his raw admission that he didn’t want them together any more than she did. Even though Jordan was the last person she would ever go to for help, he was suddenly her best and only option. 

“What, you want Angela back, even if she’s been messing around with someone else?” she asked, wanting to be sure of his intentions.

“Why not? It’s like poetic justice, or whatever,” he said turning his brilliant blue eyes on her. 

“Wow, who knew you were so deep?” she asked, dumbfounded. It was like for the first time she could understand what Angela saw in the guy—beyond his beautiful exterior anyway.

Jordan decided to ignore her last statement and continued to think about what they could do. “Look we need to get on this before it’s too late,” he said bringing her back on task.

“I have this doctor’s appointment Wednesday. I was only going to take Brian’s mom, but if I get Brian to come maybe he will get all emotional and vulnerable and I can snatch him back from making a stupid mistake with Angela,” she schemed.

“That’s good, but how do we keep them apart until then?” he asked distractedly. “We need to come up with a reason to keep one or both of them occupied.”

Rayanne had to laugh again as she was struck by the fact that a year ago she was doing her scheming with Angela to get Jordan; and now the world had flipped and Jordan needed her help to get Angela. “Oh the irony,” she thought.

“I can call Sharon,” Rayanne offered, “we’ll come up with some crisis to get Angela over to her house. We’ll try to make it dire enough for, like, a whole weekend girls’ thing.”

“Easy,” Jordan smirked, “tell Angela that Sharon caught Kyle having sex with Delia. It’s super believable.”

“Wow, that might actually work,” she said, obviously impressed. “You know Catalano it’s a good thing we don’t always get along. The world wouldn’t stand a chance against us otherwise.”

It took the guy a minute, but then he smiled when he got the gist of what she was saying. He nodded and she patted his shoulder.

....

Sharon was uncomfortable to say the least when Rayanne asked her to lie to Angela about catching her boyfriend with another girl. However, when Rayanne explained that the alternative was to also lie to Sharon and tell everyone the lie herself, she came around. Although she still wasn’t sure that she should be helping to keep Angela and Brian apart.

“They would be a disaster,” Rayanne argued. “I mean they would literally drive one another to kill each other. Sure it’s all care free, secret interludes for now; but when things get serious they will tear each other apart.”

Sharon couldn’t disagree. Brian used to be so eager to please Angela that he would get in her face at the least opportune moments, which used to drive the red haired girl crazy. 

So Sharon told Angela the lie and called her over to her house after sniffing onions for the full effect. Angela arrived to find the brunette in tears and agreed to stay as long as she was needed. This turned into the whole weekend and after school Monday and Tuesday.

Meanwhile, Rayanne called Brian and when he finally agreed to speak to her, she easily convinced him to come to her prenatal exam. All her ducks were in a row. She just needed to convince Brian to get back together with her; she really didn’t care if Jordan got back with Angela. That was their business.

After Rayanne’s physical, the doctor invited Brian and Bernice to join them for the ultrasound. Amber was absent, due to a work shift, or at least that’s what they were told. Brian felt nervous and awkward. He couldn’t quite bring himself to make eye contact with Rayanne. Bernice, on the other hand, was being kind and supportive; she even held the girl’s hand as the doctor applied the probe to her belly.

“And there’s your baby,” explained the doctor, pointing to the small screen. “You can see the head and that’s an arm and a hand.” 

Bernice smiled and patted Rayanne’s hand that she was still holding. Brian squinted at the screen as the doctor showed them where to look. The little form started to make sense as the little heartbeat whirred. Rayanne was a little disappointed by the boy’s lack of reaction. She had been hoping he would get sentimental and misty like his mother.

“Do you want to know the sex of the baby?” the doctor asked as Brian stood and left the room. “Do you think he’s okay?” She asked his mother, concerned that he had looked a little pale.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Bernice told the doctor, dismissively. “He has a nervous stomach. Probably just needed some air.” Rayanne couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Bernice’s lack of concern. “So, Rayanne do you want to know?” Bernice asked turning her attention back to Rayanne.

“Know what?” Rayanne asked back a little lost.

“The sex of the baby,” Bernice stated plainly. “Do you know if the adoptive parents want to know?”

Rayanne cringed internally at the mention of the adoptive parents. She had forgotten that they existed for a moment when Brian had distracted her.

“Oh right,” Rayanne said as she came back to focus on the here and now. “I don’t know if they do, but maybe I should know so I can tell them...if they do want know,” she rambled.

The doctor gave them an awkward smile and then explained that although it was a little early to be sure, it very much looked like she was having a girl. The mother-to-be didn’t know how to feel about that information, but Bernice looked thrilled. Rayanne tried not to worry about what implications that could have on the adoption process.

After she was cleaned up and dressed, Rayanne went out into the waiting area to find Brian. He was sitting quietly with his hands in his lap. Bernice went on ahead to bring the car around to the front of the clinic. Rayanne wanted to use that time to get a read on Brian.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked him, half expecting another excuse due to his anxiety. When he didn’t say anything she sat next to him and put a hand on his forearm. “Bri, talk to me,” she said quietly.

“You’re having a baby,” he told her like it was the first time he was fully understanding the situation.

“Yeah, I know,” she said with a light-hearted laugh, “it’s a girl, apparently.”

Suddenly, Brian took her in his arms and held her tightly. “I’ve been such a jerk to you,” he muttered into her hair. “You’ve been doing this all on your own.”

Rayanne pulled back from him, so she could look him in the eye. Her brown eyes met his grey and she could see how terrible he felt. “I haven’t been all on my own,” she told him softly. “I had my friends; my mom and I had you.”

“No, you didn’t. I wasn’t really there for you,” he said sadly. “I can never make that up to you.”

“You can try,” she said with a smile and leaned in to kiss him. For a moment he let her, but then moved away. “Brian forget about the past,” she said trying to reassure him, “I don’t care anymore. What I really want is you.”

“I had sex with Angela,” he told her abruptly as he looked her in the eye again. “You can hate me if you want,” he started to explain, but she cut him off by slapping him across the face. Other patients in the waiting area looked concerned and Brian decided to lead her outside.

“Listen to me,” he started again, “it was the most amazing revelation.” She slapped him again. He ignored her and kept talking. “I thought Angela would always have this oppressive hold on my psyche, but having sex with her was like a release,” he confessed—She slapped him twice. 

Brian bit back the tears from the sting in his cheek. “I am not in love with Angela. I am no longer obsessed with her,” he concluded and braced himself for another onslaught. Rayanne raised her hand again, but stopped herself.

“Why are you telling me this, now?” she asked through gritted teeth as she seethed with rage. She knew there was something going on, but hearing him be so honest about it was like a knife in her heart.

“We were never going to tell you,” Brian replied openly. “It was a one time thing.”

“Then why were you holding hands and being secretive?” she demanded.

“Because now Angela wants more,” he answered and she slapped him again. This time there was a small trickle of blood in the corner of the boy’s mouth. The inside of his cheek must have cut on his teeth. She was still angry, but found herself wiping his mouth with a trembling hand.

“She can’t have you,” Rayanne sobbed irrationally and buried her face in the front of Brian’s coat. “Please tell me that she can’t have you.”

Bernice pulled up to where the two teenagers were standing. She was confused by Rayanne’s hysterics and her son’s swollen face. She had only left them alone for a minute or two.

“I won’t be with Angela if it’s this upsetting to you,” he whispered in her ear so his mother didn’t hear. “But I can’t be with you either; not romantically,” he reasoned and then continued, “Just let me take care of you. My mom and I want you to come and live at our house at least until the baby comes. We all know that your mom has not been the support you’ve needed.”

Rayanne looked at his face again. It looked raw from her tantrum, but he was still being so kind to her. She was physically and emotionally exhausted from trying to keep everything together. She couldn’t help but feel safe in his arms. It wasn’t exactly what she’d been hoping for, but at this point it was what she needed. She gave in to him and allowed herself to be moved into their home just before winter break.

....


	9. What’s in a Name

Episode Nine: What’s in a Name?

Rayanne sat inside at the the living room window as she sipped hot chocolate and watched Brian shovel the snow from the driveway. She had spent the majority of her life living in apartments and found the chore fascinating. The boy was working so hard to remove snow that would only be replaced by more when it snowed again. 

Amber had stopped by earlier and brought her daughter some comfort food. It was a thoughtful gesture since Brian’s parents were not junk food people. They had given Rayanne her own cupboard where she could keep her macaroni and cheese mixes, pop tarts, and assorted chips. She even hid some Twinkies and Moon-pies way in the back. 

Rayanne mused that she must be entering the frisky phase of her pregnancy. Just watching Brian do such simple physical labor was making her horny. Too bad they were keeping things platonic. 

When he came back in the house she noted how his curls stuck to his forehead and neck; his cheeks and nose were rosy from the cold. She excused herself so she could take a shower. Which confused Brian since he was the one who really needed one. She thought about inviting him to join her, but that might be seen as crossing a line.

Meanwhile, Jordan was desperate to endear himself to Angela. He had decided to give her a full twelve days of Christmas hoping she’d find a way to take him back. Each night he would serenade her with a song he picked just for her. 

Even if there was a blizzard he would stand outside where she could see and hear him from her bedroom window. Angela was starting to come around, but her parents were losing patience. One night Graham came out and physically removed Jordan from his property. This just made Angela anticipate his next visit even more.

One afternoon Rayanne had taken herself out for a walk around the block due to boredom, only to discover she’d forgotten her key when she returned. No one else was at home, so she knocked on Angela’s door.

“Locked out?” the red haired girl asked as she let her inside. It wasn’t the first time it had happened. Rayanne shrugged and came in; knocking the snow from her boots. She left a voice message asking them to let her know when they were back. She had previously used the spare key kept at the Chase house and had yet to return it.

Angela settled onto the couch with her friend slash nemesis and handed her a cup of herbal tea. “How are things going over at the house of Krakow?” she asked with a knowing chuckle.

“God, you asked that like I’m living in horror movie house or something,” Rayanne said with a shake of her head. “Things are fine, I guess,” she continued, “Bob and Bernice are less in my business than I thought they’d be.”

“That’s good. My parents still can’t fathom any of it,” Angela told her as she sipped from her own mug of tea. “You are still giving the baby up, aren’t you?” she asked after a moment of reflection.

“Well, that’s what is supposed to happen,” Rayanne informed her with a sigh. “It’s like everyday there’s some new stall tactic. They want to have full disclosure of my and Brian’s medical history. Then they wanted full disclosure of the adoptive parent’s medical history,” she continued as she listed off all the excuses. 

“Then they wanted to be sure the new parents knew about Brian’s mental health issues. Then they insisted I come clean about my own issues. I mean honestly these nice people just want a newborn baby and probably don’t care about the rest. They can worry about that later. You know, when she’s a teenager and it’s too late anyways,” she added with a laugh.

“Hmmm, ‘she’,” Angela mused. “Doesn’t that make you rethink things; knowing it’s a girl?”

“Why because if it was a boy it would be easier?” she retorted sarcastically.

“You know what I mean,” Angela replied. “Like, now it’s real. Now you can come up with baby names and imagine what she might look like.”

“Nope! Not going to do that Angel-cakes,” Rayanne said as she put up a hand. “That would be dumb. It would make it too hard.”

“So, you’re still committed to giving her up,” she said in mild amazement. “I was sure that when you moved in with Brian you would start seeing how easy it would be to stay and be a family.”

“Okay, Judy Blume,” Rayanne shot back with a snort of derision. “Maybe I just don’t see the world that way. I didn’t have the whole stable, nuclear family experience and I’m not under the delusion that I will in the future either.”

Angela sat quietly for a moment and thought about how Jordan was making an ass of himself everyday just for her. Then she thought about Brian and how he would do anything for Rayanne. At first it made her feel sad for him, but then she felt jealous. 

Angela had agreed that it was unfair to continue seeing Brian while Rayanne was pregnant. Sure, she was being a good sport because it was the responsible thing to do, but in all honesty she couldn’t understand how Rayanne could walk away from everything again.

“So after the baby and the adoption, you’re what? Moving back with your mom and going back to how things were before?” She asked with a flip of her red hair.

“I guess,” Rayanne said as she tried to understand Angela’s annoyance. “Isn’t that what everyone expects?”

“Maybe it is,” Angela relented. “I just remember when my parents brought Danielle home from the hospital. I was five,” she told her, “I would pretend she was my living baby doll.”

Rayanne couldn’t help but smile since she knew the sisters didn’t always get along these days. “Baby’s aren’t really my thing,” she said flatly.

“What if Brian comes to you and says he’s changed his mind?” Angela asked with concern.

“Because the boy who can’t handle stress and anxiety is going to be itching to be a daddy?” Rayanne scoffed with an eye-roll.

Angela put a hand over her mouth. “But what if he did? I mean, you know how obsessive he can get. What if he feels he’s the only person who can care for his baby?” she stated with rising anxiety of her own.

“Calm down, Angela,” Rayanne said waving her off. “He won’t. I will keep him focused.”  
Then she gave Angela a suspicious glare. “You’re not trying to freak me out and scare me away from Brian are you?”

“Maybe it’s my subconscious wish,” she replied only half joking. “I know we are all on our best behaviour, but I still can’t get over what happened between us,” Angela admitted and looked away.

“Let me guess...he went down on you?” Rayanne asked and regretted it the moment the words left her mouth.

“Rayanne! You can’t just ask a person that!” Angela shouted as she blushed and covered her eyes with her hands. What she actually wanted to tell her was that he had and it was the most thrilling thing; at least in her humble opinion.

....

“What do think about ‘Emily’?” came Brian’s voice as he passed her door later that night.

“Emily who?” Rayanne she called back, at a loss. It must have been about nine o’clock because she could hear Jordan’s acoustic guitar across the street.

“Emily, as in ‘Emily Webb’ from ‘Our Town’,” Brian said as he leaned on the door frame.

“Okay catch me up, Bri. What are you talking about?” she asked him with obvious confusion as she twirled a lock of hair with her fingers.

“I was thinking about names that might have some significance to you,” he explained slowly as he moved to sit on the bed with her. “Your first role, last spring, really helped you to turn your life around. So I thought Emily was a really good choice. Besides it’s really pretty and I think it means ‘hard working’ which I can relate to.”

Rayanne stared at him with her mouth hanging open for a long moment. “Brian Henry Krakow, you did not just suggest a baby name to me!” she said raising her voice at him.

“Why are you so upset? You can’t tell me you haven’t been thinking about it,” he said obviously oblivious to her reason for alarm.

“No, I have not been thinking about it!” she shouted back at him and then looked at the window. “And I wish Jordan would shut the hell up and go home, already!” She added after a beat. Brian laughed despite her outrage and put a comforting arm around her.

“You still really want to go through with the adoption, huh?” he asked softly as he stroked her shoulder. It was then he noticed she was wearing the topaz ring he’d gotten her for her birthday. He couldn’t bring himself to ask her why she’d kept it.

“You don’t? Brian don’t answer...I honestly don’t want to hear it,” she babbled as she massaged her round belly. The baby was kicking and as much as she wanted to tell him so he could feel it too, she also selfishly wanted to keep him from growing any more attached. 

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked as she rested her head on his shoulder. She nodded weakly and traced a finger over the strangely shaped reindeer on the front of his sweater. 

It must have been knit by someone in his family because it was fairly ugly and quite scratchy. She couldn’t help but contemplate how that was the kind of family Brian came from. The type where a grandmother or aunt knits you an uncomfortable, wool sweater and you wear it anyways because you want them to know you appreciate the thought and love that went into it.

Brian could tell she was unwell and he kissed the top of her head. He took over rubbing circles on her stomach seeing that she’d stopped. He felt something that could have been gas, but then he felt something stronger and knew it was the baby. As he held her tighter she relaxed into him. He felt a little ashamed that he hadn’t been more sensitive to her feelings. It must be so difficult for her to be giving up this life that was inside her.

“I just need you to know that you have a choice,” he whispered softly as the guitar faded outside. “I’m not trying to push you.”

“But then so do you,” she replied just as quietly. “If you want to raise this baby you have to tell me.”

“Without you?” Brian asked at a loss as she nodded. He had considered the possibility of toughing it out and raising the baby together, but it never once occurred to him to do it without Rayanne. She hadn’t considered it either until just then.

“How can I? How can I justify raising a kid on my own when there already exists two loving people who want to raise her together?” he asked not expecting any answer.

“But she’s yours,” Rayanne said as she looked up to meet his gaze, “just as much as she’s mine.” Then she placed a hand over his on her middle. She didn’t understand why, but she felt like he needed her approval. “I think Bob and Bernice might help you, you know.”

“That would be too much to ask,” Brian said with a shake of his head. 

The boy looked so defeated and all she could do was kiss him; she couldn’t stop herself. Brian welcomed her affection and didn’t move away. It was brief and a little more chaste than usual. Rayanne felt happy in that moment. It reminded her so much of their earlier days together, when they were still figuring each other out.

“Sleep on it,” she said with a grin. “Just because modern society has us all brainwashed to live life in a specific order, doesn’t mean the world will end if you mix the steps up every now and again,” she added with amusement.

....

Rickie was over at Angela’s house helping her and her family decorate the tree. Danielle was in full holiday mode. She twirled around in her holiday skirt and passed ornaments up to her father on the step ladder. He had taken the evening off now that he had a sous chef he trusted. 

“So Rickie who are you spending Christmas with this year?” Angela asked casually as she hung a blue bauble on the tree.

“Um, Mr. Kay and his partner,” Rickie replied with some confusion as to why she would even ask such a question.

“I kinda wanted to know if you would join Scott and his family,” Angela clarified. “He is your boyfriend and all.”

“Well, Angela,” Rickie began tersely as his eyes darted to her father, as though he felt like this should have been a private conversation. “I might see him on Boxing Day. Scott’s family is huge and it’s, like, a lot when they all get together. Thanksgiving was a bit of a nightmare.”

“Is Scott the muscle guy, or the artsy guy with the glasses? I can never remember which is which,” Danielle asked distractedly as she handed her father a snowman shaped ornament. 

“Danielle, I think Rickie only has one boyfriend,” mused Graham as he dismissed his daughter’s awkward question.

“Right,” Rickie agreed, “and it’s Scott. He’s a wrestler. Corey...he’s the artist. We’re just friends.”

“That’s not what Angela told me,” Danielle said under her breath.

“Danielle,” Angela huffed, slightly embarrassed. “Kids say the darnedest things,” she added with a shrug. “So you won’t be seeing Corey, then?”

“We might catch a movie, or something,” Rickie said off-handedly as hung another ornament. “And then there’s Sharon’s New Year’s Eve party. I guess if he goes I’ll see him then.”

“Oh right, I forgot that she’s doing that this year,” Angela said. She had mixed feelings. 

On the one hand it was nice that her friend offered to have everyone over for a party, but on the other it would mean the awkwardness of being there. Either only a few of their friends would show up and it would be a bust; or everyone would show and then she’d have to spend the night hanging out with Brian and Rayanne. She didn’t even know if Jordan had been invited.

Then there was having Rickie, Scott and Corey together. Angela wasn’t exactly sure that things were as casual as Rickie made them sound. Although it really wasn’t her business, the reality was at some point someone was going to get hurt. 

“I think Delia might be going too,” Rickie told her after a moment, “I’m pretty sure she broke up with Owen.”

“Did she?” Angela wondered, only half interested. “I guess he wasn’t really all that good for her.”

“I heard he got fired from ‘Big Guy Burger’ for missing too many shifts,” Rickie continued, “I think he was dealing too.”

“Dealing?” asked Danielle, who had been quiet and almost forgotten.

“Yeah, he liked to play cards. Gambling,” Angela rambled off as an excuse. There was no way she was going to try to explain how Owen was probably dealing in pot to her little sister.. At least not with her father glaring at her. “So super bad.”

“How’s the restaurant?” Rickie asked in an attempt to change the subject and save Angela from her father.

“Oh, it’s doing really well,” Graham told him with a satisfied smile. “Actually, we’re doing so well that Angela’s mom is thinking about selling the paper business so she can help us out and have more time with the girls.”

“Yeah, it’s like a dream come true,” Angela added sarcastically as she made a face at her friend.

“I think it’s great,” offered Danielle. “Mom hasn’t liked working in the family business since it’s just been her all by herself. I guess now dad’s business can be the family business.”

“Well, whatever the reason, I’m happy for her,” Rickie said sincerely. “And I’m happy that Fiore is doing so well.” Graham appreciated his kindness and gave the boy an affectionate pat the shoulder. 

Angela couldn’t find the angel tree-topper they used every year and decided to head the basement to see if they had missed any other boxes of Christmas decorations. As she passed through the kitchen she heard a tapping at the door.

Angela peered through the sheer curtain; she had expected to find Jordan since this was his usual tactic. Instead, she discovered Brian standing outside the side door.

“What are you doing out here?” the girl asked with obvious surprise as she opened the door.

“I wanted to see you alone for a moment,” he told her in a stage whisper. She gave him a skeptically look and then pulled him inside and together they snuck down to the basement.

Angela turned on the light and lead him further into the maze of boxes and forgotten home improvement projects. Their basement was unfinished and had essentially been a dumping ground of sorts. 

“What’s going on?” she dared to ask him once she was sure no one could hear them. “Why did you need to see me?”

“I want to run something by you and I want you to give me your honest opinion,” he began hesitantly. The red haired girl nodded and touched his arm. “Do you think I would be completely out of my mind to try and keep the baby? You know, raise her with my parent’s help?”

Angela’s eyes widened as she let out a long breath and ran a hand through her hair. What he was asking was a little beyond her experience and it was exactly what she had warned Rayanne about just a few days earlier. Sometimes she hated being right.

“Do you want to keep her out of some feeling of obligation, or do you genuinely feel like you would regret any other option?” she asked him with concern. “What are going to do when you go away to school in a year?”

“You think it’s a bad idea,” he said with disappointment. 

“I think that maybe you’re afraid of making the wrong decision,” she added sympathetically. 

“This affects a person’s whole life,” he said at a loss for how else to put across his motivation. “My parents are willing to help. They’ve been through this before...” he added, trailing off.

“What do you mean before?” Angela asked, obviously lost. 

Brian sat on the concrete floor and smoothed his curly bangs back from his face. Angela decided to join him and sat cross-legged next to him. She waited patiently as the boy gathered his thoughts.

“When I was in the hospital—the second time—for my breakdown,” he explained quietly, “my parents told me how my mental illness was hereditary. They were so hopeful that it wasn’t and they would never even have to tell me anything.” He paused again and looked her in the eye. “It turns out that I’m technically, or rather biologically, my parents’ grandson. I think you and Rayanne had suspected it before.”

“You’re joking,” Angela scoffed, dumbfounded. “But your sister isn’t actually that much older than you.”

“Exactly, she was barely fourteen. When Rebecca was growing up, my dad used to see patients at the house. That’s how they met,” Brian continue with dismay. “The guy who was obsessed with her was twenty-one. He was a patient of my father’s, but my parents had no idea,”

“Did he hurt your sister?” she asked appalled.

“No. She thought she was in love. As an only child, Becca was an attention seeker and very often got herself into trouble just to get a reaction out of my parents,” he explained further. “Unfortunately the consequence of her poor judgement was me.”

Angela remembered when Brian had told her about his sister in the summer. What he was saying made a kind of sense. Except that she didn’t think Rebecca having him was unfortunate. “Maybe we could just call you an unpredicted blessing?” she suggested with a warm smile.

Brian couldn’t help but smile back momentarily before frowning again. “Becca tried to be a mother, but she really just wanted to be a teenager. So my parents moved us here and the rest you know.”

“But what happened to the guy?” she wanted to know.

“They never told me his name, but he was very intelligent. He had trouble connecting with people and forming lasting, meaningful relationships,” he told her. Angela listened thoughtfully and was concerned by how familiar that sounded. 

“He became attached to my sister in an unhealthy way and when my parents took action to keep them apart; he killed himself.” Brian was staring at his hands and ran a finger over the scar on his wrist. “I think my dad still blames himself. He feels guilty for choosing his daughter over his patient.”

“What choice did he have,” Angela interjected, “speaking as someone who knows what it’s like to be a fourteen year old girl...I think your dad made the completely right decision. I would never have been mature enough, or worldly enough to be in that kind of relationship.”

“I can’t tell all of this to Rayanne,” he confessed after a moment. “But I don’t think it matters. She already said that she would understand if I want to to keep Emily.”

“Emily? You’ve named her?” she asked with a chuckle. “Oh man, Brian, I don’t really think it matters what I think. I think you’ve already decided...maybe you just needed to go over it out loud again.”

“But do you think I’m crazy?” he asked again, furrowing his brow.

“Hey we already know you are,” she joshed, trying to cheer him up. “I think it’s admirable that you want to open yourself up to this new person who isn’t even born yet...but as long as it’s for the right reasons,” she added poignantly and gave him a hug.

Brian returned her hug and buried his face in the crook of her neck. He couldn’t help but relish her scent as he breathed her in. The fresh citrus aroma was calming. Angela massaged the back of his neck and seemed to be in no hurry to end their contact. Brian often wondered in moments like these—whether with Rayanne or Angela—how he had survived most of his life without this kind of physical affection.

Angela shifted then, not to pull away, but to bring his face to hers. She kissed him and it felt so natural, as though they always kissed each other this way. Rayanne had wanted Brian to forget about the past and move forward with her; but now that didn’t feel as important to him. Angela was always the one he’d wanted. Even when he thought he was over her, there she was—in his arms, kissing him.

The childhood friends finally pulled away and smiled shyly at one another. They both knew that the girl’s father was right upstairs. Angela had been missing for a while; someone was bound to get suspicious and come looking for her. 

“What am I going to do about Jordan?” she asked with a grimace. 

“I’m not sure, but when you figure it out, let me know. Maybe it’ll help me figure out what to do about Rayanne,” he told her plainly.

.....

As Brian snuck back out the side door he realized Jordan was standing between him and his own house. The musician was perched on the hood of his red car and was already into the second verse of ‘Creep’ by Radiohead. 

“You float like a feather;  
In a beautiful word;  
I wish was I was special—“

Jordan was cut short; distracted by Brian’s nonchalant stroll past him. The curly haired boy ducked his head as he passed, but when the guitar stopped playing he knew he’d been spotted.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jordan shouted at him. 

“I think the line is ‘what the hell am I doing here?’,” Brian snarked like a smart ass.

Jordan slid off the hood and walked over to him in the Chase’s driveway. He swung his guitar around to his back on its strap and physically stopped Brian with one hand to the boy’s chest.

“Was that meant to be funny?” Jordan asked without humour. “Why were you coming out the side door?”

“Aren’t you early today?” Brian asked, avoiding the other boy’s question. Jordan narrowed his eyes at him as his gaze caught focus on the lower half of his face.

“You’ve got lipstick on your mouth,” Jordan pointed out with a frown. “You might want to wipe that shit off before you get home.”

Brian wiped at his mouth with a gloved hand and then removed his glove and tried again in earnest. He wasn’t sure what was more frightening, that Jordan caught him red-handed , or that he almost went home with evidence of his crime on his face.

“Are you going to hit me now, or something?” Brian asked with dismay; knowing that he deserved nothing less. 

“I don’t condone violence,” Jordan said as he stepped back, removing his hand. “You know that...Besides, Angela is just using you to get back at me,” he added with a smirk.

“Maybe she is,” Brian conceded in hopes that his rival would let him pass. His words seemed to have the desired affect because Jordan went back to his car. 

It was only when Brian came around the front of the house that he realized they had an audience. Danielle, Graham and Angela were all watching from the front room window. Angela disappeared from view and came outside; pulling on her winter coat.

“Is everything okay out here?” she asked them both with mild concern, as her eyes darted from one boy to the other. 

“Everything’s great. Even better now that you’re out here to hear me play,” Jordan beamed as he leaned on the side of his car and started to play again. 

Brian scoffed to himself as Jordan had to start the song from the beginning again. It was either so he could give Angela the full song and take up more of her time; or he had no choice but to start over due to his inability to sing from where he left off.

Angela watched Brian walk back to his house in her peripheral vision as to not draw attention to the fact that she was watching him at all. She couldn’t help but smile as her ex sang out the chorus. 

“But I’m a creep;  
Yeah, I’m a weirdo;  
What the hell am I doing here;  
I don’t belong here.”

It was such a fitting song for her weirdo neighbour. She was sure that the guy had no idea what a poor choice it was in that moment. Even though Jordan was singing, it only made her think of Brian.

....

When Brian came in the door he was met by Rayanne and Rickie chatting in his kitchen. Rayanne excused herself; she needed to visit the bathroom for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

“Hey can I talk to you for a minute,” Rickie called to Brian as he put his coat in the closet. 

“Sure, of course,” Brian said as he returned to the kitchen and joined his friend. “Weren’t you just over at Angela’s?”

“Yeah, but she, like, disappeared so I thought I would check on Rayanne. Speaking of which; what are you doing, like, with Rayanne?” he asked coyly. “‘Cause everyone thinks that her moving in here means you two are together again or something. Only, she was telling me you aren’t.” 

“I guess it’s complicated,” Brian offered vaguely, knowing full well where Angela had disappeared to. “I want her to have somewhere she can be taken care.” He added as he rested his head on his arm on the table top. “I just want her to, like, relax and not worry so much about where her next meal is coming from, or how she’s going to afford hospital bills.”

“I guess that’s kind of noble, or whatever,” Rickie said with a half grin. “But weren’t the adoptive parents supposed to help with medical stuff?”

Brian groaned and covered his head with both hands. “I don’t know,” he muttered into the table.

“You mean, you don’t know the details, or you don’t know if there’s still an adoption?” Rickie asked as he titled his head to be horizontal with the table; trying to get a peak at his friend’s hidden face.

“I don’t know if there’s still going to be an adoption,” the blond boy said with another groan. He decided it had been easier confiding in Angela. He was sure Rickie was going to think he was nuts.

“So you want to keep the baby?” his stylish friend asked the back of his head. 

Brian nodded, still covering his head. “Huh, you and Rayanne?” Rickie added to clarify to which Brian lifted his head so he could shake it. “Oh...what about Angela?” Rickie asked with concern. Brian groaned for a third time and covered his head again.

Rayanne walked in and saw the peculiar tableau of Brian hiding his head under his forearms and Rickie watching him at an odd angle. “Whoa, what happened?”

“I think Brian’s broken,” Rickie said with a sigh.

“Aw, was Catalano mean to you?” She asked her ex-boyfriend in a baby voice.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Brian muttered as he refused to face the reality of the situation.

“So Brian wants to keep your spawn,” Rickie said off-handed to Rayanne, as though Brian was no longer in the room.

“Yeah, he thinks he does—but trust me—he’ll get over it,” Rayanne stated as she rubbed her belly. “Man if this kid’s dancing on my bladder at six months, there is no way I’m gonna make it nine,” she grumbled as an after thought.

“It’s probably because you’re so petit,” Rickie observed, “real-estate is at a premium.”

“Well next life time I want to come back as someone tall with wide hips,” she chuckled. “Then I can be a baby making machine and not be so uncomfortable.”

Brian finally lifted his head; his bangs were stuck to his forehead. He stared at the girl like she was speaking another language. “You do know that you actually haven’t finished, like, growing and developing yet,” he told her tersely.

“Gee thanks Bri for coming back to the living to spout off nerdy facts at me,” she teased, only half joking. She reached over and fluffed the boy’s curly bangs off his forehead. “That was bothering me,” she added with a grin.

“You two are so weird,” Rickie said as he rolled his eyes. “Are you sure you aren’t still a couple?”

“Um, speaking of couples,” Rayanne said, in an attempt to redirect the conversation. “Any new developments in your neck of the woods? I’m sure Brian here would love to hear if you’ve made any decisions.”

Brian looked from Rickie to Rayanne. “No, I wouldn’t,” he told his ex-girlfriend. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he told Rickie.

“Thank you, Brian,” Rickie said appreciatively and then made a face at Rayanne. He was starting to wonder what was with everyone being so nosy today.

“Oh no, come on, Vasquez,” she whined and placed a hand on Rickie’s arm. “As much as I enjoy the vicarious excitement of you sneaking around with two guys, you can’t keep it up forever. And because I love, I won’t make some dirty joke right now.”

“You aren’t having sex with both of them, are you? I mean, not at the same time, obviously,” Brian dared to ask as his face flushed from ear to ear. Rayanne gaped at him, it was shocking to hear him ask Rickie such a personal question.

“Not that it is any of your damn business,” Rickie huffed with annoyance, “but I haven’t gone all the way—with either of them.”

“But probably most of the way? Would you say like second, or third base?” Brian asked casually and Rayanne hit his hand.

“Is this what you two are like when no one is around?” she asked hesitantly. “Just a couple of pervert boys?”

“Oh please,” Rickie said giving the girl a look. “I talk about boys and sex with you and Angela all the time. Why can’t I with Brian?”

“It’s like, unnatural, or something,” she blurted and Brian laughed out loud.

“I can’t imagine trying to choose,” Brian added as he thought about it. “Scott and Corey are such different people.”

“Who would you choose, you know, if you’re so comfortable talking about it?” Rayanne asked testing the limits of the boy’s comfort.

“I don’t know, I think they’re both out of my league,” Brian replied without hesitation. 

It was Rickie who laughed loudly this time. “You got that right,” he said with another laugh.

“Yeah, but seriously, everyone is out of your league,” Rayanne said sardonically.

“Fine,” Brian huffed, “I would pick Scott. He basically saved my life...and not only is he really sweet, but he’s super sexy, too.”

Rayanne’s face went bright red and she covered her mouth with her hand. She was, for once, speechless.

“So you think I should pick Scott?” Rickie said, unfazed by Rayanne’s reaction.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Brian said as he thought about it again. “I always thought you’d end up with Corey, to be honest.”

“Right, or are you just saying that so you can have Scott all to yourself?” Rickie teased, playing the game.

“You got me,” Brian chuckled as he put up his hands defensively. 

“Wow, remind me not to have this conversation with you two, like, ever again,” Rayanne finally said, mostly to herself.

......

On Christmas Day, there was a large gathering at Angela’s house. Her family was there of course. There was Danielle, her parents, her grandparents and her father’s brother, Neil, along with his girlfriend of the moment. Then her father invited Hallie, his business partner, and her current boyfriend. Rickie had been invited and he came with Corey; since Corey’s family was pretty existential and didn’t really conform to the tradition of any holidays.

Sharon stopped by with both of her parents sometime after dinner. They brought dessert and wine. Angela felt a little sad that this would have been her first Christmas with Jordan. So when he showed up to do his final song for her, she sheepishly invited him in. To her surprise, he accepted.

“You don’t have to stay long,” Angela told Jordan as she snuck him in through the side door. “I know big family parties aren’t your thing.”

“Maybe if it’s your thing, it should be my thing too,” he said with a seductive smile. “At least they’re your family and not mine.”

In the front room of the house, Patty’s mother was playing ‘Deck the Halls’ on the forte piano. Danielle and Sharon were cozied up close and singing along loudly. Patty, Camille and Hallie were drinking wine on the couch and laughing loudly. 

Meanwhile, the men were all huddled around the dining room table having a discussion. There were so many voices all speaking at once it was a wonder anyone could follow what was being said. Angela thought they all looked so cliche, but it still made her strangely happy to see Rickie and Corey join in with her family.

Jordan saw the look of holiday cheer on the girl’s face and he got an idea. He took her hand and kissed it. She smiled and blushed a little at his simple display of affection. Her ex-boyfriend was sure he had her exactly where he wanted her. He’d given her twelve serenades; he’d come inside when she invited him; and she didn’t pull away from his touch.

Jordan continued to hold Angela’s hand and slowly guide her to the staircase. Everyone was so caught up in their own merriment that no one even noticed them. They got all the way to the first landing when the red haired girl made him stop.

“What are you doing?” she asked him in a playful sing-song manner.

“I thought maybe we could take some time to be alone,” he told her with a flash of his baby-blues.

“But my whole family is here,” she said with a look of confusion. “You can’t actually think I’m going to sneak up to my room with you right now; with a house full of people.”

“We’ll be back before they even notice you’re gone,” he said as he cupped her face with a warm, inviting hand. Unfortunately, his gesture didn’t have the desired effect and Angela knocked his hand away from her face.

“So, what? You sing me a few songs and pretend to want to be with my family and that gives you a free pass to mess around in my room?” the girl asked, obviously hurt. “Nothing’s changed. You’re still trying to have sex with me.”

“I don’t understand you,” he shot back at her. “What do you think our relationship was?”

“Oh God,” she said with sudden understanding, “You’re the worst. Get out of my house.”

“Angela, please,” he pleaded quietly. “That came out wrong. You know I’m terrible with words.”

“Get out of my house, Jordan!” She yelled, calling attention to them. Everyone went quiet and turned in their direction where they stood on the landing.

Graham found his way over to them. “I think my daughter asked you to go,” he said to Jordan in his most authoritative tone.

Jordan took a beat to look from Angela to her father and back again. When Angela was unwavering in her contempt, he conceded. “Fine, I’m gone,” he stated plainly and left out the front door.

Graham put an arm around the girl’s shoulders as everyone started to get back to the festivities. “You alright, sweetheart?” he asked her softly. Angela nodded silently and wiped away a few stray tears.

“Yeah, thanks Dad,” she said once she was able to get the words out. “It was more embarrassing than anything else.”

“Don’t worry,” he told her, “think of the great story it’ll make at next year’s gathering.”

Angela rolled her eyes at her father’s suggestion. “I hope not.”

“Hey, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought you were with Brian?” Graham asked as they walked back into the front room.

“Dad?! Who told you that?” she asked, mortified. 

“No one,” he said with a shrug. “But I have eyes, you know.”

“Well keep your eyes to yourself...and your crazy notions,” she scoffed.

“You could have invited him over tonight,” he offered warmly to which his daughter rolled her eyes again.

“Stop,” she commanded desperately. “It’s too complicated. I just can’t get into it right now.”

“Well if you ever want to get into it, you know where I live,” he said, ending their conversation with a kiss to the top of her head.

......

For New’s Eve everyone was invited to Sharon’s house. Well everyone, minus the parents. The adults had their own party at Fiore. 

Sharon was adamant that this would be a dry party, especially since Danielle was there. The girl was only eleven and Angela didn’t want to spend the night worrying about her baby sister. Rayanne was on board with the idea, since she shouldn’t be drinking anyways.

Sharon and Kyle had started to become one of those couples that were essentially one person. Kyle even arrived early to help his girlfriend set up and organize games. Angela was beginning to wonder when they’d gone from rowdy teenaged mischief makers to middle-aged homebodies. It was a little weird to say the least.

Brian was doing his best to be helpful to Rayanne without driving the girl crazy. It was a good distraction since he really wanted to spend time with Angela. Danielle was floating around them like an annoying, cheerful bee which was also distracting, but not necessarily as welcomed.

Rickie arrived with Corey and they acted like nothing was going on between them except the norm. This meant Scott would be arriving shortly. Delia came stag, but Kyle provided a blind fix up for her. Once again the boy looked her type; tan skin, kind smile and a single dimple. His name was Tyler and he was on the football team with Kyle.

Rayanne caught Sharon in the kitchen and gave Delia some side-eye. “Is it safe to have Fisher here?” She asked skeptically. “She’s starting to get a rep as a shit disturber.”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Kyle brought her a date. I don’t think she’ll be bothering you,” she said in an attempt to keep the peace. 

Then, as if on cue, Delia joined the two girls and leaned on the counter to get at some veggies and dip. “Hey,” she said coyly and gave Rayanne an obvious once over.

“What, Delia?” the pregnant girl scoffed with annoyance.

“Nothing, you look good,” Delia said kindly. “I bet most girls would hate you. You’re still so tiny with just your round bump. I mean, you would barely know you were in the family way.”

Rayanne was a little taken aback by the girl’s change in demeanour. “Oh, thanks,” she replied with a half smile. 

Everyone gathered together in the family room. Then, just as they were settling in to start their first game, the doorbell rang. Rickie jumped up first and went to get the door.

“Hey Scott,” Rickie greeted his boyfriend with warm smile. “You’re just in time. We’re about to choose teams for charades. I know it’s corny, but it’ll be fun.” Rickie tried to lead him into the house, but Scott wouldn’t follow.

“I’m not staying,” Scott said solemnly with a shake of his head. “Rickie, I like you. I mean, I really like you...but I can’t do this any more.”

The smile fell from Rickie’s face. He didn’t quite understand what he was telling him. “You don’t feel like hanging out with everyone?”

“No, Rickie. Come on...don’t make this harder than it already is,” Scott pleaded with a sad look. “I know about you and Corey. You swore that nothing else was going on, but I’m pretty sure that was a lie.”

“Scott, why don’t you come inside,” Rickie said trying to deter his boyfriend from saying what he knew was coming. “Look, I really like you too. A lot. Why don’t we talk about it.”

“I can’t be with you if you don’t want to be with me,” Scott said holding Rickie by the shoulders, trying to get him to listen. “Only me...I guess I’m just old fashioned that way.”

Rickie felt tears start to sting his eyes. “I guess maybe I’m not ready to be that serious,” he admitted quietly. “We’ve had a lot of fun; haven’t we?”

“Yes, we have,” the wrestler had to confess, “But I don’t like thinking about the fun you’ve been having with Corey. It’s making me into this jealous asshole and I don’t like it.”

“Please don’t do this now,” Rickie just about begged. “All our friends are here. It’s New Year’s Eve. Can’t we finish out the year together?”

“Only if you promise that it’s over between you and Corey,” Scott said plainly. “And not like before. I mean for real. You won’t even hang out as friends.”

Rickie hated that Scott was done with their relationship, but he hated that he would make him choose more. He had known Corey for longer and felt in his heart that even if their physical involvement ended tomorrow, Corey was the sort of friend he wanted in his life no matter what. He only had one answer to give.

“I’m sorry you feel like I mistreated your trust, but I can’t not be friends with Corey,” he told Scott as he lost a tear or two down his cheek. 

Scott shook his head again, defeated. He took Rickie in his arms for one last kiss and then turned and left. Rickie came back into the living room to join his friends. Rayanne was first to run over to him and put an arm around him.

“What’s wrong? Wasn’t that Scott at the door?” she asked her dear friend with concern.

“Scott sends his regrets,” Rickie said as he forced a smile. “He won’t be joining us tonight; or any other time I imagine.”

“Did he just break up with you?” Corey asked bewildered. “How can he do that?”

“Technically, he made me do it,” Rickie added with a shrug. “It was him or you,” he told Corey with new tears. Corey came up to Rickie and Rayanne gave them space. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Corey said quietly as though he didn’t feel he deserved it.

“How could I not. It’s you,” Rickie said with affection. Corey cupped Rickie’s wet face in both hands and kissed him deeply in front of all their friends. When they moved apart they were both smiling. They moved off to the sit in the love seat and Rickie rested his head on Corey’s shoulder.

“Ah, my boys are growing up so fast,” Rayanne mooned at them. Then she covertly whispered to Brian, “Hey Bri, if you hurry you can probably catch Scott.” Then she laughed so hard at her own joke that she peed a little. She hurried off to the bathroom, but felt it was worth it.

Danielle sat next to Brian when Rayanne left the room. “Rickie and Corey are so cute,” she mused distractedly and then turned her attention to Brian. “What was that about with Rayanne?” she asked him with a look of confusion.

“Oh Rayanne thinks I’m in love with Scott,” he told her very casually. Danielle gave the boy a double take.

“But you aren’t, right?” she all but squealed in horror. Brian laughed loudly at the girl’s reaction. “Brian, come on. If Rayanne’s too stupid to keep you; and my sister’s too wrap up in herself to be with you; then wait a couple of years. I could be your girlfriend. You don’t have to be with Scott.”

Brian stopped laughing when he realized the gravity of Danielle’s innocent words. He felt bad for teasing her, but he would feel worse if he strung her along. “Aw Danielle that’s sweet, but I’m almost seventeen. There’s about six years between us.”

“So, when I’m seventeen you’ll be twenty-three. And when I’m twenty, you’ll be twenty-six,” she rattled off trying to win him over. 

“Thanks, you’re really sweet,” he said with an awkward smile. “But I’m sure you’ll have lots of boyfriends and closer to your own age.”

Danielle seemed to get the idea of what the boy was saying and stopped bothering him about it. “Fine, just keep me in mind,” she stated and then moved back over to her sister. 

As Rayanne came back into the room she caught the tail end of Danielle’s flirtation and she gave the younger girl a suspiciously look.

“God, Brian,” Rayanne scoffed as she retook her seat. “Don’t tell me there are now four girls in this very room that you’ve toyed with this year? I just don’t know who you are anymore.”

“Ha Ha,” he said, mocking his ex-girlfriend. “Very funny.” Only she wasn’t so sure she was being funny. 

“So can we pick teams already?” Sharon whined as she clapped loudly in the middle of the room. 

.....

As the night went on Kyle was running his own speakeasy out of the kitchen. He and Tyler snuck in some beers and jell-o shots. They were being extra careful not to let the Danielle near near the jell-o. 

When Sharon finally got wise to what her boyfriend was up to, their supply had already dwindled. She was concerned that Kyle had traded Owen the pothead for Tyler the drunk. Good friends were hard to find for her easily swayed beau.

Angela tried several times to get alone with Brian. She was eager to share her news that she was done with Jordan for good. Every time, however, either Danielle, or Rayanne were taking his attention. The girl decided to have a beer and a couple of shots as consolation and was starting to feel more relaxed. 

Sharon was telling a story about when they were eight and found a box full of kittens. They had tried to hide them in her house, but Angela and Sharon folded into tears when Camille confronted them.

“We were, like, the worst liars in the history of kids trying to get away with something,” Angela joined in, rambling.

“Do you remember when you tried to convince me to take them to my house?” offered Brian with a laugh. “My mom is so allergic she would have known as soon as she walked in the door.”

“Hey Brian, do you remember when we all used to take gymnastics together?” Angela drawled, trying to keep her words from slurring. 

“You used to take gymnastics?” Rickie asked failing to keep a straight face and Corey chuckled from beside him.

“That explains your tree dismount,” Rayanne said off-hand. 

“Oh God,” Brian said rolling his eyes. “What about it, Angela?” He really wished she hadn’t brought it up.

“I don’t know why you stopped. I love gymnastics,” Danielle said, offering her own two-cents.

Angela was in full giggle now. She had to regain composure before she could continue her story. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t say whatever it is, Chase-face,” Sharon warned her light weight friend.

“No, no. It’s fine,” Angela said defensively as she cleared her throat. “Remember how you pulled your groan and the teacher wanted you to tell her where it hurt and your face...” the red haired girl was lost in another fit of laughter. “You’re face!”

“I think Angela is a goner,” Corey said with concern. Delia and Tyler laughed along with her, catching her giggles.

“Well the ball is about to drop so then maybe we can send her home,” Sharon huffed at her friend’s ridiculous behaviour.

“Maybe I’ll take her out for some air,” suggested Brian as he rose from his seat. 

Rayanne caught his sleeve and made sad eyes at him. “But the ball is about to drop,” she told him with a pout. 

“Oh please, he isn’t going to kiss you,” Angela shot back as she finally stopped laughing. “You must know by now that he’s been sneaking over to my house,” she elaborated.

The friends could tell there was about to be a throw down. Delia was first to leave the room, taking Tyler with her; Corey ducked his head and followed.

“That’s not true,” Rayanne retorted defensively. “Brian?” 

“You dog,” Kyle scolded. Sharon hit his arm.

“Krakow, maybe you should just come clean,” Sharon said at a loss for any possible way to save her party.

“I didn’t sneak, exactly,” the boy started to say. “I just needed to speak to Angela about something...”

Rayanne shook her head dismissively. “What? What did you need to discuss with her that you couldn’t with me?” she asked him as calmly as possible.

“Hey, maybe we should go wait in the other room,” Rickie suggested to Danielle who was literally on the edge of her seat, watching the drama unfold. She waved him off, wanting to witness the argument.

“Just...it..it wasn’t anything really,” Brian stuttered. “She’s, like, obviously drunk,” he added as he pointed at Angela. “Chase, can you not say anything else? Like ever, please?” he begged the girl.

“Oh what? You don’t want me to tell Rayanne—the sad pregnant girl—that you don’t want to be with her anymore, but you can’t find a way to tell her?” Angela said sarcastically. “Oops, I guess I just did.”

“Angela, stop,” Brian pleaded again.

“Ange, do you remember that conversation we had about coming off as desperate?” Sharon leaned over and asked her friend in a whisper.

“I am not desperate, Sharon Cherski,” Angela huffed. “You’re the desperate one. How many times have you gotten back together with the same idiot you keep dumping? Is it five, or six times now?”

“Brian, I’m going to get my coat. Come on Danielle,” Rayanne said as she grabbed the younger girl’s hand and led her out of the room. Rickie followed since he too was feeling out of his element. Besides, he wanted to be with Corey for their midnight kiss.

“Angela, I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that since it was my same idiot boyfriend who got you drunk tonight,” Sharon said as she gave Kyle a look that could kill. 

In the background the count down was sounding off. Five, four, three, two, one...

“Happy New Year!” They called out on the television and from the other room. As the music swelled, Brian took Angela aggressively by the arm. She pulled away from him and crossed her arms over her chest.

“What is your problem?” Brian sniped at her. 

“Oh come on, Bri,” she said, intentionally using Rayanne’s shortening of the boy’s name. “It’s not like I just told everyone about your banjo, backwoods family tree.”

“Just because you’re a little drunk, doesn’t mean you have to be such a bitch,” he said tersely.

“You’re just as bad as Jordan,” Angela said as she started to cry. “You just wanted to have sex with me and leave me too.”

Brian tried to pull her back towards him so he could comfort her, but she hit his hands away. 

“Angela, please,” he tried to say, but she spoke over him.

“Don’t touch me! You crazy, sick pervert!” she yelled.

“Why don’t you go home, Brian. I think Angela would be better to stay here tonight,” Sharon instructed and then went to sit with the red haired girl on the couch.

......

Brian pulled up in his driveway. He asked Rayanne to wait for him so he could walk Danielle over to her house. It was late and very icy. She did as he requested and waited patiently. They weren’t sure what the girl was going to tell her parents about Angela, but neither one cared much at the moment.

When he came back he opened her door for her and helped her out. They didn’t speak a word to each other and climbed the stairs in silence. Brian started to undress in his room when Rayanne knocked once, then let herself in. She was already in a night gown.

“I think we should talk,” she told him as she closed the door, as to not wake his parents.

“I know you’re angry...and I’m sorry,” he replied, ashamed. “Can we just wait and talk about this tomorrow?”

“Bri, I’m not angry,” she whispered. “I don’t think you did anything wrong.”

Brian pulled on his pyjamas and brought her to sit with him on the bed. “I’m a dog,” he told her, “just like Kyle said. I can’t believe what a complete mess I’ve made.”

“I’m having a Delia Fisher deja vu. You’re a hormonal teenage boy,” Rayanne offered with a grin. “You’ve wanted to touch Angela for years and she finally let you...I can’t really be mad. I just can’t believe how she blew up at you for it. That’s something I would do.”

Hearing that the girl wasn’t upset, only made him feel more disgusted with himself. Then he thought of all the things Angela had said. He was sure Rayanne had heard them even if she hadn’t been in the room.

“But I broke your trust,” he said quietly with a new wave of guilt. “I swore I would stay away from Angela and I didn’t.”

“Brian, it’s late and we’re both tired,” she said as she touched his face. “Yes, you made a mess. No, you can’t fix it tonight. So let it go. Angel-cakes will sleep it off and be all apologies in a day, or two.”

“Okay, I guess you’re right,” he relented and kissed her palm. “Maybe I just got caught up in how I felt, having her want me like that. It didn’t make my actions any less awful, but maybe I can ease off for now.”

“Good,” she said with a sigh. “What did you tell her by the way?”

“I just wanted her feedback on the whole baby thing,” he said plainly. “I ended up spilling all these personal things, which I thought I could trust her with. Turns out she’s a mean drunk.”

“Who knew?” Rayanne said with a shrug. “What did she think? About the baby thing?”

“What everyone else does...I’m going to do what I want in the end,” he said very matter of fact. “Now I just have to be sure of what that is.”

“Well, right now I want to go to bed,” Rayanne told him as she stood up. Brian smiled and got under the covers, waiting for her to go so he could shut off his light. Only she didn’t leave.

“Push over,” she requested, as though he should have known better. He wanted to argue that there was no way she would fit now, but thought better of it. He reluctantly made what space he could and she snuggled in next to him. Her feet were cold and they made him jump. She laughed, but didn’t apologize.

As he reached past her to turn off the bedside lamp she caught his attention and gave him a peck on the lips. “Happy new year,” she whispered.

“Happy new year,” he whispered back and plunged them into darkness.

.....

Angela arrived home the next morning in a taxi and was sure she would be grounded. She caught sight of Brian and his father clearing their driveway after an early morning snow fall. Bob shovelled, while Brian threw out salt and grit.

“Can we talk for a sec?” Angela asked Brian as she walked closer to him. He could tell she was hung-over because she was talking quietly and blocking what sunlight there was with her hand.

“I’m sorry, okay,” he told her quickly not wanting to drag out their conversation. “I was wrong. I’m the asshole...and I’m sorry.”

“Wow, you rehearse that?” she asked him sardonically. 

“Chase, what do you want from me?” he huffed, out of patience.

“Did you even think you might want want to be with me? Like as my boyfriend?” she asked him as her bottom lip wobbled.

“Of course I did,” he admitted with a renewed sense of shame. “I guess I’m still more hurt about you choosing Catalano over me than I realized.”

“Oh please,” she scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Are you going to hold that over me, forever?”

“What? No. I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, backpedaling. “I just don’t think that I feel as intensely about you as I once did. I think we need to stick to the plan. You don’t have to wait for me to decide about Rayanne, but as long as she’s still living at my house, I can’t see you.”

“Fine,” she reluctantly agreed, pushing back tears. “I think that maybe we aren’t good for each other after all. Sharon is sure we would kill each other.”

“She could be right,” he sighed. “I seem to have a talent for driving girls into murderous rages. It must be my fault; I’m the only constant. Three girls and I have disappointed all three. It’s official: I suck.”

Angela made a snort of derision at his statement. He could have a point. “Then maybe you should reconsider that baby. She’ll probably grow up to hate you too,” she advised him without humour.

“Thanks,” Brian said obviously pained by her words. 

.....

A few weeks later, on Brian’s birthday, Rayanne made cupcakes. She announced that they were dairy free and all natural. She decorated them with polkadots, unsure of what to put on cupcakes for a boy. After dinner she served him one with a single candle and told him to make a wish. He couldn’t help but reflect that this year’s birthday was already a hundred times better than last year.

Last year at this time, no one even noticed his birthday. The weekend just after he had spent trapped in Angela’s house trying to get Rayanne out of the handcuffs she’d used to cuff herself to Patty and Graham’s bed. It wasn’t a bad weekend. It was just weird. And although Rayanne had been grateful when she was finally freed; it hadn’t really changed anything about their dynamic. 

Just days later Jordan had roped him into helping him write that damn letter to Angela. All in all, Brian was glad to have the last year behind him. Now Angela actually saw him for who he was, even if she was angry at him at the moment. Jordan was quickly fading into a memory. 

If only he knew what to do about Rayanne; who had become his first girlfriend. Now that was something he never would have believed a year ago.

“Brian, blow it out and make a wish,” Rayanne prompted him again.

“Oh right,” Brian said with a sheepish grin and then blew out the flame. The girl grabbed the candle and licked the icing off the bottom. Brian watched her with mild arousal at the simple act. Then sobered when his eye caught on the topaz ring. She was still wearing it.

He decided to eat the cupcake to distract himself. Rayanne got one of her own and joined him on his bed. “I guess your parents wouldn’t like you eating in your room, huh?” she asked casually.

Brian shook his head since his mouth was full. “So I think we should just decide,” he told her once his mouth was empty again.

“Decide?” she asked him with a tilt of her head.

“Yeah, about everything. The baby. You and me,” he said adamantly.

“And Angela,” Rayanne couldn’t help but add to his list as she licked her fingers to clean off any sticky icing.

“Sure, exactly,” he said as he watched her tongue. Then he pulled his legs up and crossed them on the bed.

“Well we all know you’re keeping the kid,” the girl said in a matter-of-fact manner. “You just want to know if I’m hanging around, or not.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Brian sighed. “I guess I don’t understand you. You really wanted to have this baby just a few months ago. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think we would run away together and live in poverty; surviving on our love and food stamps?”

“Wow that sounds depressing,” she retorted and crawled up closer to him on the mattress. “Look I admit that I maybe had a skewed romantic notion of us having a baby together. Now, all I really need to know is if your still love me. So do you?”

“Rayanne,” he said looking in her eyes, “I think I’ll always love you...”

“Ouch,” she said obviously pained and turned away. “So Angela wins.”

“I don’t know what to say to you,” he told her desperately, “I don’t know how to trust you. Even when you’re right in front of me I feel like you’re already gone.”

“Okay, I guess I deserve that,” the girl admitted and looked at him again. She dared to touch his face and was mildly surprised to feel stubble where he hadn’t shaved in a few days. She had to remind herself that he was seventeen today; suddenly he seemed so much older.

“Sometimes I can’t imagine my life without you in it,” he whispered as she continued to caress his face. “Which makes it all the more difficult to trust that you won’t disappear again.”

“I’m here now,” she told him lovingly. “And I love you.”

“Is that why you’re wearing the ring?” he asked curious to know.

“Hmmm,” she hummed with a smile. “You did notice.” She twirled it around her ring finger on her right hand. She hadn’t dared to put it on her left. “People don’t give me nice things, Brian. I mean, I know you kind of threw this at me because you didn’t want it anymore, but it’s nice.”

“I did want you to have it,” he added with a touch of sadness, “we were just in a bad place when you found it.”

“I know,” she said as she twirled it again. “Bob asked me the other day if it was a promise ring. I didn’t know what that was, so he told me,” she explained distractedly. “Don’t worry I told him it wasn’t.”

“And did he believe you?” he asked with mild concern.

“I think so,” she replied a little unsure, herself. “So I was thinking I would meet with my mom this week and we would let the adoption agency know that we’ve changed our minds.”

“We?” Brian asked her with a smile.

“It just sounds more legit if we say ‘we’, don’t you think?” Rayanne mused. “I feel bad, that poor couple has been so patient.”

“Don’t feel bad,” he told her, “I’m the one who waffled for so long.”

“To be fair, your mom was the instigator of indecision,” she offered, correcting him.

“Thanks for the cupcakes,” he said with genuine gratitude—not just for the sentiment, but for her understanding.

“You are very welcome,” she said and gave him a hug.

Brian pulled her tightly to him; he didn’t want to let her go. “I do still love, you know,” he whispered in her ear.

“I know, you already said it,” she said as she searched his face. 

“Well, I mean it,” he said earnestly.

Rayanne couldn’t help but laugh at him. “I’m sorry...we are just the most ridiculous pair. We would be the most boring soap opera couple ever.”

“Maybe you would be, but I have girls wanting to murder me every other week,” he huffed indignantly.

“And guys, once or twice,” she mused thinking of Phil and Jordan. “And don’t forget about the times you tried it yourself.”

“Rayanne,” he gaped and ended their embrace.

“Too soon? Was that in bad taste?” she asked, desperate to make him see her joke. “Oh come on, you’re like a whole new person these days. I’ve been good for you. Admit it.”

“Sure when you’re here; living in my house...crawling into my bed at night,” he pouted.

“Back to me disappearing again, huh?” she said as she reached up and mussed his hair. “Do you really want me to stay?”

“Would you? Like, if I genuinely asked you to live here and at least try to be a proper family... would you stay?” Brian asked, fixing her with a serious, no nonsense look.

“Would you forget all about Angela and try to be faithful?” she shot back.

“I was never unfaithful when we were together,” he said defensively. “But if you need to hear me say it, then yes. I swear to be faithful. No more Angela.”

Rayanne rubbed her belly and looked at her feet as they hung off the end of the bed. It wasn’t really a huge decision. The only change would be the addition of a screaming baby. She could keep living in this nice house with Brian’s surprisingly nice parents. She wasn’t even thinking about drinking these days. 

They had seen each other at their best and at their worst and somehow they were still together. Things would change again when high school was over, but that was a long way off in her mind.

“Okay and I promise not to lose my shit and scream at you before we’ve had the chance to discuss things like normal people,” she said after reflection.

Brian took her right hand and removed the ring with a small amount of difficulty; her finger was a little swollen. She watched him with bemused fascination. Once it was off, he took her left hand in his hands.

“Rayanne Graff, will you—if we haven’t killed each other—promise to one day consider being with me for the rest of your life?” he asked asked her as she struggled to keep a straight face. She lost her battled as a nervous laugh escaped her lips.

“I’m sorry,” she told him with absolute sincerity. “You were trying to be romantic, but I just couldn’t take it.” She calmed herself again and looked him in the eye. “Yes, Brian, I do.”

The boy rolled his eyes at her and put the ring on her left ring finger. “God, the things I put up with you,” he scoffed and then kissed the girl in a very sexual manner.

Rayanne was caught by surprise, but welcomed the attention. She’d almost forgotten how dirty he could kiss. She pushed down the wave of jealousy that hit her when she thought about him kissing Angela in the same way. She decided to rise above it and revel in the victory of winning him back.

“What are you doing?” he managed to ask her when she started to undo his pants. Rayanne stopped and gave him a very seductive look. 

“I’m catching up. We haven’t had sex since last summer and I’m only going to be pregnant for like two more months,” she said with a sly smile. “Do you really want me to stop?”

“Nope, I was just checking,” he said off-handed as he let go of any previous doubts. 

“Happy Birthday,” she purred into his ear.

Yes, this was definitely turning out to be his best birthday ever.

......

......

I think I will leave this story now. Thank you to anyone and everyone who made it through the madness. I hope you enjoyed yourselves at least through parts of it. I did have alternate plans for the ending, but decided this was how I wanted it.

If anyone of interested in the bizarre subsequent story that happens years later (more relevant to a different ending), let me know.  
Cheers!  
MAYRAVEN1798


End file.
